The last girl to dress herself up.

At present, the last batch of "self-grooming girls" in China have all entered their seventies and eighties. In order to fulfill one of my wishes, according to my previous agreement with Ling, it will be on April 14, that is, Mother's Day. A Ling drove me to visit an old man in Nansan Village, Gaozan Township, Xingtan Town, Shunde. She is a nanny who has worked in A Ling's home for nearly 20 years, a "self-dressed girl" and an old man in Liang Rui. I followed Ling to call her wet nurse.

For this interview, I collected a lot of information about "self-grooming women" in the Pearl River Delta region. I listed the interview outline. I originally planned to go to the "Kethleen Pavilion" in Jun 'an, Shunde, but I didn't make it because of time. I'll go again when I have a chance.

Self-grooming girls came into being in the late Qing Dynasty. "They are a special group in Guangdong and the Pearl River Delta before liberation. Most of them come from poor families or middle-and lower-class women whose marriages have suffered setbacks. In order to show that she will never marry, she tied up her hair and publicly announced that she was a self-dressed girl through a Chinese ceremony. If you decorate yourself, you can't be accosted by men, or you will be humiliated by the world.

"Chicken, the tail is bent, it is difficult to be a new wife. Get up early to talk (late), tears haven't dried in the next room (kitchen). There is a melon in the next room. An Ren (mother-in-law) talks and cooks, while the master talks and steams. The steaming master didn't like it, so he took the stage and yelled a few times. "

This is an ancient ballad widely circulated in Lingnan area. This ballad vividly reflects the tragic fate of women in the Pearl River Delta in feudal society. In order to get rid of the shackles of feudal marriage system and achieve independence, these oppressed women have been making unremitting efforts and silently fighting. By the end of the Qing Dynasty, with the budding of capitalism in the Pearl River Delta, these economically independent Shunde women combed their hair into a bun and decided not to marry for life. They are called "grannies" by the people and "self-grooming women" by history books. They are the earliest single women group in China.

According to Shunde County Records, the silk industry in Shunde was developed at that time, and many female workers earned considerable income and were economically independent. They saw that some sisters suffered indignities in their husbands' families after marriage, and their status was low. They didn't want to be bound by this, preferring not to marry for life, so they gave birth to self-grooming girls. In other parts of the Pearl River Delta, the situation of girls' self-dressing is similar to that of Shunde.

But in the 1930s, the silk industry in the Pearl River Delta declined. Young women in this area heard that Nanyang earned a lot of money, so they went together. Many women have worked in Nanyang for many years without talking about marriage. When she was 50 or 60 years old, she bought sacrifices to worship heaven and earth and became a self-dressed woman. And they are the last self-decorated girls in China.

In the past, "self-grooming" had a specific ceremony. First of all, the villagers chose an auspicious day. On auspicious days, they invited the venerable uncles and aunts in the village to worship their ancestors, and then held a "comb bun" ceremony. Self-grooming girls tie their braids into a bun to show that they will never marry. On the day of the ceremony, there will be several tables of banquets, and friends and relatives will be invited to get together and show them to the public.

Once a self-grooming girl combs her braids, she can't go back on her word. If she has any misconduct in the future, she will be tolerated, tortured and beaten by the hard-working villagers, put in a pig cage and drowned. After death, their parents are not allowed to accept the body for burial. The self-dressed girl wrapped it in a straw mat and dug a hole to bury it. If there are no self-grooming girls in the village, they will be thrown into the river and go with the flow. After self-combing, women can stand on their own feet in society, go out to farm, do business or work.

According to custom, self-grooming girls can't die in their parents' homes or other relatives' homes, but can only be carried outside the village, so some self-grooming girls are forced to "keep the tomb".

"Keeping the tomb" means keeping the festival, which is also called "buying the door". There are two ways to "buy a door". One way is to marry an unmarried man. Before marriage, men and women draft an agreement. Generally speaking, the man also gives the woman a bride price, and the woman will never return to her husband's family after three days of marriage. However, the self-grooming woman must provide the husband's family with expenses for a long time in accordance with the provisions of the agreement, and the amount of expenses provided is generally not less than the bride price given by the man at the beginning. The other is to find a male deceased to marry, to be the nominal wife of the deceased, and to pay a sum of money to her husband's family for self-grooming.

