How important was the matchmaker in ancient times?

The third season of Cold History Talk: Rongcheng Folk Tales arrived as scheduled. This time, I will take you through four chapters, such as Growing Pains, Self-cultivation, Prosperity of All Industries and Legends of Jianghu, to sweep away the dust of history and explore old Chengdu.

What traditional customs are still in use today? What wonderful custom has traveled through time, but no trace can be found. Let's reproduce the humor and customs of Chengdu people in a full chat.

What we are going to say today is: On the importance of official authentication of matchmakers, marriage was so strict in ancient times!

Coordinator: Chu Yan, Tang Ming.

Speaker: Li

Origin: Wang Xueyi.

As the saying goes, men marry women. Marriage is one of the most important events in life. In China, which has a civilization of 5,000 years, the whole society has been infiltrated by the culture of rites and music for a long time. Since ancient times, people have paid special attention to the customs and etiquette of marriage. So, it will be cool to give you a gift when you get married.

China's marriage customs are gradually enriched and perfected in the process of historical development. Later, although there were more or less changes in different periods and places, the framework of marriage customs was basically inseparable from the "three books and six rituals".

Books refer to letters of appointment, which are used for engagement; Books, for gifts; This is for the wedding book and the bride's wedding.

Six rites are actually the six steps of a wedding. The first gift is acceptance, which means that the man offered to be a matchmaker; The second ceremony is to ask for a name, which means that after the woman accepts the proposal, she gives her daughter's name and birthday to the man for good or ill luck; The third ceremony, Naji, commonly known as Guo, is the engagement of both men and women; The fourth ceremony, also called collecting money, refers to the dowry; The fifth ceremony is to formally agree on the wedding date; The sixth ceremony is the last step, the wedding ceremony and the bride. Each of these six steps is very important. Let's discuss the importance of this step in detail.

In the past, marriage must have the words of a matchmaker, that is, the so-called "parents' life, the words of a matchmaker." "Matchmaker" refers to the matchmaker of the man's family, and "Ben" refers to the matchmaker of the woman's family. Unmarried marriage is called "fornication" and is not recognized by the secular or even the official. Therefore, even if the families of both men and women are good family friends and have long planned to get married, there must be a matchmaker.

The matchmaker pays attention to the marriage and date of birth of both parties. Some places, such as our old Chengdu, put special emphasis on "zodiac marriage". Simply put, marriage is based on the zodiac of the year of birth of both men and women.

After matchmaking, the families of both men and women will make unannounced visits to each other's economic situation, population, social status, children's appearance and so on. If the woman's parents are interested, they will give the man the date of birth and ask the fortune teller to see if there are any problems. They will take the "eight characters" home and put them under the incense burner of the shrine to pray for the blessing of the gods and ancestors. Within three days, if there are no ominous signs at home, you can get married. If something unlucky happens, even if a bowl is broken, the marriage can't be completed.

Before the formal engagement, the woman's mother, commonly known as the future mother-in-law, will personally go to the man's house to see if the future son-in-law is consistent with what the matchmaker said. If everything is satisfactory, the engagement date will be fixed. At this time, the man hopes that the woman and her party will continue to "have lunch". If the woman agrees, it means that she is very satisfied with her future son-in-law. When the woman and her party leave, the man should also give gifts to show his heart. At this time, it is convenient for the man to give a dowry, write down the letter of appointment and send it to the woman's home. Preparations for the wedding will officially begin.

At this moment, I just want to sigh that getting married is not easy, and there are a lot of complicated procedures. However, as long as you can reap the happiness of your life, you don't have to reinvent the wheel. But some people are not so happy.

For example, everyone has heard of "child bride". Some families, especially wealthy families, marry their sons when they are very young. Most of them are bought back, and their status is similar to that of a servant girl. They should not only serve the whole family, but also undertake all the housework. Imagine how sad it is for my husband to nag when he is working at home. A "child bride" and her husband grow up and get married. This is called consummation. They only hold a small-scale banquet and invite a few close relatives to have a meal, which means they are married. "Child bride" is a deformed marriage. Most child brides have low status at home and are bullied. After liberation, the state promulgated the Marriage Law, completely abolishing the custom of "child bride".

In the past, there was a particularly popular folk wedding custom called "gold bars", commonly known as "one son and two wives", which meant that in a family, if one of the brothers could not carry on the family line, the two brothers agreed to share the responsibility of raising one of their sons through consultation. When the son grows up and both brothers marry daughters-in-law, the son will shuttle between the two daughters-in-law and give birth to offspring for the two brothers, commonly known as one son and two rooms. After liberation, this marriage system was completely abolished.

