Ask Jing M.Guo's articles (short stories) such as The Black Watcher in July.

I once read an article by our company.

Not very short.

But feelings are subtle.

It's addressed to his friend Xiao A.

If you have such selfless friendship, I believe you will also be moved.

This article is called "I didn't miss you very much"

To a:

I didn't think much about you at first, but suddenly Japanese dramas began to play on TV. Those familiar tones once appeared in the summer before our graduation many years ago. I still remember you looking up and drinking coke and laughing and saying that one day I will set foot on that land, too. Then no one expected that the original jokes, such as market towns, became a reality. Maybe you didn't take it as a joke. You said it seriously, but I wasn't listening.

It's already winter in Shanghai, and it's cold to open the window now. Although it's only 1 1 half a month, I often have the illusion that when I open the curtains, I will see thick snow. I repeat this imagination day after day, and then I am disappointed day after day. I think I've never seen snow since I was a child. Sichuan is a place where it is too difficult to snow. Black basin is so warm and humid all year round. It's just that you went to Japan many years later, and then you can see a lot of snow every winter, so I'm not reconciled, because I wanted to surpass you and compete with you in everything since I was a child. I will compare with you who has better grades, who writes beautifully, who dresses better and who plays badminton better, but you have always been better. So I haven't hit you until now, and now there are fewer opportunities to watch and learn. It's really depressing But if you can come back, I don't think it matters whether it snows or not. I will not think of you who love to wear white clothes because of the snow, nor will I miss you very much.

I haven't listened to music for a long time, and I hardly listen to cello. I think the world is becoming more and more noisy, and there is almost no time to be quiet. Silence is a luxury. I remember many years ago, your life was like this. You don't like talking, making noise and chatting with people. A group of people go to the streets to play, you have to bring a book. When everyone is drinking, you sit quietly reading. I took your book away, gave you a karaoke microphone, and a few minutes later you showed it to others. But after many years, all this has changed. I started writing about my memories and my life. I chose an interesting career: writer, you told me in your email that there are really many karaoke shops in Japan. In fact, I really want to tell you that I read a lot of books secretly before, because I don't want to lose to you. When you mention a writer, I will proudly say "I have read his book XXX". I still feel like a fart when I say this, and I feel so proud. You always smile without saying a word. I mostly thought it was sarcasm, so I rolled my eyes at you. It's just that after so many years, I remembered my smile again. What I think most is, what does that smile mean? Because I gradually understand that you will never laugh at me. Never laughed at. I didn't suddenly think of the book you put on my bookshelf. When you left, you asked the moving company to move to my house. I just suddenly want to know what that smile means. I don't miss you very much.

I passed the gate of Shanghai University of Finance and Economics that day. Actually, it was written by a boss of the author BMW 7 Series. Remember the fire in the party newspaper Ma 7 series. I am particularly excited to write to you and want you to describe my inner resentment. I'm still talking about how so many rich people all over the world hide under abnormal circumstances. But in a blink of an eye, I calmly got into the BMW 7, which owns the most prosperous city in China. And as long as I am happy, I can easily withdraw money from my card and buy one to drive by myself. But how can I not be happy? Why do you think I can see its streamlined body, the blue and white checkered sign in front and the sound of its starting? Why can't I be happy? When I passed by Shanghai University of Finance and Economics, I just saw a group of students coming out of it. I don't know why they are wearing bachelor uniforms and hats this winter, but not in the summer of graduation. Are they performing a stage play? It's just that when I saw them, I suddenly thought of the way you called me. At that time, I rarely went back to Sichuan for a year. The hot summer gradually passed and the typhoon could not blow, but I knew that Shanghai would definitely land in the form of a hurricane. You call my home in Sichuan. You said you were going to graduate soon, and you got two certificates: accounting certificate and license. You said that the boss of a consortium admired you. As long as you graduate, you can go to work in a famous Japanese consortium. I must be very happy when you ask me how I am doing. I wish you happiness. So I'm going to ask, "When are you going to come back?" I didn't want it in the end. Wish me happiness. Why come back? Maybe you won't come back until my wedding day. But you have to get married on my wedding day. I think I have to compare with you since I was a child. Your auspicious day must be the best. Since I can't choose a better one, I'm as good as yours. So we will probably get married on the same day. A lot of words have no export, I think, I don't say, you should also know.