Self-decorated women resist fate in such an extreme way. It is conceivable that women's status in feudal society is so humble that most of them can't control their own destiny.

"Self-grooming girl" is accompanied by poverty and loneliness all her life. "I comb my hair, cook my own meals, enjoy my joys and sorrows, and raise myself." This is a true portrayal of the life of a self-grooming girl. They have no children or daughters, no attachments, and live a leisurely and uncontested life with government subsidies and some savings. This is how "self-grooming girls" strive for "women's liberation" at the expense of their own lives.

The custom of women's self-combing began in Shunde. According to legend, a long time ago, there was a family named Hu in Rongqi who raised five daughters. Big sister married a rich man to "keep the tomb" (marry a dead man); The second sister married a wealthy businessman as a concubine, and after less than a year, she jumped into the well and committed suicide because of the abuse and teasing of the old woman and her husband. Third sister married a poor stonemason, and her husband broke his foot while quarrying, so the family lost their livelihood and was forced to drag their children to the streets to beg. Sixie married a poor farmer (employed by a family), and the burden of life was on her face before she was 30 years old. Sister Wu didn't want to date each other until she was 26. She thinks that the tragic fate of Fourth Sister will fall on her. After careful consideration, she decided never to get married and told her parents. Parents were helpless and agreed with tears. According to clan rules, a married woman or a woman who has never been married should not die in her parents' home. So my parents sold an acre of mulberries and built a hut at the head of the village to let my daughter live alone. Since then, Sister Wu has combed her hair by herself, helped people pick mulberry leaves during the day and sewed clothes at night. She lives frugally and never accepts help from home or others. Later, several sisters in the village followed her example and went to live with her in Fifth Sister's cabin and called her Big Sister. Sisters are helpers, servants, hardworking and caring for each other. Although life is hard, they are also free. Later, the silk reeling women workers in Shunde were self-reliant and economically independent, and the number of "self-combing" sisters gradually increased, forming the custom of "self-combing" for women to resist feudal marriage.

I have known Ling for more than 2 years. What I see in A Ling is her unique temperament and her independent personality, which is influenced by her mother. When chatting with her, she will also mention the wet nurse from time to time. All these aroused my interest in understanding the elderly.

The night before, I started to prepare things, and found out two silk embroidered half-sleeve shirts I bought on the National Day and Xinyi's trip to Suzhou last year, and also brought one to Aling's mother. After lunch, when I went downstairs at the time agreed with Ling, Ling's car had stopped downstairs. Mommy lives in a village about 40 minutes' drive from where I live. The scenery along the way is very beautiful, with patches of banana trees, dotted fish ponds and criss-crossing rivers. The air is also very fresh, and Ling slowed down. We open the window, breathe fresh air and enjoy the beautiful rural scenery.

When we arrived at Mammy's village, it was past 2 noon. Because the way to Mommy's house goes through a narrow lane paved with stone slabs, we parked our car next to the village market. Ling said Mammy didn't eat much meat, so I went to buy some fruit.

Mammy knew that we were going to see her, so she moved the recliner into the yard early and waited for us while resting on the recliner. The first time I saw a wet nurse, it was not quite the same as the "self-grooming girl" I imagined, just like an ordinary old mother next door, which made me feel very kind. She has a strong body and a good complexion. I can't see that she is nearly 80 years old. From the bright smile on her face, I can't find the vicissitudes of life left by years.

Nanny doesn't know Mandarin, and I can't speak Mandarin. I can only talk to Nanny through Ling's translation, but I can't communicate with Nanny directly on many issues. Before that, Ling specifically told me not to ask Mammy too private questions.

After we sat down, the wet nurse made us tea and brought us a plate of watermelon seeds. We chatted over tea and listened to Mammy tell us about her mental journey.

