It's disgusting. I went to my partner's house the other day. The woman's family said that the wedding cost 60 thousand, there was no dowry, and I bought everything, which made me very angry! help

In ancient times, people always regarded marriage as the proudest event in their lives. Therefore, there is a saying that "the best thing in life is the wedding night, when the gold list is nominated", which is also called the marriage test. Wedding custom has been circulating since ancient times, and it is one of the most complicated and important etiquette. 2/kloc-In China in the 20th century, people attached great importance to feelings and righteousness, and continued the traditional marriage customs. Young friends usually spend time with the couple at other people's weddings, but they don't pay much attention to wedding customs. When the happy event befalls them, they raise their hands and are at a loss. Here is a detailed introduction to the wedding customs in Xiamen, hoping to help the new people.

Parenting articles

In ancient China, when a man was 20 years old and a woman was 15 years old, she was considered an adult. A coronation ceremony was held to show that she had reached the age of marriage.

The success of marriage between men and women depends entirely on a smooth matchmaker, who plays a vital role as a bridge in the fate of marriage between men and women. The procedure is as follows: the man first asks the matchmaker to propose marriage to the woman's family, which is commonly known as "raising the child" in Xiamen. The woman's parents haven't planned to marry a woman yet, so the matchmaker has to leave angrily and find another Gao Ming to talk. If the woman's parents are interested, ask the matchmaker for a red note with the man's name, year of birth, month, day, hour, occupation, etc. -"Zizi" The matchmaker immediately introduced the woman's name, appearance and family situation to the man, in order to show that the family is suitable. The man wrote "Zizi" and handed it to the matchmaker. The woman has to burn incense in front of the ancestral tablet in the main hall. If the family is safe within three days, and there are no ominous signs such as throwing plates, quarreling and physical discomfort, and at the same time, the man's family, that is, the "portal" and the personal character of the party concerned, will be done, and the woman's "Zi Zi" and the man's "Zi Zi" will be arranged by the matchmaker. After that, the matchmaker will arrange a suitable time and place to "see" each other, that is, meet.

In the past, children's lifelong events in Xiamen depended entirely on their parents' orders. In a word from the media, their ancestors' heads were indispensable.

Proposing marriage is just the beginning of marriage.

Ding Song

In the past, Xiamen was very particular about delivery and was not careless at all.

First, the preliminary preparation:

Talking about engagement fee: engagement is the key to the success of marriage, and engagement fee is the key. The man must go to the woman's house with the matchmaker to discuss the amount of the bride price with his family. Usually take even numbers.

(2) Talking about the bride price: The category, name, quantity and proportion of the bride price are all controversial. The attitude of the female family is that there are more Han Xinbing, the more the better, while the male family needs to consider many aspects, because this is a great burden. At this point, it is difficult to agree, and it is quite a waste of breath, which often hurts the gas here.

(3) Date: Both parties should ask people to calculate according to the "eight characters" of both men and women, and choose an auspicious day that will not hurt both parties. The man will be very excited to send the bride price and bride price to the woman's house.

Second, the implementation of bride price.

1 Gift cake: commonly known as "Big Cake butter sculpture". "Pancake" is a kind of special horseshoe cake with a bowl mouth, two in a package, wrapped in red paper, often hundreds of packages. "Butterfly" is a fried hollow glutinous rice strip coated with syrup and stuck with "rice flavor" (popcorn). "Four-color cakes" are all kinds of small pies packaged into packages. According to the number of "big cakes", they are matched with corresponding "butter sculpture" and "four-color cakes".

(2) Gift candy: large candy-pressed into hollow candy, small candy-solid small candy. "Big sugar and small font size" all produce dragon and phoenix or happy characters, or "a hundred years of harmony", which are matched in proportion.

③ Whole pigs, whole sheep or pig legs. The woman accepted pork and mutton, but her feet needed to be returned to the man's house. As the saying goes, "people eat meat, not bones." Otherwise, it is "vulgar" and disrespectful to the man's family.

4 top line: meaning longevity, that is, blessing the new couple to live a long and happy life.

⑤ Rock candy: winter melon candy, orange cake persimmon fruit (persimmon), raw flowers (sugar raw flowers) candied dates, that is, "eat sweet and have a baby", which means good luck and early birth.

6 urn wine, live chickens and ducks, safe and lasting, harmonious and well-behaved, the woman left the wine to return the chickens and ducks.

