How to change the old problems?

I think you are afraid of contact with people!

From a certain point of view, good interpersonal relationship should be the best means for individuals to establish their own good image in the collective, form a harmonious relationship, actively expand their contacts, constantly gain praise from others and society, and help their lives to succeed by using the principles of honesty, tolerance and understanding.

1. Social phobia

Yang Meng is a sophomore in a polytechnic university with excellent grades, but in recent years she has been very upset. For a long time, she has been suffering from psychological disorder, and today, she still can't get rid of this shadow. It has caused great losses to her life and study.

Yang Meng was introverted, timid and withdrawn from childhood. Her parents are very strict with her, even harsh. Father's anger is terrible. In primary school, when Yang Meng's exam results were not satisfactory, her father asked her to redo the problem. She didn't want to. Her father threw the pen in her face in a rage, and the tip of the pen stabbed her face, bleeding. Today, it is still very harmful for Yang Meng to recall that incident. My parents are very orthodox and conservative, and they have many taboos about Mengyang. She is not allowed to associate with strange children. Father thinks it is immoral for girls to jump around and fight outside, and they are easily fooled by bad people. So Yang Meng seldom plays outside except at school and at home.

Speaking of unpleasant experiences, Yang Meng still remembers that when she was in junior high school, she always got good grades. She didn't answer a question well, and the teacher criticized her in public. She was so sad that she burst into tears Then, in her freshman year, one of her roommates, S, came from the countryside and her family was very poor. Yang Meng often offered to help her, but it hurt S's self-esteem. S not only doesn't treat Yang Meng as a friend, but often finds fault with her, accuses her, makes things difficult for her, deliberately makes love to other students in front of her, snubbs her and isolates her. This made Yang Meng very depressed and sad. She hates herself and blames herself for being unpopular.

Unconsciously, Yang Meng was afraid of contact with people and became more and more shy. She thinks she is a freak, whose shortcoming is shyness. For more than a year, she never talked to people much. When talking to people, she didn't dare to look straight, her eyes dodged, as if she had done something wrong. You have a fever as soon as you talk. Keep your head down and stand on tiptoe. My heart is pounding, my muscles have goose bumps, and my whole body seems to be shaking. She doesn't want to get in touch with her classmates. She thinks others hate herself and is regarded as a "freak" by others.

I am afraid of teachers, too. In class, I am not nervous only when the teacher writes on the blackboard with his back to the students. As long as the teacher faces the students, he dare not look at the blackboard. I often don't know what the teacher said because I am nervous. To make matters worse, it is "unnatural" to speak in front of relatives, friends and neighbors now. Because of these problems, I seldom go to social places and get in touch with people. I tried to overcome this strange problem.

Yang Meng suffers from a common psychological disorder-social phobia.

When facing the crowd, I feel not only shy, but also afraid, and have a strong sense of unease and rejection of the world outside myself. This kind of anxiety and social disorder caused by the inadaptability to social life and groups is called social phobia, which is one of the most disturbing psychological problems for college students.

Social fear is actually a compulsive concept with a high prevalence. The patient was distressed by contact with others. Of course, everyone may have some degree of social fear, but when neurotic symptoms develop, their fear and pain are so deep that they avoid contact with others and cause serious obstacles to their daily life.

In the United States, social fear accounts for 12%- 13% of the total population, that is, one in eight people is troubled by anxiety caused by this fear at some stage of their lives or in their lifetime, which seriously affects their life, communication and personal development.

The situation in China is also not optimistic, especially after the reform and opening up, people are facing various psychological pressures, maladjustment is increasing day by day, and social phobia is soaring. Although there is no national epidemiological investigation report so far, it is not difficult to see from the daily outpatient service that the proportion of social phobia accounts for almost 20% of mental illness, second only to depression and anxiety. If divided by age, social phobia is the first disease among adolescents' psychological disorders. As intellectual youth, college students are the high incidence group of this disease.

The psychology of social phobia basically stems from shyness. No matter how old the patient is, the mentality is the same, but everyone's situation is different and the explanation is different. There are shallow psychological shyness and deep psychological shyness; Some people realize it, while others don't.

The process of social fear is like this:

First of all, patients are afraid of strangers, even familiar people; Secondly, everyone avoids it; Third, fear is accompanied by obvious tension, sweating and trembling, as well as many plant sexual dysfunction; Fourth, in the process of disease development, excessive self-defense mechanism often appears; Finally, there is a state similar to obsessive-compulsive disorder. You know you shouldn't but you can't control yourself.

Although fear is a psychological process, it will inevitably affect physiological functions, so nervousness, sweating, palpitation, shortness of breath and trembling will follow, and blushing is the easiest phenomenon to show. These reactions are actually manifestations of anxiety. In order to get rid of anxiety, avoidance is the only means. The purpose of avoidance is to avoid the attack of anxiety. As long as there is no one around, social phobia will feel safe. When avoiding, many patients will have "allergic involvement", which is a psychological mechanism of self-defense. For scenes or people who are afraid, there will be a psychological generalization that "all plants are soldiers" and an abnormal allergic reaction to external things. If you feel that others are paying attention to him, even every move of others implies disgust, rejection and helplessness. , thus strengthening their reasons for avoiding: people hate me because I am not good. It's better to leave the crowd on your own initiative than to make people hate me. Why ask for trouble? So, with this projection psychology, I can achieve a balance in my illness.

