What does the Eight Dragons in the Yellow Calendar mean?

2022 Divorce Yearbook Query (This series is Southern Weekend and Southern People Weekly, free to read within a limited time)

When walking out of the marriage registration center in Haidian District, the man took off his mask and squatted on the street to smoke, while the woman waited behind him. (Southern Weekend reporter Tan Changwen/map)

(This article was first published on March 26th, 2022, Southern Weekend's special issue "First-line Report on the Epidemic Situation". )

"What they are fighting for is actually not how to treat the' imperial doctor'. But as a husband and wife, the other party did not understand and agree with their own values, and they felt sad about it. "

Jin Zengyu originally wanted to see if any parties changed their minds after experiencing the epidemic and eased their relationship with the other half-"no lovers."

A young couple in Wuhan complained to her that they had not worked for more than two months, they were raising two children at home, and they were also burdened with mortgage loans. "Even group buying vegetables can't afford it."

Tian Zijun is a marriage emotional psychologist in Wuhan. During the epidemic, she received a phone call from a local young couple. China people and the young couple had a heated debate about whether to support Li Yuehua, who claimed to have cured many patients.

His wife appreciated Li Yuehua's kindness. During the epidemic, she treated the disease regardless of her personal safety, and then blamed her husband for questioning his medical ability, "always thinking so badly of people". The husband grabbed the complaint and said, "How can I live with an ignorant woman?"

"What they are fighting for is actually not how to treat the' imperial doctor'. But as a husband and wife, the other party did not understand and agree with their own values, and they felt sad about it. " After working for more than 20 years, Tian Zijun witnessed many marriages. She found that couples who can walk through the storm hand in hand always have similar values.

The epidemic since the beginning of 2022 has left many "previously absent" couples trapped at home for a long time, and their ideas conflict with each other.

The epidemic has invaded our daily life, and many things that we thought were solid have disappeared, including marriage? Friends have found that divorce appointments are everywhere in some cities recently, which proves the fragility of marriage in the epidemic.

However, Tian Zijun has a different interpretation. On March 22nd, she told Southern Weekend that "the epidemic has pushed up the divorce rate" is more like saying: "In recent years, the divorce rate in China has been rising continuously, not suddenly. The epidemic has only aggravated the inherent contradictions of the family. "

The divorce appointment is full.

There are still ten minutes to go out. At 8: 00 a.m. on March 2 1, there was a sparse queue outside the Marriage Registration Center in Haidian District. Everyone in the team wears a mask and consciously keeps a distance of more than one meter from the person in front.

In order to avoid people who register in the lobby, the city issued a notice at the end of 1, stipulating that all marriage registration centers in all districts should implement an appointment system. Whether registered marriage or divorce, the parties must wait outside and call in according to the pre-reserved time period. The wedding vows, wedding lecture hall and other procedures were all suspended, with the aim of shortening the detention time, and relatives and friends of the parties could not accompany them into the hall.

March 2 1 day is Saturday, but from the perspective of the Gregorian calendar, it is not an auspicious day for marriage. According to the telephone statistics at the door, there were more than 100 couples who made an appointment for marriage registration that day, and about half of them were married and divorced. "Usually, more people get married."

Most people who come for divorce are silent. At about 9: 40, a man and a woman who had finished the divorce registration came out and rode on the streets of bike-sharing to go their separate ways. The lady told Southern Weekend reporter that she chose this day to register only because it was Saturday and the appointment was only two or three days in advance.

Compared with Shanghai, Shanghai people have to make an appointment almost one month in advance for divorce, but the reason is not necessarily the increase in the number of divorced people.

The name of Shanghai Xuhui District Marriage Registration Center is usually based on appointment registration, but some elderly people will come to the scene directly without making an appointment, and they will consider this situation. Now, due to the epidemic situation, the total number of visits must be controlled, and people without appointments are no longer available. The maximum number of divorce appointments in the center is 15 couples per day, so as to ensure that at most only two couples in the hall can go through the formalities at the same time.

