Super Funny Jokes

1, flavor

Two colleagues walking side by side, walking head-on over the personnel manager (beautiful), after greetings, such as the personnel manager walked away, one said: "Good smell ah, I do not know what perfume."

The other: "This flavor is either six gods or honeysuckle."

2, business card

Newly recruited a MM salesman, beautiful, but just graduated from the University of half a year, less careless.

Today, take her to visit customers, in exchange for business cards with customers, customers said: this printed business card is very difficult to see.

The MM who has been silent on the sidelines interjected without hesitation: Are you printing your avatar on the business card?

3, songs

I am in a children's clothing store as a salesman, the store played a variety of children's songs. Giggle Giggle Giggle....

While I was standing in the doorway, the store started playing this song: a pug, standing at the front door....

4. Duel

Boss: A donkey was disobedient while pulling a mill, and made a deal with his master, and was finally skinned by him.

Employee: a wolf was too vicious, in order to satisfy his own greedy desire, biting all the sheep in the grassland, and finally starved to death himself.

5. Speech

The new leader took office to make a report, and read his speech at length, from how it was in January, how it was in February, and how it was in December. When he looked down, the stage was empty!

The leader asked his secretary in surprise: "When did everyone leave!"

The secretary replied, "Since February, and before the end of July there was no one left."

6. Surprise

With prices rising and wages never going up, I decided to look for an opportunity to side-step our stingy boss.

Noon, in the elevator met the boss, I have no words to say: "Alas, recently the price of meat has risen again, vegetables are also expensive as hell, days are not easy ah!"

The boss twisted his head and looked at me with a thoughtful expression. I felt happy in my heart, it seems that my words have attracted the boss's attention.

In the afternoon, the company gave a notice: in view of the recent rise in the price of meat and vegetables, lunch was changed from two meat and one vegetarian to one meat and one vegetarian.

7, eat

Today, before lunch to go to the restroom, just saw the boss out of the inside, and asked in passing: "Have you eaten?"

The boss hemmed and hawed and didn't answer.

I suddenly realized I had said the wrong thing.

Then I went to the cafeteria to eat, and the boss was there in line for food, so to make up for my mistake, I bravely took the initiative to greet him and said, "You haven't eaten yet, I thought you had eaten."

8, puppy

Today after lunch, we gathered in the manager's office to chat.

Chatting, the topic came to the name of each pet.

The manager asked me, "What's your puppy's name?"

I said, "The big name is Bonus, the little name is Year End Bonus, and the alias is Holiday Pay."

9, plan

The hard work of a year, looking forward to the end of the year to get more bonuses, so that the pain of a year. The first thing you need to do is to get a good deal of money to pay for the work you have done.

10, open to eat

The company is going to hold an anniversary dinner, the chairman of the board of directors to let the newly appointed manager to speak before the dinner, and told him to speak with two requirements: 1, to have a leadership style; 2, to have a charge of slogans. The manager nodded and agreed.

That day before the meeting meal, the manager went up to the stage to speak, only to see him raise his right hand high, and then waved it down vigorously, saying, "Ready, open food!"

11, collect money

This day, the boss asked the cashier about the status of the payment.

Boss: "How about letting you take the gorilla out to help you collect the money, did it work?"

Collector: "There's good news and bad news. I collected more today than I usually do in a week."

Boss: "And the bad news?"

Collector: "The money is still in the hands of the gorilla and I can't get it back."

12. Misunderstandings

My uncle, who does construction work, was recently fired, and I asked him what happened.

"You know what a foreman does? It's standing around watching other people work."

"What does that have to do with you getting fired?" I wondered.

Uncle explained, "He was jealous because everyone thought I was the foreman."

13. Insurance

Someone ran to the insurance company in a panic and said to the staff, "Please help me get property insurance right away."

The staff member asked, "Why are you in such a hurry?"

He angrily said, "What's the waste of time, the house is smoking, can you not be in a hurry?!"

14, wit

In the Institute, a section wanted to buy a refrigerator to store the test samples, he called his superiors, the results did not approve.

Yang Gong, a veteran employee of the section, saw it and suggested to the section chief, "Try replacing the 'refrigerator' with an 'artificially intelligent thermostat'."

The section chief did as he was told, and within a few days, the report was approved: "Agreed."

15, foreigners

Office of the young Sun found a wallet in the cafeteria. He picked it up and returned the wallet to the owner, a foreign employee.

The foreigner was so touched that he wrote a letter of thanks and posted it on the bulletin board.

