Classic humorous jokes

Humorous stories are generally told from the perspective of their unique conception, that is, an abnormal person describes something positively. The following are some classic humorous stories I recommend to you.

Classic humorous joke story 1: It's good for Princess Iron Fan to get rich.

I struggled to raise Hong Haier, thinking about raising my son to prevent old age, and my son couldn't help it. Hong Haier 16 years old, went to the south to work. Then work hard. Why go to Huo Yundong to join the underworld? As a result, Monkey Sun encouraged Guanyin Bodhisattva to take it away. Being a civil servant in Guanyin Bodhisattva is not bad, but it is rare to go home once a year or so. Forget it if the child doesn't come home. You said you were a poor boy of Guanyin Bodhisattva. Why don't you know to send hundreds and eighty gold bars back every month?

Niu Wangmo, the victim of thousands of knives, never expected it. Ever since I was pregnant with Hon Hai 'er, he has been fooling around with that slut with a jade fox. I didn't say anything about him, but he acted a separation and moved to the fox and never came back. Now, Monkey Sun has invited a group of heavenly soldiers to arrest them and put them in prison.

I hate to itch at the thought of monkey sun. After all, you are also Niu Wangmo's sworn brother. How can you send your brother to prison yourself? How can I put out the flaming mountain fan with hard hands? Ordinary people are going to rain, so they should bring gifts to ask Princess Iron Fan. I fanned some fans in the Flame Mountain to give them rain. Now that there is no fire on the mountain, who will ask Princess Iron Fan? What do you want me to eat?

Fortunately, the old gentleman in Taishang never forgets his old feelings. He often visits Nu's house and puts in some pocket money. However, in recent years, the old gentleman has come less and less, and it is necessary to pay attention to the influence if he is not allowed to come. Why didn't he pay attention to the influence before? Hon Hai burned monkeys with Samadhi, and people everywhere talked about it: "How can Hon Hai make Samadhi a real fire? It won't be the illegitimate child of the old gentleman, will it? " I didn't see his frown at that time. I'm afraid it's not good now. The old man clearly saw that I was half-aged in Xu Niang, and he had the idea of starting a rebellion and finally gave it up. Does he dislike Nujia now? Don't look at himself, his teeth are gone, and he breathes when he moves. I still don't like him!

Self-reliance, ample food and clothing! A few years ago, I opened a vineyard at the foot of the Flame Mountain. I have a banana fan. Grapes grow well if they want to be beaten by wind and rain. Unfortunately, the price of grapes has not gone up, transportation is not convenient, and you can't earn a few dollars all year round. Fortunately, if I am poor, I will change my mind. Now that the dignitaries have started drinking in droves, I will set up a winery. The "Iron Fan" brand wine brewed by Nujia is of high quality and low price. Last year, I sent several bottles to Hon Hai for tasting. Hong Haier told the Nujia: The Bodhisattva said the wine was good, but I'm afraid it won't sell! I thought at that time: Guanyin Bodhisattva doesn't drink it, how do you know whether to drink it or sell it? Later, it was found that the sales of this wine were really bad, and the wine in the cellar was accumulating more and more.

It's different now. I have raised the price of wine several times, but the demand is still in short supply. Speaking of this, I have to thank Pig Bajie: Last month, Pig Bajie came to Nujia Winery to buy wine, saying that he would give it to Taibai Jinxing to help solve the civil service establishment in Gao Cuilan. I took him to visit the wine cellar, and he said, why are they all "iron fans" and there is no "Lafite"?

I said, "Lafite" is French, and we don't produce foreign wine here.

Who wants the pig to say: Are you stupid? France can only brew 200,000 bottles of "Lafite" every year, while our eastern soil drinks 2 million bottles of "Lafite" every year. Where did it come from? Aren't they all brewed by our own eastern soil? In this way, tear off the trademark of "Iron Fan" and label me "Lafite". The price is negotiable.

I was a little worried at first. Taibai Venus is Brewmaster! But Pig Bajie said: He doesn't know shit! It is nothing more than borrowing these foreign gadgets to be arty. You said that Maotai can drink true and false, so I believed you. What does he know about Lafite?

After all, Zhu Bajie is a person who has studied abroad, but his knowledge is different. Later, I labeled all the stocks as "Lafite" and "Margaux", and the demand was really in short supply!