"This can't be compared with before. There was still this money the morning before. " After the total amount is controlled, the number of divorces received every day will decrease, which will inevitably lead to a backlog of people who want to divorce. "The notice is to make an appointment one month in advance. According to the parties, it is full. But whether more people want to divorce (than before), I can't see it here. " The above-mentioned person said.

Xi' an 17 marriage registration office has been working normally since March 2, one month later than in previous years. Local media reported that there was a "small peak" in divorce. According to the analysis of the newspaper, the marriage registration office in Yanta District is due to the backlog of inventory some time ago and the epidemic situation on the other hand. "I stayed at home for too long, and my husband and wife divorced impulsively."

"Usually, there are more than 20 couples (divorced) a day, but they are few. If you make more than 10 pairs every day, you will have a high income. Now, because it is an appointment, every day is full. But if there is any growth, I can't see it. " Hu Li (pseudonym) is one of the three divorce businesses in the Marriage Registry of Xincheng District of Xi City.

Hu Li said that divorce is more complicated than marriage registration. Generally speaking, only one couple can get married in an hour. The working hours are three hours in the morning and three hours in the afternoon, so now they only have six divorce appointments a day.

I had a conversation with Hu Li on March 18, and the Southern Weekend reporter found on the Internet that the divorce appointment in Xincheng District had been arranged on April 7, leaving only the time period of 14:00- 15:00. Marriage appointments are relatively loose.

Hu Li explained that because the marriage registration office is relatively large, it can be separated by several windows, and there are 20 couples every day. "We are divorced. This house is small, and it is not good to shout in. One pair left, the next pair came again, and there was a process of elimination in the middle. "

Moreover, "marriage can't wait, and divorce can use this time to reconsider."

In Hu Li's view, the vast majority of people who have recently divorced have not been affected by the epidemic. "They all planned it for a long time." Some of them are determined. It has been five years since they began to register for divorce. "They are not looking for trouble in China because of the epidemic." Others came in hand in hand, registered and left hand in hand.

"risk your life for divorce"

There is a marriage and family room in xingqing district, Yinchuan. Usually, Mr. Wang Binhai will provide free mediation for couples who intend to divorce here.

Affected by the epidemic, the marriage registration business in xingqing district was not resumed until March 15. But as early as mid-February, I was worried that people would feel bored and emotionally unstable at home, and asked Wang Binhai to publish his mobile phone number and set up a marriage service.

On the most day, Wang Binhai received more than 50 emails, and there were nearly 20 emails at least. The caller doesn't necessarily ask for a divorce, but just complains about her husband's bad temper and her mother-in-law's prejudice against herself. "With contradictions, there will be no epidemic. Only during this time, everyone became more anxious and amplified their emotions. "

Someone asked anxiously when to resume the divorce registration. Wang Binhai advised them to wait and regard the epidemic period as a "cooling-off period for divorce".

Yiyi, a divorce lawyer, received several friends during the epidemic. "They said they were fighting at home." These couples have their own contradictions, but in normal times, Yi Yi estimates that they can wait two or three years before making up their minds to divorce. The sudden outbreak of the epidemic is like a chemical agent. "I used to avoid going to work, but now I can't go out at home and I can't avoid it. After the epidemic, I want one. "

Although they are friends, Yiyi seldom makes peace. According to her past experience, couples who want to divorce will leave after a period of time even if they are stopped for a while. The epidemic only shortened the last time for both parties to try to maintain their marriage.

Yi Yi is the director of Jiali Law Firm. Since the resumption of work on February 20th, this law firm specializing in divorce proceedings has signed more than 50 cases in one month. "The number of cases can't be said to be more than in previous years. After all, many places have stopped production this year. But it is still quite a lot. We all feel incredible. Some clients signed contracts without meeting each other. Things are urgent. "

In most cases, the reason why the parties want to divorce has little to do with the epidemic. "Domestic violence, extramarital affairs, mother-in-law conflicts ... are nothing more than these, as usual." However, some "pots" still depend on the epidemic. For example, a client told Yi Yi that it was during these days that she was trapped at home that she accidentally discovered an ambiguous chat record between her husband and a third party.

