Why couldn't a self-grooming girl be married for life in the old society?

Self-grooming, also known as mother sister or menstruation, refers to a female culture in ancient China. Women curl their hair like married women to show that they will never get married, remain single and die old. In ancient China, feudal ethics were strict, and many women refused to be abused, or supported each other to death with their girlfriends. This is the embryonic form of self-decorating women. In the middle and late Ming Dynasty, the rise of silk industry provided women with the opportunity to make a living independently. Under the oppression of feudal ethics, the custom of self-grooming women lasted for more than 300 years, reaching its climax in the late Qing Dynasty and early Republic of China, and gradually faded with the improvement of women's social status and the influence of war after the 1930s. 201212 on February 25th, Shunde Jun 'an Bingyutang Self-Combed Women Museum was established.

The origin of the name "self-combing" is probably that unmarried women in Guangzhou and the Pearl River Delta used to comb a long braid and hang it behind their backs. When getting married, the mother or female elder will tie the braid into a ball and cling to the back of the head, which is called a bun. Self-decorated girls tie their braids into a bun through a specific ceremony, indicating that they will never get married and will never die alone.

In the past, when a woman got married, her mother tied her hair in a bun. Those who are determined not to marry, perform a certain ceremony and tie their hair properly, which is called "self-combing". The ceremony is usually held at the "aunt's house", where girls who dress themselves up live with women who stay at home. Participants buy new clothes, shoes and socks, cosmetic mirrors, headropes, incense, candles and dishes in advance, take a bath with boiling water with yellow leaves, and swear never to get married. Then the elderly self-grooming girls put their braids into a bun, put on new clothes and shoes, and salute other self-grooming girls one by one, which is both economical and plentiful. After the ceremony, the woman was "combed her hair" and officially became a "self-combed woman", and she could not go back on her word for life. "Self-grooming girls" can continue to live in their parents' homes on weekdays, collect mulberry silk and earn their own living. In their spare time, they often go to "menstruation's house" to get together with their sisters and support each other in life, just like family. If you are old or dying, you must move to "menstruation's house" and never die at your mother's house.

Being away from home is a fake marriage custom of self-grooming. It is a compromise when parents force them to get married and the struggle is ineffective. They went in for the wedding, but refused to sleep with their husbands. After returning home three times, I will stay at my parents' home for a long time, so I am called "not at home".

Apart from the social background similar to self-grooming girls, it is more common that girls are forced by their parents to neither "comb their hair" nor run away from home, so they have to take advantage of the opportunity of "going back to their hometown three times" after the wedding to live in their parents' house permanently and avoid cohabitation with their husbands. This kind of woman, named married, is still single, commonly known as "house" [1]

Some women, determined to live a single life, secretly comb themselves without telling their parents, but finally get married because of their parents' coercion, so they have to take the method of "staying at home" to deal with their parents after marriage.

For women who deliberately stay at home, when they are about to get married, they will secretly ask their confidant's eldest sister-in-law to teach them how to deal with their wedding night, and ask Jin Lan sisters to make a set of self-defense clothes, which are connected from top to bottom, and the seam at the bite is particularly strong, so that the groom can't tear it open. Take a pair of scissors for self-defense and keep the groom away from him. If the groom is forced by violence, he will shout for help, and the eldest sister, played by the Jin Lan sisters, will get on the ambulance to help the bride get rid of it.

I stayed at my husband's house for three days, and I haven't been back to my husband's house since I went home. However, a woman who stays at home is still a housewife in her husband's house. In-laws, if there is a wedding, send someone back to show concern. If Aunt Weng or her husband dies, you must go back to "get your clothes" in person and be filial. If I am dying, I can't stay at my mother's house for the funeral, but I must go back to my husband's house to die. The woman's family will be responsible for the food, medicine and expenses after her death. In-laws should have housewife's etiquette when handling funerals. The inheritance is left to my concubine or illegitimate child. Others died in "aunt's house" or nun's house and didn't go back to their in-laws' house.

Self-grooming girls, born in the late Qing Dynasty, are a special group unique to the Pearl River Delta. According to Shunde County Records, the silk industry in Shunde was developed at that time, and many female workers earned considerable income and were economically independent. They saw that some sisters suffered indignities in their husbands' families after marriage, and their status was low. They didn't want to be bound by this, preferring not to marry for life, so they gave birth to self-grooming girls. In other parts of the Pearl River Delta, the situation of girls' self-dressing is similar to that of Shunde.

