How did the history of Japan come from? It takes ten minutes to know everything.

It's interesting to find a joke version of Japanese history.

A long time ago, the Japanese archipelago was connected with the mainland. Immigrants from Africa went all the way east to the Japanese archipelago, stayed for a while, found that there was no way to stay, and returned to the mainland along the road. Which is the Central Plains of China. So as far as primitive people are concerned, those on the island of Japan may be a little longer.

Then the ice and snow melted and the Japanese archipelago really became an island.

The aborigines on the island were called Ainu people and later moved to Hokkaido. Hokkaido was called Xiayi in ancient times, so they were also called Xiayi people. They used to be all over the Japanese archipelago.

Probably in the Eastern Zhou Dynasty in China, their pottery was lined with rope patterns, so the Japanese civilization in this period was called the age of rope writing.

The average height of the Japanese in the rope pattern era was 1.5 meters. At the end of the Warring States Period in China, Japanese entered Yayoi culture, and the pottery in this period was no longer so naive.

They were first discovered in Yayoi-CHO, Tokyo, so they are called Yayoi culture.

The most remarkable change is not only the pottery, but also the height. The average height of the Japanese suddenly reached 1.6 meters.

What is the reason?

Immigrants from the East Asian continent, especially from China. At the end of the Warring States period, there was chaos in the Central Plains. Many people from vassal states beat Ying Zheng and ran out. Later, Qin Shihuang sent a team to find the brigade of Dan and Chuifu. It is said that Xu Fu has gone to Japan.

Foreigners occupied Japan and drove the original Ainu people to Hokkaido, where it snowed silently. When Japan collectively changed owners, the altitude of the human body naturally increased.

Because it is the past of the Central Plains and the world is settled, they want to run back to the Central Plains to see the situation. The Han Dynasty rarely named them Japan. Japan is a submissive thing

Japan has adapted well and has been in exile for many years. At this time, a country called Xiematai appeared in Japan. I dare not pronounce the name of this country. The king is a goddess who knows witchcraft.

During the evil Matai period, it was the time when the Lao Cao family of the Three Kingdoms was the master of the country. The old Cao family also unceremoniously sealed their pro-Wang Wei.

I don't know what Japan learned from Lao Cao's family at this time, probably listening to the story that Cao Cao met a gold captain and robbed the tomb.

The Japanese immediately entered the ancient grave period from the Yayoi period, and ancient graves were built in big noble all over the country. Whether there is money at home depends on whether the family is qualified to build a big grave. According to statistics, Japan built100000 ancient tombs during this period.

And during this period, the Japanese Yamato region produced the Yamato nation, and the boss was called the king, apparently learning from China. Because Cao Cao and Liu Bei are called kings. After going to the Central Plains more often, they may find that the level of the king is lower and there is an emperor on it, so they immediately developed a cottage product, the emperor.

It is said that the emperor had three artifacts: Tiancong Yun Jian (Kusanagi sword), an eight-foot vault and an eight-foot mirror.

With the equipment, I became braver. During the Sui Dynasty, Japan sent a girl named Sister Ono (in order to avoid unnecessary consumption of paper towels, it was specially indicated that Sister Ono was a man), and the credentials read, "The sun source makes the book day safe."

In other words, Japan has always been uncomfortable with the name Japan and asked China to call them Japan.

Yang Guang's answer is: OK, Japan.

Goguryeo, the three major regimes on the Korean Peninsula in the Tang Dynasty, partnered with Baekje to bully Silla, the most distressed brother in the Tang Dynasty. Brother Tang came out and threw away Baekje and Koguryo together, and then packed up soy sauce at Baijiangkou and passed by Japan, feeling cute.

Japan opened its eyes to the world for the first time. Send Tang envoys to China base camp immediately.

Buddhism is good. Go together!

Go is good. Go together!

Tea ceremony is good. Go together!

It's well written. Go together!

The food is delicious. Go together!