In 2000, a seminar on social phobia was held in Shanghai. The speaker is David Sheehan, a famous American psychiatrist. He believes that both psychological and physiological factors can lead to social phobia, and its attack is caused by a chemical disorder called "5- hydroxytryptamine" in the human body. This substance is responsible for transmitting information to brain nerve cells. Too much or too little of this substance will cause people's fear.

Social phobia may come from family inheritance, or it may experience some traumatic and embarrassing life events. Anyone who suffers from the disease will find the real background of the disease through the investigation and analysis of the medical history: family, personality, upbringing environment and methods, childhood trauma and experience, especially adolescent sex education and depression caused by sex.

Just as the growth of trees must have suitable soil for their growth, social phobia must also have suitable soil, that is, susceptible quality, before it can be implanted into patients. Generally speaking, people with the following personality characteristics are prone to social phobia:

(1) introverted people. Introverts tend to be quiet and introspective, and don't like contact with people; People with unstable emotions are prone to anxiety and react too strongly to various stimuli. It is difficult to calm down after being stimulated. When interacting with people, strong emotional reactions affect normal adaptation.

② sensitive person. Sensitive people often feel that others see him (her) nervous and unnatural, and that others don't like, hate or unnatural from others' eyes, so they are even more nervous and afraid.

3 inferiority complex. People with low self-esteem think they lack social skills and ability, and they are afraid of causing bad reactions from others.

4 perfectionists. People who pursue perfection excessively demand too much of themselves, hoping to be perfect in front of everyone, on any occasion and in all aspects, and hoping to be praised by others. But no one is perfect, which will inevitably lead to repeated self-frustration, and finally make people nervous and afraid.

The treatment of social phobia is generally through psychoanalysis and psychotherapy.

For Yang Meng in the former case, cognitive understanding therapy and relaxation training can be used as the treatment plan.

First of all, let her review the unpleasant events she has experienced, analyze the process of her character formation, and find out the real reason for her current situation. You can know from the narrative:

① Yang Meng's introverted, withdrawn and timid personality is the internal factor that affects interpersonal communication.

The taboo consciousness of her parents in her communication has formed a strong sense of shame in her character, which hinders interpersonal communication.

When she was a child, the fear reaction caused by her father's anger and the humiliation reaction caused by her teacher's public criticism and sarcasm left a negative psychological impression on her. This impression will be activated by negative life events in the future, which will play a role in the emergence and development of psychological disorders.

4 When getting along with classmates, I feel that "good intentions are not rewarded", but I am misunderstood and treated maliciously, so I feel wronged, resentful and angry; Due to the psychological defense mechanism, these frustration reactions are subconsciously transformed into repressed hostility and avoidance reactions to that classmate, resulting in Yang Meng's generalized psychological phenomenon (that is, hostility and avoidance reactions to people around him); On the other hand, self-reproach and self-reproach aggravate the shyness and timidity in Yang Meng's character. Therefore, interpersonal conflict, a negative life event, is a direct and realistic inducement that leads to her fear of people.

⑤ When Yang Meng has a fear reaction to people, he criticizes and urges himself to do what he should do and controls himself not to do what he wants to do, which has the function of suggesting and strengthening "symptoms". In addition, the more she feels "unnatural", "embarrassed" and "embarrassed", the more "imaginary thoughts" appear in her mind. This further led to the deterioration of her self-awareness. In such a vicious circle, "symptoms" are getting worse and worse. In this dilemma that she wants to change but can't change and wants to get rid of, she is unable to get rid of it. The negative psychological imprint of her early years was activated, intertwined with practical problems, and produced a comprehensive effect.

When Yang Meng realizes how social phobia is formed, he can adopt the following suggestions:

Put yourself in the position of the classmate who has been helped by her but is not friendly to her, and understand and tolerate her. At the same time, check whether you have allergies, paranoia and other psychology that is not conducive to communication. In this way, the repressed hostility was gradually lifted.

To correctly understand the normal communication between people, we need to express ourselves through communication, abandon the old sense of shame and respect our legitimate wishes.

(3) Find two girls who have a good relationship and see if their reactions to you, such as blushing, trembling, eyes wandering and other "unnatural" states, are true. The purpose is to let her overcome the role of "imaginary audience" through investigation.

Social phobia is relatively acquired, that is, social skills are not born with fear. On the one hand, it is necessary to master social skills through interpersonal communication in order to expand social coverage, on the other hand, it is possible to have a sound personality development before interpersonal communication. Therefore, social terror is inevitable in the process of personality development, especially for college students. It is the imperfection of personal personality development that leads to habitual social phobia, thus forming social phobia and affecting normal study and life. Therefore, strengthening self-confidence and participating in group activities are the key to overcoming social fear.