Damn it! The telephone at home was struck by lightning again! I've done too many good things!

Choose for yourself. Funny: 1 The kid next door finally vowed to lose weight-at the graduation job fair, someone said to him, "Sorry, buddy, you blocked my cell phone signal."

Lei Feng did a good deed without leaving a name, but everything was recorded in his diary.

4. I skipped classes too much. I wanted to go to class yesterday. Seeing the professor, the professor was surprised and said, I haven't seen you for so long, and I have grown so big.

I have a left Qinglong, a right white tiger and a Mickey Mouse tattooed on my shoulder.

Every time I miss a girl, I put a brick on the ground, so there is the Great Wall.

7. Yuanyang played in the water and was drowned by his mother; Fly with me, you fucking fell dead.

8. Pure, fictional, chaotic and beautiful.

9. Happiness is scratching when it itches. Unfortunately, this means it's itchy, but it can't be scratched. More unfortunately, the soul and body have not felt that itch for a long time.

10. Although I can't be a descendant of the rich, I must be an ancestor of the rich.

1 1. God didn't give me much responsibility, but it still made my heart ache and my bones and muscles tired.

12. Who held my hand and made me crazy for half my life; Who, kiss my eyes, cover my half-life displacement.

13. The crowd searched for her for thousands of Baidu, and suddenly looking back, that person still dismissed me.

14. After studying for more than ten years, I think kindergarten is better.

15. What is happiness? Happiness is that cats eat fish, dogs eat meat, and Altman beats small monsters.

16. Are you a dung ball that was once rolled by a small low-energy dog, a cockroach that was trampled flat, and adopted by a mentally retarded master in Shaolin Temple who is known as a pear flower crushing a begonia?

17. I like the first half of your mother's short story. That's all for today. Please continue to enjoy it at the same time tomorrow. I like the second half of your mother. ...

18. Advertisement on the subway: Is it crowded? Buy a car! Advertisements in taxis: Are they blocked? Take the subway!

19. I received a mobile phone message. There is a monkey in the zoo, so ugly that everyone vomits. One day I went there and I threw up. One day you went there and the monkey threw up.

20. Say that money is evil and everyone fishes; Say beauty is a disaster, everyone wants it; It is said that the height is too cold and everyone is climbing; Say that alcohol and tobacco hurt the body and don't quit; Say heaven is the best, don't go!

2 1. Strongly protest against the TV play during the advertising time!

22. Thank you, thank you uncle, thank you family, thank you ancestors for 18 generations. Have you ever seen anyone thank you like this? )

23. Although the famous flowers are taken, I will loosen the soil!

24. Excuse me! I'm already dead! But thank you for coming to see me! See you tonight 12!

25. I drown my sorrows in wine, but I learned to swim in this damn pain.

26. Data show that in 2008, men accounted for 52% of the total population in China, while women accounted for 43%. (Tianya-Chai Ge's classic, so fucking tough)

27. Do you want to get rich? Do you want to get lucky? Do you want to be an official? Do you want to become famous overnight? Do you want to be young forever?

-Stop dreaming and study hard!

The fool stole the beggar's wallet and was seen by the blind. The dumb shouted, which startled the deaf. Camels come forward and lame people fly. The wanted man wants to take him to the public security bureau. Asako said, look at my face.

29. Loneliness is a person's carnival, and carnival is the loneliness of a group of people.

30. Don't pursue the truth … the truth is a bitch!

3 1. Dreaming about dream of eating spaghetti, I woke up in the morning and found my shoelaces gone!

32. Love is a road, and friends are trees. There is only one road in life, and there are many trees on one road. If you have money, you won't get lost; if you lack money, you will rely on trees; if you are happy, you won't forget your way; when you rest, you will water trees.

33. An iron pestle can be ground into a needle, and a wooden pestle can only be ground into a toothpick. The material is wrong, and it's no use trying again.

34. The green hills remain the same, and the firewood remains the same.

I don't want to eat porridge every day. I went to the vegetable market yesterday. I think I'll continue to eat porridge.

