Social eloquence: 7 tricks to teach you to skillfully resolve social embarrassment.

In life, we inevitably have to deal with people, but there are often some embarrassing situations. In order to be more comfortable in interpersonal communication, I have summed up 7 tips to help you easily resolve social embarrassment.

The first trick to skillfully resolve social embarrassment: be brave in self-mockery and find yourself a step down.

We should be careful not to hurt other comrades with words, but we should also be tolerant when others hurt ourselves with words. Xu Teli

The so-called self-mockery means that when one's needs are not met and negative emotions are generated, in order to alleviate or alleviate one's inner anguish and troubles, one deliberately vilifies what one can't get, fabricates some reasons to comfort oneself and achieve psychological balance, so as to prevent ideological and behavioral deviations. We are all familiar with the fable that foxes can't eat grapes and say grapes are sour. Although this story is a bit ridiculous, it actually puts forward an effective way of psychological defense. In the absence of sweet grapes, we have to eat sour lemons but insist that lemons are sweet, and deliberately beautify what we get, so as to balance and alleviate our disappointment and dissatisfaction and exercise ourselves to be more mature and strong. Self-mockery can often resolve embarrassment and find yourself under the steps.

Celebrities often find their own steps in this way. Some people criticized Reagan's purchase of B- 1 heavy bombers as offensive. Reagan explained: "I have been hearing all kinds of propaganda about ordering B- 1. How do I know it's a model plane? I thought it was just vitamins needed by the army. "

On another occasion, Reagan gave a mass speech in Canada. From time to time, anti-American people interrupted him, which made Canada very embarrassed. Reagan said calmly: "I am used to opposing the United States. I guess these people should go to your country specially from our country. Seeing them, I feel like I'm in my hometown.

Another president, Lincoln, spoke at the newspaper editors' meeting, but his status was not commensurate with the meeting. It seems that he should stay at home instead of appearing at the meeting, which makes the situation a little embarrassing. So he told us a short story: "once, I met a woman riding a horse in the forest." I stopped to make way, but she also stopped to stare at me. She said; I believe you are the ugliest person I have ever met. I said, "you may be right, but what can I do?" "Of course, you can't change this ugly face, but you can stay at home and don't come out. Everyone burst into laughter because of Lincoln's humor, and the embarrassing atmosphere was swept away.

When you are embarrassed, it is a good idea to laugh at yourself and find yourself a step down.

Self-deprecating skills

1. When you laugh at yourself, you should violently attack one of your shortcomings. With this tolerance and courage, others will not let you laugh alone, but will usually laugh with you.

If you happen to be handsome or beautiful, try your other shortcomings. If you really have no shortcomings, make up one. Disadvantages are usually not difficult to find. For example, you can say a punch line: "No one in the world is perfect, and I am the best example."

In social interaction, when you are in an awkward position, you can get rid of the predicament by laughing at yourself. At a reception, the waiter accidentally spilled beer on the shiny bald head of a guest while pouring wine. The waiter stunned the audience. The guest smiled and said, "Brother, do you think this treatment will be effective?" The people present laughed, and the embarrassing situation was immediately broken.

The second trick to skillfully resolve social embarrassment: make up for previous mistakes.

A slip of the tongue can be made up quickly, but it may never be made up&; Mdash Franklin

If you say something inappropriate or do something inappropriate in a certain scene, you should find a way to remedy it, and then you should answer it later. As for how to remedy it, we still have to rely on our own wisdom or consult the people present modestly.

I don't know if you still remember a plot in Prime Minister Liu. Liu Yong was allowed to call Gan Long's name when taking a bath with him. Later, he accidentally let it slip. As soon as he said the word "red", he realized that he was wrong. Only then did the emperor realize that he was very unhappy. He asked loudly, "What is Hong?" The people next to me broke out in a cold sweat when they saw this. Liu Yong knelt on the ground calmly and said, "Long live the good king of the world." After listening to this compliment, Qianlong turned anger into joy and stopped delving into it.