Chang 'an Luoyang is good. Pack up and go!

Japan completely copied Luoyang city in Kyoto. If you want to see the architecture of the Tang Dynasty, the best place is not China, but Japan.

Now, we have gone to Japan.

Well, the toilet seat is nice. Go together!

After learning, Japan also learned the high-tech tomb technology with mountains as its tombs, thus bidding farewell to the ancient grave era and entering the Asuka period, probably because the ruling center was in the bird area of Japan. The most important political figure in this period was Shoto Kutaishi.

His face was printed on ten thousand yen.

Since then, Japan has built the entire Chang 'an City in Pingcheng Jingcaotang, and later moved its capital here. Because Heichengjing belongs to Nara region of Japan, the latter period is called Nara era.

In the Nara era, Japan completed its great expansion and conquered the Xiayi people who had been driven away before. However, too much land has led to new policies. Nobles are free to farm a certain amount of land, and even civilians have a share. Everyone is happy, and the final result is that the emperor is unhappy.

After the nobles owned a lot of land, they began to pursue the right not to lose it, that is, not to pay taxes, and then not to enter the right, that is, this site is mine, so don't come if the emperor has nothing to do. And farmers want to get this privilege, one way is to think beautifully, and the other way is to rely on big landlords. The earth calls the leader. Leaders feel that their arms are not thick enough, so they look for a bigger backer, and a bigger backer is called their home.

In order not to pay taxes and prevent the emperor from peeping, my family began to organize private armed forces, that is, Japanese samurai.

Gradually, Japanese local tyrants appeared, and even some temples became super landlords. Monks in monasteries, like those in Shaolin Temple, challenge the emperor whenever they are unhappy, especially the Buddhist temple in Nara.

Can't afford to hide? The emperor decided to move again, from Nara to another city that copied Chang 'an, Pingan Jing. Japanese entered heian period. Some people say that the Japanese stole two famous cities from China, Chang 'an and Luoyang. I don't blame others for stealing.

But moving can't solve the problem, because the land relationship is not straightened out, and no matter what the Japanese emperor does, power still falls into the hands of ministers. Genji Heping has two families, each with a group of melon-chopping warriors. If he has nothing to do, he will go to Houhai Wild Lake to fight two.

The split between the two sides ended in Genji's complete victory.

In order to stabilize the victory, Genji established a "royal system" to distribute the land seized in the war to the vassals, who must be loyal to the lords and buy equipment to protect themselves. Probably equivalent to the western chivalry system.

In the end, Genji Genlaichao was named the first generation general who conquered foreign countries, and this position became the standard of shogunate generals. Yuanlaichao went to Kamakura and built his own office building, which opened the first shogunate era in Japanese history: the Kamakura era.

The most important thing in the Kamakura era was the Yuan Dynasty's attack on Japan. As a result, it encountered a strong wind in the middle of the night and most of the fleet fell into the sea. Japan called this wind kamikaze team, and Japan avoided the tragedy of the fall of its territory. This shows that it is necessary to put the weather forecast after the news broadcast.

In the Kamakura era, a * * * ruled for more than one hundred years. An emperor fought back, wiped out the Kamakura shogunate and briefly seized power. However, due to the infighting among its own people, Japan was divided into north and south. During the Northern and Southern Dynasties, some unsupervised Japanese warriors began to plunder China. This is the notorious enemy of Japan.

Half a century after the end of the Kamakura era, the Ashikaga family, who had helped the emperor win the throne, left again and announced that the emperor could receive a box lunch by imperial edict.

Shogunate general Ashikaga Yoshimitsu built a mansion called "Imperial Flower House" in Muromachi, Kyoto, and the Japanese shogunate entered the 2.0 Muromachi shogunate.

The famous monk took a break to live under the guidance of Ashikaga Yiguang.