Classic humorous joke story 2: Why do you keep hitting me?

Lao Zhang is in his sixties, and his son brought him from the countryside to the city. At first, Lao Zhang felt that everything in the city was fresh and quite happy, but after a long time, he became bored and clamored for boredom. The son advised him: "There is a flower and bird market not far from the community, where there are many old people. You may find it fun to go. "

Needless to say, Lao Zhang really found a few confidants there, and he was no longer bored. On this day, Lao Zhang came back from the flower and bird market and was humming a tune. Unexpectedly, a bicycle rushed up from behind and hit him lightly. Looking back, Lao Zhang was a middle-aged man in his thirties. The man held the bicycle and said, "Sorry, old man, let's go to the hospital now to see where it hurts." Lao Zhang shook his head and felt that there was nothing wrong with him, so he refused: "It's no big deal, there is no need to go to the hospital." The man set up his bicycle, took out a stack of money from his pocket and stuffed it into Lao Zhang's head. He also took out a business card and said, "Grandpa, take money to see a doctor first. If it is not enough, call the number on the business card. If you need anything, just call me. " With that, he pushed up his bike and ran away.

Lao Zhang first looked at the money in his hand and thought that this pile was all 10 thousand yuan. He got so much money after being beaten lightly by others. He felt very strange, but seeing that the man had run away, he had to pick up the money and go home. When I went home and told my son about it, my son complained, "Dad, we can't take this money. Isn't this a mistake? We have to return the money to others. " Lao Zhang saw that it made sense, but thought about it and said, "How can I pay it back? People have already run away. " The son smiled and said, "Dad, don't you have a business card? Leave this to me. Be careful when you walk. "

A few days later, Lao Zhang was walking home from the flower and bird market when a bicycle rushed up and hit him. This time, he is a big fat man, and people are so polite: "Sorry, old man, let's go to the hospital to see if there is any injury." Lao Zhang shook his head. The fat man quickly took out a small bag from his pocket and said, "This is 30,000 yuan. Take it to see your body. If it is not enough, call the phone number on the business card inside. " After that, I also ran away by bike.

Lao Zhang went home and gave the money to his son. The son still said, "Dad, leave this to me. You should be careful when you walk. "

Strangely, since then, a man hit Lao Zhang's head from behind, then gave him a pile of money and ran away. "Why do you keep hitting me?" Lao Zhang felt very strange, even though he wanted to break his head, he couldn't understand what was going on.

The more times he was beaten, the more worried Lao Zhang became. He decided to find out about it. I was beaten this day and gave him 20 thousand yuan. When I got home, I only gave my son 5 thousand yuan. Seeing that there were only five thousand, the son muttered, "Why are there so few?"

"What did you say?" Lao Zhang asked.

"Nothing?" The son said hesitantly, "No matter how much, give it back to others. Dad, give me your business card and I'll see who it is. "

After dinner, I saw Lao Zhang go back to his room to sleep, and so did his son and daughter-in-law.

After a while, Lao Zhang crept out of the room and put his ear on the door of his son's bedroom. After a long time, he finally heard his son's angry words: "This old Zhao, a cheapskate, only gave five thousand this time. He won't even consider that project! "

"My God!" Lao Zhang's eyes widened and he finally understood what was going on.

Classic humorous joke story 3: A P redeemed his mobile phone.

A P has a friend who works in a TV station. He went home to play the other day and left his mobile phone at A P's house. He agreed to pick it up today.

At the moment, A P is waiting for his friend to come at home. When he is bored, he plays with his friend's mobile phone. His friend's mobile phone is newly bought, with beautiful appearance and many functions. A P looks itchy, thinking that her old mobile phone has been used for several years, and it is time for a new one.

Playing, A P accidentally opened the address book in a friend's mobile phone. When he saw it, he was shocked: Oh, my God, whose mobile phones are these? All stars! A P realized that his friend had told him that the TV station had recently organized a new program, invited many stars as guests, and friends would also be responsible for some reception work. So, the phone numbers of these stars are all true? P can't help but get excited. He is so close to the star for the first time! He turned down one by one and suddenly saw a familiar name? Niu Lulu! Isn't that Niu Lulu, a beautiful singer who has become popular recently? A P likes listening to her songs recently. Seeing the idol's mobile phone with his own eyes, A P trembled with excitement. He quickly took out his old mobile phone and saved Niu Lulu's mobile phone.

