Escaping the consequences of children's traditional education

In the variety "Don't underestimate me", a mother said that she would educate her children through "self-abuse" to make them feel guilty and correct their behavior.

The mother said that once her four-year-old daughter was carrying something, it was past 12 in the evening, and the child couldn't remember it clearly. She was a little crazy at first, and finally her mother, who had a nervous breakdown, began to slap herself. As soon as the daughter gets stuck, the mother slaps herself, and the child becomes particularly scared.

Guest Li Chengru thinks that the mother's way has caused psychological pressure to the child.

Observer Bian also expressed disapproval of the mother's practice. She pointed out that "guilty education" has caused great psychological pressure and fear to children, which has adversely affected their growth.

There used to be a very popular video on the Internet. When the child made a mistake, the father thought that "the child is not the godfather's fault" and ordered the child to beat himself. When the child didn't dare, the father beat himself hard in front of the child with a stick.

The most terrible thing is that all the following praises are "This is my father", "My father loves me deeply" and "If only my father had educated me like this when I was a child" ...

This kind of education, on the surface, makes children feel guilty by punishing themselves by parents, which will generate motivation to get better, but they don't realize that this kind of punishment by parents is actually an emotional kidnapping of children.

Parents constantly emphasize their hard work with their children and show their hard work and great love by hurting themselves. In fact, they are using "self-abuse" in exchange for mental control of their children. Parents use their own sacrifices and efforts to coerce their children to become obedient in disguise.

Children will be forced to repay their parents' kindness because their parents sacrificed their health, career and even themselves, and they will constantly feel guilty and guilty.

Montessori believes that making children obey the will of adults is the biggest and most shameful mistake made by adults. And it is even more wrong to sacrifice yourself to make children obey.

In the first issue of The Story of Qipa, Huang Zhizhong told a story that every time she ate fish, her mother would give it to her children and eat the fish head herself. It was not until her mother died that she told her son, "I never liked fish heads very much."

Huang Zhizhong said, "China's relationship is very strange. We should celebrate a relationship called' You have to sacrifice, and he has to repay you'". In fact, the mother kidnapped the child with a fish head for life, making him live in guilt forever.

The child is too young to know the difference between truth and falsehood. In the face of "guilty education", his first reaction was "It's all my fault". Children will think that they are a burden to their parents and a source of family misfortune. His parents would be better off if he didn't have himself.

Children who grow up in this psychological state will have strong self-doubt, sensitivity and suspicion, inferiority and timidity, and even despise their own survival value. In adolescence, some children will have emotional and psychological problems because of this strong sense of guilt.

Even after they become adults, they still feel guilty.

In Little Joy, Song Qian always emphasized with her daughter, "You grew up alone with your mother. Have classes during the day and prepare lessons at night. I have to get up early to buy food and cook for you and take care of your daily life. Is it easy for me? I am not under much pressure? "

These words made Eiko feel guilty. She had to accept her mother's love carefully and cater to her against her will. In the end, Eiko was overwhelmed and chose to commit suicide. Before committing suicide, she said to her mother, "I just want to escape from you." I know this is not easy for you. I don't deserve your love. I don't know what happened to me ... I'm sorry, I didn't become your daughter, but I didn't become what you wanted. "

When children are young, they have to passively accept this negative "guilt education". Once children enter adolescence and begin to wake up, some children begin to have a rebellious attitude towards this "guilt education". Parents say similar things, which is easy to cause children's disgust. They began to resist and break free, hoping to reshape themselves.

At this time, the parent-child relationship will be tense and broken.

Once parents give or sacrifice as a bargaining chip in exchange for their children's obedience, it means that family education is starting to go wrong. If it continues, only tragedy will come back.

American writer Jenny Alimu once said: It is not terrible for children to have shortcomings. What is terrible is that parents, as the leaders of their children's lives, lack the correct concepts and methods of educating their children.

To educate children well, parents must first change themselves and guide their children with correct educational methods.

"Guilt education" is the motivation for children to seek progress from negative emotions. In fact, this motivation comes not from the children themselves, but from their parents. It is guilt that makes children have to work hard. This heavy internal drive will only drag down the children in the end.

Instead of putting yourself in the victim's position and making children feel guilty, let yourself run in front of the children and be their role model and guide.

When children discover the Excellence of their parents, they will take the initiative to move closer to their parents. This internal drive is positive and relaxed.

Teacher Zheng once said, "I never tell my children what you want to work hard. I just say to myself,' Zheng, you want to work hard, you have children', and then I try to show my children and make my family rich." Of his two children, one has a successful career and the other has a successful academic career.

We should not let children see how much their parents have lost, but let them find out how good their parents are.

Parents of the older generation are best at "guilty education", but as a new generation of parents, we must cut off this wrong educational concept and not let the wrong education continue.

Bai said: "We are born qualified parents, and parents are a big business that requires lifelong learning. In the process of children's growth, the responsibility of parents is at least 565,438+0%. Don't always complain about others, change yourself first. "

Parents must read more books, learn new parenting concepts, learn to discard the false and keep the true, and choose the education method that suits them.

We should reflect on ourselves and think more about the way of raising children.

With the development of society, children today are different from the past. They have many sources of information, and they become more thoughtful and precocious. Parents must keep up with their children's pace and even walk in front of them in order to educate them correctly.

Professor Peking University Brain-strengthening Child Development Medicine Center believes that what children really need from their parents is a correct and suitable family education method.

The wrong way of education can destroy a child, and the right way of education can make a child. Don't let "guilty education" become a heavy ambition for you and your children. Choose a positive and sunny education method and you will reap the same children.