What are the psychological problems of mutant marriage?

People are always like this: when a beautiful vision is not realized, they cherish it and yearn for it, but once it becomes a reality, they will feel less valuable than they thought. This is a common rebellious mentality. This is the truth that "the lost people cherish and the gained people despise".

Men and women in love, the purpose of all activities is to "combine", but after all, they have not combined, so they are eager, sincere and strive for the combination. Once married, there is no such sense of urgency, which is an important psychological background for the contradiction between husband and wife after marriage.

Jing Li's parents were highly educated, and they gave birth to a more traditional daughter. Born in a scholarly family, she is sensible, gentle and quiet. At the age of 25, she worked in a radio station, and her male colleague Cui Yuan secretly loved her. This young man comes from the countryside, but his work performance is outstanding and his appearance is quite good. He is a young man with excellent academic performance. In his bitter pursuit, Jing Li finally married him.

After the marriage, Cui Yuan felt that she had married a city girl, and her parents-in-law were both university professors, which was both respectable and proud. Therefore, he cares and loves his wife very much. Soon the young couple had a lovely baby daughter, and his career was smooth sailing. At the age of 30, he was promoted to deputy director and became a rising star in the unit.

However, people are not as good as heaven, and flowers are not as good as heaven. With the change of status and the expansion of social circle, Cui Yuan's psychology has also changed. He gradually lost patience with his wife and daughter and brought the director's style into his home from time to time. And Li Jing is very sensitive to this, observed the change of her husband early, and occasionally reminded a few words, but it was useless.

One day, Li Jing accompanied her daughter to practice the piano. The daughter was impatient and bargained with her mother. Cui Yuan sat there and said coldly, "It's not good to teach children to practice the piano. What else can you do? "

Li Jing, who was very angry, heard her husband say this and slapped her daughter, who burst into tears.

Who wants her husband to rush over, wave his hand and slap his wife, pointing to the door and yelling, "If you can't teach your child, get out of here, or I'll find another one!"

Li Jing ran home crying with anger. After living in her parents' house for three days, she had to go home again because of her daughter's persuasion. But her husband's psychology hasn't changed. They often have conflicts, not that Jing Li relies on him to support her, but that she can't get rid of it.

Li Jing, who is docile by nature, won't bicker. She can only shed tears into her stomach in the face of all kinds of grievances, which makes her miserable. She doesn't know how she once loved her husband so much, and how long their marriage can last.

Causes of mutant marriage

Before marriage, young lovers always find each other attractive and mysterious, which often promotes intimacy and love between the two sexes. After marriage, all the secrets, whether physical or psychological, are well known to each other. If the mystery is eliminated, the intensity of love will inevitably decrease, which is also a factor leading to contradictions after marriage.

Even if the love before marriage is very strong, after all, there is no legal protection, and the degree of maintenance is far lower than that of legal union. With legal protection, the two sides are no longer so formal and meticulous. Before marriage, it is like a glass, so you should cherish it. After marriage, it becomes an enamel cup, which is not fragile, so you don't have to be so careful. In this state of mind, both sides tend to be thoughtless and informal, but it is easy to stab each other, resulting in contradictions compared with pre-marriage.

The two sides in love are mostly in intermittent contact, taking the form of private heart-to-heart, rather than continuous contact after marriage. Plain and stylized life will inject anesthetic into love, which is not handled well, and it is easy to form contradictions. Generally speaking, appropriate intermittent contact is a relatively constant continuous contact, and appropriate and changeable life content is a relatively rigid life procedure, which is easy to arouse emotional ripples.

Marriage is often a psychological strangeness for both parties, especially for the married party. For example, strangeness in getting along with in-laws, strangeness in surrounding environment and living conditions, strangeness in new life rules and economic accounting after marriage. The aggravation of this psychological load and life load may inhibit and dilute the original warm feelings of husband and wife, resulting in contradictions after marriage.

However, not every couple will have conflicts for the above reasons, and not every couple's conflicts after marriage weaken love. In fact, most couples have developed deeper and stronger feelings after experiencing the contradictory period after marriage. Of course, there are also examples of divorce because the contradictions after marriage cannot be overcome, but this is a minority after all.

Before marriage, the two parties fell in love for the sake of marriage, and their sweet words ignored each other's shortcomings and other unfavorable factors. After marriage, this neglected ingredient will be displayed one by one. Before marriage, in order to win each other's love, I always tried to hide my shortcomings. After marriage, this hidden feeling was exposed. The authenticity of both sides has been strengthened, and their true colors have been fully revealed, which is where both sides lack psychological preparation, so it is easy to cause contradictions.

How to Resolve Mutant Marriage

According to a survey, an important reason for the breakdown of marriage is that couples quarrel too much. Long quarrels hurt each other's feelings, violated each other's self-esteem, and gradually lost the necessary conditions for marriage.

The best way to reduce the quarrel between husband and wife is to prevent and solve contradictions in the bud. As the saying goes: living at home, there is no horse spoon that does not touch the edge of the pot. It is difficult for couples to absolutely avoid quarreling. The crux of the problem is how to make reconciliation in time after quarreling, so as to save their marriage and prevent them from falling into the endless war between husband and wife.

Joyce Bo Lazes, a well-known psychologist, put forward a set of "husband and wife quarrel rules" based on his many years' experience in answering various marriage questions for the public, for reference when couples really quarrel unfortunately.

The main contents are as follows: when arguing, we should limit a topic and don't bring out all the dissatisfaction; Never attack each other; Don't blame each other or each other in front of everyone; The dissolution of marriage should not be proposed.

Any quarrel should be settled quickly. In the event of a dispute, both parties must be clear: a quick decision is extremely beneficial to easing contradictions and eliminating tension. If you are reasonable, your quick decision shows your mind and self-restraint. If you are wrong, your quick truce shows that you have regrets, and the other party is likely to end up with discretion. Ending the quarrel as soon as possible is conducive to reconciliation as soon as possible. I want to remind husbands that you are the key to ending the quarrel. There is a saying among marriage experts that the last sentence of every quarrel is said by the wife. One more word from the husband is the beginning of another quarrel.

O 'Neill, a famous American marriage psychologist, said a widely circulated sentence when discussing the marriage problem: "Never try to win when solving the contradiction between husband and wife. If one of you wants to win, then the other can only lose, otherwise the conflict can't end. However, in the conflict between husband and wife, one party loses, in fact, both parties lose, because there is a conflict between victory and defeat, and this conflict will always penetrate into the deep feelings of both parties. Therefore, the only way to win an intimate object is for both of them to win. " This passage makes sense. Some couples argue endlessly to win or lose. This is a big mistake.

Some couples are angry with each other and have a "cold war" state of ignoring each other. To make up as soon as possible, one party must take the initiative to speak at the beginning. It's not who speaks first when it hurts, but shows your generosity, initiative and good attitude. Sometimes even if there is no suitable topic, there is nothing to talk about. In this way, the deadlock will be broken quickly and the feelings will be repaired relatively quickly.

After the quarrel, each should think calmly, and think about why the dispute between husband and wife arises, whether he is wrong, how to make up, and so on. Focusing on these problems, we should think calmly, sum up experience and lessons seriously and prevent future crimes. If you are really wrong, take the initiative to make a review to the other party and extend an emotional hand.

Smiling is very attractive in the crowd. After a quarrel, giving each other a sincere smile from the heart at an appropriate time often leads to unexpected results.