Be kind to yourself, mature and unsophisticated (2)

Life in Fiona Fang needs more principles.

Contradictions between people can be resolved if they are resolved in an equal and mutually beneficial way. However, if the contradiction involves a matter of principle, then we must stand firm and not give in, even if it is a detail. Fiona Fang people know that if we give in to the principle, we will lose the direction of life.

There are two main issues of principle that people talk about, one is dignity and the other is deserved benefits. Dignity is a matter of spiritual principle. A normal person with a sound personality cannot allow others to easily offend his dignity. Sometimes the loss of dignity is more painful and unbearable than the loss of material benefits. The higher a person's literacy, the more he values his personality and dignity. That's what the so-called "a scholar can be killed but not humiliated" means.

We say we can't make concessions on the issue of dignity, but very often, our dignity has been seriously violated, but we still don't know how to plead, so we can only suffer indignities in vain. In fact, when someone insults our personality, it doesn't mean how noble his personality is. If we can understand each other, use a little "scheming" and deal with a man as he deals with you, we can often get good results, so as to regain our dignity and give us a bad breath.

In a family in a big city, there is a little nanny from the countryside. Because of her down-to-earth temperament and neat work, she left a good impression on the hostess. But the suspicious hostess was still worried that the country girl's hands and feet were not clean, so she thought of a way to try her in the last few days of the probation period.

One morning, the little babysitter got up to cook and found a dollar at home. She thought the hostess must have dropped it and put it on the coffee table in the living room. Who knows that the next morning, the little babysitter found a five-dollar bill at the door of the room, which made her feel very strange. "Are you testing me?" The little babysitter had such a question. But she quickly dismissed the idea, because the hostess was a decent person and had just retired from the position of section chief. How could she do such an insulting thing? Thinking like this, she put the money under the coffee table, but she still kept an eye in her heart.

At night, the babysitter pretends to sleep and peeks at the living room from the bedroom window. Just when she was sleepy and ready to give up the idea, the woman quietly went to the tea table to withdraw money. The little babysitter was completely shocked and her anger rushed to her heart: How can you look down on people like this! She bit her lip and made up her mind.

The next morning, the little babysitter found another banknote at the door of the room, this time it was ten yuan. She smiled and put the money in her pocket. In the evening, before the hostess went downstairs to practice qigong, she quietly put the ten dollars on the stairs, ready to test the hostess. As the little babysitter expected, the hostess suspected that others' hands and feet were not clean, precisely because she was a selfish and greedy person. When she went downstairs, she saw the ten dollars, and her eyes lit up at that time, and then she stuffed the money into her pocket when no one was around. This scene was all seen by the peeping nanny.

That night, the hostess found a nanny, just like a section chief talking to a shop assistant, and criticized her seriously and tactfully for being dishonest. If she can repent, she can still stay. The little babysitter pretended not to know and asked, "You said I picked up ten dollars?" "yes! Don't you think you are wrong? " The little babysitter shook her head: "No, I don't think I did anything wrong, because I have returned the ten dollars to you." The hostess looked surprised: "Hey, when did you pay me back?" The little babysitter replied loudly, "Tonight, the public stairs ..." When the hostess heard the word "stairs", she cried like an electric shock and couldn't say a word. ...

The clever little babysitter used some "scheming" to find face for herself, so the hostess should naturally stop insulting her personality and dignity. Imagine what would happen if she fought back head-on and didn't talk about strategy With a little "scheming", you can learn from Fiona Fang once and for all, which shows that being a man still needs skills.

When trouble comes, you must step forward.

Becoming "scheming" is a subjective change, and we can master it ourselves. But the objective environment is beyond our control. But when adversity strikes, Fiona Fang people know how to change and overcome it.

Life is inevitably frustrated, but many people are used to smooth sailing, afraid of suffering, and even more afraid of paying the price. When things happen, I would rather suffer for myself than seek justice, just seek peace. After a long time, the cowardly spirit is trapped in my heart, and it hurts my heart and lungs when I think about it. The more I think about it, the more I feel useless and hate myself, so I feel more and more wronged. Some people just let this spirit last a lifetime. Of course, it's not worth throwing eggs at stones, but Fiona Fang people believe in justice and courage. With justice, there will be confidence, with enough confidence, there will be courage, and people will actively seek solutions to problems, so that justice will have hope. In this regard, we can get a lot of useful enlightenment from Qu Xiaoxue's story of suing American bankers.

