Humor, humor, tell me about the complete works

1, God arranged fate for us, but forgot to give us instructions.

When I was in college, one day in the dormitory, I saw my roommate playing games. I said to him, "Tomorrow is the exam. Don't you study? " The roommate calmly replied: "The day after tomorrow, am I wrong?" So I continued to argue with him. Just as we were quarrelling, another buddy in the dormitory was surprised and asked, "You didn't go to the exam this morning!" " "

Time tells me that I don't have to wait for anyone except express delivery.

When you are so old, you have mastered a special skill without learning other skills. You can sleep well without taking sleeping pills during the day and get excited without taking stimulants at night.

I warn you not to touch my bottom line, otherwise I will have to change my bottom line again.

I don't know how to say it, but I hope everyone can stop forwarding pornographic content in space. I think this kind of behavior is quite bad and really has a bad influence on others. For example, for me, it's too much for you to make me climb out of bed to find headphones in winter!

7. I know this is a world of looking at faces. I took money from school to have a facelift.

8. Girls usually have no voice when chatting. Girls will use voice when chatting with you. Your relationship with her is absolutely unusual. Delete the note for you, and she can see at a glance that it is your message.

9. I have seen through what brothers and friends are, and I don't want to borrow my girlfriend to sleep for two days in such a cold day.

10, the mirror is installed on the school stairs to tell you that ugly people should read more books.

1 1. My lover is a hero in the world. One day, he will sneak into the tower and marry me. I guessed the leader, but I didn't guess that Po Hou was an idiot.

12, I played with many men, such as Li Bai, Han Xin, the Monkey King, Hou Yi, Xiang Yu and Dian Wei.

13, I caught up with someone who looks like you, and suddenly remembered that there is no you in this city. I put down the brick and almost hit the wrong person.

14, there is no road in the world, there are too many people wandering around, and I don't know how to get there.

15, "If Chinese, math, English, physics, thinking, history, geography and politics teachers come into the classroom at the same time, what will you think of?" "Eight-Nation Alliance's war of aggression against China. “

16, if you take selfies as long as you do it, how can you not have a boyfriend?

17, I hope that one day we can become strangers again, and then we can get to know you again. See how I kill you!

18, "What can make you put down your dignity and humble yourself?" "Copy homework"

19, I just saw a news that both mother and daughter are flight attendants. I don't know what's good about this, but only mother and daughter are two generations! Our ancestors were farmers for eighteen generations, and I never showed them off! Am I proud? Am I bloated?

20. The flowers and plants were pulled up by others before they could get involved.

2 1, I used to be scolded by my teammates every day when I played the king. Slowly, I improved my fighting ability. Now I don't scold me, because they have already scolded me.

22. You are only young once. How can you tell your son that he was not crazy?

23. When I was at school, I often did autopsies. I'm used to dead people. At night, the dormitory is hotter than the steamer. My roommate had a whim that the morgue was air-conditioned. Why don't we sleep there? I have the key. One or two other goods were agreed immediately, and two went. The next day, the janitor was hospitalized.

24. I am not good at arts and science now, so I must learn magic.

25. When I was a child, I had an cartoon. I only listened to the theme song, thinking it was a legendary story about the thief and his son. The song goes like this: "The thief's son and the thief's father ..."

26. If you are lazy with me, you will lose because I am too lazy to compete with you.

27. My father taught me: "Don't be deceived by men. Don't believe what men say. " For a while, I didn't know whether I should listen to my father.

28. When I found that all wifi had passwords, I deeply felt the malice of the world.

29. Some people say that "I'm hungry" is a very test sentence: tell mom that she will get up immediately and say "I'll get you something to eat". Tell dad that he will smile and say "OK, let's eat out". Tell your boyfriend, and he will say softly, "What do you want to eat?" Tell your girlfriend that she will always reply, "Me too". Therefore, more and more boys choose to find boyfriends.

30. I have seen countless hooligans, but I still don't like you as a scum.

3 1, quarreling with my wife, I shouted: "Don't think you are beautiful, I won't dare to hit you!" I thought she would be happy when she heard it, but I didn't expect her to say, "Don't think what you said is very reasonable, I'll let you go!" " "

The boy rode his horse to the edge of the cliff, turned to his beloved girl and said, "I want to ask you one last question." Will you marry me? If you don't marry me, my life is meaningless. I will jump off this cliff. " The girl was very moved and shouted "marry me" to the boy. The horse screamed and rushed down the cliff.

I caught the bus in the morning. When I got to the platform, the bus had already started. So I had to chase and shout: "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! " At this time, a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me, "Wukong, stop chasing."

