Smart women must know: to fulfill the man, not as good as first fulfill themselves, why?

Introduction: Women, don't let yourself be "virtuous" kidnapping, please in the fulfillment of the man before, must first achieve their own.

China since ancient times, there is a deep-rooted "male superiority" idea, what "three from the four virtues", what "women are no talent is virtue" is one of the representatives.

With the evolution of thousands of years of history and civilization, the idea of "men are superior to women" has gradually weakened, and the status of women has been improving, but there are still some traditional concepts that confine women's thinking and behavior.

"Behind every successful man, there is a woman who quietly pays", "the most important thing to be a woman is virtuous". Although these ideas are not as harsh as the "three from the four virtues", but also to a certain extent to the woman's position in the marriage and family.

But can a woman get a good marriage by working hard? Can a woman be virtuous and reap the benefits of happiness?

The answer is obviously no, countless bloody examples tell us: marriage and family, women can fulfill the man, but before fulfilling the man, you must first achieve their own.

01

Cousin recently divorced.

Mother shook her head helplessly when she mentioned this. I was happy to hear this news, however, because in my opinion, my cousin should have divorced that scummy guy a long time ago.

Traditionally speaking, my cousin is definitely a virtuous and good woman.

She and her husband met in the micro time, when both families were in bad condition. When my cousin wanted to marry, her parents were strongly opposed, in their view, it is hard to raise a daughter can not fall from one poor nest into another fire pit. However, the cousin is not moved, hard to softly persuade her loving parents reluctantly agreed to her marriage.

After marriage, the cousin was forced to start a small business. Because she didn't have the money to rent a storefront, she could only work as an itinerant vendor, selling fruits and snacks.

The man is shy and not very good at showing his face. In those years, the cousin solicited for business, and even when she was pregnant, she had to go to the stalls with her belly, while the man just stood behind her and occasionally helped with the goods.

The traffic in the small county is not big, so the business is not too prosperous, but this is the small mobile stall, but the family is the only source of life.

Later, with the help of a relative, the man took the adult college entrance exam and enrolled in a teacher training college, and the whole family was very happy. However, when they heard that they had to pay high tuition fees every year, they were a bit upset.

The men were a little reticent, but the cousin was determined. She went to all the relatives and friends, and encouraged the man to go to school by paying the tuition fee. The man was touched and took his cousin's hand and said, "When I graduate and find a good job, I'll make sure you have a good life."

After the man left, all the work in the house fell on the shoulders of her cousin, who took care of her elderly in-laws and two children, while continuing to set up stalls to subsidize the household, and also saving up for the man's tuition and living expenses.

In the winter months, the cousin braved the wind and snow to set up the stall, ignoring the face and hands already full of frostbite; in the summer heat, the cousin braved the scorching sun to set up the stall, letting the sweat soaked through the clothes. However, if you're tired, you won't dare to slack off for a day, because you'll have to rely on this meager income to finish your studies.

Cousins thought that after the four years had passed and the man had graduated, they would have a good life.

Four years passed in a flash, and what the cousin waited for was not a good life, but another woman.

The cousin was a little confused when the man brought the woman through the door. Looking at the woman's pretty face and fashionable clothes, and then looking at her own weather-beaten face and already white-washed clothes, the cousin was a bit timid.

And the in-laws, who have always been served by the cousin, were not on the cousin's side at this time, and they advised the cousin: "It's better to leave, you see, the boat has found a job in the city, and has become a family member, and look at you, you don't deserve him at all."

Cousin can't figure out if all these years of effort are in vain. At the beginning of the promised to live a good life together, how to say change?

She was unwilling to do anything about it, and she made a lot of noise at home, threatened her children, and even pushed them to their deaths, but she couldn't win back her man's heart.

She insisted on not getting a divorce, and she thought that she was just going to wear the man out. But the man is still with the woman, outside living a life of pleasure, leaving the cousin as a wilting flower, day by day shriveled up.

02

When I was a child, I especially liked to read opera, and my favorite was "The Case of the Guillotine", the story of the Song Dynasty woman named Qin Xianglian, which was exactly the same as my cousin.

She served her in-laws, supported her husband and raised her young son.

However, after her husband had attained the top grade, he stopped marrying and remarried, with no regard for the original friendship.

After burying her in-laws, Qin Xianglian had to drag her children with her, and set out on a long search for her husband, begging along the streets.

But what happens is that when she finds her husband after all the hard work, the man she used to be with, the man who gave her children, not only disowns her and the children, but sends an assassin to kill her and her children to save them from further harm.

The story ends happily, with Qin Xianglian being forced to beat the drums to complain about her husband's extra horse harnessed by the side of a team to Bao Zheng, the magistrate of Kaifeng, who ultimately killed him under the tiger's head guillotine.

Thinking back then, the feudal period of the woman's right to choose is very little, they face the misfortunes of marriage, what can be done is really limited, often can only be helpless or passive acceptance.

But now, when the wheel of time rolls to today, the woman faced with the unfortunate marriage and her husband's betrayal, can do much more than that.

If the cousin had been able to feel sorry for herself while fulfilling her husband's wishes, perhaps her end would not have been so saddening.

Or, when she learned that the man changed his mind, the cousin was able to stop the loss in time, quick and easy, to fight for the compensation, but also not so laborious, in the exhaustion of the best years of their own, but also fell into a widow's land.

03

For a long time, I was disgusted by the word "virtuous".

The word "virtuous" was originally a positive term, referring to a woman who was kind, gentle and reasonable. However, more and more people are turning "virtuous" into a shackle that binds women.

You are virtuous, so you should pay more; you are virtuous, so you should be more tolerant; you are virtuous, so you should be more responsible. However, the woman's favor, often in exchange for the respect is not there, but rather is intensified contempt.

The more favorable a woman is, the more miserable her life may be.

The woman of the general's family, Hong Huang, said, "Virtuousness and homemaking are the two mountains weighing on the shoulders of Chinese women."

"Virtuous" requires you to know how to back down and indulge men. The "family" requires that you know how to take responsibility, and it's best to take the man's responsibility over as well. However, since women have these two qualities, what do they need men for?

The American writer Dreiser said of marriage: "A simple, patient, ordinary woman's life is mostly paved with sacrifices".

Chinese-style virtuous women are often not happy.

At the very least, not as independent women who live a life they appreciate.

In fact, a good marriage, never should rely on a woman's patience to pay to maintain, but should rely on the two people's mutual understanding, mutual support to operate.

Women should be able to fulfill themselves before they become men.

Only two people to keep *** with the growth of the footsteps, the road to marriage can be shoulder to shoulder to go on.

Taking a step back, even if the marriage fails, but the woman through the achievement of their own, at least have enough ability to be able to support their own later life, so that their life is not derailed by the loss of marriage.

Don't believe that "behind every successful man, there is a woman who pays in silence", you can also be the successful woman who fights alongside the successful man.

Don't believe that the most important thing for a woman to do is to be virtuous, you can be kind and gentle and reasonable, but the most important thing is that you have to live a wonderful life.