"Bad dad" hurts children more than "no dad"! It turns out that dad has such a deep influence on children.

There is a hot topic in Weibo: Will you marry someone like dad?

There are different opinions below the post, which are roughly divided into two factions.

Most people who are willing admire their father's gentleness to their mother; Most of those who are determined not to do so are attributed to their father's bad temper and have lived in the shadow of his father's violence since childhood.

The international authoritative journal Developmental Psychology once published a paper pointing out that the father's behavior affects his daughter's view of mate selection.

In this study, 233 pairs of siblings aged 18~36 were recruited. They suffered from their fathers' bad behaviors such as smoking, drinking and violence in childhood, and their parents divorced or separated before they were minors.

The experimental results show that older sisters who have spent more time with their fathers since childhood have lower expectations of male partners and are more likely to fall into short-term relationships when they grow up.

This means that the father's bad behavior has a greater impact on his daughter's view of marriage than the lack of companionship.

Satya, a famous American family therapist, said: A person is inextricably linked with his family, which may affect his life.

"Bad father" is not as good as "no father", and a misbehaving father is more likely to hurt children!

0 1

We always say that "a daughter is her father's little lover, and her father is her criterion for choosing a spouse."

However, a father with bad conduct will become a primary fate that girls can't get rid of all their lives. This reminds me of my cousin.

When I was a child, my uncle drank too much, and I couldn't quit at first. When I was drunk, I became drunk. Drunk, either throwing things or picking on mother and daughter. Finally, I staged a scene of domestic violence.

At home, my cousin learned to grow up carefully. She confided to me more than once that she must find a man who can really love her in the future.

However, contrary to expectations, my cousin in love, unable to withstand the sweet words of men, easily married herself to a man whose life could not be guaranteed. After marriage, even though my cousin is extremely patient and selfless in marriage and can spend all his savings, the lazy man finally waved his fist at my cousin.

The scars of childhood have been mercilessly uncovered, and my cousin still hasn't found the happiness she wants.

A misbehaving father will make his daughter hit a wall on the road to marriage and love.

Or resist the opposite sex, any small shortcomings in the other party's communication will be infinitely magnified and linked with the father, leading to a negative attitude towards marriage and love; Or please the opposite sex, because they have always lacked love, so they feel inferior and always try their best to please each other, but the result is often hurt. My cousin belongs to the latter.

However, a good father has also become an idol for his daughter to find someone.

In the program "My Daughter", the host once asked Fu's view on marriage and love: Will Fu find a boyfriend according to his father's type?

Funny Fu Dad pretended to be deep and said: This is exactly what I am worried about (hahaha ~)

It turned out that the lovely father Fu felt that he was too good, and it was difficult for Fu to find a "peerless man" like him.

However, Fu's father is very confident. He believes that his daughter will find a man who knows how to take care of her, because Fu is a kind girl and always thinks of others everywhere.

Psychologist Wu Zhihong once said: The relationship between father and daughter determines the happiness of a daughter's life.

As the first male in a girl's life, the father is also the opposite sex that the girl has been in contact with for the longest time. Father's words and deeds will imperceptibly become her impression template for shaping her partner. If a girl gets warmth and friendship from her father since childhood, then she will follow her memory to find her own blueprint for happiness.

02

Dad's behavior not only affects his daughter's concept of mate selection, but also affects her personality development and attitude towards marriage. The flower diameter S of Hong Kong and Taiwan variety sisters is the best embodiment.

In a program, Big S revealed that his father had a bad habit of drinking and abusing his mother. Every time his father comes home drunk and makes trouble, she will always be the first to rush out, scold his father and go against him to protect his mother. Moreover, in order to get rid of his father's influence, Big S began to make money by advertising from middle school and assumed the responsibility of making money to support his family.

On the contrary, in this case, Xiao S just hides in the room.

Small S jokingly defended: "I also came out, but I didn't make a sound."

It doesn't matter whether Xiao S had any trouble in the past, but the far-reaching influence is that in the face of his father's domestic violence, the two sisters' completely different attitudes have now been copied to their own marriage and family.

