How important is the sense of boundaries in the family.

Why don't young people nowadays want to live with their parents after marriage? Because young people need a sense of boundaries.

Perhaps most people think that only strangers need boundaries, that is, keeping a proper distance. Actually, this is not the case. Family members need a sense of boundary more. Especially between children and elders after marriage. If you can't distinguish the boundaries, there will be many contradictions and conflicts, so-called honest officials can't break housework.

? For example, my good friend Eiko is recognized as a good mother-in-law, a good grandmother and a reasonable daughter-in-law. After her son got married, she bought him a building in the middle of the building. Her son and daughter-in-law live on the second floor. They live on the first floor. Daughter-in-law is a southerner, hardworking, independent, good at cooking and reasonable. Eiko spent all her money on her granddaughter and son. We often hear her boast that her daughter-in-law is sensible. But recently I heard that she wants to buy a small house and the old couple are moving out. Her wishful thinking of having her son by her side was a complete failure!

In fact, she can't tell the boundaries of family, especially between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Her son and daughter-in-law went to the southern family, and she strongly opposed it. Seeing her son earn money hard, she gave her 50 thousand yuan, but she couldn't bear to eat or wear it herself. Still working part-time after retirement. She called her son and daughter-in-law back again and again, and threatened to divorce. Finally, her son's house was returned to them, and then she took care of her granddaughter and invested in her daughter-in-law because they did their best. On one occasion, the daughter-in-law chatted with her friends and said: children can't be seen by the elderly, they are too used to children. She cried for a long time after hearing this, feeling that she had paid so much, and her daughter-in-law didn't understand her and was chilling. As for the small frictions in life, there are more and more, and finally I have to move out. Who is to blame for all this? This is also a common problem in our families in China. We can't handle the border feeling of family, can't let go of our children, and don't want them to live alone.

? What is the sense of boundaries between family members? Just to keep a proper distance, we in China pay great attention to family ties, but this does not mean that two generations have to live under one roof and eat in the same pot. The lifestyles of the two generations are so different that both sons and daughters can adapt. What about the daughter-in-law and son-in-law Disagreement, behavior or lifestyle may lead to dissatisfaction and conflict. Even if we don't live together, our parents in China are used to meddling in their children's affairs, even their grandchildren's schooling, food, clothing, housing and transportation. The young couple should make their own decisions, and the old man should dictate in the middle, resulting in the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and the son is caught in the middle. Parents should understand that it is because you paid the down payment for their house that you are qualified to get involved in their lives. When you pay too much, manage too much, and finally fail to make an appointment, you are likely to turn your face! Are there still few such examples? On the other hand, children in China are generally poor in self-reliance. When they were young, their parents didn't draw a clear line and gave them independent space. It's especially painful for everyone to mix together.

? Therefore, if parents want their children to be independent, they must learn to distinguish the boundaries of affection. Let children manage their own lives, even if it is bitter, let them experience it. Parents should learn to enjoy life and have their own hobbies. They don't have to take paying for their children for granted. They should let go. Although children may think you are heartless, they will win respect in the end. Raising children for old age is a thing of the past.

? Remember to pay when you should, and put it down when you should.