Have you ever felt that your parents are selfish?

The two words we most often use about a father's and mother's love are "selfless".

Selfless dedication to their own lives, selfless for children busy half of their lives, selfless always centered on children.

But most of the children in front of their parents' "selfless" love, in fact, are not happy, but will form a very depressing, guilty feelings.

Two days ago papi sauce posted a video, the content of the video got most of the people's **** Ming and forwarding. She said:

Our generation grew up on the road where we often heard our parents say things to us like, "Everything I do is for you."

"But my heart wasn't really moved after hearing that, it was guilt. I would feel like I was responsible for all the bad parts of my parents' lives."

"Hopefully all parents can start to have this realization that your life, especially after your children become independent, I hope that not all of your happiness comes from your children."

"As our parents often tell us is that only when you're doing well will your parents be relieved and at ease, so the same words should actually be given back to our parents, it's really only when I know that our parents are doing well that we as children will be at ease."

Lastly, papi sauce said, "in love with your children at the same time to love yourselves more, I hope you can put more time, money, love to yourselves, so that we do children will be truly at ease."

Many parents don't realize that, compared to other education, "living well by yourself" is what their children will really benefit from, and get real inner nourishment, which will make them understand that loving themselves and living a happy life is something that comes easily in life.

2

Best friend, Xiao Xiao, told me some time ago about her frustration.

The family is from the township, the father was an elementary school teacher, now long retired home. Although the family life when I was a child was screwed up, but the good thing is that nowadays all the siblings have started their own families, although they are not rich, but basically they can be considered as a family of generous.

The children are all very filial and pay enough to cover their living expenses every month, and the pensions that each parent receives are enough to keep the two of them going in the township.

After the year with just a few months old baby living at home for a while, I realized that my parents were still like before, do not dare to waste money, saving to the small can not bear to look at.

For example, after New Year's Eve, the family ate the rest of the dishes, the old man stayed until a month after the New Year have not thrown away, every meal out of their own hot and eaten.

Dad has been generous to Xiao Xiao since he was a child and still is today. Although he eats leftovers every day, the dishes he gives his daughter and grandson every day must be carefully selected at the market and rich in nutrients.

But Tiny had a particularly hard time eating.

Because at the dinner table, Dad, as before, a little bit of good food, refused to eat. All the fresh vegetables, soup, all let others eat, Xiao Xiao let Dad drink a bowl, but Dad how refused to drink, shrugged off, I do not like.

Only when the next meal, and there is a fresh dish, Xiao Xiao do not want the previous meal, Dad will eat the previous meal of leftovers.

BFF Tiny, these scenarios have been happening since she was a little girl, and her parents have gotten used to putting themselves last.

Fiction: "I can understand that when I was a child, my parents wanted to give the best to our love. But now that each of us has grown up, I prefer my parents to be selfish, to love themselves, otherwise my inner heart, in the face of my parents, so far, I feel guilty, I feel that I have no use at all, surprisingly, I can not let my parents, live a better, happier life."

In a way, the guilt within parents and children, in fact, are the same. When we are young, our parents feel guilty for bringing us into the world and apologize if they make us suffer. Growing up, children will feel the same, parents raised you and me adults, we can not make them happy, will be just as full of guilt.

"Feeling guilty about your parents" is a very bad energy within a son or daughter, and it often makes the child think that he or she is useless and unable to make their parents better. "Love yourself first" is actually a lesson most parents should learn.

3

Read a short story on Twitter.

"On the subway, I saw a father and daughter, both holding stuffed teddy bear dolls. The father's one was particularly large (over half a man tall). The daughter's was more standard. The daughter has been shaking her father's coat, and has been chanting, 'OK, OK, OK, OK'. Then I heard the father say, 'No, it's for mom.'"

When I read this story, I felt very sweet and inexplicably curious about the heroine, and longed for the little girl's family atmosphere. How can a girl grow up in an atmosphere where her father loves her mother first, and her mother loves her first, not have love in her heart?

She will always understand that loving herself comes first, right?

I suspect that such a mother-daughter relationship must also be very good. When parental love is less heavy and stressful, children's hearts are bound to be more open to their parents as close friends.

The children will realize that life is about loving yourself first, and this kind of teaching by example will make them feel more fortunate and satisfied in their future lives.

There is an experiment that I heard once, when a teacher in the classroom, let the students put their hands on the table, but at the same time he himself is in front of the children, put his hand on his chin. At this point, the students, however, automatically chose to ignore the teacher's statement and naturally put their hands on their chins, just as the teacher did.

The teacher of Harvard's Psychology of Happiness class said that people don't do what you say, they do what you do, and that's really teaching by example.

The best way for parents to make their children feel happy and have a good time is to make themselves happy and have a good time first, and your sons and daughters will surely follow your example.

4

My grandmother did a good job of being a selfish old man.

My grandmother is 80 years old this year, but she doesn't look her age at all. Since her children have grown up, she is no longer child-centered. She has found her own hobby and often volunteers at many temples for a few days at a time. She often followed her friends to various temple fairs and participated in various temple activities, active as the sun.

She overcame her former problem of motion sickness and is now able to take long rides to another place. Even many times when I call her, what she is doing never ceases to amaze you, often giving me a shock, thinking that an old person is living a more energetic life than me, she would always tell me, I am busy, very busy, I don't have time to talk to you now.

Of course I admit that I am lost haha, but more than that I feel very happy, at least she did not make me feel guilty. When I was a child, she was the one who obligingly raised me, and now at 80 years old, I'm working out of town and can't be around often enough, so if she's alone and living a lonely life, I think I'm definitely suffering inside, and I can't even let go of being happy and blissful, I guess.

However, on the contrary, it was Grandma who enlightened me.

She said, people just need to go out more, more to play, more to be happy, do not stay in one place all day, centered on children and grandchildren, so that you do not think so much, the heart will be clear.

So as long as I propose to take my grandmother to play somewhere, to go on an airplane, to go to another city to walk around, her old man is very excited, and will keep asking me when to go.

One time I deliberately asked her, I'm going to take you to play, what about when the kids at home need you to watch them. She immediately scolded me and said, I'm so old, I still care about young people so much why, they will not arrange their own life ah.

My heart is grateful that my grandmother is such an old person, she explains what is "take care of yourself".

She made me feel that no matter what life throws at you, you have to be a positive person, and that even at the age of 80, you can have your own circle of entertainment and the courage to let go of everything at any time.

And those of us who are out in the world will have the capital to let go and fly.

Beyond the heavy love of "doing everything for you", we hope that our family members can be more "selfish", selfishly thinking of themselves first, selfishly letting go of their minds to play, to have fun, to go to the senior university, to study, to travel, to I'm not sure if I can find any other source of happiness than my children.

For the children, that's the capital that can really go on without fear.