⑦ Dragon and phoenix red candles, salute incense and dragon and phoenix candles are used in the "summit" (coronation ceremony) ceremony before a woman gets married.

8 Jewelry, bracelets, rings, necklaces, gold and silver hair clips and other jewelry: women wear them before marriage to pray for wealth and prosperity, and also have the function of exorcism.

9 shirts: new clothes, embroidered shoes worn by women when they get married, four-piece, eight-piece, or even-numbered, mainly red.

Attending to the woman's southern marriage certificate.

Third, the bride's family returns:

(1) accepts most cakes and sweets and returns a small part, commonly known as "bottom of the box:"

(2) Take the pork and mutton and put them back on the pig's trotters.

Give the son-in-law a set of wedding dresses, clothes, shoes and socks, Four Treasures of the Study and other gifts in return, hoping that the son-in-law will be sensible and get ahead.

(4) Fill in the woman's marriage certificate and send it to the man's home as a marriage certificate. At this point, the fate is fixed for life and the marriage is declared successful.

Engagement articles

First, ancestor worship

Before leaving for the woman's home, the man should hold a ceremony of ancestor worship at home and display cakes and cake boxes for conscription in front of the ancestral sacred case. Incense offerings told ancestors that they would go to a woman's house for employment and asked their ancestors to bless the marriage.

The number of employees should be paired, and the elderly relatives and friends of the man's family should serve.

Second, mining:

The man hired a motorcade to the woman's door, and the man set off firecrackers. The bride will also be greeted with firecrackers. The bride's brother will open the door for the groom, then wash his face and let the groom wash his hands. The groom should thank him with a red envelope. Then give the bride price to her father and brother.

The crowd of men entered the woman's house. At this time, the matchmaker introduced the family members and relatives of both sides to know each other and said some auspicious words to increase their happiness. Relatives and friends of both sides can also take this opportunity to greet each other.

Third, employment.

Before the case of commanding his ancestors, the woman urged an elder who could live a long life to light candles, burn incense, offer cakes and presents, and silently wished her a happy marriage. Start the engagement ceremony:

① Offering Sweet Tea: Accompanied by the matchmaker, the bride-to-be presents sweet tea to her husband's relatives and friends who came to apply for the job, and the matchmaker introduces her, so that her husband's relatives can take this opportunity to study the bride.

② Tea pressing: After the sweet tea is finished, the bride-to-be will hold out the tea tray and accept the cup. At this time, the male guest should put the red envelope and the teacup on the tea tray, which is commonly known as "pressing tea".

(3) Wearing a ring: The groom takes out a gold ring and a bronze ring tied with a red line and wears it on the middle finger of the bride's right hand, symbolizing the eternal knot. Usually when wearing a ring, they bend their middle finger intentionally to avoid being bitten by the other party in the future, but mutual trust and respect are the ways to win a marriage.

(4) Setting off firecrackers: At this stage of the wedding, the woman will set off firecrackers, and both men and women will congratulate each other to form their children's in-laws and share the wedding cake with relatives and friends.

⑤ Engagement Wedding Reception: After the engagement ceremony is completed, the woman's family holds a banquet to entertain the man's visitors and matchmaker. After the banquet, the man should give the woman a red envelope to "press the table". After the banquet, the whole engagement ceremony will come to an end.

⑥ Reward: After the banquet, the man should leave as soon as possible and should not stay long. The woman will give him some gifts, such as the groom's clothes and shoes, and ask him to bring back several boxes of wedding cakes, incense, candles and a salute. At the same time, it is accompanied by a gift from the matchmaker. When the man goes home, he must not say goodbye to the other person, because he can't come back for the second time.

⑦ Ancestor reporting ceremony: When the man comes home, he should make an ancestor reporting ceremony, inform him of the completion of the gift receiving ceremony, and share the wedding cake returned by the woman with relatives and friends.

wedding supplies

Wedding is a great event in life. For the sake of family safety, happiness, offspring's reproduction and the inheritance of incense, Xiamen's marriage customs will never be vague.

First, pre-marital preparation

(1) Choose a wedding day

Advertise to relatives and friends: send invitations, tell the wedding date, the place and time of the banquet, and send gifts, cakes and sweets. We should also be careful about the relationship between relatives and vegetables. There are thick feelings and thin feelings, otherwise it will lead to opposition. What relatives congratulate must be hung in the middle to show their attention.