As a result, every employee who passed by the bulletin board couldn't help but smile.

The title of the letter was: "Look at what Sun did"!

16. Drinking

One of the office employees was actually drinking at work, and when the manager saw it, he angrily asked, "Why are you drinking during work hours?"

The employee replied, "I'm sorry, manager, I'm commemorating the 10th anniversary of my last raise."

17, applaud

The manager had a hemorrhoid operation, and his colleagues made an appointment to visit him in the hospital. Men and women seven or eight people came to the ward, all giggling at the manager, who was embarrassed to ask about his condition.

Only to hear the driver Lao Zhang dry cough twice, very seriously asked the manager: "I heard that the 'chassis' had a bit of a malfunction, is it better now?"

18, flies

"Manager, you have too many flies in the toilet here, it's impossible to get in!"

"Next time you do not go to the toilet early in the morning."

"When should I go then?"

"Preferably at twelve noon, when the flies are in the dining room."

19, results

Today, after the physical examination back to the unit, the old Zhang sad face, ask him how it is, said: son's exam results are not good. Asked him exactly how many points.

The old Zhang said: 3 courses combined is not as high as the old son's blood pressure.

20, the bell

One day, not long after lunch, I heard the CCTV news broadcast of the beginning of the song, I miso a moment to stand up, shouted: MD!

Then I saw my boss coming out of his office, carrying his bag, rushing towards the elevator, and while walking, I said: It's 7 o'clock, how come the kindergarten teacher didn't call me to pick up the kids?

Then I heard a colleague behind me whisper: This is my cell phone ringtone.

1, confession

Buddy like a girl, Valentine's Day evening he asked the girl to come out to eat couples set meal.

After drinking a few glasses of red wine, he took the strength of his drink and boldly asked, "You ..... Can you be my girlfriend?"

The girl didn't even think about it and shook her head firmly.

Buddy is very sad, pick up the jacket to the girl said "bye-bye" and left.

When he took a few steps, the girl shouted from behind, "Love - you."

He was so excited that he hurried back to the table and looked at the girl with a smile, but the girl said to him quietly, "Hey, you, you haven't paid for your meal yet."

2, tattoo

A classmate, he dropped out of junior high school. Yesterday asked me: do you know how to wash the tattoo?

I asked: how?

He said: a while ago, I met a girl called Xia'er, really beautiful, hopelessly in love with her, willing to give everything for her, so with ink on the arm tattooed her name, pain for several days it!

I asked: then why wash again?

He said: "Damn, today I realized that her name is "Yama".

3, text messages

Today, on a whim, text messages to flirt with the husband "handsome, I noticed you for a long time, come out to eat a meal with it"

Thought he would cooperate with the good ah or where to go ah, and so on, and the results of this guy back a sentence! The first time I saw him, he said, "I don't know who you're sending this to," he said.

4, mandarin ducks

My boyfriend and I went to the park to play, in the park by the lake, I saw a pair of mandarin ducks swimming in the water.

I am very envious, can not help but see the scene, grabbed my boyfriend's hand, said fondly: "Dear, let us in this life are like this pair of mandarin ducks, forever swimming in this sea of love, okay?"

Hearing this, my boyfriend laughed out loud and said, "How can a mandarin duck swim in the ocean? Unless they were hit by a stick!"

5, features

Buddy introduced me to a blind date, asked what kind of girl like.

I said, "I'm not sure."

He said, "Think about what ****ing same traits you've liked in girls."

I thought about it and realized, "There are a lot of girls I've liked, and their **** same trait is that none of them like me!"

6, the river of love

A friend asked a depressed man: lost love?

Man: No, I fell in love.

Friend: Then you should be happy?

Man: The river of love is too deep I can't swim, she pushed me down and ran away by herself!

7, conditions

A boy to his girlfriend frantic courtship, his girlfriend said, "You promised me three conditions I will marry you."

Asked the first condition, the girlfriend said, "I want to see your picture in the newspaper."

The boy said, "That's fine." After that he paid to put a missing person notice with a photo in the newspaper and passed.

Asked for a second condition, the girlfriend said, "I want to see you on TV."

The boy said: "A little difficult, but it is not difficult to defeat me." After that, he man guarded the door of the TV station every day, and acted as an onlooker at the scene of a car accident, which was considered to be on camera and over the top.

Asked for the third condition, his girlfriend said, "I want to see your headshot on the bill."

.

