Marriage customs in Hakka customs

Huizhou folk traditional wedding etiquette and customs, based on feudal ethics and customs, are mostly red tape, which wastes people and money, and can be said to be quite vulgar. Confucian classic The Book of Rites? "Faint Instrument" said: "The husband's power begins with the crown, based on the faint (marriage), and is more important than the funeral sacrifice, specializing in recruiting the DPRK and shooting the hometown. This gift is not so bad. ..... surprise (marriage), also the gift of this. "It can be seen that Confucianism attaches importance to marriage customs. China's traditional culture has always attached importance to Confucianism, and under the influence of this thought, it has formed a rich and colorful wedding custom culture with many ceremonies. Huizhou's traditional marriage customs are generally the concrete expression of China's traditional culture in one place.

There are several forms of marriage in feudal society in Huizhou, such as arranged marriage, buying and selling marriage, employment marriage, referral marriage, child marriage, famine marriage, aristocratic marriage and power marriage. Among them, engagement marriage is particularly popular, and both bride price and money are indispensable, and its legacy can still be seen in Huizhou.

Engagement marriage has a long history in Huizhou. Guangxu's "Huizhou Fuzhi" records: "In marriage, betel nut is a commonly used dowry, and the more it is, the more expensive it is ... its engagement ceremony and dowry are called family wealth." In the past, betel nuts were sold in Chinese medicine shops. In the engagement ceremony, it is symbolic, while the real engagement ceremony tradition is mainly about money and food. "Official History" says that bride price is "related to family wealth", but in fact, the number of bride price is also considerable.

The traditional wedding etiquette in Huizhou is very complicated, from the words of matchmakers at the beginning to the custom of returning to the door in the last three dynasties, during which it experienced various pre-wedding ceremonies such as buji, ceremony, newspaper, big gift, and grand wedding ceremonies such as paving the house, welcoming the bride, paying homage to the bride and prolonging life.

The complicated folk wedding customs in Huizhou evolved from the "six rites" of feudal wedding etiquette. "Six Rites" originated in the Zhou Dynasty. According to the Book of Rites, the wedding procedures that should be followed at that time were "receiving the bride" (the matchmaker proposed the marriage), "asking the name", "Naji" (the man buji, the woman officially recognized the marriage), "obtaining the certificate" (the ceremony ended), "inviting the wedding date" and "welcoming the bride" (welcoming the bride). These six links are the so-called "Six Rites" and the earliest marriage etiquette in feudal ethics. After more than 2,000 years, although there are variations, the Six Rites remain the same, and they can still be seen in wedding ceremonies all over the world.

The traditional wedding customs in Huizhou generally follow the following procedures. At the beginning of Huizhou traditional marriage, the first thing was to propose marriage. Usually the man invites the matchmaker to the woman's house to make peace. Proposing marriage is a variation of "accepting gifts" in the Six Rites. "Yili? The book "World Wedding" says: "The wedding is issued and the goose is adopted. "That is to say, before the Qin and Han Dynasties, marriage proposals were generally to feed geese as gifts. This means that it is suitable for yin-yang communication. After the Qin and Han Dynasties, cake sheep, acacia, golden harvest, glue paint and other things were used as gifts. Later, there were more than 30 kinds of gifts, which generally symbolized the firmness and harmony of the couple. At traditional weddings in Huizhou, most wedding gifts are made of live chickens or cloth. This kind of chicken is called "leading chicken" by the people, which means auspiciousness.

In the marriage proposal, the matchmaker is entrusted by the man's family to communicate with the woman's family with golden words. Because the matchmakers before Huizhou were mostly women, Huizhou used to call them matchmakers.

Matchmakers have existed in China since ancient times. In The Book of Songs, there is a poem "I was robbed of time, but my son didn't have a good matchmaker". Matchmakers in Huizhou traditional wedding ceremonies are generally divided into professional and non-professional types. Professional matchmakers make a living as matchmakers, so they don't hesitate to talk, tell lies, exaggerate the advantages of the other family to individuals, and hide the shortcomings of the other family, which often leads to some abnormal marriages. Because of this, in people's minds, the matchmaker often gives people an ugly image of "deceiving the gods and making money for others". The most grand and important ceremony before marriage is the "big gift" on the eve of the wedding. In the traditional engagement marriage, the bride price, dowry and dowry agreed by both families should be performed on this day. On this day, the man's family filled all kinds of boxes, boxes and reeds prepared in advance, pasted them with red cypress trees, or picked them or carried them, and the man's aunts and sisters sent them to the woman's house in a mighty way. It is common for a man to give a whole pig and a whole sheep in a "gift", so there are lyrics of "giving a gift to a pig" in folk songs. Cake food is also a must. Preparing "big cakes" is the custom in Huizhou. There are more than a dozen kinds of cakes, ranging from one to several according to the conditions and luxury of each family. However, it is not uncommon for ten kinds of cakes to be ready. In addition, there are necessary roast pork, chicken, goose, duck, fish and steamed cakes.

