Fully expound the relationship between father and son

The evolution of China's father-son relationship

China's father-son relationship is undergoing great changes. One-way father-centered communication is no longer effective, but more and more "good buddies" communicate with children like friends, which reflects the change from "family-oriented" to "people-oriented", that is, from emphasizing that individuals should obey their families to advocating the independence of individual consciousness.

There are more and more "good buddies".

Lu Yi, who just graduated from Beihang University, works in Beijing, while his parents are in their hometown of Ganzhou, Jiangxi. Lu Yi said that if it weren't for the support of his family, he wouldn't be admitted to the university. He refers to the relaxed environment given to him by his parents.

Lu Yi is a senior one student, and his study is very poor. Every exam is at the end of the whole grade. Even when he wanted to apply for re-reading and try again, the school refused, thinking that he would not get better.

"I know what my father thought at that time: even if I was admitted to an ordinary university, he was satisfied." The idea made Lu Yi uncomfortable. "If other parents have long scolded their children, but they have not, they have never expressed their disappointment in words, but let me choose."

Since then, Lu Yi has made great efforts. He wants to earn face for his parents. High school midterm, grade list, Lu Yi first! At noon that day, my father Lunenghua drank half a bottle of Moutai.

Lu Yi met a girl in senior three, and they wrote to each other every day. Lunenghua wanted to know what his son had written, but he was afraid of disturbing his son, so he came up with an idea to guess the content of the letter from the imprint on the stationery his son used every time. Lu Yi saw through his father's tricks, but he didn't find out.

At the celebration dinner after the college entrance examination, when Lu Yi told him about reading letters with a smile, his father said shyly, I just want to care.

Lu Yi felt that the real "buddy"-like in-depth communication with his father after college-found that his father asked him more and more for advice on family affairs. Ma Quan, a senior at North Jiaotong University, lives in Tianjin. To his father Ma, he feels more like a brother.

"He is willing to spend time with me to do many things." Ma Quan said. When I was in junior high school, Ma Quan would make an appointment with friends to play football at school on the rest day. Being short of hands, he often asks his father for help. My father always went in high spirits and bought jerseys and sneakers in a serious way, playing all afternoon.

"Whether in school or in life, he is guiding me to analyze and deal with many things in what way." Ma Quan said that among his peers, he felt more mature than others, thanks to his father Ma.

This kind of equal communication between father and son was not as common as it is now 10 years ago.

Sun Yunxiao is the deputy director of China Youth Research Center. His research shows that 79% to 88% of the only-child families in China have democratic parenting styles.

10 years have passed, and the atmosphere of democracy and equality in this family is even stronger. According to Wang Zhenyu, a researcher at the Institute of Sociology, Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, this change is a gradual process. The communication between father and son began to change, and the traditional communication method was proved to be no longer effective. In the past, one-way father-centered has changed to the present, and father and son are interacting with each other.

From "family-oriented" to "people-oriented"

The relationship between father and son was very stable in the feudal process of China for more than two thousand years, and there was almost no substantial change. Among all kinds of social relations in ancient China, the relationship between father and son was the most important. The so-called "there are three unfilial, and there is no big after." Father-son relationship often means the rise and fall of the family. In the feudal family relations in China, the most important feature is the patriarchal clan system, which is based on age and gender, and determines that the relationship between father and son is the relationship of exhortation and obedience, control and being controlled.

Looseness and change took place in the early 20th century. With the introduction of western ideology and culture, the concepts of democracy and freedom began to be accepted by some progressive young people. This idea of pursuing individual consciousness directly impacted the patriarchal clan system, and a large number of images of "victims" and "rebels" of feudal families began to appear in literary works. In Ba Jin's family, Chueh-hui and Chueh-hsin belong to these two types respectively. But for most families in China, the filial piety-centered father-son relationship is still deeply rooted. Whether parents personally control their children or manage family property, it is decided that children can only be attached to their parents.

The relationship of equality between father and son, which really entered the modern sense, began after the 1980s. Behind this change, it actually reflects the transformation process from "family-oriented" to "people-oriented".

The so-called "family standard" emphasizes the interests and will of the family, and individuals should obey the family. On the contrary, "people-oriented" emphasizes individual interests and will, and advocates the independence of individual consciousness.

The power of this influence is enormous. In traditional society, individuals are individuals who are fully integrated into society. Everyone is firmly bound in a small grid, and now they are all independent.

In this context, as well as some changes in other aspects, the phenomenon of "father and son brothers" began to appear.

The first is the small family model in the only-child era, which makes children's status in the family begin to improve. Because there is only one child, the communication cost between parents and children is also reduced. Parents have the energy to pay attention to their children's psychological state and spiritual needs, so as to better understand each other, which is impossible in traditional large families with many children.

At the same time, the situation of the only child makes the child face an incomplete family relationship from birth, and there are no brothers and sisters to communicate with, which will inevitably affect the child's growth. In fact, in traditional families, a lot of experience and knowledge learning in the process of children's growth comes not from parents, but from brothers and sisters. Siblings also play the role of children's emotional support system. Many things are solved through the help of brothers and sisters, rather than consulting parents. But now, the nuclear family makes children have to turn to their parents for help, and the role of parents will inevitably change. They have to bear some responsibilities that originally belonged to their brothers and sisters. This requires parents to keep a low profile and, to a certain extent, maintain the feeling of being "equal" with their children.

The rapid change and development of society also promoted the equal communication between father and son to some extent. In an era when new phenomena and new things appear every day, both parents and children begin to feel insecure. They have no examples to help in their past life and history, and they have no examples to refer to when dealing with changes. In this case, father and son sometimes stand on the same starting line and can only support each other like "buddies" and face unpredictable future development together.