Mammy told me that her family was poor when she was a child. * * * gave birth to six children, one brother and two sisters above, one brother and one sister below, and the wet nurse ranked fourth. Mammy became a "self-dressed girl" in her twenties. At that time, a simple ceremony was held, and then an elderly "self-combing girl" helped her curl her hair. She said that married women spread their hair loosely and put it up, while self-grooming women braid their hair and put it up. I asked her why she wanted to be a "self-dressed girl". Mammy said that at that time, the rural areas in Shunde were very poor, and women had no social status, so it was even harder to be a daughter-in-law for others. If you meet a good family, you will be very lucky. Accidentally married to a bad family, not only do a lot of housework, but also suffer indignities and be beaten. Get up in the morning to clean the yard, then go far away to fetch water and cook for the whole family when you come back. After the family finishes eating, they brush their hair and go to work in the fields or pick mulberry leaves to feed silkworms.

I asked Mammy if she ever regretted her choice. Mammy said without hesitation, I don't regret it. She said that if I married someone with good fortune, my husband and her in-laws would treat her well. Even with children, it is fate that good children will be filial. If fate is bad, children are not filial or their lives are not good, in turn, we should help them. Instead of this, it is better to earn your own living and dominate your own destiny. The wet nurse said that she is living a happy life now. Because I am old, I can't go out to work, and I can get by with a little savings from my early years. Shunde government is also very concerned about them. Shunde Oriental Women's Hospital, a charity in Shunde District, not only gave them a monthly living allowance of 245 yuan, but also gave them a caring medical card worth 5,000 yuan. If they are sick, they can use this card to see a doctor. Speaking of which, Mammy showed it to me and told me that she had never used it once. I silently wish the wet nurse a long and healthy life forever.

The wet nurse has a little culture. She studied intermittently for three years when she was young, and then went to night school for several months. Now she can read simple words and keep accounts. When she worked as a nanny at A Ling's house, she could record the daily expenses. She said that when she was a child, she studied very hard, and she had to finish things at home before going to school. She was late almost every day, and then she stopped studying because her family was poor.

After the wet nurse became a "self-grooming girl", she still lived in her mother's house because she didn't have her own house. Later, a distant relative of her family went abroad and needed someone to watch the house and burn incense. Mammy went to look after the house, and her relatives exempted her rent, so she lived for more than ten years.

The wet nurse's life depends entirely on helping others to farm and work, and she is also saving money for building her own house in the future. She sells pig blood and cow blood. Help people farm, raise silkworms, pick mulberry leaves and be a nanny. In short, all her jobs are at the bottom of society. Mammy said that wages were very low at that time, and sometimes rice was used instead of wages. At least, one day's work can only get 1.4 kg of rice.

It was not until 1969 that Mammy began to build her own house. Because there was not enough money, the construction of the house was intermittent, which took nearly 10 years and was completed in three times. The current housing, plus the small courtyard outside, adds up to almost 100 square meter.

A house and a hall were built for the first time, and a house and a courtyard wall were built on the left side of the hall for the second time. It is the third time to lay the floor tiles and complete the related facilities.

The wet nurse's house is very humble, with a TV set, but the wet nurse seldom watches it, in order to save electricity. There is a floor fan that is rarely used. Let's go find mommy and open it. Mommy's bedroom has only an old wardrobe and a bed, and the light is very bad. The room on the left is temporarily used as a utility room. Mammy said that her sister's husband died and she would move in with her in the future. She wants to tidy up the room for her sister, so that mommy won't be too lonely. I also went to the bathroom, where there was no shower facilities, and there was a big plastic basin hanging on the wall, which Mommy used to take a bath. The kitchen is in the small courtyard outside, with gas stoves and some simple kitchen utensils. I photographed Mommy's house, but I didn't photograph it in the utility room because it was a mess. There is no ceiling in the whole house, but a simple attic is built in the middle of the ceiling to store some things.