37. My principle is: if people don't attack me, I won't attack; If someone attacks me, I will be angry!

38. I slowly discovered that talents are goblins! Some goblins eat people, but people eat everything. If you catch a leprechaun, maybe you can have a barbecue!

39. After listening to your words, saints study.

4 1. Geography teacher: What would our world be like if the earth stopped turning?

Little B: Even if the earth doesn't turn, we will continue to turn around the Party Central Committee with President Hu as the center.

42. You see, there are always so many things that make you sad in the world: lack of rain or shine, joys and sorrows, impotence and premature ejaculation. . . .

44. The bombarded head was also combed by lightning.

45. Love is a luxury. It's like a fox coat in a Paris window, so dazzling and charming, but the price tag on it will wake people up. Love is also a luxury, you can only look at it from a distance, don't fantasize, don't touch it, because it is indispensable to meet the right person at the right time and in the right place.

46. If something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first. Don't blame the earth for its lack of gravity when you are constipated.

47. Although I am not very handsome, when I was a child, someone praised my left nostril as an idol.

48. Old advice: Daughter, eat a little to lose weight.

49. Spring is a season of colds and high spirits. Someone accidentally caught a cold, and someone accidentally fell in love. I belong to the former.

50. I am also an infatuated seed, but it rained ... and I drowned.

5 1. Never leave the wall and pull it out resolutely.

I allow you to come into my world, but I will never allow you to walk around in my world.

Even if I were a toad, I would never marry my mother toad.

55. Money can buy a house, but it can't buy a home; Marriage, but not love; Clock, but can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain. Give me your money and let me suffer alone!

56. Boys are poor, or they don't know how to struggle: girls are rich, or they are coaxed away by a piece of cake.

When we were young, we often made faces in the mirror. In old age, mirrors are flat.

58. When I have a son named "Shuai", people will say "Shuai Dad!"

59. Fish said: I always open my eyes to leave your side. Water said: I have been flowing tirelessly all day, trying to surround you and hold you tightly. The pot said: it's almost cooked, and there's still so much nonsense. .

60. Happiness is: I am hungry, and when I see someone holding a meat bun in his hand, he is happier than me; I was cold, and he was happier than me when I saw someone wearing a thick cotton-padded jacket. I want to go to the toilet. It's just a pit. You are happier than me when you squat there.

6 1. Everyone has at least one dream and one strong reason.

The 62.5-year-old daughter asked her father to do something for her. Dad: "Dad is very tired. Give me a compliment, and I will be refreshed again. " Daughter: "Lao Zheng!" Dad: "Hey!" Daughter: "Your Niu Niu is really beautiful ..."

64. If the heart has no place to live, it will wander everywhere!

65. The brain is the noblest organ-because it tells you.

67. Zhuge Liang didn't lead a soldier before he came out of the mountain. Why should I have work experience? ! !

68. The highest level of work is to watch others go to work and get their own salary.

69. When I was a child, I didn't study. My mother said, "When I grow up, I will let you marry a bachelor who sells pork." Now educate my daughter: "study hard and grow up to marry a bachelor who sells pork."

70. I have lived for more than 20 years and have done nothing for the motherland and the people. Every time I think about it, my heart aches.

7 1. Happy? Can you still feel happy? !

73. Mom said that it is best not to miss two things in life: the last bus home and a person who loves you deeply.

The important task of post-74.80 is to create post-08.

75. Life is not rehearsed, but broadcast live every day, which not only leads to low ratings, but also low wages.

76. The future is bright, but there is no road.

77. Who says crows are as black as crows? In fact, one is darker than the other!

79. I really want to have a quiet and serious crush like Don Quixote. ...

80. What would face do if it wasn't for making money …

8 1. I can't eat swans ~ can't I eat ducks yet ~

82. Even if you look like shit, why do you have to be shit?

85. Get up every morning and shout, "Fuck Japan." This is not only good for health, but also can cultivate patriotic moral sentiments!

90. Miss's beard looks so euphemistic that she must be a good family!

9 1. How nice it is for parents to take that 10 minute for a walk!