Upon receiving the bride price from the man, the woman immediately gave the original dowry to the man. The dowry in Huizhou traditional wedding customs is mainly daily necessities, such as clothes, quilts, pillows, mats, curtains, etc., as well as wardrobe, dressing table, suitcase, square table and other furniture. Nowadays, in addition to the main bedding, there are often sewing machines, refrigerators, televisions and rice cookers in dowry.

Generally, the day before the wedding ceremony, the festive atmosphere is very strong. Those aunts and sisters who give gifts are usually dressed up, dressed up and down, smeared with powder and oil, and paraded in the streets. Huizhou customs, gift-giving teams choose crowded roads and tell each other happy events along the way.

The custom of "giving big gifts" is close to the "receiving gifts" in the traditional "six gifts". "Yili" said: "levy, success, make the messenger pay money to get married." In other words, the bride price and dowry are paid before the woman can get married. In ancient times, the levy was also an important part, and the bride price used was also different from generation to generation. Qin used to use expensive Xuan Xun, silk binding and leather binding. Gold and silver were used in the Han Dynasty. Since then, customs have become more and more popular, and gifts have become more and more important. Most people of insight in the past dynasties regarded it as a drawback and wanted to put an end to it, but this trend has been prevalent throughout the ages. Among the "Six Rites", "levy" comes before "inviting Japan" and "reporting Japan", while "benefiting customs" comes after reporting Japan. They are somewhat different in time. Getting married immediately after the "big gift" is particularly lively, which is probably one reason why this custom is still popular in Huizhou. Receiving the bride is the "pro-welcoming" in the traditional "Six Rites". Kissing is the end and conclusion of "Six Rites". The wedding ceremony mentioned by modern people or the wedding ceremony mentioned by ancient people is marked by the ceremony of receiving the bride.

In ancient times, the wedding ceremony generally included three links: paving the room or warming the room, welcoming guests and returning to the door, which lasted for three days. Shop or warm the house on the first day, welcome guests on the second day and return to the door on the third day. The customs in Huizhou are different. Wedding basically refers to marrying the bride and delaying the bride. As for welcoming the bride (that is, receiving the bride), it mainly includes several main customs, such as paving the house, sitting in a sedan chair, sprinkling salt rice, crossing the fire and stepping on concave columns. When the bride arrives home, she will pay homage to the ancestors of heaven and earth, pay homage to her parents, and offer tea to the male elders in turn. This is called "drinking bride tea"; And the elders will also write "Li" packages, wishing the newlyweds good luck. After the ceremony, there will be a big banquet "Wine with the Bride". The bride does not appear at the old-fashioned wedding reception in Huizhou. Generally, she is sitting alone in the boudoir with an empty stomach. She can't look up, laugh or walk easily. She listens to the sound of revelry coming from the main hall alone. At this time, the bride is usually very worried, because she knows that those crazy drunks will rush into the new house after the banquet to "disturb" her. This is one of the most carnival scenes in Huizhou wedding-the late bride.

The delayed bride is used to saying that she will disturb the new house. "Stagnation" is Huizhou dialect, which means teasing. The delayed bride is teasing the bride. In fact, when the bride is still attending the church, the bride's delay has already begun. If the bride kneels slowly, someone will kick the bride's hind foot and make her fall to the ground. There was still a burst of booing, and people piled the bride under it. In the past, aunts, sisters and others who came with their daughters-in-law always made some preparations in advance, such as laying straw mats in front of the hall, so that the bride would not be covered in dust when she fell. However, male guests always try to make the bride look embarrassed.

After the wedding reception, people can't wait to pour into the new house. First, we should "eat bride's tea and smoke bride's cigarettes". According to the rules, the bride should order tea one by one. At this time, people often fill the boiling tea and deliberately let the bride burn it. And deliberately blew out the fire lit by the bride, so that the bride was at a loss; Later, let the bride walk on a long wooden bench several inches wide, which is called "crossing the overpass". The two ends of the bench are easy to tilt, and the middle is only one palm wide, which makes people walk unsteadily on it. Some troublemakers deliberately break the foot of the bench in advance and let the bride fall off the bench. As for asking the bride and groom to bite candy and say obscene words to the bride, it is common. The further down, the more disorderly the order. Some secretly stab the back of the bride's neck with barbed objects such as pine needles, or spray pepper water on the bride's face and push it left and right. My sister-in-law, who came with her family, tried her best to persuade her to support her, but to no avail. The bride smiled reluctantly, but sweat and tears ran down her face. This trick on the bride often drags on until late at night. This custom is almost cruel to the newly married bride.