Don't panic when you spill the beans in front of the boss. But to know how to make up for it and wait for an opportunity to make up for it with clever words.

Mr. Zhang was transferred to the branch office for half a year. As soon as he returned to the head office, he rushed over to greet Yang Kechang who had taken care of him before. Mr. Zhang repeatedly thanked Mr. Yang for often going to the branch for guidance in the past, but somehow, the other party's response seemed very cold. When Mr. Zhang went out in surprise, a colleague came over and told him, "section chief Yang has been promoted to deputy director." I don't know that the other party has been promoted, but I still use my previous title, which will of course make the other party feel uncomfortable. Mr. Zhang suddenly realized that he regretted leaving the head office for half a year and didn't confirm whether the other party's position had changed in advance, so he made a slip of the tongue. But if you say it wrong, you can't take it back. What should I do? He thought about it and immediately returned to Director Yang's office and said, "Congratulations, you really didn't tell me just now. I am inevitably ignorant in the branch office. However, it is always my fault that I missed the news of your promotion. I am really sorry, please forgive me. " Cleverly telling the reason for the embarrassment like this and expressing heartfelt congratulations naturally resolved the unhappiness in Director Yang's heart.

Several ways to make up for saying something wrong

1. Sincerely apologize, and more importantly, make the problem clear through apology. Only in this way can we fully communicate with each other and successfully solve the crisis caused by our own mistakes in words and deeds.

2. Compliment each other with sweet words first, and then sincerely analyze your own mistakes and express your apologies, which is a good way to eliminate each other's unhappiness.

You can skillfully use modifiers to make your mistakes look funny or out of kindness, and make the other person laugh or move, but you don't have the heart to blame you.

4. To explain the reasons and eliminate misunderstandings, we must choose a good opportunity and consider the other party's mood, emotions and other factors. It should be noted that don't feel embarrassed or because of feelings, so the misunderstanding will drag on longer and longer. This will make the misunderstanding deeper and deeper, and finally cause more painful consequences.

When you can't make it clear, you can ask other colleagues to help you explain things thoroughly.

The third trick to skillfully resolve social embarrassment: learn to "mix mud"

In case of fraud, be moved by sincerity; People who encounter violence should be fumigated with goodwill. & ampmdash Hong Zicheng

We have all met the situation that we argue with people with different views because we insist on our own views. In fact, with the change of occasions and angles, different or even opposing opinions and viewpoints may be established. Therefore, when solving the embarrassment caused by this dispute, we should seize this point and try our best to analyze the problem skillfully, so that both sides can clearly realize that the other side's views are relative and compatible, and then stop unnecessary disputes.

One day, Emperor Qianlong took Xiao Shenyang and Liu Tongxun to visit the lake, where he was in a good mood. Emperor Qianlong sang, "Which is higher or lower, which is east or west?" Liu Tongxun is knowledgeable and versatile, and immediately responded: "Teachers are above students, literature is in the east, and martial arts are in the west." Seeing that Liu Tongxun stole the limelight, Xiao Shenyang was very unhappy, so he sang an ironic sentence: "The sky is low and the river (and) flows east (and) west." In feudal ethics, the east is high and the west is low, which means that you and Liu Tongxun should be under me. Liu Tongxun recognized the meaning of the poem, and he was not satisfied. When the three men came to the bridge, Emperor Qianlong asked them to split a word, say a proverb and write a poem on the topic of water. Liu Tongxun took this opportunity to insult Shenyang, saying, "You don't have to look at the stream when there is water, but you can laugh at the stream when there is no water. Can only ridicule the bird as a chicken. The fox that eats is as happy as a tiger, and the phoenix that falls on the slope is not as good as a chicken. " Xiao Shenyang thought it was scolding himself and was very angry. Emperor Qianlong recognized the moral of these two poems. He knew that they were all pillars of the country, and if they were not in harmony, it would affect the cause of the Qing Dynasty. Emperor Qianlong took two people by the hand and walked to the lake, looking at the reflected three figures. He said: "I also sang a poem: I can read clearly with water, and I am young without water." Two green * * * together, know fairly well. Look at the Buddha instead of the monk, and look at the water instead of me. " Xiao Shenyang and Liu Tongxun were very moved after hearing this. Emperor Qianlong did not reduce his crime, but adopted the strategy of "muddling along" to make them shake hands and make peace.

