Talking about Love by Li Yinhe

1, the origin of marriage and marriage system

We have experienced a long period of polygamy, from the initial group marriage to marriage, and finally entered the stage of equal rights monogamy.

After the equality between men and women, China began to advocate the freedom of love, marriage and divorce, and established a system of equality between men and women. Ancient ethics and morality and three obedience and four virtues are no longer suitable for today's society. It can be seen that the relationship between men and women is moving towards equality, and this trend is irreversible.

In recent years, the western view of marriage and love has produced a new trend. In many countries, the number of people living alone is increasing gradually, and the remaining marriage modes are as follows: one is cohabitation; One is a weekend couple; There are also contract marriages and traditional marriages. Also, multilateral love exists as a new and interesting intimate relationship.

In addition to changes in social phenomena, there are also some theoretical changes in the West, such as queer theory. Queer refers to all people or things that are different. This theory defends all unconventional sexual behaviors and sexual orientation.

These seemingly abnormal social phenomena are unimaginable in their traditional culture. For China people with different ways of thinking, it is even more unacceptable. We will habitually put family values first. This is that the culture of China is very different from that of the West. We are family-oriented and they are individual-oriented.

2. Modern marriage in China.

Looking back at the long river of history, there are four modes of parents' power over their children's marriage: the first mode is that parents decide not to ask their children's opinions, which is what we call arranged marriage; The second is that parents give priority to their own opinions and seek the consent of their children; The third is to seek parents' consent based on children's opinions; The fourth is more open, and children make their own decisions without consulting their parents.

Apart from the changes in China's modern marital autonomy, "divorce" experienced three climaxes in the 20th century. The first time was in the 1930s, when many intellectuals refused arranged marriages by "escaping marriage". The second time was in the 1950s, when many cadres who entered the city divorced their rural wives. The third time was 1980 reform and opening up, and the newly revised marriage law relaxed the scale, leading to a small climax of divorce.

Undoubtedly, the motive force to promote the evolution of modern marriage system in China is the five amendments to the Marriage Law.

1950 Marriage Law is the first law promulgated after the founding of New China. One of the key points of this marriage law is "prohibiting bigamy and concubinage" and proposing "prohibiting interference with the widow's freedom of marriage". Its focus is to criticize the old system and convey new ideas, that is, to oppose arranged marriages and marriage sales, to advocate freedom of marriage and divorce, and to advocate equality between men and women.

1980 marriage law has two points worth noting. One is to stipulate that the relationship between husband and wife has indeed broken down and mediation is ineffective, and divorce can be decided. The second is to determine the basic national policy of family planning.

By 200 1, there are three important changes in the marriage law: 1, it is forbidden for a spouse to live with others; 2. Emphasize the protection of women and add provisions prohibiting domestic violence; The principle that husband and wife should be faithful to each other emphasizes that husband and wife should abide by the promise of loyalty.

The new judicial interpretation of 20 1 1 Marriage Law, which caused public controversy, is the issue of housing ownership. According to the new judicial regulations, the house purchased before marriage belongs to the purchaser himself, not to the property of husband and wife. 20 17 updated judicial interpretation of bride price stipulates that in some cases, for example, if both parties fail to go through the marriage registration formalities, the parties may request the return of the bride price.

The "hidden rules of bride price" are widespread in small and medium-sized cities, especially in rural areas, and there may be only a thin line between them and disguised marriage. The qualitative standard of buying and selling marriage and non-buying and selling marriage lies in whether the money is given to the young couple or the woman's parents. If it is for a young couple to live in the future, then it is not a buying and selling marriage in essence. The bride price is a custom, and the custom cannot be changed by amending a law. It can only change slowly with the pace of social progress.

Some people say that the later amendments to the marriage law do not seem to be particularly beneficial in protecting women, and it seems that men take more advantages. However, the revision of the marriage law is based on equality between men and women, that is, dual income for both employees. The purpose of this amendment is to encourage women to work and have their own independent income, instead of taking marriage as a way to settle down like buying a long-term meal ticket. Women should change their concept of mate selection and choose men who respect women's personality.

Nowadays, people in China, especially those living in an urbanized and modernized environment, have more choices. People's freedom is gradually expanding. You can choose to wait for love, have a vigorous love and get married. Or can't wait for love, you can choose to be single.

3. Single wave

The data shows that in the first quarter of 20 18, there were 30010.7 million marriages and 0/0.7 million divorces, and the divorce rate was as high as 56.3%, which was quite amazing. There are many reasons for the low marriage rate. A large part of people who are forced to be single are limited by economic strength. Getting married, buying a house and a car in a big city brings great pressure to families and individuals, and young people who have no house or car are reluctant to get married.

A very special mode of choosing active singles is called "Sartre-Beauvoir mode". This kind of unmarried is not due to economic reasons. On the contrary, they have an idea: there is absolutely no responsibility, restraint and coercion in intimate relationships, and emotions can flow freely. Based on this idea, they chose to live together for life and not get married. People who have studied it will notice that there is a third party in their relationship, and both sides have had lovers, perhaps more than one.

This undoubtedly highlights the conceptual differences between the East and the West. The concept of making friends freely, loving each other, loving each other sexually, and then breaking up naturally and peacefully, which is unnecessary and irresponsible, is still relatively avant-garde in China. After all, it is quite difficult to change social culture and social psychology, and it is still difficult for people to accept such a lifestyle. However, with the trend of being single in society, the marriage rate drops and the divorce rate rises gradually, people's evaluation of this phenomenon will become more and more neutral.

By 20 18, there will be about 200 million people living alone in China, accounting for 16%. There are many reasons why young people don't want to get married, two of which are typical: first, the cost of divorce is too high, whether it is material or spiritual; The second is not wanting children. Four suggestions for single or unmarried people:

First of all, you don't have to get married, but you have to experience love, friendship and affection. Love is not for marriage, but for "love" itself. Secondly, if we are economically independent, we should have our own business. To be a single person, you must arrange your own pension and design your own pension model, so that you can really have no worries. Furthermore, develop personal interests. As long as there are no economic problems and you don't feel lonely mentally, single life can reach a perfect state. Finally, be prepared for social pressure. At present, China is still in the transition stage from family-oriented to individual-oriented, and this family-oriented custom and concept still exert great pressure on singles. Evaluate your state from these four aspects, constantly enrich yourself, and find the life style that suits you best.

Today's marriage system is facing such severe challenges for several reasons: 1. The high loyalty required by the marriage system is contrary to the high emotional mobility of human beings. Nowadays, city life has increased the chances of people's derailment and derailment, and people will instinctively feel fond of the new and tired of the old and aesthetic fatigue. The life span of human beings has been greatly prolonged, which helps to prove that people can't stand being unchanged for decades in marriage. 3. Equality between men and women in modern society. In the patriarchal society in the past, marriage was the only way for women to survive. Now women's economic independence has increased their autonomy, and women can choose to get married or be single. The cost of divorce is too high. 5. The purpose of sexual change. The traditional view of fertility holds that the only legitimate reason for sexual activity is fertility; Nowadays, most sexual activities are for pleasure.

So will the marriage system die out? The answer is: it will not die out, but will move towards diversification.

At present, this kind of one-on-one marriage will exist, which is suitable for two people who have passionate love, no distractions and want to be together for life. For open marriage, unmarried cohabitation, single marriage and contract marriage, you will not have to bear the traditional vision and pressure, and you will not have to be anxious to choose a lifestyle that suits you.