92. Work is so interesting! Especially watching others work. ...

93. How did you escape from the trash can after the abortion?

95. Love your country, love your family, love your sister, guard against thieves, guard against theft and guard against brothers ~

96. I really don't want to despise you with my toes. But, man, you made me do it.

97. The cruelest thing in life is that people can only be young once.

99. The innocence of love in college lies in being able to eat instant noodles and have soup with an open mind.

100. Brother … I swear to the lamp … I really smoked …

10 1. One day, a mother-in-law took a bus … didn't know the way halfway … hit the driver's ass with a stick and said, where is this? The driver said, this is my ass …

102. People have many backgrounds, but I only have my back.

103. The doll asked her mother, "How to make sentences with ABCDEFG?" Mom: "A! Is this child B from the C family? Standing barefoot on D, EF wears nothing, and there is a small GG…… ... "

104. Everyone looked for him, and when he looked up, he was flying in the sky ... what a bird!

/kloc-after 0/05. 100, China is awesome. A group of uneducated Americans are complaining that the English version of the software developed by China Giant Construction Company is too slow, so they have to use an informal English version. And some software doesn't support English very much.

106. The price of pigs has gone up these days, and I want to reduce the price! ?

107. Going to work is to carry forward the spirit that dead mice are not afraid of cold!

108. If you do this again in the future, don't blame me for being inhuman!

109. What do you want? Do it!

1 10. Wang Cai, come and see, there are worse humans than you!

1 1 1. Think of yourself as a turtle grandson when you are a subordinate, and others regard you as a turtle son when you are a leader. From grandson to son, this bastard really got a promotion.

1 12. Why is there a college entrance examination? I want to know the minister of education, what is his score in the college entrance examination?

1 13. The thief who stole my wallet opened it and saw only five dollars. He sighed with tears: "It's not easy!" .

1 14. What are you unhappy about? Say it to make everyone happy.

165438+

1 16. Red beans don't grow in the south, they grow on my face. I really miss them!

1 17. I sat on a stone 150 million years ago and spent an afternoon …

1 18. I'm too beautiful to die ~ ~ ~

1 19. The head on the left is flour and the head on the right is water. When thinking about problems, my mind is full of paste.

120. You are more beautiful than Venus, more poetic than Lin Daiyu, and more magical than Uncle Milu. In my heart, you are the Jade Emperor.

12 1. Jiaozi got married. After seeing off the guests that night, Jiaozi found a meatball on the bed, but Jiaozi's mother was gone, and she shouted: Where is the bride? Meatball: Bah, people take off their clothes!

122. black state non-human

123. Born in sorrow, died in happiness.

124. The farmer's three fists hurt a little.

125. People never know who inadvertently said goodbye to you and then really disappeared.

126. Many things are between "no injustice" and "melodramatic".

127. The road to success is always under construction.

128. If she (he) says to you, "Forget me." You tell each other, "I never remember."

129.20 years old to see physical strength; 30 years old to see academic qualifications; 40 years old to see the experience; Look at intelligence at the age of 50; 60 years old to see medical records; Look at the calendar at the age of 70; Look at the yellow calendar at the age of 80; See you at 90, sarira.

130. "Love" is a very strong word. The upper part of it is taken from Metamorphosis, and the lower part is taken from Metamorphosis.

13 1.

132. Here's the thing, Mr. Zhang: You can't press CTRL+C on your home computer and then CTRL+V on your company computer. Not even the same article. No, no, no, no, not even an expensive computer!

133. I earn selling cabbage, and I fuck selling white powder.

134. China is risky, so you should be cautious when reborn.

135. I'm so funny, I don't believe you.

136. Looking at the comparison table of online activities between Chinese and American netizens, my understanding is that people live online and we escape from life online.

137 There are always a few wrong steps in the long road of life.

138. Happiness is that cats eat fish, dogs eat meat, and Altman monsters.

139. Japanese are human: A. personification B. metaphor C. exaggeration D.

140. Fall, get up and cry ~ ~ ~

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