Ethnicity

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In 1930s, the silk industry in the Pearl River Delta declined. The young women in this area heard that Nanyang earned a lot of money and went together. Many women have worked in Nanyang for many years without talking about marriage. When you are 50 or 60 years old, you can buy offerings and worship heaven and earth.

Self-modification of ancient women

To dress up for myself. And they are the last self-decorated girls in China.

In the past, "self-grooming" had a specific ceremony. First of all, the villagers chose an auspicious day. On auspicious days, they invited the venerable uncles and aunts in the village to worship their ancestors, and then held a "comb bun" ceremony. Self-grooming girls tie their braids into a bun to show that they will never marry. On the day of the ceremony, there will be several tables of banquets, and friends and relatives will be invited to get together and show them to the public.

From the Revolution of 1911 to the establishment of the Republic of China, after the feudal system and customs were completely eliminated, the custom of grooming declined. In the early years of the Republic of China, the silk industry in China collapsed, and self-grooming girls could not make a living. Some people go to Hong Kong to be "self-dressed maids", that is, their mothers and sisters; Today, Seven Sisters, in the east of Hong Kong's North Point, is also a self-grooming girl.

According to a survey on 20 1 1, there are less than 50 self-combed women, aged between 85 and 90. [2]

Tomb-keeping custom

Once a self-grooming girl combs her braids, she can't go back on her word. If she has any misconduct in the future, she will be tolerated, tortured and beaten by the hard-working villagers, put in a pig cage and drowned. After death, their parents are not allowed to accept the body for burial. The self-dressed girl wrapped it in a straw mat and dug a hole to bury it. If there are no self-grooming girls in the village, they will be thrown into the river and go with the flow. After self-combing, women can stand on their own feet in society, go out to farm, do business or work.

According to custom, self-grooming girls can't die at their parents' home or other relatives' home, but can only be carried outside the village. After death, only self-grooming girls go to the grave, so some self-grooming girls are forced to "guard the grave."

"Guarding the tomb" is also called "buying a door", that is, self-grooming women find a dead man to marry and be the nominal wife of the dead man so that they can die of old age in the future. The self-grooming girl has to pay a sum of money to her husband's family to "buy a door".

"Guarding the tomb" means observing the festival, and there are two forms of "guarding the tomb" and "guarding the spirit". "Tomb White Qing" is also called "Marrying God's Master Card", that is, if there is a dead man in a family, whether it is a boy or an adult, as long as the parents of the deceased agree, the self-grooming girl can pay for the wife, and after buying it, the ceremony of "tapping the door" and "getting started" will be held. The so-called "slapping the door" means that the self-grooming girl comes to her husband's house as a daughter-in-law. The husband's house closes the door first, and the self-grooming girl has to "slap the door". Grandma asks all kinds of embarrassing questions in the house, such as "My family is poor, can I keep it?" "Don't go back on your word in the future?" Wait, the girl who dresses herself must answer grandma's satisfaction before opening the door. Even a girl who dresses herself will be accepted as the daughter-in-law of this family when she enters the door. In the future, she will always pay her husband's family. Aunt Weng is dead. She is going to the funeral. Another form is called "making a corpse". That is to say, when a man dies and is not buried, a self-dressed woman marries and becomes the "wife" of the deceased, and she must wear marijuana and Dai Xiao to attend the funeral wake. Later, Weng Gu was slightly dissatisfied and could recognize her as a daughter-in-law when she left home.

The door bought by the self-grooming woman "guarding the tomb" can be counted as the man in the family. Poor self-grooming girl, tortured by spirit and tired body, got a lifeless "doorway".

Residential introduction

Shunde bingyutang

Bingyutang was built in 1950, and was originally the residence of self-grooming girls in Shatou Village, Jun 'an Town, Shunde. It is regarded as an important witness of the history of self-grooming women in the Pearl River Delta region, and records the history and culture of this unique group of self-grooming women. At present, the last batch of self-decorated women in China have entered their seventies and eighties.

In the month of 2001165438+2910, after lunch, several grandmothers, including Huang Yue, Huang Gu and Huang Ying (note: "self-grooming girl" is called "grandma" in Shunde), came to the ice language hall one after another, as if everyone had an appointment.

As early as the 1990s, self-grooming girls returned to their families, and the Ice Rain Hall was uninhabited. But the aunts who live nearby still come here to chat and play cards with their sisters every day.

Shunde bingyutang

The old age of a self-grooming girl is very tragic. If they don't work hard to accumulate some hard-earned money and buy a house with other sisters as an aunt's house, there is no place to die.