8, hairstyle

A guy texted his girlfriend one day, "You have a different hairstyle today."

Girlfriend said, "Oh, I ironed it."

After a while, he replied, "Ah! Is it serious?!"

9. Cooking

Tonight it was my girlfriend's turn to cook.

Girlfriend brought a tray and said, "What do you want to eat, please turn over the sign.

Seeing the tray, there are four signs that read: chicken stewed with mushrooms, braised pork ribs with scallions, beef brisket with tomatoes, braised beef,

I said I want them all, can I? I'm afraid you won't be able to eat them all," she said.

I said that if you can't eat it, you won't give me any money!

Not long ago, my girlfriend brought up four bowls of instant noodles from Master Kong,........

10, good night

"Good night."

"Good night. So early today?"

"Fake, tricked you out."

11, fever

Girlfriend fever to 39.8 degrees, crying: I'm going to burn into a fool.

I comfort: will not, I was a child also burned to more than 40 degrees!

Girlfriend look at me crying more, crying while asking me: will I be as stupid as you?

12, something

Boyfriend called and said, "Do you want me?"

Me: "Don't want to."

Boyfriend: "What's going on, is it past its sell-by date?"

Me: "Only things have a shelf life, not to mention you're not a thing!"

Boyfriend.

13, afraid

Today, I was injured a little, my boyfriend accompanied me to do nuclear magnetic **** vibration, I: "I have claustrophobia, so scared!"

He said to me nonchalantly, "What's the point? You also claustrophobic, in the fitting room to try on clothes I see you can't hate to rely on the inside does not come out."

14, scum

Girlfriend: "Honestly, you're so good at teasing, is not teasing a lot of people?"

I: "Yes."

Girlfriend: "Hmph, I knew it, scum!"

Me: "I've flirted with so many women, they are: you who used to cry the most, you who can't guess the problem, you who are sentimental, and you who are at the same table."

15, waiting

Girlfriend to go shopping, I waited for her on the side of the road for half an hour, only to see her walk over, said: Hi, handsome, my water unscrewed, you can help me unscrew it?

I looked at the envious eyes around me and said: "Iron, look at your walking posture, resistance to a bag of rice on the stairs are not difficult right, but also use me to give you wring?

16, alive

One day, a couple was walking in the park. The man no longer liked the woman, but did not know how to speak. After thinking about it for a long time, he finally got up the courage to say to the female: Honey! I really don't know how to live without you.

Female: Really?

Male: Of course it's true, I want to try it tomorrow.

17, like

"Honey, honestly, do you like pretty girls? Or smart girls?"

"I'm not interested in any of them, because I only like you!"

18: Breakup

Woman: "Can we be friends after we break up?"

Male: "Can't"

Female: "Hmph, I didn't expect you to be such a desperate person, we're not suitable to be together, break up!"

Male: "That.... What if I can?"

Woman: "Wow then let's break up."

19, Happiness

Male: "Trust me... I will make you the second happiest person in the world! "

Woman: "Why not the first ah...?" (Acting cute)

Man: "With you... I am the happiest person! "(Shallow smile)

20, the reason

Boyfriend is much older than me, one day I asked him if he would have chosen me if he had met me a few years earlier, and he answered: no.

I was very upset and questioned: why?

He said: because I'm afraid of the Protection of Minors Act.

Husband and wife jokes (20)

1, packaging

Husband bought back a TV set, the TV set packaging has various symbols.　

The wife asks, "Why are there wine glasses on the package?"

The husband said, "That's what you don't understand, it means that you need to drink wine while watching TV, otherwise you will not be able to watch TV well."

2. Playing Cards

In the middle of the night, the wife walks from the second floor to the living room on the first floor, and when she sees that her husband is still playing cards with his gambling buddies, she says to them, "Listen, can you let me sleep in my own house, in peace and quiet?"

The husband "shushed" and said, "Keep it down, honey, the house is not ours anymore ......

3. Mahjong

Husband: "I worked hard to earn the money, how easily you gave it away?"

Wife: "I was in a nervous mood when I used that money."

Husband: "Really? Well, I was wrong about you... what exactly did you do with it?"

Wife: "Rubbing mahjong."

4, buy chicken

Today, I took my wife to the supermarket to shop. My wife wanted to eat roasted chicken legs, I said: "You go ask them to sell chicken legs is the front leg or the back leg. Let's just buy the back legs, the front legs are not good."

Wife got the idea and ran to ask the salesman, "Is it front or back?"