Jin Zengyu, another lawyer of the firm, had more than 30 unsolved cases before the New Year. She wants to see if any customers have changed their minds after experiencing the epidemic and eased their relationship with the other half-"no lovers."

"These people risk their lives for divorce." Jin Zengyu recalled that she was still in her hometown in Heilongjiang on the fifteenth day of the first month, and a client had already made an appointment to come to the law firm for an interview. "At that time, the epidemic was serious and all localities stopped working. Most people's cognition is that there is nothing to go out. "

The lack of face-to-face communication has really brought a lot of trouble to the work of divorce lawyers. Jin Zengyu said that the parties in marriage and family cases are more dependent on lawyers than other cases. "Only when you meet can you feel safe, and when you meet, you can talk about deeper things." One afternoon after returning to work, she interviewed a customer who wanted to divorce because of domestic violence. She interviewed for five hours, and both of them were wearing masks all the time.

In a special period, someone moved the trial of divorce proceedings online, and Jin Zengyu felt uncomfortable. For example, her client claims that the other party is cheating, and the other party denies it. If it is an offline trial, the judge can observe the manner and tone of the other party when presenting evidence, and form a free evaluation certificate. "But now everyone is on the phone, and the signal is unstable. The judge said that you look at this photo, and the other party said that I can't see it clearly, so there is no way. "

"The greater the economic pressure, the more depressed the family."

In Hubei, the hardest hit area, on March 17, the Civil Affairs Department of Hubei Province announced that the province's marriage registration authorities would gradually resume marriage registration in different levels and regions. Up to now, the specific recovery time is not yet known.

Long Mei was a witness to the SARS epidemic 17 years ago, and he reminded that the impact of the epidemic on patients' families was worthwhile.

Long Mei's ex-husband was infected with SARS, and in the course of treatment, he left sequelae due to improper medication. "Sequela half in the body, half in psychology. He is the son of heaven. After he fell ill, there was a big gap, so he would blame me for the misfortune of contracting SARS and vent his anger on me. For family members, this is an ordinary life and an unbearable weight in life. "

In 2006, Long Mei and her ex-husband agreed to divorce. Long Mei, who was still working in the media at that time, made a survey: there were more than 300 registered patients with SARS sequelae, and 60% of them had changed their families.

However, after learning the experience and lessons of SARS treatment, the treatment of patients this time pays more attention to rational drug use. Long Mei hopes that patients can avoid family tragedies caused by sequela in the future.

However, unlike SARS, Tian Zijun noticed that the economic pressure brought by the epidemic was gradually eroding the foundation of the family. A young couple in Wuhan complained to her that they had not worked for more than two months, and there were two children at home, who were also burdened with mortgage and car loans. "Even the group buying food can't afford it."

"In the later period, the greater their economic pressure, the more depressed their families are, and they just quarrel over trifles. This is no longer a problem that psychology can solve. " Tian Zijun said.

Lin Zi, a member of the psychological counseling team for epidemic prevention and control in Shanghai, found that the parent-child relationship of many families has also changed into husband-wife relationship. The children are always at home and have to watch classes. Many mothers feel that they are on the verge of "collapse". "Only by scolding their husbands can they feel better. The migration, generalization and' contagion' of emotions during the epidemic are more obvious in every family. "

"This epidemic constitutes a large-scale disaster. In a disaster, if people's stress state is not intervened in time, it may turn into post-traumatic stress disorder, and there will be a high incidence of psychological crisis within three to six months after the outbreak. " Lin Zi and her team have participated in the psychological rescue of major disasters such as Asiana Airlines and Malaysia Airlines. She told the Southern Weekend reporter that after these disasters, the relevant groups all had different degrees of stress response, and the group stress response brought by this epidemic was even stronger.

Lin Zi suggested that as individuals, especially couples facing marital troubles, they should better understand the big psychological environment and background and avoid making any major decisions under pressure.

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Southern Weekend reporter Tan Chang Southern Weekend Intern Song Sijing

The above is a query about the divorce calendar in 2022, in which the epidemic situation is shared. I hope this will help everyone after watching the flood control in Niu Geng in 2022!