Qu Xiaoxue went to study in the United States at her own expense and was introduced to work in the home of an old American woman, Louise. Louise is an old lady with a strong sense of racial discrimination. From the beginning, she was rude to Qu Xiaoxue from China. She is not allowed to have an English name. Every time she is called, she is not called by her name. She just shakes the bell in her hand. Although Qu Xiaoxue felt humiliated, she stayed at Louise's house in order not to lose her job.

Qu Xiaoxue's job is to take care of Mrs. Louise's daily life in the afternoon and evening. Mrs Louise pays her $300 a month and provides her with two meals. But Louise always eats the leftovers from these two meals. If Qu Xiaoxue can't finish them, Louise asks her to break them with a pulverizer and put them into paste in the refrigerator for the next meal. QuXiaoXue endure at first, but finally because of this and Louise clashed. Finally, Qu Xiaoxue couldn't stand the humiliation and decided to resign. Who knows, Mrs. Lewis's son, Edward, a banker in Washington, is back. He did not allow Qu Xiaoxue to resign and asked her to stay and continue to take care of his mother. When Qu Xiaoxue insisted on leaving, Edward began to insult her personality, saying, "I despise blacks the most in my life. You China people are even worse than black people! " And forcibly turned over Qu Xiaoxue's box. Qu Xiaoxue felt humiliated, just like being stripped naked in public. She asked Edward to pay her three weeks' salary. Who knows, Edward not only didn't pay, but also slapped Qu Xiaoxue, then grabbed her hair and slammed it on the wall, pushed her to the ground and kicked her hard. Qu Xiaoxue was covered in blood and soon fainted. Neighbors heard Qu Xiaoxue's wailing and called the police. Edward took advantage of Qu Xiaoxue's coma to bite back in front of the police, saying that Qu Xiaoxue refused to leave after being dismissed, and first bit Edward's hand, which led to the conflict. Qu Xiaoxue went to the hospital for diagnosis with the help of his girlfriend. The results showed that her patellar cartilage had been permanently abraded, her spine was dislocated and bent, and her concussion was serious. Qu Xiaoxue suffered serious mental and physical trauma.

Qu Xiaoxue knows that this time she must use legal means to get justice for herself, otherwise she is doomed to live in the shadow of great trauma all her life and can't look up. How can she yield to her fate at such a young age? So she finally made up her mind to sue Edward the banker. It took her months to finally find a China lawyer who was willing to help her.

But things didn't go well. In the local court, three barristers hired by Edward strongly persuaded the judge to settle the case out of court. Qu Xiaoxue refused to accept and appealed. Every trial, the result was an out-of-court settlement, so Qu Xiaoxue continued to appeal. On and off, this lawsuit has been played for four years and has been played to the Supreme Circuit Court. In these four years, Qu Xiaoxue paid a huge price that outsiders could not imagine. She was so haggard and ill that her hair turned white. But at the thought that the trauma in her heart would be appeased by a fair verdict, she still felt uncontrollable excitement.

Finally, in the Supreme Circuit Court, Qu Xiaoxue moved the judge and jury with her strong accusation of crying. Despite the hard work of Edward's lawyer, the judge sentenced Edward to unprovoked injury, ordered him to pay $5,250, and apologized to the plaintiff in court. Qu Xiaoxue asked Edward to apologize to her loudly. Later, as a citizen of China, she solemnly declared that it was not for this worthless dollar that she spent four years in this lawsuit. With that, she tore up the check for $5,250 and threw it over the court.

Qu Xiaoxue's story gives us two inspirations: First, once a person's extremely cherished personality, dignity and an important interest are offended and damaged, he must bravely stand up and seek justice for himself at all costs. In this case, blindly forbearing will only make you swallow more bitter fruit. Second, we should also consider our own strength at the cost, but courage will increase our methods and strength. Qu Xiaoxue set a very good example for us at this point.

