What should I do if I live with a strong mother-in-law and feel depressed?

Hello, I'm Zhang Didi, a psychological counselor. Welcome attention, let's live a better life with psychology.

In your present situation, you can consider the solution from three angles:

1, out of the environment, simply put, is to leave your powerful mother-in-law.

Of course, there will be many difficulties, including energy, economy and socialization (the support of husband is relatively acceptable for mother-in-law). It is often said that distance produces beauty, and distance can also reduce your's contact frequency and reduce the probability of conflict.

2. Change your status. If you can't leave the environment, then changing your current experience is the most effective way. For example, you can try to work again, reduce contact time, improve the relationship between the two sides with gifts, and use external educational institutions to change the parenting dilemma (these are just references, please plan according to your family situation).

3. Change cognition. Sometimes, you will find that it is not feasible to leave the environment, but there are still conflicts between the two sides when changing the state, so changing cognition is also an effective way. If your mother-in-law is strong, it may not be just for you. She could be anything. It's hard to change her, but it's much easier to change your perception of events. Starting from your thinking and views on things, your mood and behavior will naturally change with your cognition. This is a very typical ABC model in psychology.

Try to write down the contradictions and opinions between you, and then try to solve them one by one in a way that suits you. This will make your thinking clearer and help you sort it out.

Everything in life, if you want to, will be solved, and the answer is actually in your heart.

The role of men is becoming more and more important. Seeking truth from facts is the only position to solve family problems.

I am a man, my mother is very strong, but my mother listens to me, so my daughter-in-law doesn't feel depressed.

The economic base determines the superstructure, not to mention that our troops are merciless, which is the case. If you want to solve the problem, you must first face the problem and find out the root cause.

The source of strength is the income of parents.

If your husband doesn't have a good job and his family income is mainly provided by his parents at present, then I think her mother-in-law has her strong reasons. As a junior, it is very important to understand this.

It is normal for a family to have one yin and one yang. This is called harmony. If you have strength, others have to cooperate. If everyone wants to be strong, then a family as a whole will be in an unharmonious environment.

As a daughter-in-law or son, you must first understand this. If you don't understand, go to work and earn money.

That is to say, the strength of a mother-in-law comes from her bones. If she wants family harmony, as a man, she must distinguish right from wrong. If anything happens, she should try to judge according to objective facts. If mom is the main reason, tell her. If you are biased, you will be untenable in this family, and you will lose public trust in dealing with problems in the future.

As a man, I felt deeply about this and did it from the beginning.

Because a family, regardless of priorities, will face more and more problems in the future.

If, as a man, the priorities are set out by the wife and daughter-in-law who bear the main responsibility, both sides will understand in their hearts that no matter who is at fault in the future, they will bear part of the responsibility, so they will give in and then things will be solved.

To say the least, it is also based on prestige, otherwise this sentence is useless.

I have also met many families around me, and many reasons are here. As a man, silly, partial, and finally divorced too much. Or a nerd, selfish, and let parents suffer.

Therefore, as a middle bridge, gay men must proceed from the facts. Only on this basis can we consider others. It's wrong to stand there. Family problems can't be discussed.

-Conclusion.

Because of sharing, it is stronger!

I have a deep understanding of this problem, because I have encountered it myself, so I have more say.

First of all, you should be financially independent and not dependent on others. When I first got married, my salary was not high. Plus, I grew up in a more equal and inclusive environment, and I never realized the complexity of society. When I was just with my mother-in-law, I took the initiative to wash the dishes when I came back from work. As a result, I accidentally pushed the cupboard glass off and hit the bowl. My mother-in-law is a lion roar, my sister-in-law not only refused to do it, but also treated me well, and the tears of injustice came down. Now that I think about it, I am still unable to do so. The old man loves children. When he comes back, he eats and drinks her, and he is busy making money to support his family. However, they were poorly paid and had no confidence, and then they met a strong mother-in-law and made buns for many years.

So, you feel depressed. On the one hand, you should put yourself in others' shoes. Whether you live on your mother-in-law or not, you can share some living expenses and some housework. If not, the mother-in-law is stubborn and strong and can live separately. As the saying goes, a close smell can produce beauty from a distance, but the most important thing is to look at her husband's attitude. If her husband loves you deeply and protects you everywhere at home, her mother-in-law will be afraid of three points. Her husband's role is very important. Mother-in-law loves her son, and his son takes care of his daughter-in-law. Mother-in-law will also love have it both ways, love me, love my dog. On the contrary, a strong mother-in-law will look down on her daughter-in-law even more when she sees that her son does not attach importance to her daughter-in-law. There are mistakes in what you do, right and wrong, and there are picky reasons everywhere.

