The reason why I raised a rebellious son is not because of doting, but because I have no love.

In the eyes of Chinese people, all other people are relationships, identities, status, age, and seniority, but they are not "people"

Chinese people's relationships are, first of all, parents. Next is children, and gradually extended to relatives, friends, and outsiders.

No matter what kind of relationship there is, there is no "person" in the eyes of the Chinese people.

No one can see anyone.

Because I don’t understand love, because I can’t “see” it. The pain of brewing was too much.

There is always too much positive energy in society, and high-sounding words paralyze people. People who are too lazy to use their brains can no longer see the truth of things under the massage of these chicken soups.

For example, there are no unfilial parents in the world; parents are all great; parents are all for your own good; parents just give too much;

Everyone’s minds are completely affected by this. A few words have blinded me, and few are willing to reflect on the truth.

When a person is just born, his way of thinking and three views are not established at all. His personality is gradually built up by the surrounding environment and people's treatment of him.

Therefore, a person’s status as an adult is largely determined by the parenting style of his parents.

How you shape her is how she will repay you.

Many people have talked to me about their children’s education.

Each situation is different, but the final conclusion is that the children have not suffered, the parents have paid too much, and the children have been too spoiled.

I have never seen people who reflect, and they all blame their children.

An elder sister told me that when her daughter was in adolescence, she cursed her mother to die every day, which made her very painful.

She feels that children nowadays are too spoiled, and they really should suffer more and suffer more, so that they can understand.

I asked her, will your daughter love you if she suffers more?

I believe it is possible that you have not given your daughter real love. She refused to admit it. He always emphasizes his contribution.

Isn't this a curse on my daughter.

Mother and daughter hate each other, a human tragedy.

An uncle discussed with me that the little granddaughter is self-centered and has no regard for the hard work of her grandparents or even her parents.

But the adults gave him everything, bought him the most expensive clothes, fed him the most expensive seafood, and gave him a mobile phone that was more expensive than the adults.

I listened for a long time, but I didn’t hear a word of love or understanding. It's all about price and material.

But love is a feeling, not a substance.

The uncle then said, shouldn't we dote on him so much, and should be more indifferent to him and ignore him? Maybe he will think of adults.

My heart felt cold after hearing this. I was not given love in the first place, but now I am being hurt.

My high school classmate, a computer professor at a university, talked about his trip to Yunnan with his children.

He said to the child along the way: Mom and Dad don't want you, leave you alone here, and we will go back by ourselves.

The 6-year-old child was crying all the way.

He said he thought children were so interesting and funny, and would cry whenever they were teased. It was the crying that made them upset.

I can imagine that the children have been suffering from great fear this week, and they are probably on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Because we are close friends, I asked you, can you give your child some love?

He said, of course we love our children, and we spent more than 10,000 yuan on a trip to Yunnan all for him.

There are too many such things. Many parents keep talking about love, but do not give love at all.

Everyone was once a son of man, including you reading this article.

Think back to when you were a child, did you love and trust your parents wholeheartedly?

I will believe and implement what my parents say without hesitation.

As long as your parents are around, you will feel at ease, and the place where your parents are will feel like home.

In my own world, my parents are everything. My parents are the warmest and most perfect existence in the world.

Look at those children under the age of 8. Are they inseparable from their parents for a moment? Are they happiest when they are with their parents? Do you trust your parents unconditionally?

This is the instinct of animals. People often say that maternal love is great and selfless. In fact, children are not the same to their parents.

It is a pity that many people, since they became parents, have only realized the love in their hearts for their children, but have completely forgotten how to love their parents.

Parents’ world may not be all about their children.

Before a child comes, an adult already has a family, a partner, a career, an ideal, etc.

No matter what the purpose of having children is, it adds an important item to your already existing life.

But what about the children?

When he was born, before he opened his eyes to see the world, the first thing he came into contact with was his mother's arms, and even the whole world came behind his mother.

Mom is the whole, and the rest of the options are subsets of this whole.

True love is "seeing". Really seeing that your child is a living person, not an item of yours.

But look at the slang in our society:

Beating a child on a rainy day means you are idle.

I hope that when my children grow up, they can realize those ideals of mine.

Parents have worked so hard, but you can’t live up to our expectations.

You are the flesh that falls from my body.

Without exception, right, they all treat their children as their own personal belongings. Has supreme power over him.

If parents do not "see" that their children are also complete persons, no matter how much they give, it is just another kind of self-interested pleasure.

The root cause is that the Chinese people have never understood the respect for real "people". They have always respected seniority and status, but they cannot see people.

They have not experienced love from their parents of the previous generation and cannot pass it on to the next generation.