Both Xiao Shenyang and Liu Tongxun wanted to show themselves in front of Emperor Qianlong, which led to quarrels and mutual denigration. If Emperor Qianlong intervened directly, it would certainly hurt someone's face and only intensify contradictions, and the embarrassing situation at that time was skillfully resolved by means of poetic metaphors.

Several methods of "mixing mud"

1。 Answer irrelevant questions. In some cases, when the other party asks some questions, but for some reason he has to answer them, which is inconvenient for him to answer directly, he can take the tactics of answering irrelevant questions and "taking care of him" to change the other party's topic.

2 Invalid answer. Use some meaningless words to make a non-substantive answer, invalid answer. Xiao Li is warm-hearted, because when she saw this new female employee Zhang who came to help, there were some rumors. One day, a colleague asked Xiao Li, "Do you like Zhang?" This is embarrassing whether Xiao Li's answer is yes or no. Xiao Li smiled and said, "I like everyone who is diligent and earnest." This seemingly "invalid answer" effectively avoided glare and protected Zhang's self-esteem.

3 indirect answer. Respondents use clever language to answer analogies in response to questioners' cross-examination of some sharp questions. Someone asked a wise prime minister, "If a black cat follows you, is it a bad omen?" The Prime Minister replied, "It depends on whether you are a human or a mouse."

4 retreat for progress. On the other hand, the respondent first acknowledges the questioner's words and then makes an appropriate response. At the press conference, when foreign journalists asked whether there were prostitutes in China, Zhou first admitted that there were prostitutes, and then replied, "In Taiwan Province Province, China." This answer has dealt a blow to some foreign journalists' slander and hatred of China.

It is easy to avoid difficulties. For those questions that are difficult to answer, don't touch them directly, but avoid them and answer them from easier aspects. This is the essence of avoiding difficulties, and it is also a simple and witty refusal language.

6 punch out with virtual reality. This tactic can not only effectively avoid the sharp edge, but also effectively attack the "reality", that is, retreat first, retreat first, turn back, and completely deny the purpose of the other party's argument in advance.

The fourth trick to skillfully resolve social embarrassment: take care of others and let those who are not interested go away.

Genius is the ability to escape hard work &; Mdash Harbert

In language communication, we are often asked questions about some sensitive topics, such as the secrets of the state and organizations, personal income, family life and marital status. When we deal with such problems, we can neither ignore them nor trap ourselves in a difficult rope. Therefore, on such occasions, we should use the language art of "caring for others", which can not only save face, but also take into account the feelings of the questioner.

When a female employee of a unit gets married, the unit sends out wedding candy. It happens that there is a 33-year-old young woman in the company who hasn't talked about the object yet. Everyone is eating wedding candy. Suddenly a colleague smiled and said to the young woman, "Hey, when do you eat wedding candy?" Everyone looked at the young woman. The young woman blushed slightly, turned to the female colleague next to her, and then pointed to the fashionable coat on the female colleague and asked, "Hey? When did you buy this coat? In which store did you buy it? " The two men are talking about this dress with great interest. It's really impolite to ask older women when to get married in public. What is the embarrassing situation for young women to encounter this sharp problem? If they don't answer well, it may cause gossip. Besides, there is no need for everyone to know about it. So she immediately turned the topic to her colleague's clothes, so as not to ask boring questions. The questioner was openly snubbed and naturally realized his rudeness.

There is no doubt that the direct transfer method can get you out of the embarrassing topic immediately. But one drawback is that it is too blunt. Turning the topic to irrelevant places quickly seems to get rid of the predicament quickly, but both sides still have psychological shadows. Therefore, we should learn to speak in a more subtle way&; Mdash switch.