Later, the uninhabited Bingyutang became a self-grooming hall. Every year, on special days such as Qixi, August 15th and Spring Festival, they gather here to hold activities to worship their dead sisters and display their handicrafts for people to enjoy.

Some people say that Bing Yutang refuses to enter the outside world all the year round, especially men. Huang Yue amended this statement. She said that in fact, Bing Yutang does not refuse men to enter, but men can't spend the night here.

Entering from the north gate of Bingyutang, there is a room on the left, which is dedicated to Huang's ancestral tablet. The aunts said that the reason why the ancestral tablets were placed here was to facilitate outsiders to worship their ancestors here. So, it's not said that men can't come here. However, local men know that this is the residence of self-grooming women, so they generally don't come here. Self-grooming women have memorial tablets, and the memorial tablets of self-grooming women are placed in the obvious position of Bingyutang. The names of the dead are written on black paper, and the names of the living are written on white paper. Huang Yue said that there are only more than 20 girls in the village who can dress themselves, and there are more than a dozen girls in Singapore, only more than 30 girls who can dress themselves.

After 50 years, Bingyutang finally opened a closed "heart". With the consent of the self-grooming girl, the local government will gradually open the Kethleen Pavilion. Ice language hall has two doors, the north gate and the east gate. The north gate is hidden in the middle of a narrow alley, and the east gate faces a cement road. Now there is a building on both sides of the East Gate, one side is a tall building, and the other side is a red brick wall with a height of 1, which encloses a piece of land, so the East Gate is also hidden.

Ice Jade Hall is surrounded by four walls, and the yard is full of flowers and plants. Bingyutang is a two-story building. On the first floor, there is a hall and shrine for grandmothers to meet, and there is also a kitchen where grandmothers used to cook and cook soup. The second floor is the aunts' bedroom. The bed where my aunts used to sleep has now been demolished, leaving only wooden floors and blue brick walls in the empty house, which is particularly deserted. There are many gods enshrined in the Ice Jade Palace, including Guanyin, Jigong and Guandi. Kethleen Hall is covered with incense, which looks like mosquito-repellent incense. The difference is that the diameter of a incense is about 1 m, and a incense can burn 1 month. "Tower incense" becomes the shape of a pagoda when it is hung up. Under the hanging "tower incense", the names of pilgrims are still hung.

In the future, property rights will be transferred to the village.

In the past, self-grooming girls went to Nanyang to work instead of buying real estate. In order to have a place to support the elderly, the self-grooming girls decided to build a residence. 1949, overseas Chinese in Singapore set up a hometown association, and Shunde self-grooming girls paid for it. Through the association, she built an ice jade hall in her hometown of Shunde. 1950 completed in autumn.

According to the old custom, self-grooming girls can't die in the village, so the Ice Jade Hall must be built outside the village, which is still some distance from Shatou Village at that time.

At the time of preparation, Bingyutang established a foundation, and each member paid an annual membership fee of S $ 12. The fund's money is used for the daily expenses of Bingyutang. The fund is managed by the property owner, and there are three property owners in Bingyutang.

"If one day, the self-grooming girls are gone and the Bingyutang is left unattended, then its property rights will be handed over to the Shatou Village Welfare Committee." Huang Yue said. From June, 5438 to February, 2000, self-dressed women collectively made a will for the transfer of property rights.

Now the local government can't wait to open the Kethleen Pavilion and plan to rebuild it. Grandmothers say that reconstruction is possible, but some things can't be moved, such as self-grooming women's memorial tablets, or they are managed by them, and the government can't interfere.

Huang Yue said that the government had visited them, and the nearby ecological park also called them for a meeting, expressing the intention of cooperation. They want to turn the Ice Jade Hall into a scenic spot, which is integrated with the ecological park and open to tourists. The ecological park pays them a certain amount of remuneration, but the aunts disagree. Grandma said there was nothing to see. More importantly, the aunts have to manage the ice jade hall themselves, but they have no time and energy to look after it every day. If you take money, you will be responsible. However, if the management right is given to the ecological park, Bingyutang will lose its autonomy.

But the aunts still gave the local government a set of keys for the local government to show people around. Now people come every weekend.

Tourists don't care about the building of Bingyutang, because there is nothing special about it. What people are eager for is to find the little-known stories of self-grooming girls from this place where they once lived.

National stories

The story of girls dressing themselves up.

According to the aunts, as early as 100 years ago, Shunde women went across the ocean to work in Singapore and Malaysia. Because boys are preferred to girls, all the people who go out are women.

At that time, many people tried their best to find "water passengers" to help them leave the country. "Water passengers" are now called "snakeheads".