After a while, my friend came and took the phone back. Before leaving, my friend folded it back and took out another new mobile phone with him to A P, saying, "Alas, you can't leave your mobile phone for a day at work. No, I left it with you, so I bought a new one right away. Now that the mobile phone is back, the new one can't be used. Take it. "

A P really got what he wanted. Holding a new mobile phone in his hand, he was deeply moved. When saying goodbye, my friend held A P's hand and said seriously, "Brother, there is something I have to ask you. There are many important calls in my old mobile phone. Have you seen it all? "

O P subconsciously nodded and thought it was wrong. Obviously, he peeked at other people's privacy, and he quickly shook his head.

"Yes, to be honest, those in my phone? Big name? 、? Little card? But none of them are easy to mess with! If their news, telephone and other information are leaked, people like us will be more than one bargained for! Brother, do you understand what I mean? "

A P was stunned, thought for a moment, then understood, and nodded in agreement: "Yes, yes, I didn't touch anything on your mobile phone, don't worry."

After his friend left, A P stared at the idol mobile phone that had just been stored in the old mobile phone for a long time, thinking that it was impossible for him to betray his friend by giving him an almost brand-new mobile phone so generously. This Niu Lulu's phone number is extremely bad, but he doesn't want to delete it, so he doesn't move. This is not a leak.

The next day, A P sold his old mobile phone to Uncle Chen in the village in the city with a new mobile phone sent by a friend, and received 200 yuan.

A few days later, Xiaolan inadvertently asked P, did you delete the information in your old mobile phone when you sold it? This question made a P stupid. He patted his head: It's broken! I still have Niu Lulu's phone number in my old mobile phone! I promised my friend not to tell, and now I'm in big trouble. A P quickly found Uncle Chen and redeemed his mobile phone with 200 yuan.

After returning home, A P can't wait to check the address book of his mobile phone. When he saw it, he was dumbfounded again, and all the information and phone numbers in his mobile phone were deleted. Strangely, Uncle Chen doesn't know a few words. He can't know the technical work of cleaning up the memory. A P was also confused for a while, but in order to make sure, he went to see Uncle Chen and asked him if he had touched his mobile phone.

Hearing this, Uncle Chen was really anxious: "No, no, I don't know what to do. I can only dial the key to make a phone call. "

P is still not at ease. Unexpectedly, Uncle Chen remembered that it seemed that his grandson had taken it to play.

What? Xiao Qiang moved? A P suddenly felt dizzy. Xiao Qiang is a famous Internet addiction teenager in the village, who often steals money from home and goes to Internet cafes. If he finds the phone number of a heavyweight star like Niu Lulu in his mobile phone and posts it online, the consequences will be unimaginable! On the way home, P became more and more upset. When he decided to find out what Xiao Qiang was doing, the boy came face to face.

Before he could speak, Xiao Qiang said with a wry smile, "Hey, I saw it on your mobile phone." A policeman hurriedly interrupted him, "what? Did you see it? "

"Yes, I saw it. I lied to you that you are a little donkey! " Xiao Qiang is serious, not like lying.

Alas, trouble, A P gnashed her teeth impatiently. He quickly called Xiao Qiang aside and asked him if he had leaked the news. Xiao Qiang said he didn't do anything. When Xiao Qiang found that the memory had been emptied, he was a little relieved and asked what had happened. Xiao Qiang said that he accidentally dropped his mobile phone on the ground that day and it crashed. After the restart, somehow, the phone returned to the factory settings, and everything in the original phone was gone.

I see. It seems that the "secret" in the mobile phone is only seen by this boy. Look at the way he giggled as soon as we met just now. He is thinking about knocking the hush money. The neighbor said that Xiao Qiang was a child, which is true.

Therefore, A.P. asked Xiao Qiang to keep the secret of "seeing" and was willing to pay a large reward for it. Xiao Qiang was very happy when he heard this. He swore that there was no problem. Don't worry. Then he made a gesture of counting money and put up his index finger with a P? " 1"。 A P frowned: "A thousand?"

Small stiff shook his head, "what? Ten thousand? " P's face was livid. "This is the lion's mouth!"

