How do children quit comforting things in kindergarten?

When the mother is away, if there is a comfort in hand, the child's heart will be much more stable. Especially when entering a strange environment and getting along with strangers, this kind of comfort is more important for children.

As the child grows older, his inner sense of security is getting better and better, and his heart is getting stronger and stronger. They will gradually get rid of their dependence on comfort and bravely go to the outside world. Children's dependence on comfort is only a stage problem. It is generally unnecessary to take care of it. Just wait patiently for him to solve it himself.

Most children don't rely too much on comfort, and when they are having fun, or when they are accompanied by their closest relatives, they often forget his comfort. There are also some children who are highly dependent on comfort for a long time, even when they are five or six years old, they are reluctant to give up. This is related to the humanistic environment of the family and the family's attitude towards children's comfort. Usually, when growing up in a family with good family relationship and loving husband and wife, parents give their children enough attention and love, and their children are less dependent on comfort, and some children don't even need comfort at all. On the contrary, in a family with chaotic family relations and frequent contradictions, children are less concerned. Because they can't get enough positive energy from their parents, their sense of security is not well established and their dependence on comfort will be higher. If you can't accept the child's comfort, you always want to force the child to get rid of it quickly, which will also lead to more panic in the child's heart and strengthen the child's dependence on comfort.

Of course, even if the family relationship is good, the child may spontaneously find a kind of comfort. When he leaves his parents, he will use this comfort to replace his parents and give him psychological support. This is his independent attempt. Since children have such characteristics, we can take the initiative to find a comfort for them when they enter certain environments. For example, when the child is about to go to kindergarten, if the kindergarten allows, you can consider bringing comfort to the child and use this comfort to help him adapt to the life in kindergarten more quickly. Of course, every kindergarten has different requirements. Some kindergartens don't allow children to bring these things. We can use something else instead. For example, drawing a picture for him and writing a sentence in his pocket can also play the same role.

When a little girl first came to Linyi Parenting Club, her separation anxiety was serious. Although I suggested that my parents bring comfort to her, my parents didn't take it seriously or put it into practice. I had a brainwave and handed her her wool hat: "When you miss your mother, hug your little hat!" " "She immediately picked up the little hat and held it in her arms. I asked her, "Isn't it better than your mother to have a little hat with you?" The little girl nodded. Since then, she has been holding her little hat every day. When she is having fun, she will throw her hat in any corner. When the mood comes, she will look for her little hat everywhere. As she gradually adapted to the life in the clubhouse, her dependence on hats became less and less. Suddenly one day, she suddenly didn't need her little hat.

If we face our children's staged needs frankly, we and our children will be more relaxed and happy.

Of course, individual children will have some specific needs for comfort, which will also bother parents. For example, some children's quilts are worn out, old and dirty, but if you wash them quietly, they will react violently because they can't smell the familiar smell, leaving parents at a loss. Even if you buy him the same comfort object, you can't treat the little guy like a ghost.

Parents need to weigh this type of child. Although his comfort is dirty, it won't do much harm to the child's health. Let him choose the lesser of two evils. Of course, if parents really don't feel at ease, they can buy an ultraviolet lamp to illuminate the comfort of their children when they are asleep and disinfect them. That's much more reassuring.

If it's a blanket or something, we can also play a little trick and secretly cut it for him every day, and hint at him: "The baby grows bigger, why does the blanket grow smaller?" How strange! "In this way, he will be proud of growing up and pay less attention to blankets. One day, the blanket became smaller and smaller, and finally it was "too small" to be seen. This is a natural thing and it is more acceptable for children. Of course, more important than these tricks is to give our children enough support when they need us. Only in this way can children's sense of security be better established, which is the root of solving the problem.

It's also a good idea to let comfortable things travel. According to the child's "pan-spirituality" characteristics, the comfort object can also have "mom and dad", and its "mom and dad" will definitely take him out for a trip. We can choose a "good day" and tell the child quietly when he is in a good mood: "Guess what your blanket told me after you fell asleep last night? It said that its parents would take it on a trip! So, starting from tomorrow, it can't accompany you. I can't stay with you until it comes back from its trip! It also said it would bring you a gift! Guess what gift it will bring you? I can't guess. I think we should also give it a gift to travel with! What do you want to give it? " Prepare gifts with children, "give" blankets, solemnly say goodbye to blankets, and then let them "travel" for ten and a half days, and children will naturally forget.

If the child mentions his comfort in the blanket "trip", we might as well say, "Did you miss your blanket?" Then let's call the rug and ask when it will come back. "We can make this call ourselves or let the children make it. Of course, the ultimate control must be in our hands. Children may imagine that it will come back soon. We don't need to deny him, just go with him. " Blanket must miss you, too. It is estimated that he has boarded the plane at this moment and flew to ... Then, he needs to take a big passenger ship, cross the Pacific Ocean, arrive at ... and then take the high-speed rail ... "So, this imaginary trip can be endless, running around the earth, even flying away from the solar system and the Milky Way and heading for higher space. In addition to extending in space and time, it can also extend in traffic, cultural background, local customs, geographical environment and other directions. There are many ways to touch the blanket, including the most primitive way, the most modern way, and the most incredible way, such as telepathy ... in short, you can expand infinitely through this imaginary journey.

Individual children may be stubborn. If he insists that blanket will come back soon, we can continue this imaginary journey with him on the basis of family ties: "You want him to go home soon, don't you?" If only the blanket could go home now! Otherwise, let's give him a call and ask him to install a pair of wings for himself. Don't fly by plane or train, just fly by yourself! Maybe this will be faster? "

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In this way, we can easily solve this problem without confronting children. Moreover, while we solve the problem in this way, children's imagination, creativity, language ability, emotional control and many other abilities are also invisibly edified, which also enhances our parent-child relationship and brings more satisfaction to children. In this way, this disturbing event has become a rare educational opportunity.

This article is taken from Lin Yi's Don't Think You Will Love Children.

Brief introduction of the author

Lin Yi, a famous early education expert, parent-child bestseller, founder of Lin Yi parenting website and parenting club; Based on the concept that "the purpose of education is not to teach a day", help parents learn to understand and respect their children.

Children rely too much on comfort, should they be forced to quit? Parent-child clinic