3 auspicious day tailoring: both men and women will do it at the same time. The tailor should try a "lucky man" with complete husband and wife and children, and the bride should make a white cloth "belly skirt" with red thread or red satin edge to prepare for cutting clothes after the birth of the first-born baby, which is absolutely indispensable.

4 checkout: On the day when a man cuts clothes, he must make a top bed account.

⑤ Going to bed: Please invite relatives who are familiar with taboos to attend the meeting, choose auspicious days, consider the couple's birthdays, and seek peace and good luck. After the bed is settled, offer sacrifices to the bed mother with wine, meat, tofu, etc., and pray for her comfort and protection. That night, the groom wanted to sleep in a new bed with a boy whose parents were both boys. As the saying goes, turning over the bed gives birth to a dry bed, that is, the boy sleeps in the bed and turns around, and the bride will have a boy in the future.

6. Give a dowry. One or a few days before the wedding, the woman will send the bride's wedding items to the man's house first. Generally, we will try money, clothes, cloth, gold wares, gift cakes, gift candy, winter melon candy, orange cake, red dates, longan meat, refreshments, daily necessities and so on. And there is a bucket for future generations. When the child's bucket is brought into the new house, he should read: "If the child's bucket is high, the child will be the best in the family."

Second, the wedding day.

When you salute, you will be a passing ceremony. The men and women on the "top" put on white shirts called "top shirt and jeans" and sat on bamboo chairs in front of the ancestral hall in the main hall. Men sit inward and women sit outward, which means that men are adults and women are adults. There is a big reed in front of the shrine-a big flat bamboo drying dish, a red carpet with a small bamboo chair for feet to sit on. Before the ceremony, twelve dishes were placed in front of the throne, and incense and candles were burned to worship the ancestors. Then "lucky man" combs his hair from behind. After combing his hair, the man tied his hair with red silk thread and put on his hat. When a woman ties her hair, she must first "open her face"-twist the sweat off her face with red thread, comb her hair and tie it into a bun with a hairpin. When combing your hair, the "lucky man" should read it to the man: "You have grown up, wearing a crown on your head, go out and sit in a big position, have a glass of wine and talk about your head." It means that from now on, the husband and wife respect each other as guests and read to the woman: "comb your hair and sit in the golden chair", which means that you will have a good life soon.

Third, get married:

(1) ancestor worship-the groom should worship his ancestors before going out to meet his new mother.

(2) Sister Table-Before the bride leaves, she should have dinner with her parents, brothers and sisters to show her farewell, and everyone should say something auspicious.

(3) Wedding procession-The wedding procession should be an even number, six or a multiple of six. Matchmaker, escort, uncle (the groom's brother), sedan chair for the bride and groom. Set off firecrackers along the way.

(4) Call the door-before the wedding procession arrives, the door of the bride's house is closed so that the groom can knock on the door. The woman asked, "What is it?" The groom replied, "marry the bride!" " "Hearing this, the bride opened the door a little, the groom handed in a red envelope and the door closed. If it is repeated, the bride opens the door to welcome guests. The woman's intention is to keep her wealth and test the sincerity of the groom. The groom walks in to see his parents-in-law.

5] Eat egg tea-the groom should eat a bowl of shelled whole egg sugar water with dried longan and red dates in the tea. As a rule, the groom only drinks sweet soup and leaves eggs.

[6] Farewell-The bride and groom pay homage to their ancestors and bid farewell to their parents, who are holding them in a sedan chair.

(7) When going out, the bride will be escorted to the sedan chair or boarded by the escort. Before getting on the sedan chair, the bride will cry a few times, commonly known as "crying for life", and her parents and relatives will also cry a few times to express their farewell and blessings. As soon as the bride's sedan chair went out, the bride immediately threw one, commonly known as "rest assured fan", to tell her parents not to worry about it. Nobody says goodbye to the girl's family. The groom didn't look back.

(8) Introduction: When the sedan chair arrives at the door of the man's house, put a pot of charcoal fire in front of the sedan chair while waiting for the door. In front of the groom's sedan chair, my sister-in-law stood at the door of the sedan chair with a plate of oranges, and the man waited behind the sedan chair with a rice screen. When the auspicious time came, the groom kicked the sedan chair door three times and it opened. Sister-in-law holds an orange plate for the bride to touch, and the groom reaches out and holds the bride's hand. If so, the bride's kick on the sedan chair door is intended to impress the bride, and touching the orange symbolizes the perfection and auspiciousness of husband and wife's life; Gaimi screen stepping on tiles has the effect of avoiding evil spirits; Passing charcoal fire symbolizes the prosperity of future generations. During this period, there were many gunshots.