34. Violence can't solve the problem, but it can alleviate anger.

Since you borrowed money from me, I have thought of you every penny.

36. Many aunts say that I am handsome today. Why don't you introduce your daughter to me?

37, a little want to cry, and then it began to rain, hurriedly ran to ask my mother my life, I am the princess of dragon three in the East China Sea, why did you keep it from me for so many years.

38. Always remind yourself that life is too short to eat, drink and sleep with people who want to sleep.

There is a reason why I don't come back every second. There is a time difference between the celestial world and the human world, so I may often not be able to return every second.

40. "What do girls think of the filth of boys? ""Only those who get along can get along. "

4 1, actually I like math very much. It has no circuitous language, English grammar, historical and political complexity and information, but it just can't do it, can't do it and can't do it.

42. A fat girl is afraid to take the elevator because she has no confidence, so she insists on taking the stairs to work every day. So, after nearly a month's hard work, she was fired because she was often late.

Please pay attention to parents: in recent days, a new type of fraud has appeared in society. Liars will forge a report card with a low score, falsely claiming that it is the children's achievement in the name of e-school, WeChat and class teacher, and sow discord among them, causing serious family discord. Please delete the achievement message immediately after receiving it. Don't believe it. Forward positive energy at will.

Humor, humor, tell me about it

1, I have acne because I am handsome. 2. Nonsense is the first sentence in interpersonal relationship.

3. In trivial matters, the villain became a Buddha.

4. The dialect of our homework here is committing iniquity!

I am different from you because I am human.

6, come, drag it out, jj slices fried green pepper!

7. Sometimes, sleeping is also a kind of enjoyment.

8. Love will leave scars, but it will also teach people to forget the pain.

As an animal, I feel a lot of pressure.

10, from heaven to hell, I was just passing by.

1 1, you are frozen into a ghost in the north, and I show my thighs in the south.

12, if you were a flower, cows wouldn't dare to shit in the future.

13 Don't you rely on the support of the Animal Protection Association?

14, your smile is close to my heart and throat, and I never miss it.

15, sometimes, you don't know how hurtful your words are.

16, I usually dare not show my love publicly, but I don't like to have a spare tire.

17, brother, can you lower the resolution on your face a little?

18, you are so charming that countless blind people compete to bend over.

19, I like to rely on you, and the stars depend on the night sky.

20. The price of pigs has gone up these days. Why can't the price increase?

2 1, women are easy to be satisfied, but they also make you stumble.

22. With you holding my hand, I can move forward bravely.

23. Who said that tofu can't kill people? Try changing frozen tofu next time.

I hope someone will understand me, even if I didn't say anything.

25. My ID card is fake. Don't believe that I am a liar.

I really can't see you so close to me, because I am blind.

27. Two big lies in life: I love you all my life, and this dress is self-cultivation.

28. You think too complicated about others, because you are not simple.

29. Every parent has jet lag. Obviously, he just wants to speak at 1: 30.

Love never knows how far it is.

3 1, that who, I love you so much that I don't even want my own feelings.

32. I am already very happy, because I have seen you deeply.

33. Men are not colored, not true colors; Women are not coquettish and have no tricks.

34. One thousand and one wishes are too many. I just need to realize one thing.

35. Humility is also an art. Let's do this art well together!

36. Ideals are like underwear. You should have them. But you can't prove it to everyone.

37. When my parents quarreled, my father said angrily, I'll go out!

38. What is the minimum standard for making friends with you? Must be human.

At that corner, I saw a blind man chasing a lame man.

40. Since you appeared, I know that it is so beautiful to be loved.

4 1, because I don't like to tidy my room, so they all call me the hero of messy room.

Take care of your daughter-in-law and don't let her run out in class.

43. Don't turn your avatar into your own, or you will be unlucky when you log off.

44. People lose weight, waist and buttocks. Why do we have to start with brain cells?

45. Love without love is a kind of self-abuse; Love without love is a kind of self-harm.

46. Some people are alive, but she is dead. Some people are still alive, he should be dead!

47. The difference between you and a pig is that a pig has always been a pig, but sometimes you are not a person.

48. I came quietly and walked quietly, waving a dagger and leaving no one alive.

49. Nowadays, college students are so incompetent! Come here to copy pornography and cut it out!

50. Who did you make that face with? I owe you a loan due.

5 1, why is it a female man with bangs or a female history without bangs?

52. I will run forward, climb up if I can, and get down on the spot if I can't.

53. The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death, but between you and me.

54. Why do boys always have a hard bottom and a hard bottom? Is it because there is little water?

55. The mobile phone paid for a week. When I got it back, I found that all the games had been cleared.

56. If beautiful women can really be eaten as food, my beautiful women will probably starve to death.

57. When others are holding hands, I will take my dog for a walk and swim to see who is unhappy with a bite.

58. When walking in the street, I like to pretend to look at the goods in the shop window, but in fact I am looking in the mirror.