You have no idea how strong I am now, and how many people in China know my name. You don't know any of this. I'm just telling you that I'm writing a book now, and it seems very popular. But maybe you can also find some information about me online. I don't know if you really don't know everything about Australia now. I always thought you were strong. I always imitate your tone and learn your attitude towards things, even compared with you who stay up longer and do more reference books. The reason why I was an excellent student is as simple as that. But after you left, I became so lonely. I always feel that people around me are not as strong as me. They are not as famous as me. I didn't make money. I'm not good at badminton, and even my jokes are not as funny as mine. I lost a goal to move forward, but I don't want to stop so willingly, so I always compete with myself. I admit that I am a respectable person, and I want to make continuous progress, go beyond the continuous road and reach a peak in physical fitness. So I wrote one novel, which is better than the other. It's not that I'm getting better, but that I'm getting scared. Now I have to change it ten times, fourteen times and the last twenty times, just because I'm afraid that one day I won't be good, because I'm afraid that one day people will choose to forget me, and even more because I don't know how good you are on the other side of the ocean. I don't know if I'm worthy of your praise. I don't know. I've always been stubborn about it I remember what you said to me before. You said that the strongest people actually cry the most behind their backs. I didn't understand it many years ago, but many years later, I chewed this sentence day and night until it was rotten and then swallowed it. This sentence is like a coptis root, so bitter that it is useless to drink any sugar water. Only now do I know that you can actually be vicious, but those words have a very ordinary face, which makes you ignore the past at first, and then recall it many years later. I just suddenly recalled that there was such a language-like discourse in my life, not the mud, and I didn't miss you very much.

In fact, I sometimes think that those migratory birds are really stupid. They fly hard from north to south every year and then come back the next spring. Why don't they stay in the south all the time? Just like you, once you go, you can never come back. Later, I thought it was because they were not as smart as you, and you were an extremely smart child since childhood. When I graduated from primary school, there were 22 prizes on my wall, and you had 3 1 prize.

Do you still like cherry blossoms? I don't like it anymore, because I've watched too much on TV, which I've never seen in real life. It's a bit boring. Now I begin to like camphor trees planted all over the middle school campus. The tall and silent camphor tree looks like you once stood in front of the school cafeteria. Once you took out your wallet to buy coke, once you bought a hanger and went back to the dormitory to dry your washed shirts, once you borrowed three yuan from a girl who wanted to drink water because she had no money, and then the girl began to write you love letters crazily. You used to stand in front of the canteen because you couldn't buy a candy I couldn't name. You once went shopping, and then someone stole your wallet. It happened that this wallet was my sixteenth birthday present to you. Later, I wanted to buy you another one, only to find that the 30% canvas wallet was out of stock all over the city. Then I kept holding it short or until you left and went farther and farther away, and I still didn't find the wallet. How unlucky do you think I am?

It seems that I have experienced many summers in a flash. Since I left those camphor trees, I feel that summer has become incandescent and unbearable. I wonder if Japan is like this? Stay at home or in the studio in summer and don't want to go out. There are groups of happy young people outside basking in the sun. Today, I went out to finish some work and sat in the car. A long time ago, a female writer I like suddenly said to me that if you look at China's words for seven seconds, one word can't be completely replaced by another. You see happiness and happiness are so similar, but a happy person is a happy person? This sentence left me speechless. When I was thinking about yes or no, she had changed the subject. She is also a Gemini. She couldn't remember what she said for three minutes. If the speaker is not serious, the listener will be serious. Did I do the same thing before, saying a lot, and you kept it in mind? So that now you write to me and say what I said before, I can't remember it at all. Did I really say that? I didn't suddenly recall so many light or heavy topics we talked about, but I was suddenly bumped into some memories by that girl. I don't miss you very much.

Do you remember CK brand? You are the first person to wear CK in front of me. At that time, I was a poor student, so when you told me that it seemed to be 600 yuan, I spent the whole day cracking down on your extravagance and lamenting the gap between the rich and the poor in China. Now, many years later, you don't know how much I like CK, just because I saw you standing under the camphor tree in that white T-shirt many years ago. You have two schoolbags in your hand, yours and mine. You stood under the tree for half an hour, waiting for me to go home with you. So now I am walking in the street of CK, always thinking that I will see the boy wearing a white T-shirt looking around at some moment, at some corner and at some traffic light. I am not late now. I began to wait for someone earlier than the appointed time, because I knew no one would wait for me like that again, standing in the appointed place and looking around. So now I am repeating your appearance, waiting for others to appear, so that when others see someone waiting for me, she will feel very happy, right? I didn't suddenly think of your luxurious dress, but I suddenly felt bored when I was waiting for someone. I wanted to talk to you and didn't miss you very much.