At that time, Huang Yue's family was not bad, but the local atmosphere was that women would rather work in Nanyang than stay, so in 1936, 12-year-old Huang Yue went to Singapore with her mother. At that time, Huang Ying had a cousin in Singapore. Because there was no money at home, she first entrusted a "water passenger" to bring Huang Ying to Singapore, and her cousin paid for it, and then her cousin deducted money from Huang Ying's later salary. Huang Gu was also sent to Singapore by a "water passenger", and Huang Gu's sister in Singapore paid S $ 180 for this.

180 What is the concept of S $? Huang Yue recalled that in 1936, she worked as a maid for a boss during her menstrual period, with a monthly salary of S $6 yuan. At that time, you could buy pork for 30 cents, and the cost of food and accommodation for 1 person 1 month was probably 3 yuan Singapore dollars. If you can earn 30 yuan a month, you can hire two workers at home.

Huang Ying has a very sad description of the life of girls dressed up in Nanyang.

"/kloc-When I was 0/2 years old, I went to Singapore. When I broke up with my mother at the ferry, my mother cried and could not bear to part with me. But I didn't cry, because I thought Singapore was very interesting. I went home once when I was in my thirties, and only stayed at home for two or three days before returning to Singapore. My mother didn't shed a tear when she sent me, because she was used to it and had a grandson. But this time I cried because I know the pain of being alone outside. "

Most of the self-grooming girls in Nanyang are maids (locals call them "Sister Ma"), so they eat and live in the boss's house. Others either become vendors or open small shops. These self-dressed girls usually rent a big house with many small rooms that can accommodate twenty or thirty people at the same time.

Before the age of 24, Huang Yue lived with other sisters. She said that the sisters are very United and lively together. But being a maid is hard. Only the first and fifteenth days of this month are closed. Only in this way can sisters be together.

The maid can't talk to the boss on an equal footing, and the long-term solitude has formed the self-enclosed character of the self-dressed girl. Huang He said: "I basically have no friends in Malaysia because I am used to being alone and don't like to communicate with others."

The Singapore government has also given them some treatment, such as Singapore citizenship and corresponding benefits. Grandmothers said that in Singapore, women without children can rent a very cheap house, and S $ 10 can rent a one-bedroom apartment in 1. Old people without children are provided with free housing by the government. Usually there are clubs to help them cook, and they can eat a meal for 50 cents. If the elderly are hospitalized, the medical expenses and bed fees are only 65438+ 0.4 of the normal price.

"Unfortunately, we have no relatives in Singapore. Moreover, there are regulations in Singapore that only two or four people can live in a house. Therefore, during the day, everyone chats and plays cards. At night, the old people are very lonely. " Bing Huang said, "We also heard that some old people died at home, and no one knew, so the aunts all chose to return to China."

Huang Yue told reporters that now 80% of women who have decorated themselves have returned to China. About a dozen people didn't come back because they had no relatives in the village.

Self-grooming girls who came back in their early years can't die in the village according to the old custom, but can only live in Bingyutang. In the sixties and seventies of last century, there were many self-dressed girls living in Bingyutang, and there were more than 30 at most. With the changes of the times, the rule that self-grooming girls can't die in the village has gradually disappeared, and they can go back to their relatives' homes.

In the twilight, I returned to my hometown alone.

Huang Yue said that it used to be easy to buy a house in Singapore, but no one bought a house because of the idea of returning to the roots.

Bing Huang returned to his hometown. Because she decided not to go back, Huang Bing took almost all her belongings back with both hands. She said there was an electric fan left, which was too heavy.

Huang Ying said that before the age of 40, she didn't save a penny, and all the money was sent home. After the age of 40, I saved my own money, because at this time, she no longer needed to send money at home.

China's old adage is: A drop of water pays off, while a spring pays off. Self-grooming girls have been quietly contributing to their families (strictly speaking, their brothers' or younger brothers' families) for decades, so when they return home, they are naturally respected by their families.

Today, Huang Ying lives with her brother's grandson. Huang Ying said that her nephew was very kind to himself. But Huang Ying, who is used to living alone, still cooks by herself. She said that a person is free to eat, and he can eat whatever he wants and whenever he wants.

The shrewd Huang Gu paved the way for herself as early as 30 years ago. While sending money to her brother, Huang Gu asked him to build a house for her so that she could live in her hometown in the future. Huang Gu now lives in her own house, the yard is full of flowers and plants, and there is a separate hall, kitchen, bathroom and bedroom. The house is as neat as Huang Gu's neat appearance.

