Q: Sketch or crosstalk script!

A: (After Party A and Party B took the stage, Party A warmly held Party B's hand with both hands, shook it, loosened it, stepped back and looked at Party B) Wow, you are so beautiful and energetic. You must have done push-ups. Your psoas is very good, much stronger than a pig. Slave, car slave or house slave? Do you want soy sauce?

B: I'm not a slave, and I don't cook soy sauce. I can't understand what you're saying.

A: I speak a fake dialect. I don't understand. You can look it up on Wikipedia.

B: (shaking his head) I still don't understand.

Do you have a computer at home?

B: You look down on people. You are so boastful. To tell the truth, the laptop used by my wife for business trip doesn't count. There are three desktop computers in my home!

A: Yes, the reform and opening up has raised the income of urban and rural people, reduced the price of computers and popularized computers.

B: this is technology benefiting the people!

A: Not only computers are not expensive, but also the cost of surfing the Internet is cheap, so the majority of netizens like surfing the Internet. Since 1996, the Internet in China has entered a period of rapid development. At present, China ranks first in the world in terms of computer ownership and the number of Internet users.

Experts say that computers have changed our way of life and work?

A: Yes, that's right. Computers have multiplied the work efficiency. Now there is no office without a computer, and many families also have computers. Now that computers are connected to the internet, online information is instantly transmitted to thousands of households. The Internet transmits information quickly and has a wide audience. The communication mode of the Internet has also produced the unique language phenomenon of the Internet. Every year and every month, a large number of online words emerge, and new online words are produced every day, especially in recent years, as I just said.

B: Give me another example.

A: Network neologisms have enhanced the expressive force of Chinese and enriched Chinese vocabulary. But this was caused by a special event. If you don't know the event, it's hard to understand. You must explain it. Use also needs a certain context.

Really?

A: Because the network neologisms are not standardized and have not been widely recognized, entering the normal vocabulary needs to be tested and the survival of the fittest.

B: Don't just explain and demonstrate. I am also very knowledgeable.

A: Then I will use some new online words in my speech to tell you about a college student who just graduated from our unit building. Don't blame me if you don't understand. You can only blame your genes. Get even with your parents, not me.

B: Beating around the bush takes advantage of me-I'm not as stupid as you think. Go!

A: This young man is cool and diligent-not as embarrassed as you are-a cynical post-80s generation, an internet addict, a blogger, a podcaster and a digger. ...

B: Czechoslovakia …

A: Don't you understand? Think slowly. I can't explain it to you now. Once I let go, I can't stop. ...

B: If you want to learn some new online vocabulary, you must put up with it!

A: This young man is quite nice. When he volunteered for the Olympic Games, he was a bird's nest generation. After the Olympic Games, I bid farewell to my alma mater. I stayed at home and didn't go anywhere. ...

B: Maybe he is studying hard and wants to be a teacher or a civil servant. A blockbuster, soaring.

A: Your boy's IQ is not low. You really guessed right. At first, he wanted to make a blockbuster and become famous all over the world. You haven't seen it these days. You pursue fame and gain by any means, expose hidden rules, take exclusive photos, shoot tigers and so on. Even if you twist your body into an S-shape, you are willing to tell a celebrity that you had a one-night stand and that you are the illegitimate child of a celebrity.

B: What did the young man take? How was the exam?

I often meet this young man, so I know him well. So I know he wants to take the civil service exam. When he came back that night, I met him at the gate of the community.

Q: "Did you take the exam?" He said, "Come and see me! I don't know if I can get in. "

B: What is "noodles"?

I've already had an interview, and I'm waiting for the notice.

B: Oh.

The young man was lucky to be admitted. He moved out from home soon after he went to work. ...

Did you quarrel with your parents?

A: No, he said he didn't want to be a "neet". He wanted to stand on his own feet, lead a guest life and be an indoor family. He is ambitious, and he told me that he is not satisfied with petty bourgeoisie, but should move towards the goal of personal gain; Not only white-collar workers, but also purple collars.

I don't understand. It seems that I am really behind the Internet age!

A: You can't blame others for your brain damage. ...

B: You are an idiot!

The young man writes well. She often publishes articles in blogs, websites, forums, newspapers and magazines, which has been favored by spring women writers and attracted the attention of fans. He said with concern that he can't be "too single" and can go to bed politely, which is conducive to his inspiration.

B: It seems that this young man's career, fortune and peach blossom are all good. Women writers write with their lower bodies in spring? How did the young man show his love to the female writers and fans in spring? Do you accept it?

A: He said that he was not interested in "Asian cheating" and wanted to find a woman of 37 degrees.