Many interesting marriage customs are mostly handed down from ancient times, and some of them are abnormal marriages caused by the feudal old society. However, with the development of modern society, some bad customs gradually disappear, and some good customs still exist.

Every Friday, I look forward to hearing your voice in Cold History Talk Season 3: Rongcheng Folk Record.

400 years later in Chengdu, I want to talk to you. We will tell you in the next program: the rest of the soldiers! Listen to these arranged marriage tragedies! Still want to "arrange"?

Related questions and answers: What are the zodiac signs? It does not refer to the zodiac, but a form and process of marriage for aristocratic children in feudal society; In fact, it is to show one's strength and status, among which three books refer to etiquette, book of rites and book of rites, which actually means comprehensive etiquette; Six rites are the procedures of ancient marriage, that is, receiving gifts, asking names, accepting gifts, accepting levies, clearing the period and welcoming relatives. The reference book "Ten Weddings in Yi Li" can be seen. For poor ordinary people, there is no ability to have a wedding with three books and six gifts. If a folk wedding can hire three media and six people, it can only be the home of the rich; At most, ordinary people can ask a matchmaker, add some money, chicken (duck, goose, fish), a few feet of cloth and a small bag of rice as a dowry; It's a show, but it's usually the last kiss, unless there are other circumstances (the man is sick or other force majeure). Related Q&A: Rural custom: It takes three, six and six ceremonies for a man to marry a woman. What are the three six rites? Rural custom: When a man marries a woman, he needs three books and six gifts. Which three books are Six Rites?

The countryside has carried thousands of years of Chinese civilization, which is not only contained in ancient proverbs, but also reflected in local folk customs. I remember when I was a child, I liked to sit quietly beside my grandfather and listen to his stories about the countryside, weddings, funerals, taboos and so on. According to the old man, in rural marriage, many rural areas still inherit the custom that a man should marry a woman with three books and six gifts.

Rural areas generally pay more attention to weddings, funerals and weddings, and families with good economic conditions will hold grand ceremonies, especially scholarly families.

Specifically, rural marriage pays attention to "three books and six rituals", thinking that if there is no complete wedding ceremony, it will affect the auspicious marriage of children. Therefore, the whole process of marriage, engagement and marriage should be documented and the ceremony should be done properly.

Among them, the festival is like notifying neighbors, relatives and friends in advance when getting married, and praying for the ancestors. In addition to these, three six gifts are indispensable. In rural areas, friends who are about to get married can learn more about it.

Uncle San

Now it seems that these three books are effective documents to prove the legality of marriage. Perhaps the contents of the three books are different in different regions, and now the letters of appointment and gifts in some places have become a kind of document.

1, letter of appointment. The engagement document is a letter submitted by the parents of the man to the woman when the parents of both men and women sit together to confirm the marriage of their children, which indicates the date of marriage and the date of employment in the woman's house.

2. Gift book. The gift book is equivalent to a "shopping list", which records the number and types of bride price in detail.

3. Welcome book. Documents submitted by the south when welcoming the bride.

Six rites

Six gifts are six gifts that should be paid attention to in the whole process of rural marriage, namely, accepting gifts, asking names, appointing officials, giving gifts, inviting guests and welcoming relatives. Perhaps these six processes still exist in many rural areas, but they may be completed at one time.

1, Nacai. Whose girl did the man's parents choose, and then through the matchmaker, they went to the woman's house to propose marriage with meaningful gifts. Perhaps this article has not been reserved in many rural areas. After all, free love is emphasized now.

2. Ask the name. When proposing marriage, if the woman agrees, the matchmaker will push back her daughter's birthday, and the man's parents will see if their horoscope is suitable.

3. Guo. After receiving the birth date of another daughter, the man's parents will ask for instructions on the ancestral case. If the personalities of both parties match, the marriage will be successful.

4, big gift. Then the man sent the letter of appointment and the gift book to the woman's home. Before the wedding, accompanied by the matchmaker, the man will invite four female relatives to salute the woman's house with a bride price. At the same time, the woman will return the gift to the man at this time.

5. Please date. The families of both sides discussed the auspicious day for their daughter's wedding.

6. Wedding ceremony. Under the guidance of the matchmaker, the groom and relatives and friends went to the woman's house to meet the bride. The groom needs to meet the woman's ancestors first, and then welcome the bride back to the man in a sedan chair or sedan chair, hold a wedding, worship the heavens and the earth, and enter the bridal chamber. From this perspective, it is really not easy to get married in rural areas. On the one hand, the bride price is expensive and it is difficult to get married, on the other hand, there are many wedding customs, and the whole family is exhausted after a wedding.

Pay attention to "agriculture, countryside and farmers", pay attention to township guides, and more exciting things are waiting for you!