Ashikaga Yoshimitsu once sent someone to China to accept Zhu Yuanzhang as the Japanese king. He may see that the Ming Dynasty is different from the Tang Dynasty, so he will deny it when he goes back and will not be a vassal of China.

Muromachi shogunate produced 15 general. The samurai relationship in the Kamakura era was a strong royal relationship, and the Muromachi era became a lighter guardian, equivalent to China's time. These guardians had greater rights and later developed into famous guardians, which eventually led to the outbreak of the Warring States Period in Japan.

Muromachi shogunate has the weakest control over samurai, so Japanese samurai plundered China the most.

In the middle and late Ming Dynasty, the increasingly powerful Daming finally went to war. But the main force is no longer the guardian, but the military commander who actually masters the troops below.

During the Warring States Period, there appeared three great gods (three outstanding Japanese in the Warring States Period) in a * * *.

One was invincible, but was finally forced to death by his men in Benye Temple.

The other is Toyotomi Hideyoshi, who lowered the average Japanese face value by 10, and worked as a professional shoemaker for more than ten years, and was called a monkey.

The other is Japanese Sima Yi Tokugawa Ieyasu.

Their order is like this. First Oda Shintai rushed out to see who would be destroyed, and finally the Ashikaga shogunate was destroyed. When he was preparing to unify the whole country, he was killed by his subordinates who set himself on fire.

Toyotomi Hideyoshi, a peasant, first carried shoes for samurai, then took refuge in Nobunobu, and finally became Nobunobu's successor, unifying Japan. However, because of his peasant background, he has not been able to get the standard title of shogunate general: General Zheng Yi. So whimsical, ran to North Korea to fight. North Korea almost died. In the end, Emperor Wanli took out his private money, organized tens of thousands of elite fighters to enter the DPRK and drove Japan out. Toyotomi Hideyoshi hung up without breathing.

When Toyotomi Hideyoshi took the Japanese to Korea to fight, Tokugawa Ieyasu, who had been eating melons, preserved her strength. Finally, the Qing Dynasty ended the Warring States Period. And formed the last generation of shogunate in Japan: Edo shogunate.

Speaking of the warring States period, it is always scary. China died alone in Changping. The Warring States in Japan is more like a village duel, with few participants and a tacit understanding. They never fight during busy farming hours. After finishing the work in the field, everyone came out to practice. Moreover, in order to recruit some soldiers, land reclamation was nothing, so that after the Warring States period, Japan not only did not regress, but improved. Japan has since entered a vast country.

When people are rich, they don't want to talk to others. China entered the Ming and Qing Dynasties and began to close its doors. Japan became rich a little later, arrived at the edo shogunate, finally became a rich man, and began to learn from China and stopped playing with outsiders. Also issued a "foreign ship blowing." As soon as a foreign ship appears, we will have sex!

Japan had a good time. Until 1853, US military commander Perry led four warships painted black into Tokyo Bay, which scared the shogunate to open the door of Tokyo immediately.

In a hurry, the shogun ran to the emperor for help. The emperor seized the opportunity, engaged in an offline activity, and immediately closed the shogunate.

Eight hundred years later, the emperor was resurrected, but it was not long before he abdicated early to play.

Why?

After the curtain fell, the Emperor sent people to European countries to talk about figures, demanding that the unequal peace treaties signed by the shogunate with them be changed. Of course, nobody cares about them. However, the Japanese opened their eyes again. This is the world.

As soon as you come back, you will be completely fake.

They have experience in this matter, 1400 years ago, so it didn't take long for them to learn a set of western things from the inside out, including constitutional monarchy.

The emperor became a symbol. Of course, this emperor is Meiji.

Japan, which copied the west, began to challenge Asia. First, he defeated the first Asian brother in the Sino-Japanese War of 1894-1895, and then fought a Russo-Japanese war with Russia for territory. Eventually launched the war of aggression against China, the Pacific War, until the United States threw him two balls.

Everyone knows the next thing, so I won't go into details.