In fact, it is rare for Qu Xiaoxue to experience such great humiliation in most people's life. However, once such humiliation happens to you, as a barrier that affects your life, do you have the courage to stand up and seek justice for yourself? If it is said that it is extremely difficult to get justice in a society where democracy and legal system are still not perfect and the rule of man is greater than the rule of law, then with the process of democratization and legal system in China, we believe that it is more and more possible to consciously and courageously use legal means to wash away shame and seek justice for ourselves. Under this premise, the only thing to consider is personal courage and perseverance: stand up and the clouds will open; Curled up, you can only suffer for a lifetime.

The beauty of a gentleman as an adult does not take advantage of the danger of others.

The beauty of adults is a gentleman's behavior, which shows the maturity of being a man, while the villain, taking advantage of the danger of others, also shows the world of being a man.

Mencius said: "Yao is worried about needing sages like Shun, Shun is worried about needing sages like Yu, and farmers are worried about cultivating 100 acres of land. Giving property to others is kindness, imparting good character to others is loyalty, and recommending talents to the world is benevolence and righteousness. Therefore, it is easy to entrust the world to others, but it is difficult to seek talents for the world. " Those who can choose talents for the world should not only make one person submit, but also make all the people submit and make future generations submit.

If you want to recruit people, you must use "scheming". The beauty of adults is called the goodness of people. Confucius said, "The beauty of a gentleman as an adult is not the evil of an adult, but the villain is the opposite." He also said: "To destroy the goodness of others and think that they are good, to be treacherous and treacherous, to hope that others will make mistakes, and to be ashamed of their incompetence in learning are all villains." Praising people's strengths and achieving their virtues can make people feel a kind of heartfelt joy.

Take the beauty of others as your own beauty; The work of greedy people is regarded as their own work; Stealing others' good, as your own good, should be strictly guarded. Yan Zhitui said: "If there is a sentence worthy of a person, you should praise him, and you can't steal the beauty of others as your own." Li Ao said: "The ancient gentleman is afraid of not knowing the goodness of others; Knowing it, I am ashamed that I can't praise him; I can praise him, but I'm ashamed that I can't achieve him. "

If you want to do this, you have to rely on superb skills and self-restraint to deeply understand that I praise people and people will praise me; I achieve others, and others will achieve me; I am for everyone, and everyone is my philosophy. If you want to be beautiful as an adult, you must be good at recommending people and achieving people. To achieve the beauty of others, that is to say, others have plans, plans, careers, actions and requirements. As long as I can, I will give support, sympathy and help to promote his success. I don't do anything for you, I do it for myself. I won't give my strength or property to others, just stand by and let him die.

Think about his achievements, just like my achievements, his ability, just like my ability, which is the generosity of talents between heaven and earth. The recommender is not as good as me. After the recommendation, let him catch up with me and then let him surpass me. Even though he is above me, he is not jealous. Don't be jealous of talents at this time.

To cultivate talents for the world, we must cherish talents for the world, and only Deren people can do it. From the leader's point of view, it is even more necessary to select talents for the world as their first thing. Guan Zhong was chosen to dominate the world. When Guan Zhong was ill, Huan Gong asked him who could succeed him. He was speechless because he didn't pay attention to his successor. When Huan Gong asked Yi Ya about harmony and vertical Diao, Guan Zhong said, "Yi Ya killed his son to adapt to the monarch, which is inhuman and cannot be used; Starting from the beginning, serving the king, without human feelings, can not be used. It is inhuman to serve the monarch in the palace, and it cannot be used. "

Duke Huan got the fate of not being buried, and the hegemony of Qi fell. Guan Zhong's failure lies in his lack of adult beauty.

In the Song Dynasty, Wang was in power, and all the people who were promoted had to go through his selection. Fan Zhongyan took the opportunity to satirize him and said, "It is the responsibility of the prime minister to make the world's outstanding talents reused, but Wang Zhide is lacking." The king said, "When you are in power, you want to be kind to yourself. Who do you blame?" Fan Zhongyan praised his words, and later generations also admitted this statement.

When Li Fang was prime minister, some people applied for the job, but when they saw that his talents were not available, they turned him down seriously. Be kind to what you have chosen or can't use. When the student asked why, he replied, "It is the monarch's business to use talents. If you accept his request, it is kindness, so I refuse it all and turn it into a monarch's. If he doesn't get it, he will be disappointed. If there is no good language to treat him, it is to take a resentful way. Let him know why he can't reach it and make progress more diligently. " It can be seen from this that his greatness and gentleness, loyalty to the country and the beauty of adults have also made him famous.