Do you still like singing in the shower? Or do you still keep this habit of making me laugh? At that time, I was watching a concert in the living room, and the sound on TV was not as loud as your singing in the shower. Actually, you sing well, but you can't tell the occasion. When you go outside to sing karaoke, you always make no noise, so no one will believe me that you sing very well. Now I take a bath in the bathtub for an hour or two without moving, and I don't want to talk or change my posture. In this quiet and narrow space, I seem to see the slow pace of time trampling on the ceiling. I always think of you who used to love singing in the shower, and suddenly understand that people who can sing loudly in the shower must be stress-free and live a happy and satisfied life. I didn't suddenly think of you and your ridiculously big bathroom. I just thought it was too quiet around when I took a shower, so I talked to myself and didn't miss you very much.

I suddenly want to tell you one thing, and you will laugh at me, that is, I have been listening to Zhao Wei's new album "The Life of an Angel" while writing this letter. I remember that she was red before you left, but you didn't know that after you left, she was no longer the swallow. She is Zhao Wei now. I have always liked her until now. I watched her fall all the way, then got up, then gritted her teeth and stood up. It was thrilling for me, and then I found myself as stubborn as her. A friend of mine who is doing well in the entertainment circle told me that when one day you have to submit to humiliation, when one day you have to bear absurd accusations without saying a word, God will always make it up to you in another way for the rest of your life. I was shocked to hear that. Did I tell you that I like very strong people? Perhaps because I am not strong enough, I hope to live in such a shining life and be illuminated by his/her light. But there is always no light around, and the darkness is boundless. I can only try to be a shining star, but if I am not careful, it will get brighter and brighter, which makes people feel dazzling. So everyone looks up to you, admiring that you can destroy the whole dark night sky, or someone curses you day after day because your light is too harsh, but no one knows that when a star is brighter and brighter, it is not far from death. Okay, okay, I'm talking nonsense. I still haven't got rid of my old problems. When I speak, I will forget what I originally wanted to say. I want to tell you that I am 2 1 year-old, but this 2 1 year-old man is crying in a mess, because he heard the phrase "Because I rubbed my thoughts and blew them gently to you" in "The Life of an Angel". Bend down with all your laughter.

You should live a jet lag life with me now, right? But you must never tell us how much time difference there is. It's not because you are not good at geography. I know you got a hundred points in the geography graduation exam, but because my life is upside down now, I go to bed at seven in the morning and get up at seven in the evening. Then I wandered around the studio all night. There was no one all night. Everyone is sleeping. I am the only one who walks back and forth in the space of 144 square meters like a ghost. I slept all day. I live like a person, the whole world is dead, and I am the only one left. So my spirit began to break down a little. I might as well discuss that kind of suicide with others on the internet late at night. The tone of that man and I are so serious. He died of hunger instead of sleeping after taking sleeping pills, because people will eventually wake up, but they will not have any strength, not even the strength to open their eyes or make a sound. You can hear people around you crying and calling you, but they don't have any strength to respond, so everyone thinks you are dead, and finally you really starve to death. And then I asked him to feel the pulse? He said that although the cut wound was soaked in hot water, it didn't hurt, but when the blood flow reached one third, the whole body began to cramp and it was terrible. Why do you think I suddenly thought of such a thing? But don't worry now, I have already started to adjust the time difference. I didn't suddenly think of the time difference between Japan and China. I just suddenly want to tell you that if one day you want to commit suicide, don't use the two statements I said above. I don't want to make you so miserable. It's just that you never think of suicide. I'm just saying, I don't miss you very much

I forgot to tell you that the bath water was running when I wrote this letter. Now that the water is put away, I'm going to take a shower. Life has been very stressful recently, and I don't want to write to you to complain. You know, you know, from a year and a half ago, I became stronger and stronger. I just suddenly heard the sound of Japanese dramas on TV and remembered the time when we watched Japanese dramas together many years ago. You eat watermelon and drop watermelon juice on that beautiful CK white T-shirt. I just suddenly saw your scream and didn't miss you very much.

Finally, I forgot to ask, A, when do you think I can grow up and learn not to lie to myself?

Jing M.Guo