In ancient times, it was very popular to make trouble with new houses in the Han Dynasty. Because teasing the bride is the main way to make trouble in a new house, this habit is also called "teasing the bride" and "coquetry". People at that time wrote in "Chang Yan" pointed out: "At today's wedding, the stick is used to tease the governor, and the wine ceremony is used to lust for pleasure. Proclaim prostitution in public, and expose prostitution between relatives. This is nothing but filth and vulgarity. "It shows that the new house was indulgent at that time, and people's behavior violated the' ethics' and polluted the audio-visual. Therefore, the author denounced it as "filthy and vulgar, giving birth to prostitution for a long time." "Hanshu also said:" On the wedding night, I eavesdropped on the bride's speech and stopped at the window for fun. "This is the traditional habit of' listening to the room' and a new house. Huizhou has both of the above, and it has the characteristics of "dirty customs, long-term prostitution". However, people don't think this is immoral, and generations are attacking each other. Even in Huizhou today, the legacy of this marriage custom can be faintly seen. The day after the wedding, the bride gets up early to serve her family and welcomes relatives and neighbors who visit during the day. On the third day, she will arrange some gifts and go back to her parents' home with the groom early in the morning, which is what Huizhou used to call "returning home in three dynasties". This is a very unique etiquette in Huizhou traditional wedding customs. If proposing marriage, sending blessings, making a deal, reporting to the daily newspaper and giving gifts are pre-wedding ceremonies, and welcoming relatives and dragging the bride is a wedding ceremony, then the return of the three dynasties is a wedding ceremony.

Huimen in the Three Dynasties was closely related to the ancient custom of "beating husbands". When describing the custom of "beating husbands" in the Northern and Southern Dynasties, the book Xiyang Miscellaneous Women once said: "On the day of the husband's pavilion (the house where women live), the women in the husband's family get together and enjoy beating husbands with a stick to the maximum."

There is also a description of "beating a husband" in modern Guangdong literature. According to the old custom in Guangdong, when the husband comes home, the Yue family treats him as "waiting for the new son-in-law", but when he sits down, the Yue sisters get together to play with him, or embarrass the groom with questions, or force him to obey everything at home.

Huimen in Huizhou, also known as "late groom", is similar to the habit of "beating husband" and "beating husband" in form and content. According to Huizhou custom, when a couple arrive at Yue's home, the first thing they do is to meet their parents-in-law, and then meet all the relatives in the family one by one. When visiting sisters in the clan, they often start to "lag behind the groom". According to the traditional custom, the groom goes to the ancestral home of Yue family and the four gods of Yue family house. At this time, it is convenient for the sisters to pee on one side, or let the groom worship a few times to prevent him from getting up; Let Sina kneel frequently instead of letting it go off and on; Some kind people will drag the groom to the henhouse or pigsty, saying that they want the groom to worship the god of the henhouse or pigsty, but they are actually teasing the groom. If the groom does not obey, the sisters will forcibly "enforce the law", making the groom have to obey.

After the worship, the Yue family gave a banquet to entertain her husband. During the dinner, Zhang Yue and the elders in the clan asked the groom to solve some pairing and problems, saying that it was a test of the groom's talent, but it was actually a dilemma for the groom; And those good sisters copied the practice of "dragging the bride" at this time to tease the groom and make the groom flustered.

Although "delaying the groom" is not as good as "delaying the bride" to a certain extent, the Yue sisters always point their finger at the groom, which is roughly a kind of "revenge" for the bride being teased at the man's house. Huimen in the Three Dynasties is the custom of Huizhou traditional marriage, so the etiquette is quite particular. When returning home, the first gift is chicken, which is called "leading chicken" by the people. This is a necessary auspicious thing. The rest of the gifts, such as fish, meat, geese, seafood, delicacies, cakes and so on. It's all yours. For these gifts, the man's family usually prepares one more, such as two pieces of meat and two pieces. After receiving the gift money, the woman's family goes back to the man's house to ask for a piece as usual. Others, such as big oranges, are also indispensable. If there are no big oranges, you must change them into oranges. The big orange stands for "good luck". After the bride's family receives the gift. And return the orange (Ji) to that person.

Except those who are married far away, there are married people in the city and suburbs. During the Three Dynasties, the Yue family usually invited their husbands, brides and sisters-in-law to have dinner and then went home on the same day.

On the journey back to the concierge, there were red-haired cakes and red-gathered cakes steamed by my mother-in-law, and "leading the way" was indispensable. Huizhou also has the custom of returning home in January after marriage. In return, my mother-in-law steamed a big cage cake (a kind of glutinous rice cookie), and her mother-in-law steamed the cake.