You don't have to draw a line with the bad guys.

A villain may not be willing to be a villain, but sometimes he has to. If we treat the villain with hatred and draw a clear line with the villain, we will become the target of the villain and become the "villain" in the eyes of others.

There are "little people" everywhere, and they are often the trouble of a group. They spread rumors, sow discord and make waves, which is very annoying, so some people are not only far away from them, but even hostile to them.

Hating villains is enough to show your justice, but in social communication, this is not a way to protect yourself, but it highlights the unreality of your justice, because your "justice" publicly exposes the shameless and injustice of these villains. No matter how bad a person is, he doesn't want to be criticized as "very bad". He always wears a false coat. This is human nature, but your deliberately outstanding "justice" shows the true face of a villain. It wasn't intentional. Sorry to them? A gentleman is not afraid of gossip or attack because he has a clear conscience. A villain will attack you to protect himself and cover up. Maybe you are not afraid of them fighting back, maybe they can't help you, but you should know that villains are villains, because they are always in the dark, always using illegal means, and they will not stop easily. Don't say that you are not afraid of their attacks on you. Look at the blood of history. How many loyal ministers can resist the treacherous court official's frame-up?

So, stay away from villains. You don't have to draw a line with them with hatred. They also need self-esteem and face. Besides, you can't completely "eliminate" villains, because "villains" are a phenomenon of human nature, and human nature exists forever, so it's best to keep an "ecological" balance with them. Moreover, their existence can better show the value and preciousness of your "gentleman". In addition, it is necessary to understand that "little people" sometimes have some "justice" and will mercilessly expose people's privacy and illegality, which is a threat to those who wander on the edge of the law, and "little people" still have certain value.

As for gentlemen, you don't have to flatter them, because real gentlemen are generally neat, and they don't like these irregular behaviors. Although everyone likes to be flattered and a group of people hold him high, a real gentleman will reflect on himself. Once he finds out that you are deliberately flattering him, he will deliberately alienate you, and even feel disgusted with you, which is self-defeating.

Therefore, for a real gentleman, as long as you keep your arrogance, this gentleman will appreciate your style instead.

People in society are dark and complicated, and people often don't know how to act. Listen and see more, and know who is a gentleman and who is a villain.

Deal with a man as he deals with you.

The Murong family in Gusu in Jin Yong's novel Eight Dragons has a very special martial art called "Give him a way, give him a body". The uniqueness of this martial art lies in what tricks the enemy uses to hit you, so you hit this trick on the enemy. In real life, it is really appropriate to treat the "wicked" with this trick.

Ximen Bao's rule of power is a story widely circulated among the people. He adopted the strategy of "deal with a man as he deals with you", so that those wicked people who oppress the people can reap the consequences.

In Wei Wenhou, Ximen Bao is the magistrate of Yedu (in Henan). After Ximen Bao came to power, he saw depression everywhere and few people. They called the local people and asked them what their sufferings were, and this was the result! People say that the most bitter thing is that Hebo married a woman.

"Strange! Strange! How can Hebo marry a woman? " Ximen Bao said in surprise, "One of them must be Gan Kun. Please tell me! "

An elder said, "Zhangshui came from Zhang Ling, and it passed through Yedu from Shacheng to the east because of Zhangshui. Hebo is the God of Zhanghe River. It is said that this god loves beautiful women. Every year, he will dedicate a wife to him, so that the rain will mix evenly and the years will be full. Otherwise, when the river god gets angry, the river will flood and drown people. "

Ximen Bao asked again, "Who made the pattern?"

"That is a kind of diablo iii. Natural disasters often occur in this area, and the people are suffering, but they dare not refuse to accept it. Those magic sticks, together with a group of local tyrants and officials, take the opportunity to donate millions to the people every year. Except for a little wedding fee for Hebo, the rest is divided into two parts and divided into five parts, and they are self-sufficient. "

"The common people gave up and didn't say a word?"