Substitution is a new topic of the other topic. On the surface, they answered each other's questions, but in essence, they were two unrelated questions. Doing so can not only get rid of embarrassment, but also avoid making the other party unhappy.

Look around, his wonderful use.

1。 Transfer the incident center and solve your own embarrassment. The other party replied, "I work 16 hours a day and have little time to spend with my wife and children, so I decided to be a qualified husband and father in the future."

2。 Deal with problems calmly and take care of both sides' emotions and faces. When faced with "why do you make and sell garbage?" The boss of a car company talked proudly about the good life and safety performance of the cars he produced, turned questions into opportunities for self-promotion, answered irrelevant questions, and scared the other party to Taiwan Province.

The fifth trick to skillfully solve social embarrassment: deliberately misinterpret the meaning of others.

We deliberately make ourselves ridiculous in society, although it is because we are too vain, we steal happiness from people's malice. & ampmdash& ampmdash Stendhal

It is a relaxed and ridiculous attitude to misinterpret magic, explain a problem at will, and forcibly pinch two unrelated things together, resulting in disharmony, irrationality and unexpected effects. In this dislocation of causality and the contradiction between emotion and logic, we can get rid of embarrassment and resolve the crisis. This method can often make you step down gracefully when resolving embarrassment.

When Wilson was the governor of New Jersey, he received a phone call from Washington, D.C., saying that a good friend of his, a congressman from New Jersey, had just died. Warm, deeply shocked and sad, I immediately canceled all the appointments for that day. A few minutes later, he received a phone call from a politician in New Jersey. "Governor," stammered the man, "I, I hope to take over that position." Wilson was embarrassed and his friends were not cold, but he had no reason to refuse the politician. He paused and answered slowly, "If the funeral home agrees, I have no problem with it." Faced with this New Jersey politician who can't wait to become a member of parliament, Wilson deliberately misinterpreted the meaning of "position" in the other party's words in a humorous way. What the other party originally wanted was the position of a member of parliament. Wilson deliberately temporarily replaced the position of a member of the funeral home, expressing his disgust and irony to the other party in a humorous way to resolve his embarrassment.

As a humorous skill, the method of misinterpreting humor is neither mysterious nor profound. As long as it is out of the need of expression, as long as it is not so stubborn, anyone can use it in daily communication.

Two kinds of crooked solutions.

1, misinterpret the text. Misinterpreting words is to use the fuzziness of language, that is, knowing that it is the first meaning and understanding it as the second meaning, and deliberately confusing it to produce humorous effects. Polysemy is not only often used, but also called homophonic and homophonic.

2. Look at the law of meaning. In other words, literally explaining the meaning of a word, the result is completely different from the original explanation. When he speaks, he is humorous and full of sense of humor. The method of creating meaning by reading a text is a clever humorous skill. To apply, one must "read the text", that is, pretend to interpret the text rigidly; The second is "generating meaning", that is, the meaning generated by "reading the text" is quite different from the usual meaning of this meaning, and the meaning generated by "reading the text" should be led to a content irrelevant to the original intention, thus forming a sense of humor in strong disharmony.

The sixth trick to skillfully resolve social embarrassment: avoid reality and pretend to be confused.

Playing dumb depends on talent. He must spy on the mood of the people he teased, know their identity and seize the opportunity. & ampmdash& ampmdash Shakespeare

People in society, naturally there is no lack of communication activities. In communication activities, there are often misunderstandings caused by the language of both parties, or scenes that are difficult to clean up because of the unintentional words of a third party. In order to break this embarrassment, we can avoid reality, pretend to be confused, or deliberately "misunderstand" and ignore it, saying that things are developing in a moderate direction.