B: What is a 37-degree girl?

A: Go back and ask your wife. The young man also wrote an article criticizing Fan Paopao and Guo Paopao. ...

B: How do you criticize it?

A: He said that Fan Paopao is a matter of principle of teachers' morality, while Guo Paopao is a matter of speaking methods.

B: Speak up and speak up for the people. We need such commentators now!

A: The young man also wrote a poem mocking the nonsense of some fatuous officials and some fatuous scholars. ...

B: What poem?

A: Two of them are: I haven't heard of breathing tax, but fortunately I didn't mention fart and donated it.

What do you mean?

A: At the China Forest City Forum held in Guangzhou on June 5438+065438+1October 8, 2008, an academician of the Chinese Academy of Sciences called on the government to consider levying a "breathing tax", saying that residents are also carbon dioxide emitters and should pay the price for energy conservation and emission reduction. "You can consider letting citizens buy 20 yuan's ecological fund every month."

What a terrible idea!

A: This academician of the Chinese Academy of Sciences is not the only one who has a bad idea and talks nonsense. In 2006, a professor in Shanghai actually said that dragons with totem symbols should be changed.

B: Why?

A: The reason given by this professor makes people laugh and cry.

What is his reason?

The professor said that the image and design of the dragon made foreigners look uncomfortable, which would affect China's diplomacy and foreign trade. ...

B: Doesn't this professor know that the days when China people looked at foreigners and winked at them are gone forever? Isn't it a mistake to preach and teach like this?

A: There will always be obsequiousness. -don't say professor, say this young man. The young man's pen is full of enthusiasm, and he speaks the voice of the public.

B: What else did he criticize?

A: On February 18, 2008, the deputy director of Guangzhou Municipal Health Bureau said, "As the saying goes, seeing a doctor is difficult and expensive. I have traveled all over the world. The hardest place to see a doctor is China, and the cheapest place to see a doctor is China. ". Do you agree with this statement?

B: Open your eyes and lie! What's more, he is fully reimbursed for free medical care, and his income is high. Even if he does not enjoy free medical care, his family can afford it. Hungry people don't know if they are hungry!

A: On March 6, 2008, a deputy governor of Jilin Province, a deputy to the National People's Congress, said in an interview with People's Daily: "The argument reflected by ordinary people that schooling is difficult and expensive is wrong. We have never had the problem of being difficult and expensive to go to school, and this problem does not exist in China. " Is it true?/You don't say.

B: I lied with my eyes open, which is similar to what the deputy director of Guangzhou Municipal Health Bureau said. Look at the children in the disaster area and think of the children who dropped out of school in the poor areas in the west! -It's easy to stand and talk!

A: The views of this young man's article have been warmly supported and widely echoed by netizens and readers. He clearly expressed different views on "Equal Wealth", "Long Tilling the City", "Looking at the Mountain for Ghosts" and "Tears in Autumn Rain", and received rave reviews.

B: This young man is so talented that he should be trained as an alligator.

A: But this young man doesn't like publicity. He keeps a low profile.

Modesty makes people progress.

A: Hey, have you heard about the incident of 5438+ 10/9 June 2008 in which the deputy director of Shenzhen Maritime Bureau was suspected of molesting a girl in a restaurant in Shenzhen?

B: I watched the news and was struck by lightning.

A: You can also say "thunder arrives"?

B: I'm not stupid under your influence, am I?

A: Don't be too dull. ...

B: Oh! Go!

A: This "strange Xiaomi" who claimed to be sent by the Ministry of Communications in Beijing defended his ugly behavior and said that he gave the girls a "shoulder-lifting gift". The young man was filled with indignation and said angrily, "Get him!" So I wrote all night to attack its ugliness.

This young man should work in a newspaper.

A: Yes! That's what I told him. Guess what he said?

What did he say?

A: He said. "I want to be the director of the State Press and Publication Administration and manage the press and publication industry for the country." Look at his tone! How crazy!

You can't say that. It shows that he is ambitious, responsible and more ambitious than an otaku.

A: He also said, "News is sacred, and journalists as a whole are good. Individual journalists took hush money from others, betrayed their own news conscience and became' news beggars' who were cast aside and defiled their titles. "

B: well said, insightful! Hey, how do you know so much about this young man?

He's my brother! (Author's Note: There are three statements in this last line: 1. If crosstalk performer A is over 28 and under 35, you can say, "He is my brother!" " ; If crosstalk performer A is under 23, you can say, "He is my brother!" ; If crosstalk performer A is over 45, you can say, "He is my son!" " )