Big S, sweet-looking, is famous for her chivalrous character. She does things simply and neatly. After meeting Wang Xiaofei only four times, she decided to have a lifetime of flash dating and flash marriage. Now along the way, happy all the way, the grumpy man who once slapped each other with Yuqi Zhang, under her training, has become a crazy man who dotes on his wife.

But in the clues of her life, she looks crazy on the surface and speaks an amazing little S, but she shows her forbearance and difficulty in marriage. Whenever there is news, Xiao S will come forward to clarify.

But parents can't get along with their children's eyes. In a live broadcast with her daughter, Xiao S asked her daughter: Is mom beautiful?

The daughter responded beautifully, but she was distressed by her mother. She pointed to her mother's face and asked, does it hurt? Dad broke it. ...

Xiao s was suddenly speechless and the live broadcast was suspended in a hurry. Although she has never personally admitted domestic violence, it stems from forbearance in her childhood personality, which influenced her attitude in marriage as an adult.

It is distressing for Xiao S to smile, but what is even more distressing is the influence of parents on their children's getting along from generation to generation.

In another subsequent live broadcast, Xiao S celebrated her little daughter's birthday. When she asked the child what she wished for her birthday? My 6-year-old daughter even said, "I hope our three sisters will never get married."

Children observe the world with their eyes. Whether a father is kind to his mother or not, children can see it in their eyes and keep it in their hearts. Especially for the little girl, in her sensitive heart, the way mom and dad get along is her fantasy, expectation or disillusionment about the future life.

In fact, compared with the lack of father's company, a father with bad conduct is more harmful to his children, and the lack of love for children is more harmful than the absence of a father!

03

Some people say that happy people are cured by childhood all their lives; Unfortunately, people spend their whole lives healing their childhood.

Whether a girl is happy or not in her life, her father is the most important influence.

In fact, there was such a discussion about fathers in Zhihu, and one of them gave a highly praised answer, which was very enviable.

Answer @ Zheng Qiufen said: What her father is most proud of in this life is not how successful he is, but that his daughter wants to marry someone like her father!

In that long article full of childhood memories:

The answer to the Lord said: the deepest beauty of these lives has become the background color of her life, so that she can live an optimistic life.

Having a warm father's love in childhood is the background of a girl's happiness all her life.

Remember the second season of The Reader, when Ma Yili talked about his father, he was also very grateful.

Ma Yili said that her father never raised her as a weak girl and always told her that she was no worse than a boy, and she wanted her own things.

Knowing that his daughter likes performing arts, my father studies the recruitment notices sewn in the newspaper every day, and takes his daughter everywhere to take the exam by bike as soon as there is news. Especially when she was a freshman, she was wronged by the class teacher because of puppy love. Father didn't blame the child on the spot, but chose to believe his daughter:

"I know my daughter best. I won't tell you. Let's go to the headmaster! "

It was a sentence from my father many years ago that made Ma Yili cry instantly. She said:

Indeed, today's Ma Yili has become an independent, confident and strong woman. Her attitude in marriage life also shows her resourcefulness. Such a woman is admirable.

Having a mountain of fatherly love in childhood is also a girl's confidence in fearless life!

04

Gerdi, a famous psychologist, said: "Father is a strange existence with a special power to raise children."

Whether a father's behavior is good or not will not only affect his daughter's future happiness, but also affect his son's character development. Whether a boy will take responsibility in the future depends largely on his father's upbringing.

For a boy, especially after the age of 6, he has entered a sensitive period of imitating and becoming a man. Everything his father said and did, the boy saw it in his eyes and remembered it in his heart.

As an example in the boy's heart, he learned how to be a man from his father through observation and imitation in his daily life. Whether the father behaves well or not has a profound influence on the boy.

In fact, whether it is a daughter or a son, the father is an indispensable and important person in the process of children's growth!

As parents, we always want to strive for a better life for our children. But in the end, what do parents benefit their children for life?

Not material, but emotional abundance!

Think about what Professor Peng Huaizhen of Donghai University in Taiwan Province Province said: "The best gift a father can give his children is to love his mother."

Dad loves mom and mom loves the whole family, which is the happiest appearance of a family.

The daughter saw the happiness of being loved, and the son learned the ability to love.

The degree of parents' love is the temperature of a home.

In the eyes of children, the way for fathers to love their mothers is to shine into the light of their lives and become the direction of pursuing happiness in the future!