Pet-name ruby worship heaven and earth-after the bride gets started, she and the groom worship heaven and earth in the main hall and then enter the new house.

⑽ into the bridal chamber-when the bride enters the bridal chamber, she can only cross the threshold and avoid stepping on it. As soon as you enter the bridal chamber, you can leave the house on the third day, which shows your extravagance.

⑾ Eat a "wedding ring". -The bride and groom eat a dumpling with their own arms, and then feed each other with one. It means caring for each other, sharing weal and woe, and loving each other. After that, they will have a "wine wedding table", where the "lucky" will sit, and the bride and groom will sit on both sides of the round table; This table has twelve dishes, six meats and six vegetarian dishes, which are handed to the bride and groom by a "good man" with chopsticks. Every time I serve a dish, I casually read an auspicious greeting, which rhymes smoothly and is full of fun. The whole new house is full of laughter.

⑿ Going out of the hall-On the third day after marriage, the bride walked out of the new house for the first time and went to the hall to worship God, ancestors, in-laws and relatives and elders, commonly known as "going out of the hall". The bride will make sweet tea with dried longan and red dates brought by herself to honor her family and elders, and the elders will put the prepared red envelopes on the tea tray to express their gratitude. This is called "pressing the tea tray".

[13] Brother-in-law's Bridal Table Banquet-On the afternoon of the church, the man set up a "Bridal Table" to entertain his brother-in-law's family, because the woman sent her brother-in-law to visit, and also brought bananas, melon candy and other fruits and food. My brother-in-law went to court to meet his in-laws, who wanted to give him a red envelope of "sugar money" and the bride sat in the middle. During the dinner, a bowl was placed in front of him.

[14] The noisy hall ―― On the third night, my in-laws invited guests. After the banquet, all the guests were in the hall, and the bride made fragrant tea to pay tribute to the guests. When guests receive tea, they should say auspicious words, including congratulations, humor and banter. The left sentence and the right sentence are easy to rhyme, elegant and popular, and the atmosphere is lively. At this point, the wedding ceremony came to an end.

Go back to your mother's house as a guest

On the fourth day after marriage, the brother-in-law took his parents to invite the bride to visit his parents' home, commonly known as "being a guest". My in-laws want to give my brother-in-law a red envelope with a shirt on it.

The bride was accompanied home by the groom. In-laws should prepare cakes, four-color cakes, flowers and fruits. And give some red envelopes to parents, elders and younger generations, and bring them with you. The bride's parents will double the gift according to the amount of money in the red envelope and give each other clothes at home. The red envelopes of the other elders will be returned intact, and the younger generation can accept them all according to the order. On the day of "being a guest", the woman's family feasted until dark.

When the bride is a guest, she must return to her husband's house that day. When she got home, she had to enter the new house in the dark. The whole family can't have a little light, even a stove fire. Custom: "If you touch the dark, you will have dry pu." After the full moon, the bride can spend the night at her parents' house.

The bride's family must bring gifts back to her daughter;

(1) grandma burn-a naked chicken wrapped in sugar, to the son-in-law's grandmother to keep warm; Not if you don't have a grandmother.

2 dry cooking-a pork leg wrapped in sugar to warm up the mother-in-law.

(3) Bring chickens-a pair of "chickens" (chicks), bring them back to the new house, put them under the bed, and give birth to men and women; The cock comes out first to give birth to a boy, and the hen comes out first to give birth to a girl.

(4) Sugarcane with tail-Choose a good sugarcane and take it home with leaves. After the new door is erected, the couple will live a happy and sweet life.

⑤ rice cake-sweet glutinous rice, red and white, symbolizes inseparable, regardless of each other.

⑥ Fruits of various foods: buns, twists, four-color cakes, peaches and other foods; Banana, citrus, longan and other fruits. I wish you a sweet life from now on.

All landowners eat in the room-all kinds of sour and sweet food, for two people to enjoy or entertain guests.

⑧ Xie Ganzai-a small bamboo basket with needles, thread, scissors, etc. To convey embroidery skills to men.