You said Murmansk, I am the warm current of the North Atlantic, so you should be hugged tightly, and I will ride the wind.

60. I have thought for countless times that I will not see the sun tomorrow, because it will be cloudy. .

6 1. If your boyfriend ignores you when playing LOL, take off the R key of his keyboard and forward positive energy at will.

62. Work every year, worry every year, work overtime like a monkey every day, work overtime without pay, and be scolded every day for no reason.

63. Love won't hurt people, but people will hurt themselves. Love doesn't do evil, but people do evil. If you don't play tricks on people, your brain is funny

64. I want to talk about a love that will never break up, stumbling along, the sun setting, and growing old together.

You must come with me on the wedding day, because we promised to walk into the marriage hall together.

66. W: I want to lose weight. Man: What's the matter? Woman: I'm afraid you'll abandon me. Man: That's something you can throw away. Female:

67. My brother told me: Sister, you must not be taller than me when looking for a boyfriend in the future, otherwise I am afraid that he will bully you and I will not hit him.

68, riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, he may be a Tang priest; The one with wings is not necessarily an angel, he may be a bird man.

69. Some people rely on strength tests, some rely on eyesight tests, and some rely on imagination tests. In short, it's all about personal ability.

70. It turns out that it is actually a kind of happiness to be able to endure hardships for the people you love, but only a few people in the world can enjoy this happiness.

7 1, if one day you suddenly disappear, do you think someone will look for you crazily? If I still owe the bank mortgage and car loan.

72. If you put a piece of shit and a bone in front of the dog, which one would the dog like? God replied: the dog dipped the bone in the stool.

73. My friend said that his cactus has become exquisite and will move after watering. I went to his house to have a look. Shit! Poor hedgehog.

74. Never quarrel with your parents, because when you don't win, you will only be scolded, but when you win, you will be beaten.

Tell you a secret of getting rich, but don't tell anyone! Fold your money in half, does it double? Ha, go and make friends!

76. I want to be a man and work hard to earn money; Wages are only rising slowly, while house prices are rising rapidly for no reason; It's too difficult to pay the down payment, but I can't help being single!

77. Love is a profession, hobby is the foundation of love, thinking of you is my homework, and loving you is my career. Although I am unemployed occasionally, I still copy my old business steadily!

78. If I can have 999 lucky times in this life, I would like to share all 997 times with you, only for myself twice: once to meet you and once to accompany you forever.

79. When you walk into a deep and narrow canyon with a bow and arrow on your back, you will find wolves in front and ghosts behind. Excuse me: Did you shoot a wolf or a ghost?

80. Rose petals touch your beauty, happiness is permeated in your smile, stars are my thoughts, your temperament fascinates me, and seeing you gives me the courage to add love.

Popular humor and funny jokes in 2020

1, Cancer's friend is very lucky, and the three boys of the heir have been angry with you.

2. Who says that men are better than women and have the ability to let men help you have a child?

3. The legendary three stars: Lei Feng, Zhang Haidi and Batman Zhang Ga, referred to as Lady Gaga.

4, Doraemon said: Bear, what you want is not me, just that pocket.

Friends, if you like me, you can't say it out loud. Don't hide it.

6. When something happens, you should find the reason on yourself, just don't make trouble.

7. The waves behind the Yangtze River push the waves ahead, and each generation is stronger than the next.

8. Your sleeping position determines your hairstyle. From today on, you should study your sleeping posture and hairstyle.

9. Dream, anything is possible, and daydreaming can make your dream come true more easily.

10, stop quibbling, the fact is the fact that you can never change.

1 1, don't argue with a fool, or others won't know who is a fool.

12, actually, I didn't mean to grow taller, because I'm afraid of heights, and I'm afraid when I grow too tall.

13, in the chemistry experiment class, the teacher said: the students in the first row and the second row should go back.

120xx If you love me, don't give up; if you hate me, keep trying.

15. Compare these two fish, which one is handsome, and whoever wins will be tomorrow's dish.

16, if you are not happy to sleep, let him pass! It's okay to be sad, but it's not good to hurt your stomach.

17, as long as you have classes in your heart, you don't skip classes anywhere.

18, describe our enmity and hatred in one sentence: we can avoid it on the first day, but we can't avoid it on the fifteenth.

19, there are some things I know are wrong and I am still insisting.

I am not a waiter, so you have no right to ask my sister to answer you.