Every person who lacked love in childhood will find ways to satisfy himself because his instinctive need for love is not satisfied.

Without love in childhood, people will spend their whole lives trying to find ways to fill the hole in their hearts.

What are the symptoms of adults’ lack of love? They will ask for it from young children.

There is a common phenomenon in life. When seeing a two or three-year-old child, many elders will always ask immediately: "Do you miss your grandma? Do you miss your mother?"

When a child Answer "Yes" and they will feel great satisfaction. So many people forget to express their love and longing for their children.

Because of the desire for love, people will ask for it from a mentally retarded child.

Doting and lack of love are similar. Children will suffer tremendous pain. The essence is that they cannot be seen by their parents and are not truly loved.

There are two types of doting.

One is that the child is devoured by excessive maternal love for a long time.

My parents have taken care of everything since I was a child, even daily clothes and breakfast are decided by my parents.

Any personal wishes will be ignored by the parents, who insist on "loving" him in their own way.

This will make the children very painful and full of inexplicable anger towards their parents.

But realistic education told him that his parents loved him, and he should not "hate" his parents like this.

Therefore, I blame myself even more and feel guilty. Then they have a very low evaluation of themselves, thinking that they are useless, incompetent, unfilial, and morally bad...

This is one of the injuries caused by doting, and its consequences will inevitably lead to children subconsciously Think yourself incompetent.

Another kind of lazy doting.

Many people will feel this way.

When I was a child, I was the most pampered child and would give me whatever I asked for. Even if the grades keep falling. My parents never said anything to me. They still gave me whatever I wanted, and they never scolded me when I made mistakes.

But I feel that my parents don’t love me much, and I always feel disappointed. Whenever I see others educating, chatting and joking with their children, I always feel envious.

This is because when parents "pamper" their children, they only respond to the superficial needs and fail to see the child's inner heart;

Over-indulgence is another kind of neglect. For example, when a child says he wants a doll, he may actually just want companionship.

Of course, it is so easy to simply and crudely fulfill the child's superficial requirements.

To understand a person's inner feelings requires effort and the ability to love.

Parents can also excuse themselves in this way. They have tried their best to satisfy themselves materially. Even if they are too lazy to look at their children's hearts, there is no evidence, so they are blameless as parents.

When raising children who are full of trauma and violent emotions, few parents will admit that it is the lack of their own education methods, and they will emphasize their own dedication and hard work.

After all, our current social environment is extremely tolerant of parents.

If you are really pressed, you will ask, do you have children?

Since you don’t have children, you are not qualified to correct me. You just need to listen to my complaints about my children.

In fact, having experience does not necessarily mean having knowledge, otherwise learning would have no meaning, and there would not be so many people in society living such a bad life.

Don’t believe the myth that “a dutiful son emerges from a stick”.

You can beat him until he is submissive, has no rebellious spirit, and obeys you, then you have tamed him into a slave and an obedient citizen.

He can be filial to you out of domesticated servility, and the love between people has long been destroyed.

Finally, we have to return to the title of the article.

In the eyes of the Chinese, all other people are relationships, identities, positions, ages, seniorities, but not "people"

No matter what kind of relationship, in the eyes of the Chinese There are no "people" here.

No one can see anyone.

Yes, in China, nothing is as important as maintaining one's own face. Even if you feel vaguely that something is wrong in your heart, you must resolutely defend your mistakes.

In the face of the most basic power relationship such as the human relationship between father and son, the face of parents is more important than the harmonious parent-child relationship and the spiritual happiness of children.

They would rather let their children live in pain than reflect on themselves, because putting down their dignity and examining their own behavior and heart will shake their inner order.

Therefore, in the parent-child relationship, they see more of each other's traditional social roles and power, but they cannot see the "person" of each other.

Many people are afraid of exposing the truth. They would rather live in false positive energy than see the truth and find the crux to change their lives for the better.

They will think that those who reveal the truth are negative and complaining.

But a wise and rational person is first of all a warrior. He will not indulge in positive energy that makes people relax their vigilance, nor will he be afraid when he sees the light of truth.

A true warrior dares to face the bleak life and the dripping blood. Only by having the courage to face it can further improvement be possible.

This is a positive attitude.

But there are many cowards in the world, who are willing to sink in false praise and comfort, and dare not face the truth or themselves.

Originally I was passively escaping, but I thought I was living in peace and quiet.

A parent who truly loves their children must have the courage to admit their mistakes, actively correct mistakes, continue to learn, and constantly improve.

Truly realize that this is the mutual nourishment, mutual support, mutual warmth and mutual perfection between two real people.

Only in this way can this family happiness be restored to what it really should be.