If my husband Ma Baonan loves you but is afraid to say more, either break up or move out. If you can't move, you will become stronger. Economic independence is the most critical factor. You don't want to be old, you do your own thing and leave your mother-in-law speechless. If you have to be picky, don't take small things to heart. In principle, you will never give in. If you take a step back and she takes ten steps back, you will show your attitude and stick to the correct position from the beginning. In fact, it is also a game process between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

Mother-in-law's strength sometimes needs daughter-in-law's solution, if her mother-in-law is cruel. Smile when things go wrong, unless the mother-in-law is trying to deliberately provoke the relationship between her son and daughter-in-law, after all, it is your husband's mother who raised him, so you and her husband are destined to be together. Parents and children also talk about fate. When your mother-in-law is strong, if it makes sense, you should agree with her. If it doesn't make sense, we can mobilize her husband to solve it together. After all, husband is the best lubricant between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. At the same time, you should.

Between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it has been a problem since ancient times. Smart women know how to solve problems skillfully, instead of blindly suppressing themselves or confronting their mother-in-law, creating problems for themselves and hurting others. A good relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law requires the daughter-in-law to be smart, to find a way, and to have the lubricating effect of her husband. A husband should be considerate of his wife, always protect and care for his wife, and at the same time be distressed and considerate of his mother and share more housework. * * * Don't talk nonsense in life. Sometimes you need to cheat both sides, so that the husband and wife can unite and the family will be happier.

Hello, beauty! Since I admitted that my mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are not related by blood, I have known my mother-in-law through my husband. Some contradictions in the family are inevitable. First of all, what kind of personality are you? For example, my personality is introverted and honest. I may not like people who are particularly careful and say one thing and do another, nor do I like smart and dishonest people. My personality is straightforward, regardless of right or wrong. This kind of personality is definitely incompatible with a strong and calculating mother-in-law, whose personality is very different. Although my mother-in-law is very strong and likes to crush these strengths on us, we never pay attention to them. We have our own ideas. Even if she is like this, we won't care about them, because you know what kind of person she is. If she cares too much, it will be more difficult to get along. You don't need to be depressed. What she does is her own business. You just have to do what you choose. She may put pressure on you, but what you husband and wife do is how you identify with each other. Don't think about what your mother-in-law tells you to do. You two come from another family, so you should discuss everything. As long as you have a problem, you can't change anything. Only what she said, you can't hear what is right. Don't cause yourself depression. You are the master of your own life, and others can't control you. I hope it will help you when you encounter contradictions.

Thank you for your invitation. This is a very common problem that every wife will encounter.

Don't say that you are a strong mother-in-law. Even if you live with a weak mother-in-law, there will be some minor contradictions and frictions over time.

To say the least, even if I live with my mother for a long time, there will be some contradictions. In extreme cases, you will break up with your parents.

Because everyone has different ideas, is there a solution? The answer is yes.

How to solve it? Is to communicate with my mother-in-law. People's hearts are all meat, and women have their own difficulties.

Suppressing yourself is not a good idea. Tell your mother-in-law what you think, but don't be emotional. Just express your thoughts sincerely. Then, listen to her thoughts. Dialogue will make each other understand better.

Communication needs skills, and skills can be mastered through learning. Simply put, it is to look at the advantages and highlights of the mother-in-law. Everyone needs to be respected, especially the elders.

Then ask your mother-in-law more. After all, her life experience is very rich. Ask more about her experience in dealing with people. Ask her more in life. I remember when I first got married, I asked her how to cook. Every time I cook, she gives me personal guidance. I saw her eyes glowing.

Interpersonal relationships are mutual. You are good to her, and she will be good to you. There is a classic saying in psychology that everyone likes himself.

In addition, see what resources you can use, such as letting your husband communicate with your mother-in-law, or you can all sit together and talk about it and see what the difference is.

Finally, you should have a reasonable expectation for your mother-in-law, no matter how good your mother-in-law is, you know.

Thank you very much for answering your question. I can feel it. However, she is a mother-in-law. If we want to do something, it is how we can find a way to reconcile the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. After all, she is our elder, and more importantly, she is the biological mother of your child's father. See which phalanx is crowded. See if the problem should proceed from the overall situation.

Of course, family relationships are not small groups. I'm just making an analogy. As the saying goes, an ancient family is better than a treasure. She has no credit or hard work. How to understand the word "strong"? No one is kind enough to have no bottom line, and no one is strong enough to be rude. It's just that some people express strongly. If the mother-in-law is strong, then she must be the woman in this family. Put yourself in others' shoes. If your mother is like this, you will say, my mother is very capable. Please understand if I am wrong.

I once worked as a domestic service, and one of the programs became serving the elderly. In fact, they are under great pressure. They always feel that their daughter-in-law is not as good as their own daughter, and it is difficult to fight, as if they are serving their ancestors with their wages, and young people are not satisfied. In fact, simply speaking, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are not as barrier-free as biological parents and children. Why? Is that we both put each other on the opposite side of our mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. If we put ourselves in others' shoes, will it be more harmonious?

Therefore, we treat her as a mother-in-law, she is a mother-in-law, we treat her as a mother, and she becomes a mother and a family. Do not set the label. Why can't we treat her as a disobedient child and an old urchin? Looking forward to our future, when we are old, we may be just like her, because she also wants to get back her former glory, that is, "I am the head of the family and I am the king", so look at each other with a kind heart, feel each other and understand each other, and you will feel that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is as simple as that.

Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law had better not live under the same roof, no matter how strong or weak they are.

China's traditional culture holds that raising children to prevent old age. When you get married, you should respect the old and love the young. But with the improvement of women's self-awareness and various problems exposed in modern life. Psychology increasingly believes that the most unstable factor in the family is the cohabitation of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

Social psychology says that a family has only one core of rights, and this core of rights is husband and wife. If the child gets married and lives with her in-laws. There are two power cores in the family. It's like a husband under one roof. But there are two masters after marriage, and one of them is bound to get hurt.

The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law who live together are also prone to blurred boundaries. Mainly the following situations.

1, after my mother-in-law has a grandson, I think this is her own junior, and she has the right to decide how to raise her children. The mother also feels that the child is her own flesh and blood and has the right to raise it. When there are contradictions in the concept of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law's parenting, disputes are inevitable.

Mother-in-law thinks that her son should listen to her own words. But the wife thinks that the husband should also listen to himself. Two women will compete for a man. The old man is giving birth to a son, and his wife is fighting for her husband. This is the second contradiction.

Mother-in-law thinks that her son's wedding room was bought by the old man, and her daughter-in-law lived in her husband's house when she got married. The daughter-in-law will think that since it is a wedding room, it belongs to the mother-in-law of both husband and wife, and at most it is a guest. Mother-in-law should not control her own life, which is the third contradiction.

If the economy permits, the son will still live with the old man. Then be careful of your husband. Maybe it was a boy. Explained in psychological terms, it is that her husband and his mother are not psychologically divided. The husband will allow his mother to interfere in his married life at will. And I don't pay attention to my lover's feelings.

So when you say depressed. It's easy to understand. Obviously, you are the hostess of the family, but after her mother-in-law moved in, she also regarded herself as the hostess. You can't assert your rights, and your husband may not support you.

Refusing to live with her mother-in-law after marriage is not unwilling to bear the responsibility of support. Is the most basic position of every woman. Live separately if you can.

Live separately! Before the conflict intensifies, living separately is the best policy! If you don't have the conditions for the time being, you should be more tolerant. Try to communicate with your husband and mother-in-law if you have any questions. I wish you a happy family life!

Then find a way not to live together. Second daughter-in-law and mother-in-law have endless topics. Of course, if you are careless, you can make do, but from my own point of view, it is best not to live together, which is easy to produce contradictions.

Living with a powerful mother-in-law, I feel uncomfortable and depressed. Most friends who ask this question have to face their mother-in-law and can't live separately from her mother-in-law. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is before us.

Give a few personal suggestions:

First, take a look at this mother-in-law with a grateful heart. It's not easy to think that she raised her husband from an early age. We should thank this middle-aged and elderly person. She gave me a good husband and a home. This woman has made great contributions to my marriage and family. So I should get rid of my fear of her and replace it with heartfelt respect and appreciation.

Second, treat her as her own mother. The reason why we treat our mother-in-law differently from our own mother is because we habitually treat her as an outsider. Only by treating her like our own mother can we have no sense of estrangement and strangeness towards her. We respect her as much as we love our mother, love her, coquetry in front of her, have no distance with her, confide in her and give her all our love. This mother-in-law will treat you in another way. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will be like blood dissolved in water.

Third, acceptance, it is very important to accept. We are uncomfortable living with our mother-in-law, largely because of a kind of resistance. It's her mother-in-law's rejection (treating her as an outsider). We accept such a woman from the heart and let her enter our own life and inner world. When we put down our rebellious posture, the other side's posture will also be lowered.

Fourth, we should understand our mother-in-law. Mother-in-law's strength for so many years is a kind of self-protection in a great sense. Because for so many years, she has to face a lot. If she is not strong enough, it is difficult for her to cope with complicated life and various pressures. Her strength, in a sense, is also the protection of her son (husband). So at this moment, if you can accept her and put down your rebellious posture, the other party will also put down this self-protection posture and interact with you on an equal footing. People must communicate with each other. So you put down your posture first, and then the other person may also put down his posture.

Fifth, be a smart, flexible and lovely wife. In front of her mother-in-law, we should get rid of rigidity, try our best to make her happy, try our best to make her happy, learn to be flexible, and do everything according to our own wishes. In this way, the mother-in-law will soon disarm herself and put down her psychological defense. Mother-in-law will love her daughter-in-law from the heart when she sees her daughter-in-law loving herself from the heart. Treat you like your own daughter. At this time, she will use her own strength to protect you everywhere in life!

Sixth, form a strong alliance with her husband. The purpose of the alliance is not to deal with her mother-in-law, but to love her mother-in-law wholeheartedly. In this way, the husband between you two is better (he doesn't have to be in a dilemma anymore), and the husband will be glad that you made such a choice. Your relationship with your mother-in-law and husband will be particularly harmonious. Kill three birds with one stone, why not?