Awakening of the family: Family background determines the educational model! New parenting begins with self-awakening.

On the way to raising children, we always have many questions and puzzles:

Because children always make mistakes? Or our own fears and anxieties?

Is it the baby? Or parents?

The ideas in The Awakening of the Family are more revolutionary. This book tells us from another direction that raising children is the time for parents to perceive their behavior patterns from their own family.

The traditional way of education is to treat children's problems as children's problems. The awakening of family will tell you that what we want to change is not children, but parents themselves.

Children themselves are awakened. As parents, we need to do two parts of awakening:

One is his own awakening in family of origin-the internal connection with his childhood self;

One is self-awakening in your own home-establishing contact with your child's heart.

When parents can pull away from the negative emotions caused by the negative events that have a great influence on them in childhood, we can do things with a calm and mature attitude when educating our children.

At this time, we can really walk into children, understand children and respect them. The way we educate our children is constructive and really helpful to them.

Most unsatisfactory behaviors of children are ultimately caused by our fears.

In order to avoid "fear", our parents worry about their children, control their children and worry about their problems every day.

I remember a parent once said to me: "Even if I am tired again, I will provide the best conditions for my children, because I am afraid that my children will complain about me in the future!"

Another parent said: "I must watch my children study, and he will understand my efforts in the future!" " "

When we are trying to be good parents, we often control our children in the name of "for your own good", thus covering up our own problems.

When children can't do something well, parents' emotions will explode and they will fall into anxiety and panic. I made a lot of sacrifices. Why are you still so disobedient? Why are you doing this to me? All this is the child's fault.

As a result, our parents ignore the real needs of their children-being seen, considered valuable and valued as "people".

Because I am afraid that I am different from others and that my children will not succeed in the future, I can only control and command my children in a "good way". In fact, both parents and children will pay a high price-losing themselves.

Childhood experience will create a model for us, on which we will build our life and form our own family education. If we are not aware of our upbringing, we will continue to repeat these patterns.

A high school child has a retrogressive behavior, relying on his parents like a 5-or 6-year-old child every day. His parents were very angry and angry, and there was nothing they could do.

When I was analyzing with this parent, I asked him, "Why are you so opposed to children relying on their parents?"

The parent said, "I was very dependent on my parents when I was young. I left my parents in college, and it took me a long time to solve it, so I hope my children can be independent so that they won't encounter my problems one day. "

The parent's parenting style is to let the child live independently from childhood, and eventually the child's problems broke out in adolescence.

We will gradually lose ourselves in the "fear" and "anxiety" of childhood experience. We will treat our children as our property, and we will project the pain of being born into a family on them.

We will expect our children to complete our unfinished ideals and make up for the pain we didn't get in the past.

The way we treat our children, like a mirror, reflects our childhood feelings. When parents realize that their behavior comes from deep fear, it is their own awakening and a kind of spiritual growth.

Only by becoming an awakened parent can we better establish contact with our children and help them grow into their truest selves.

In The Awakening of the Family, some educational misunderstandings of parents subverting traditional educational concepts are mentioned:

What moved me most about the new parenting skills in the book The Awakening of the Family is that the world is not black and white.

When our evaluation of things is only "good" or "bad", then we will enter a black-and-white mode.

The world is a whole, and many things are hard to describe as good or bad.

The world is like this, and so is educating children.

For example, our parents often encounter the problem of children lying.

I remember once, my child lied. He accidentally knocked off the price tag of the goods in the shopping center. He said, "This has been dropped, so I helped pick it up."

Wait, countless.

Most of our parents will make moral judgments on their children. What you did was "wrong" and needed some kind of punishment.

When we scold them and punish them, can we solve the problem of lying or strengthen their negative image?

Over time, it will make us lose trust in our children and label them negatively.

When we stop thinking about children in black and white, we can see the real needs behind children's "bad" behaviors, and then take effective measures to prevent such behaviors from happening again.

Children lie because they are afraid of being punished.

He used lying to protect himself from punishment. Is it wrong for him to protect himself? There is nothing wrong with inner needs, just the wrong way.

This behavior of children is reminding us to think about practical ways to solve problems. We can take this behavior as an opportunity to teach children to take responsibility bravely.

Tell the child: "It doesn't matter if you drop it. Let's pick it up and put it away! "

Now when a child accidentally does something wrong, he always tells himself, "It doesn't matter, I have a way to fix it!" "

When sharing his successful experience, a chemist once said that his mother helped him a lot. When he was a child, he accidentally broke the bottle. His mother said to him, "Never mind, let's clean up the milk!" "Then his mother taught him how to take a bottle.

The chemist said that it was his mother's practice that made him never afraid of failure, which made him successful today.

Therefore, we should change the education mode of black and white and moral judgment.

Our changes will enable children to hone their self-management ability in small mistakes, so that children will no longer live in the shadow of fear of failure, feel at ease, and no longer be afraid of taking risks. When parents bravely accept and encourage their children, they will thrive.

In The Awakening of the Family, we can always find the shadow of educating children from the fear of parents coming from the family, how culture affects us to form the wrong parenting style, to the mechanism analysis of excessive emotional response to children's problems, to the discussion of new parenting styles and the listed cases.

Want to raise children's confusion and confusion, let's start with our parents' own awakening!