The boy was refused to buy underwear inappropriate to meet the bride: wedding customs hunting, how to become the mother's family "killer"?

Zunyi, Guizhou, a "boy to meet the bride was refused" video triggered media attention, according to the groom's side of the wedding master of ceremonies, is due to the groom to prepare the bride's "from the head of the gift" in the underwear does not fit, triggered by the two sides of the dispute, so that the bride's parents Refused to welcome the bride, resulting in the groom side of the wedding can not be held normally, and finally the groom's family decided to turn the wedding banquet into a New Year's Eve party of friends and relatives. However, according to "people in the know", the groom's side will sue the bride's side.

To a certain extent, it's impossible to get a full picture of the dispute from the fragmented, brief reports. But at the heart of the controversy, there is always a feeling that "such a bad thing should be cleaned up". In the statement of the "informant", even if he said that both sides have problems, but there is also a clear tendency to talk about the problem of "inappropriate underwear", or the main responsibility for the groom side of the attitude is not good.

On the one hand, emphasizing that the groom side of the preparation of "from the beginning of the ceremony" process is not attentive, on the other hand, emphasize the groom side of the bride was rejected to solve the problem of attitude is not good, in short, that is, the groom side of the bride side of the lack of respect. Up to this point, the dispute seems to be the initial formation of the closed loop of right and wrong: that is, "the groom party does not take the bride party seriously", and this is also more in line with the mainstream marriage of right and wrong appearance, so the formation of public opinion **** feelings, also in the reasonable.

However, when we actually go to break open this more deformed marriage to build the right and wrong, perhaps more deformed than the so-called "who does not take who seriously" is that this may be another "arranged marriage sale" of the final collapse. Because according to the "knower", the bride and groom's marriage license has been received in hand, the so-called wedding is only to bridge the traditional order of marriage only.

So, the fact that a pair of lovebirds could be broken up just because a piece of underwear didn't fit is enough to show that there was a problem with the union of the two lovebirds in the first place. Although visible media reports do not talk about the process of the bride and groom's union, but from the operation of the bride's parents blatantly refusing to welcome the bride, it is clear that their daughter is being offered as a sulking tool. Even, for the trigger of this dispute, it is likely that the "underwear is not suitable" is only the beginning, and more deep-rooted conflicts may have been planted.

So, back to the "guy was rejected for buying inappropriate underwear to meet the bride" thing, the probability is that the bride's family in the "formalism hunting", that is, the last shiver want to give the groom's family a downward spiral. Unfortunately, a lot of things really overplayed, it is likely to be really disgusting to the people, so that the final can not end towards the scene out of control until the collapse.

You know, in the traditional marriage construction process, the bride party "formalism hunting" groom party is relatively common operation, but as long as not through the customs of deliberate play, generally speaking are still acceptable. Even on the "underwear does not fit" this kind of problem, the vast majority of cases, should not be radicalized to the point of refusing to welcome the bride.

It must be admitted that the bride in the above incident is indeed more "stubborn". But this "dead" should only be an extension of the problem, that is, the two sides in the wedding before the formation of potential conflicts, so the bride will be in the welcome this kind of scene, to offer the last chips, that is, "underwear is not suitable".

But in fact, in the end, appropriate or not, this is really a problem. After all, the underwear belongs to the intimate things, this kind of problem is not good face to face, so the subsequent conflict intensification, basically within the predictable range. So rather than the groom's side hitting the road in a huff, it's more like the two families simply don't piss in the same night pot.

In addition, the issue of gender equality has been brought to the forefront from time to time in recent years, but on the whole, it's either "men want to crush women" or "women want to crush men. ". But the truth is, men and women have a long history of crushing each other in marriage customs. In the end, no one first don't cry foul, because in the marriage customs system, it is always "I take you a hand, you kick me a foot".

According to the domestic family paradigm, the daughter is only a temporary member of the family, in this case, the bride's family in order to maximize the benefits of the marriage, will be as difficult as possible in the marriage before the groom party, which leads to the groom party in the marriage before the situation is more depressing, and so there is often a bride after the marriage is in-laws harshly criticized, in fact, is considered to be the result of the deformed interaction of the marriage.

So, the bride's emphasis on attention and respect in the above incident is in fact more "double standard". In the end, attention and respect is mutual, if you always think that the other side than their own inferior, always think that they are superior to the other side, then the so-called attention and respect is more like fawning and groveling, rather than a normal acceptance and interactive communication.

At the same time, in this "guy for buying underwear is not suitable to meet the bride was rejected" in the marriage debacle, than the dregs of the marriage customs prevail, we need to see the "arranged marriage sale" shameless face. In this regard, in addition to the parents of the bride to ask the bride to make decisions on behalf of their daughters to cross the line of operation, but also to ask the marriage as a sale of secular concepts.

It is important to recognize that in the real world, the greatest resistance to gender inequality is the "traditional marriage". At the moment, it is still the fate of most women to live with their husbands, that is to say, to live in their husbands' homes or to choose their place of residence in accordance with the wishes of their husbands' families, and henceforth to leave the control of their families of origin and to integrate into their husbands' families completely.

In this process, her husband will need to pay her family a certain amount of dowry as compensation for the loss of their daughter as a laborer. As a result, women are heavily monetized in the "subordination" system, i.e., they have no voice in their families of origin and no voice in their families of reproduction, which is why they end up being "disadvantaged". In this sense, the abolition of "arranged marriages" is really urgent.