Father (Jing Kaixuan) understands the answer.

It's almost Father's Day. I called my brother and wanted to know what happened to my father's grave. My father's cemetery is behind Qingcheng Mountain. I heard that the mountains there also collapsed in the earthquake. I was in Istanbul when I heard the news of my father's death. That night, I went to a cemetery alone, looked at all the tombstones, and then sat under the rustling cypress until late at night.

I remember my father's short temper. When I was a child, I played with homemade firecrackers in the yard. He happened to pass by and got a fright. He angrily picked up a brick and ran to me. I just rolled and crawled away. On another occasion, my father scolded me for a trivial matter, and slapped me severely without saying anything. Now my mother is very angry and we are not allowed to talk to my father. A few days later, I fell down while playing, and my nose was bleeding. My father happened to pass by, so he stopped me and took out a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to me. I forgave my father in my heart, and the boycott initiated by my mother naturally stopped.

In fact, my father is gentle and has never been red-faced with anyone. To use an old saying, his life was "exile" and he was a small official in a small county town deep in the mountains. He is also very satisfied. He often goes to the countryside by bike and climbs mountains thousands of meters high. I often think that if it weren't for the fate of the times, he might have been a rural teacher in his hometown of Shanxi, and he wouldn't have come to Sichuan all the way, and he wouldn't have been able to return to his hometown in his later years. Can he be dissatisfied? During the Cultural Revolution, our family took over. My father is a traitor and my mother is a spy. At that time, my mother couldn't sleep all night, and my father fell asleep every time he was scolded. He later said that he was not afraid of suffering, but I never believed him. I think my father is a person who can't think deeply, so it's better not to suffer.

After that, my parents retired early and moved to Dujiangyan outside the mountain. But my father often goes back to Blackwater by car. He wants to solve his own historical problems. I remember one time when he came back from outside, he excitedly showed us a piece of paper, which was a national document, and restored his party membership, 1937, without spending money on the Chinese Communist Party. Seeing this, my brother and sister were indifferent, my father was embarrassed, but my mother was very angry. She said that although it was meaningless, it was a wish of her father after all. That generation always has a lot of wishes, and it is difficult to decide. It can be comforted that my father also liked to write something when he was young. He also published the novel Debtor in Ta Kung Pao 1937. At first glance, it was influenced by the May 4th New Literature. I searched the library and found this newspaper, which made my father happy for a long time.

In his later years, his father's temperament became better and better, and he was good at smiling, sad and crying. Families get together and talk about social corruption and such and such events. When a great man dies, he can't help crying. At this time, we will laugh at him and make him feel embarrassed. He believes that the past society was pure, but there is still hope for the future. Mother scolded him for his vision and backwardness, but she didn't like us to look down on his father. She can be cruel to her father, but we can't. She must protect his dignity in front of the child.

Mom has always been in charge of family affairs, but dad has become a dispensable person. Moreover, in her later years, her mother showed more determination and insight than her father. But after all, the mother is old and emotionally dependent on her children. As a result, dad listened to mom and mom listened to us. On the other hand, we chat less and less with our parents. We are not busy, but we have nothing to say. Father can't understand me and I can't go deep into his heart. Although I work in a foreign country, I miss him occasionally, but I always feel that I am ignoring something. In the real interpersonal relationship, we are all lonely.

Father began to like to walk alone, go to the Woods of the nearby health school, sit in the afternoon sunset and watch for a while, then stand up and walk back. His waist is getting more and more bent and he walks more and more slowly. If he sees us picking him up, he will smile. So, when I heard the bad news of my father, I still couldn't believe that he left like this for a while. He is not seriously ill, he is exhausted. According to my mother later told me, the moment my father left, there was another tear in my eyes. He can't bear to part with you, she said.

I often think, what does father mean to me? He is a mountain, which often blocks my view. For my convenience and laziness, I often want to bypass it. When the mountain collapsed, it suddenly dawned on me that the mountain blocked the end we talked about, and I could see the end in front of me at a glance.