2 1, don't tell me forever, I can't live that long.

22. Don't challenge me to pull you with your SB level.

23. The sun is really warm. It's time to bask in tears.

24. You deny me with the whole world, and I will accompany you to deny the whole world.

25, but gold will always shine, and your glass slag can only reflect light.

I can confidently tell you that he will be with you because you look like me.

27. Make friends with interests, and you can go straight now.

If you don't have that ability yourself, don't say others are too powerful.

29, 2b to describe you, people don't want a pencil.

30. Not knowing the darkness of the night during the day is just like the tears that Xueba doesn't understand the scum.

3 1, being teased when angry, is a very self-respecting thing.

Please remember my name and the time I wasted on you.

33. Whoever loves must be by his side.

34. All my friends pointed out to my face that all the dogs were discussing behind my back.

35. Don't give me a perfunctory sentence. Don't you love my best friend?

36. I am a two-faced person, sometimes sunny, sometimes taciturn.

Even if employers and employees are single, they will be happier and happier than you.

38. Women are all axe-wielders.

39. My tears always sparkle, but you devalue them.

After 40 years or decades, we have all become a pile of ashes, and no one knows anyone.

Sharp, humorous and funny.

Don't challenge my blackmail skills with the speed at which you talk about Sp.

I didn't take medicine today, and I feel very cute.

Young and not high, Alzheimer's disease. Alzheimer's disease is getting higher and higher.

A person, a mobile phone, a computer, a day passed like this.

Summer vacation is coming again, and the determination to become thinner, whiter and taller is coming again.

Master, thank you. Thank you for saving me from unrequited love.

Playing tricks in front of me is playing broadsword in front of Guan Yu.

In spring, I walk in the street with my little fat legs, full of sadness.

You have so many pimples on your face that it will turn over when you drive a tractor.

Whenever there is lightning in the sky, a person will swear.

China is developed and needs foreigners to translate classical Chinese!

I'm not nervous when I take exams, but I'm most nervous when I wait for my grades. I feel the same way.

Don't challenge my blackmail skills with the speed at which you talk about Sp.

When summer comes, quilts are not used to cover, but to hug.

What are you yelling about? Don't tell me to lose weight.

I thank all the people who fell off the chain when I needed you most.

The world is crazy. Monsters are Altman's bridesmaids.

Sharp and funny signature: If mosquitoes can glow, then my room will really be suffocating.

There is a cool person in my family, and that is me. You can't accept it.

The bangs were cut short, revealing my righteous eyebrows.

I put down my cell phone until midnight, then I picked up my slippers and fell asleep.

Jiang Ziya is still casting pearls before swine. It's my turn to be a pair of dogs.

I don't want to answer others, because the signal can't keep up.

At least people's brains will be short-circuited, and I don't even have power.

There are countless people watching the fun, and few people help you out.

The fairy was right. Hunan Satellite TV will broadcast Princess Huanzhu again in the summer vacation.

You are my little lady. I love you enough.

I have to spend my summer vacation in a cram school.

I love you. When I love you, all I think about is you.

No one protects me as a soft girl, so I can only teach myself to be a woman.

A big wave of EXO kisses came at me, and I needed backup.

No matter how good the QQ name is, it's useless to drag it on! Remarks are more important than anything else.

Lan Yan has a girlfriend, is Hong Yan going to retire?

Mosquito, born for my blood. I live to kill mosquitoes.

You are my junior. You can't get too many points at the end of the term.

I miss my deskmates who have been bullied by me, and now my hands itch again.

I love you very much, but I can't say it. What should I do?

The fairy was right. Hunan Satellite TV will broadcast Princess Huanzhu again in the summer vacation.

The Monkey King is carrying a suitcase in front, and Tang Priest is driving a BMW in the back.

Mr. Mung Bean is very sad because the lady and Mr. Watermelon left during the summer vacation.

LoL is more attractive, or your lover is more attractive.

I am a flash bomb, maybe one day it will make your eyes shine.

When I was a child, I thought there were only two countries in the world, China and foreign countries.

Thick thighs and black stockings, this summer is really terrible.

Every year, the test paper is beyond the limit, and it can circle the earth 200 million times.

Don't ask me how I did in the exam, I can only say that I messed up.

I will be a senior three soon, but I can't learn and I won't grow up.

During the summer vacation, I missed you 24 hours a day. Did you do it?

I tried to sprout, and your hair turned white. To parents

I wanted to go to the end with you, but you slipped away.

Don't frown all day, just bow your head and kiss you.

If I were a princess, I would save a frog.

Everyone is more than one meter tall, so there is nothing to ask.

You are my little watermelon. You can't eat enough.