"alas!" The old man said, "Under the pressure of public power and private power, who dares to say no?" Moreover, they use the official language that serves the people. Whenever sowing seeds in early spring, the leaders of the class, such as the magic stick and the squire, go everywhere to find women. When they saw something beautiful, they said that this woman might be Mrs. Herb. If parents don't want to, pay more money and let them find another one; Those who have no money have to send the girl. In this way, the magic wand led the girl to live in the "palace" by the river. Bath and change clothes, then choose a lucky day, dress up the girl, put her on the straw mat, float in the river, float for a while and then sink to be Mrs. Hebo. In this way, all the families with girls have moved and fled, so there are fewer and fewer people in the city. "

While listening, Ximen Bao frowned more and more tightly and asked, "What's the flood situation here?"

"Well, since paying tribute to Mrs. Herb every year, there has never been a flood that destroyed the family. However, due to the high terrain, there are no water sources and floods in some places. But there is drought! "

"All right!" Ximen Bao finally said, "Since Hebo is so spiritual, please call me to watch the ceremony when you marry a new lady."

At this time, the old people did come to tell Ximen Bao that this year's new lady had been elected, and they saluted regularly.

This is a grand day, Ximen Bao specially put on official clothes and ordered all the officials and gentry in the city to attend. People from far and near heard the news and came from four townships to watch the excitement. Thousands of people gathered by the river, which was unprecedented.

A "matchmaker" attendant brought the mage. Ximen Bao turned out to be an old woman, full of pride. She was followed by more than 20 female disciples, well dressed, holding towels and incense, waiting around.

Ximen Bao asked, "Would you please show that Mrs. Hebo to our official?"

The old wizard didn't speak, and motioned for his disciples to bring Mrs. Herb.

Ximen Bao paid great attention to the future Mrs. Hebo. Seeing that she was dressed simply, not necessarily beautiful, and looked sad, she said to the old mage and his disciples:

"Hebo is a prominent god, marry a woman must be a stunning woman. I don't think this woman is ugly enough to be Mrs. Herb. Now please report to Hebo that the official will find him another beautiful wife and give it to him another time. "

He asked the guards to throw the old wizard into the river. People around him were frightened to disgrace, and Ximen Bao waited quietly as if nothing had happened.

After a while, Ximen Bao added, "The old lady is so boring. She hasn't come back after all this time. Let's send a capable disciple for a walk! "

He also urged the guards to throw the first female disciple into the river, and soon said, "Even the disciples don't agree, call another one!"

I left three disciples in a row, and none of them turned back.

"oh! Yes. " Like acting, Ximen Bao said, "All women can't handle things. Let's hire a capable gentleman! "

The gentleman wanted to beg, but Ximen Bao shouted, "Don't delay, go back quickly!" The guards pulled from side to side at this moment, and threw the gentleman into the river with a bang, splashing a splash. All the onlookers stuck out their tongues and stood far away whispering.

I saw Ximen Bao dressed, bowing and kowtowing to the river, waiting respectfully. After a while, he seemed to be complaining and said:

"Squire flustered, usually only know fish villagers, even can't do this little thing. What a shame! Anyway, since he is old and useless, you young people give me a walk! "He casually pointed to the monitor.

This finger scared them to be ashen and sweaty, and they knelt down together, kowtowing and pleading, and their faces were covered with blood, which seemed to make them shudder.

"Stay a little longer!" Ximen Bao said to himself.

After another quarter of an hour, Ximen Bao sighed and said to everyone, "The river is surging, and it will never return. Is Hebo safe? You must take full responsibility for killing folk women! "

"Report to my adult! We were cheated, all by witches! " They said with one voice.

"Bastard!" Ximen Bao seriously reprimanded: "How can a good person do bad things with a bad person? Let you have a rest today and give you a chance to start again! "

"Thank you, my Lord!"

"But, today, the main murderer's magic wand is dead. In the future, some people say that if Hebo marries a wife, he will let him act as a matchmaker and repay Hebo! "

Ximen Bao confiscated the property abused by witches, returned it all to the common people, and gave his female disciple to an elderly bachelor as his wife. Witchcraft and heresy have died out, and residents who fled from other places have returned to their hometowns to live a quiet life.

Ximen Bao's way of governing power is to adopt the Murong way, that is, "return evil for good", so that evil people can get the end they deserve, which can not only avenge those young lives who died for no reason, but also stop Hebo's heresy of marrying, and develop the local economy, which can be described as "killing three birds with one stone" and achieve remarkable results. Imagine that if Ximen Bao does not take this convincing method to control this social cancer, but takes a tough approach to stop it, it may be counterproductive. It is also the subtlety of being a man.