Salesman: "I do not know ah ...... should be the back leg."

5, wrinkles

Wife: "Look at you, you're not old enough to have so many wrinkles on your forehead!"

Husband: "Really? How many?"

Wife: "Wear a hat and it's like turning a screw."

6. Quarrel

Wife: "You can't find a better one than me by beating your head against the wall."

Husband: "I am looking for you by lantern."

The wife was happy to hear this.

Then the husband said, "I'm the one who didn't open my eyes."

7. Pants

In the morning, the husband said to his wife, "Honey, did you iron my pants?"

"Ironed."

"No right, yesterday I had three hundred dollars in my pants pocket, how come it's still there?!"

8. Missing

Husband came back from a business trip, his wife asked, "So long to come back, out there miss me?"

"How can I not want to ah! Traveling for a month, the whole 30 days, every day I think!"

The wife jumped up at the news: "Well, you heartless, 31 days last month, say, there is another day you are thinking about who?"

9. Debate

The other day and my wife talked about the topic of marriage. I was firmly in favor of polygamy, and my wife was furious, saying that men and women are equal, and that since there is polygamy, there should also be polygamy.

Remembering the sage Mr. Koo Hong-ming's wonderful metaphor, I lectured, "I've only seen a bottle of wine with a few wine glasses, when have you ever seen a wine glass with a few bottles of wine?"

The wife said coldly: "When drinking cocktails."

over......

10, sinning

Husband: I was in my last life is to repair how much blessing, only to find you such a good daughter-in-law!

Wife: It's not the blessing of your repair, it's the fact that I've done too much evil in my last life!

11, security

Wife: "Husband, these years you gave me too much security, let me live a very solid ......"

I said: "Honey, you've never revealed that to me, really?"

Wife smiled badly, "At least on both counts."

I asked, "Which two aspects?"

Wife said, "No looks and no money."

12, experience

The other day, my wife cheerfully told me: "Today, I put in a resume, it is a matchmaking company bridesmaid. Interview tomorrow morning, wish me luck!"

The next day full of unhappy, I asked: "failed to apply for a job? I knew it"

Wife: "It's all your fault."

I wondered, "What does that have to do with me?!"

Wife exasperated: "The matchmaking company stipulates that the bride should have more than three years of relationship experience, and we got married after only one year of conversation...."

13, playing chess

The wife asked, "Husband, how come you no longer play chess with the old king?"

Husband: "Would you like to play chess with someone who is condescending when he wins and curses when he loses?"

"Oh, of course not," the wife understood.

Husband: "He wouldn't want to play with someone like that either."

14. Taking pictures

The couple went to a photo studio to take a souvenir picture. During the photo shoot, the photographer says to the woman, "Come closer and put your hand on your husband's shoulder so that the picture will look natural."

The man laughed bitterly, "If I wanted a more realistic picture, I should have had her hand in my wallet."

15, Marriage

Mr.: Why is the coffee so bitter?

Mrs: I put two pieces of sugar for you how is it still bitter?

Mr.

Mrs: I guess they are married.

16, sympathy

Wife: "I became your wife because no one else sympathized with you."

Husband: "You've made it now! Now everyone sympathizes with me because of it."

17. Proof

Wife: Is the birth certificate ready?

Husband: It's done, at first I was worried, the marriage certificate is wrinkled into that, others will not laugh.

Wife: What happened?

Husband: I see in front of the brother's marriage certificate are into a puzzle, I guess there is no less tossed.

18, the goal

The husband and wife at dinner, the wife said: "How do you now pick the meat on the back of the fish to eat? Remember when we fell in love, you love to eat fish head and tail ......"

"The situation is different!" The husband said : "Now my goal is to eat fish, when my goal was to fish."

19, backbone

It is said that there was a county official who was afraid of his wife, was chased by her and hid under the bed in a terrible way.

The wife then knocked up the edge of the bed and shouted, "Come out, come out!"

The magistrate said:

"A man, a great man, says come out, or don't come out!"

20, sleep talking

The wife cared to say to her husband: "Husband, you have been talking in your sleep lately, or I will accompany you to the hospital to check your health?"

The husband replied in alarm, "No need, if the doctor cures me of this, then this little bit of my say at home is gone!"

Finally finished, consumed me almost 2 hours, of course, these are based on the network to collect and organize and optimize, and all of them I read once to do a little screening, the quality of the absolute can be, you can collect, nothing to do when you take a look at the pleasure of the mood.