Xiao Qiang was confused instead, thinking that P was joking, and turned to leave. A P was anxious when he saw Xiao Qiang "putting on airs". He quickly stopped Xiao Qiang and said, "Don't leave in a hurry. Things can be discussed. "

Xiao Qiang said, "It's no big deal. Don't care too much about Uncle P. "

How can I not care? My friend told A P seriously at that time that it would be a great disaster if the important numbers in the mobile phone were leaked. Last time, many celebrities' ID cards were leaked online, which caused a great storm, but A P knew what was at stake. It seems that this hush money can't really solve the problem. However, A P is really distressed to pay 10,000 hush money, but the thought that his buddy was so generous to him and gave him a new mobile phone made him unable to stay on the road. What's more, at the beginning, he patted his chest to ensure that he hadn't touched anything in his mobile phone. In case his friends know that he privately wrote Niu Lulu's phone number, it is estimated that his credit is gone and his friends can't do it. Thinking of this, A P did not hesitate. He gritted his teeth and said, "Six thousand at most. Deal! "

Finally, A.P. asked Xiao Qiang to sign the agreement according to his fingerprints. The content goes something like this: If Xiao Qiang doesn't keep his word, Uncle A P can go to the police station and report that Xiao Qiang stole 6000 yuan from him.

Xiao Qiang easily took 6,000 yuan, smiled from ear to ear, and immediately went to buy a new popular mobile phone. At first, Uncle Chen thought it was just a toy mobile phone. As a result, Xiao Qiang's sister saw it: "Oh, it's true! This mobile phone costs more than 5 thousand yuan! "

"What? More than 5,000 pieces? " Uncle Chen glared at him and hurriedly asked his grandson if he had done something stealing chickens and dogs again. Seeing is believing, Xiao Qiang has to admit that Uncle A P paid the confidentiality fee. Uncle Chen feels very strange. What secret should he give 6 thousand? Xiao Qiang said, "I was surprised, too. It's no big secret. I just wanted a hundred dollars, and then I snickered. Who knows that he insisted on talking from 1,000 to 10,000, and then discounted to 6,000! "

What is the secret? The whole family is curious. Xiao Qiang said with a smile, "I just saw the message he sent to his wife the other day. That is a disgusting review letter! " Ha ha! "

Besides, P, when things are settled, he will be relieved. He felt that although he spent 6000 yuan and got nothing, at least he kept his credit and defended his friendship with his friends. As for Niu Lulu's phone, although it was deleted from the old phone at that time, Ah P actually remembered it long ago. One day a few months later, P couldn't hold back and finally dialed the phone of Niu Lulu.

Listening to CRBT is a song sung by Niu Lulu. A P thought: This must be her own phone number. If the phone is connected later, he will keep silent and listen to the idol's voice with his own eyes. It doesn't matter! However, A P held her breath and listened to CRBT several times, but no one answered the phone. Finally, CRBT's singing came to an abrupt end and the phone was connected. A P covered his mouth with his hand excitedly, and his ear stuck to the receiver.

"Hello, who is this?" A man's rich voice came from the phone. A P shook his head in fear, looked at the number on the mobile phone screen and repeatedly confirmed that he had dialed the right number. He pricked up his ears again, only to hear the increasingly impatient tone of the man inside: "Hey! Talk to me! who is it? Hey! Hello "

A P was unwilling, holding his nose and saying, "Hello, I'm looking for Miss Niu Lulu."

"I am her assistant, what can I do for you? Hey! Talk to me! Hello "

It turned out to be an assistant. A P was a little disappointed, afraid to go on, and wanted to hang up, but suddenly he heard the man on the phone say, "Son of a bitch, don't play this game with me!" Few people have my phone number. Where did you get it? Where did you get Niu Lulu's phone number? Talk to you! "

A P's heart beat so hard that he was too scared to speak.

"Hum! You can do it! Don't tell anyone, right? Well, I can see your number, and I will find it for you sooner or later! " Say that finish, the man hung up the phone.

This time, A P opened his mouth wide and panicked completely. Yes, I didn't expect that. I just dialed Niu Lulu's phone with my own mobile phone, and all the numbers were displayed on other people's mobile phones. Isn't this a goof? When the time comes, people will show it to the people in the TV station. How can he explain it to his friends?

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