A beautiful young intern teacher came to the middle class of a kindergarten. Teacher Zhang, the monitor, is standing among the children. Their new teacher is familiar with the environment. Suddenly, several children said loudly, "This teacher is younger and more beautiful than our teacher Zhang." This is amazing. How can a naive child think of the embarrassment of the two teachers at this time? For this intern, I encountered this embarrassing scene when I first joined the company, which was really a headache. If you give a positive answer to this and offend Mr. Zhang, how can you let her help you through the internship in the future? Turn around and be modest, okay? No way! Otherwise, it will be self-defeating. The intern had a brainwave, pretended not to hear clearly, and said sternly, "I think Mark's children are so disobedient and make a scene down there? Teachers don't like such undisciplined children. " As soon as this language came out, teacher Zhang's nervous expression suddenly relaxed a lot, and the embarrassing situation disappeared. Interns should skillfully pretend to pay, avoid reality and be empty, that is, avoid the entity of "praise", pretend not to hear clearly, and attack the virtual image of "noise", that is, skillfully tell the class teacher that "I" didn't hear clearly at all; It also dispels children's interest in praise and eliminates the possibility that they mistakenly think that the teacher didn't hear it, thus avoiding them from praising a few more words and making the already tense situation even more embarrassing.

Several clever uses of playing dumb

1, save the embarrassing situation caused by "slip of the tongue". "Did I say so? Why can't you remember? " You can often avoid contradictions and get rid of embarrassment.

2. Respond to the sophistry of others. In life, we can always meet some people who have a glib tongue. We know what they said is ridiculous, but we can't fight back. Playing dumb at this time can make these people lose the motivation to continue talking, which is a good way to deal with these people.

3. Instruct others to be sarcastic. Satire is an act of belittling others with sharp language. When we meet these languages, we can only lose each other when we are angry. Sometimes, in the face of such provocative behavior, pretending is an effective way to avoid humiliation.

4. Correct the mistakes and omissions in the speech. In an impromptu speech, it sometimes happens that the speaker himself doesn't know why, but he is wrong and immediately realizes it. What shall we do? At this time, the speaker might as well pretend that he doesn't know anything, and then take remedial measures such as adjusting semantics and changing tone. As long as the response is quick and the strain is timely, you can receive the error correction effect without showing traces.

The seventh trick to skillfully resolve social embarrassment: follow the trail and save the face of both sides.

Material loss and face loss can be made up, even if it is a slap in the face, it is no big deal, but being smashed when committing a crime is irreparable &; Mdash Balzac

Going down the stairs means taking advantage of the favorable opportunity to go down with the trend, rather than deliberately looking for the opportunity, so as to attract others' attention, keep the initiative and save the faces of both sides. This method is very effective in solving the embarrassing situation.

Li was a great eunuch in the late Qing Dynasty. He was famous for his talent, beauty and eloquent tongue, which often helped Cixi get out of trouble. One day, Cixi went to see the performance of the famous actor Yang Xiaolou. Finally, she invited him to the front and wrote a "blessing" in her own handwriting on the spot. The little prince next to him saw that Empress Dowager Cixi had written the word "clothes" beside the word "xiu" in the blessing word, and quietly hinted at Cixi. Yang Xiaolou also saw the typo. If he takes it back, it will inevitably lead to criticism, but if he doesn't take it, he will be guilty of deceiving the monarch. The situation was very embarrassing and the atmosphere became tense. In fact, Empress Dowager Cixi also felt very embarrassed, not knowing whether to send it out or take it back. Li Ling had an idea and smiled: "Of course, Lafayette is a little more blessed than others." Yang Xiaolou quickly kowtowed: "The blessing of Lafayette is above ten thousand people, which is a great blessing. I dare not accept it! " Empress Dowager Cixi worried about how to step down and agreed to give a message later. In this way, Yang Xiaolou was spared from conviction, Empress Dowager Cixi also avoided making a fool of herself, and the faces of all parties were saved.

Two manifestations of getting down a ladder.

1, talk to each other. Sometimes, a topic can go on and develop in many directions. We can consciously lead the topic to our own advantage, and then pull away in time when the topic is tied.

2. Follow others to clear the field. During the conversation, if the whole atmosphere is not harmonious because of our own embarrassment, interested people may come forward to help you out in time. At this time, we should seize the opportunity and quit in time with the help of others.