"Getting married is a very shy thing."

Self-dressing means that you can't get married, and you need someone else's children to take care of you when you are old. Why do women who decorate themselves make such choices? Huang Yue said that at that time, some people worried that their husbands would be beaten and scolded, and they simply did not get married; Some people think that it is not free to take care of children after marriage; Some people think that not getting married is very free and independent, and many sisters are very happy and rich, and do not depend on anyone; There are also brothers and sisters at home. If a sister-in-law wants to get married, and you don't have the right person, then you must comb yourself well, otherwise other sisters-in-law can't get married.

Huang Gu's reason for not getting married is simple: it is common for women not to get married in Jun 'an, Shunde. If women buy doorways and men refuse, women will commit suicide. So parents generally don't interfere with their daughters' decisions. In the past, only a few people got married and most of them were unmarried. If you get married, the other sisters will ignore you. "No woman named Huang here is married. Getting married is a very shy thing. "

Huang He said that she left home at 22 and combed her hair at 58. Her parents died young, and there are two younger brothers and 1 sister at home. Before her parents died, she was told to take good care of her brother. Therefore, in order to take care of her brother wholeheartedly, she and her sister are not married.

Yellow crane is talking about freedom, that is, you can buy whatever you want to eat and wear, and you can watch movies if you want. But in fact, the life of grandmothers is very simple.

Huang Ying said that the aunts were all pursued when they were young, but they also combed themselves, so they kept silent and ignored them. After a long time, the man they are after will not come. "But they don't hate men."

Some people get married after grooming themselves.

In the garden to the east of Bingyutang, there is a tree with a strange shape, which is tens of meters high. Its straight trunk goes straight into the sky until the crown of the tree. Huang Ying said this kind of tree is called Aralia pinnata. In the past, there were two trees, which were planted by self-combing women, meaning "I will never marry." But now a tree has fallen for unknown reasons. Huang Ying said that it may be because some sisters "defected".

How many self-dressed girls have defected? Grandmothers don't say much. In the past, when a self-grooming girl got married, she would be rejected by other sisters, and her sisters would not meet.

But now that I am old, my aunts are living in peace, and those who are married have normal contacts with other sisters, chatting and playing mahjong together. But in front of outsiders, aunts are obviously taboo to talk about these things.

At the age of 24, Huang Yue married a Singaporean Chinese and later gave birth to a daughter. Now her grandson has gone to college. Huang Yue claimed that she didn't comb her hair, but we still saw Huang Yue's name on the memorial tablet of the self-grooming girl in Bingyutang. We know from the side that Huang Yue combed himself at the age of 1 1. Because Huang Yue concealed the truth herself, we can't understand the reason why she combs her hair, how to fall in love and get married after combing her hair.

A hundred-year-old self-comb girl restores China nationality.

In 1930s, many Dongguan women went to work in Singapore and Malaysia in Southeast Asia. Because they have never been married, these "self-grooming girls" did not integrate into the local society and returned to China after their old age and physical decline. Due to historical reasons, they don't have China nationality, can't enjoy social security, medical care and other benefits, and have a hard life. It is understood that there are currently more than 40 such self-grooming women in Dongguan, all over 80 years old.

Since the beginning of this year, the relevant departments of Guangdong Province and Dongguan City have made active efforts to restore the nationality of these 40 self-combed women. It is understood that at present, the acceptance of 33 women's applications for nationality restoration in Dongguan has been completed, and the relevant departments have reported the materials to the Ministry of Public Security at the end of July, 20 1 1. At present, the first batch of four people in Dongguan have been granted China citizenship, one of whom is 100 years old and the other is 95 years old.

museum

201212 on February 25th, the "Self-Combed Women" Museum in Bing Yutang, Jun 'an, Shunde was established and opened to the public free of charge as a provincial cultural relic protection unit. Here, the cultural products of Shunde self-grooming girls are completely preserved.

Li Jianming, a local cultural research scholar in Shunde, said that Bingyutang is a special historical culture, which is well preserved at present, and these last self-groomed women are the most precious incarnations of studying "self-groomed women culture". Through the construction of the museum, this period of history can be completely reproduced and restored. [3]

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Some people think that self-grooming women resist fate in such an extreme way. It is conceivable how humble the status of women in feudal society is, and most of them can't control their own destiny. There is a ballad that says, "Chickens, with crooked tails, it's hard to be a wife. I got up early to talk (late), and the tears in the next room (kitchen) have not dried. " This reflects the fate of women in feudal society.