When I took out my camera to take pictures of Mammy, Mammy suggested changing clothes and combing her hair. Ling and I stopped her and thought it would be good for her. But when I came back to sort out the photos, I felt very sorry, because almost no one had taken photos of the wet nurse. At that time, Mammy should be put on what she thinks is the most beautiful dress.

While chatting with Mammy, her brother's daughter-in-law came to bring her soup. Mammy told me that the eldest brother's family was very kind to her, often took care of her, cooked food or soup, and always brought it to her. Although the wet nurse has no children or daughters all her life, she still lives in a deep affection. I'm glad mommy can be this old. But I feel a little sorry for Mommy. There seems to be something missing in Mammy's life besides brotherhood.

Unconsciously, more than two hours passed. Because it was Mother's Day, Ling promised to go back and have dinner with her mother. When we said goodbye to Mammy, Mammy insisted that we stay for dinner. It was also because it was Mother's Day that I brought a gift to Mommy, and when I left, I gave Mommy 200 yuan (because Mommy is a very independent woman, she rarely accepts gifts from others, and Ling said that giving too much is stressful). I like the skirt I gave mommy very much. But she said the dress was too expensive. She is a clown and can't wear such good clothes. I told her that this dress is actually not expensive and she can wear it casually. Mammy felt sorry because we didn't stay for dinner. She took my hand and walked us to the parking lot. Holding the 200 yuan money in her hand, when she got into the car, Mammy insisted on giving me the 200 yuan money. I had to get off again. I said to the wet nurse, because today is Mother's Day and you have no children, let me be your daughter for one day. Please accept it, it means nothing to me. Listen to me. Mommy has to accept it. The bus is about to leave, and she is still telling Ling that she must stay for dinner next time. The dishes cooked by the wet nurse are delicious and the ribs are great. I promised mommy that I would visit her again and send her photos.

The car slowly drove out of the village, far away. When I looked back, she was still waving to us.

Ling invited me to her home for dinner because it was Mother's Day. She said that her mother didn't cook today, and the three children went to the market to buy things for her mother. By the time she got to Ling's house, her sister was already busy in the kitchen, and her mother was by.

Seeing me coming, my elder sister put down her work and accompanied me to the living room to chat. She knows I just got back from the wet nurse's house. The center of the conversation naturally revolves around Mammy. The elder sister said that there was no wet nurse when the wet nurse was in their house. She is just a housekeeper. She must take care of everything and regard herself as a member of the family. For example, the water pipe is not closed properly, no one in the room still turns on the light, talks while eating, wastes things, spends small change and so on. She must deal with this matter. The children listened to her, which really saved the elder sister a lot of heart. Sometimes she loses her temper with her elder sister. Whenever this happens, she will ignore her and talk to her when she comes to her senses. Big sister gives her money for housekeeping every month, and she keeps accounts, but big sister seldom checks it. The elder sister said that since she was invited, she must believe her. Because of the big sister's open-mindedness, the wet nurse has lived in her house for nearly 20 years. Later, when Mammy got old, her elder sister gave her a pension and let her go back to her hometown to spend her old age. The elder sister said that business was not very good at that time, otherwise she would have been given more. But it's the first time I've heard of giving a nanny a pension in Shunde. After retirement, the wet nurse will often come to my sister's house for a few days to watch her take care of the older children and help her with housework. They get along like a family.

Girls who dress themselves are such a group. They are diligent, persistent and never look back. "What's yours is yours. It's no use being anxious." This is their open-minded motto and also their motto. In fact, "self-grooming women" also reflects the spirit of self-improvement and independence of Guangdong women from a certain aspect.

Nowadays, with the continuous progress of society, there will be no more girls who dress themselves up. Maybe everything will go with the wind, but history will remember them forever.

Postscript: I recently chatted with Ling and learned that Mammy is getting old and her health is not as good as before. Now her life is taken care of by her brother's family. I asked Ling to see her times. I said hello to her. I said I don't know if Mommy remembers me. Ling said it doesn't matter whether she remembers me or not. As long as someone greets her, she is very happy.

May Mammy live a happy life in her later years. It's time for her to enjoy her hard work.