China New Year Sketch Line

Scene: A sofa, a TV and a telephone. Performers: Zhao Benshan, Song Dandan.

Song Dandan (hereinafter referred to as Song) sat on the sofa and said, "Looking forward to the Chinese New Year and reunion. I booked my son and daughter-in-law back for the Spring Festival. I called yesterday, but the company couldn't come back after working overtime. I miss my son very much, so I miss my grandson very much. My grandson always wears a hat. That guy is so cute. Alas, when I see people making a fuss about the New Year, I use a computer advertisement: I only have "Lenovo" in my heart.

Zhao Benshan (hereinafter referred to as Zhao) came out of the background and said, My son is guarding the border, and my old man is left to stand guard at home. I am also very busy when I see other people's children and grandchildren around me. I was really busy at home, so I went to the elder sister's house across the street to talk about my heart. (Pretending to walk to the door) He said: My heart beats faster at the sight of the opposite sex.

Knock, knock. Song: Who is it?

Zhao: Me, opposite Zhao Dakan.

Song: (Open the door)

Zhao: Come in and say, Happy New Year, Sister.

Song: Not bad. Gee, as soon as I saw you, I thought of the person closest to me.

Zhao: I'm honored. Who do you have in mind?

Song: My grandson also wears a hat.

Zhao: This guy is too young for me at the Spring Festival party. (Sitting on the sofa watching TV with Song) He said, I'm tired of watching the Spring Festival Gala. There will be a performance by Zhao Benshan later. This guy is a fool, a kidnapper and a car dealer. He has good land preparation. I think this guy is good.

Song: Come on, he's bluffing. I heard that the child who bought the abduction was kicked in the head by a donkey that year. (Song measured it by hand)

Zhao: Then why buy a car the next year?

Song: That's because the seam kicked by the donkey didn't grow well. It's raining, and it's flooded.

Zhao: Alas, this boy is low enough.

Song: I don't watch TV, so I will be surprised when Zhao Benshan comes out. I hate him most.

Zhao: Sister, there is nothing wrong with you. Let me give you an intelligence test. For example, a hunter went hunting in the mountains and got lost while walking. At this moment, a dog suddenly came. The hunter asked the dog, Do you know the way down the mountain? Guess what the dog said.

Song: I don't know

Zhao: Elder sister, you are so clever. After that, the hunter asked the dog again: How can you not know that you are on the mountain every day? Guess what the dog said?

Song: Come on, that dog can understand people.

Zhao: God, you are so bad. You answered both questions correctly.

Song: I can hear you. You are scolding me.

Zhao: Elder sister, you are angry. Isn't this Chinese New Year just for fun?

Song: Just have fun if you're not angry. You stand up, let me find inspiration in you, and I will have fun for you.

Zhao: (stands up and says) What are you looking for? The hat is newly bought, and the clothes are "Zhongshan suit" (Zhao is wearing a four-pocket Zhongshan suit).

Pants "Kadandi"

Song: OK, please sit down. I said: One day I went to the market to buy food. Walking, I saw a group of people in front, so I squeezed in. It turns out that there is a turtle inside, with a lot of meat on its head and four squares on its stomach. At this time, a young man said a word, so imaginative.

Zhao: What did he say?

Song: He said, demo, wearing a hat is awesome enough, and the clothes are still four pockets.

Zhao: What did the young man say? I think you told him. This guy is really short of food.

Scene: The phone is ringing.

Song: It must be my son (answering the phone) who said, "Hey, son, it's your mother. What, you're looking for your father, silly boy. Didn't your father die young? What? Your mother died. Who are you? "

Zhao quickly grabbed the phone and said, my son wants to see me. Hello, son. Yes, I'm your father. Who did you put on the phone? A beggar's place, isn't my heart soft? Let her go in and have a rest. What stepmother? Even if I find you a stepmother, I can't find one like that. A beggar. All right, all right. Say hello to your comrades-in-arms, and tell them that your father said you had worked hard. I'll treat you to dinner when you're finished. Ah, there are too many people. It doesn't matter. Don't worry at home.

Song: What is your son doing? Why didn't he come back for the Spring Festival?

Zhao: Soldiers, border guards.

Song: What do border guards do?

Zhao: It's a long story. Simply put, it means "wear military uniforms, guard the border, patrol all around, carry big guns, find the enemy, and plant the blame."

Song: I see. Why are you tired of "framing and helping" when you find the enemy?

Zhao: It was found that the enemy was framed and shot, and help was the enemy's downfall. The people of China suffered greatly. One enemy came and the other was wiped out.

Song: Then why did you call my home?

Zhao: When I came, I "transferred" my home phone to yours. Do you know "call forwarding"?

New telecommunication services. Look, I remember another joke. Are you listening, big sister?

Song: What do you say?

Zhao: It is said that last September 12 or so, one company started the business of "call forwarding". When the child was disobedient, he transferred his mobile phone to the White House. Adults don't know The mother of the child is a doctor. Good morning.

When I was having an operation at work, I remembered that I had left the light at home in the middle of the operation. This guy is busy. Call home. At this time, Bush was thinking in the White House: "This building is really nice. Who bombed me? " The telephone rang. When Bush answered the phone, he heard five words.

Song: What are five words?

Zhao: Don't forget to turn on the light. Bush immediately understood that it was bin Laden.

Scene: The phone is ringing.

Song: Answer the phone and say, Hey, son, why are you calling? Ah, nothing. I'm in good health. How is your research progress on that project? Ah, it's ok, but it doesn't work well on rainy days. Well, you are busy, and your home is fine. All right, hang up.

Zhao: What does your son study?

Song: Now that all kinds of pollution are too serious, we want to eliminate the gravity of the earth, make people float in the sky and avoid destroying the ecological environment. In a word, it is "eliminating the gravity of the earth and eliminating all kinds of waste gas." You don't need a car to go out, everything is traded in the sky. When the weather is bad, ah, ah, bang. " My son says people can't fall from the sky when the weather is bad.

Zhao: I understand. You said the weather was bad. Ah, ah, two people fell from the sky. Then why is it jingling?

Song: The population of China is too large. If you lose two, one will ring.

Zhao: Sister, that's good. I'll go back first.

Song: Don't go back. I'm all wrapped up in jiaozi. Here it is.

Zhao: Since you are so insistent, I'm here. But I, Zhao Dakan, never eat for nothing. I have to add two points. You wait. (gets up and walks out).

Song: What did you add?

I'll bring soy sauce and vinegar.

end