Shaoxing engagement custom

In the old days, Shaoxing had the custom of referring to the belly for marriage. At the end of the Qing Dynasty and the beginning of the Republic of China, although this custom basically disappeared, a considerable number of people promised their children from an early age. Marriage between men and women is mostly decided by parents. After the founding of New China, the marriage law has been vigorously publicized and implemented, and young men and women have gained the autonomy of marriage, but their parents should be consulted in advance.

Marriage generally goes through the stages of matchmaking, engagement and marriage.

In the old days, there were matchmakers in Shaoxing, mostly middle-aged and elderly women, commonly known as matchmakers, and some were honored as matchmakers' wives. There are male matchmakers, commonly known as Mr. Media, Mr. Media. Matchmakers are usually very concerned about young officials (unmarried men) and older girls (unmarried women), and lobby both men and women when age, property and other conditions permit. It is the custom in Shangyu and other places for the matchmaker to go to the man's house to test first: "I'm here for a cup of sugar tea." If the owner agrees that it is a medium, he will make sugar tea and pay the "medium". In the tone of the intermediary, the media article has the words "Your son is very happy at the age of ×××". If a young official's uncle is more famous than his father, replace your son with your nephew. That is to say, the man's family has the most position to entrust the media. When writing media articles, you must choose the auspicious day of the zodiac, and the daily holidays must coincide with the birthdays of young officials. The number of words in the media article must be correct and the writing must not be wrong.

After the male media got the media note, he asked the female media to go to the female home with him. If the woman's family is willing to send a message to the man's family, it is an informal expression that the woman's family agrees to get married. The format of the media articles sent by the woman's family is the same as that of the man's family, except that your son is changed to your daughter. When the matchmaker saw the message from the woman's house, he took out a red envelope with the words "tea ware" written on it, commonly known as tea money.

The engaged men and women are arranged by the matchmaker, and after a little clue, they will "close Xiao". In the old days, it was thought that the zodiac animals could not be combined, such as dragons, tigers, snakes and mice fighting, chickens, dogs, sheep and mice being incompatible, tigers and sheep "falling into the tiger's mouth" and sheep and mice "resting", so intermarriage was prohibited. There are also taboos about the age difference between men and women and the animal sign. The age difference between men and women is six years old called "Big Six Red" and three years old called "Little Six Red". "Little Six Red" is acceptable, and "Big Six Red" is forbidden to get married. There is a saying in Shaoxing: "Men are sheep and women are sheep, but they keep the house empty", thinking that men are born of sheep and women are born of sheep, so that most men don't marry sheep and give birth to women, and sheep and women either marry "hard" men or are forced to "fill the house". This custom shows that the old-style marriage should not only be suitable for the family, but also abide by the words of parents and matchmakers, and must be recognized by superstition.

In the past, Shao people were not allowed to marry, nor could they marry with the same surname. Although Jin and Liu are different surnames, it is said that Jin comes from Liu, so Jin and Liu are not allowed to marry. Xinchang Yuan and Lu are feuds, and intermarriage is regarded as a violation of ancestral teachings.

If men and women are close and willing to get married, they should post to each other. The date of engagement is chosen by the woman and the date of marriage is chosen by the man. After the woman chooses an auspicious day, the man sends out an "invitation" and sends it to her home together with the "invitation"; The woman's family sent a "quasi-fake post" and brought it to the man's house that day. After the book has the words "all blessings" or "zhengsu", the inscription is "my foolish brother ××××× Zhuang Jing bowed sincerely in the wedding year". In addition to the words "Quanfu" or "Zhengsu", there is also a red label with the words "Zuntai". Permission to post is the same as asking to post, except that the label is rewritten as "Respect Taiwan Province's orders"

When a man posts, he must post lychees, longan, walnuts, red dates, lotus seeds, pine nuts, ancient philosophers' cakes, hazelnuts, tung nuts and green beans. The woman's family usually receives the most gifts. The date was chosen after the woman "accepted" and the man "proposed" (that is, gave the bride price) and got engaged.

There are "the first set", "the second set" and "the third set" for men's service. The first bride price is the price of the girl's body, which means paying for the upbringing of the family. Generally, it is based on the age of women: before Qing Daoguang, "the poorer the wind, the more money the husband's family hired, according to the age of women's teeth"; After Qing Tongzhi, "the number of women is thin, and the number of money is doubled"; Around 8 years of the Republic of China (19 19), Shaoxing "women spend six yuan a year, at least four yuan"; 1949, "The betrothal gift paid for engagement is one stone or half stone rice to make rural women one year old". Fan Yin's "Yue Yan" says: "When you get married, you should have money, silks and satins, flowers, red stickers, bracelets, sticky fruits, melons and fruits, chickens, geese and fish, boat pavilions, fruit pavilions, tea tables, carved wine and worship Cambodia." The bride's family received a bride price and gave back dragon cakes, phoenix cakes, robes, Four Treasures of the Study, tin hip flask and other things. During the ceremony, the male family must have carved wine and the female family must have tea, so there is a saying of "male wine and female tea". This etiquette is "three teas and six rituals". When poor rural women in mountainous areas such as Xinchang and Shengxian get engaged, the man usually prepares a basket of foreign goods, two pots of old wine and a small amount of dowry, which is sent to the woman's home by the matchmaker.

After the man sent the first bride price, he immediately asked the woman for a "G". Ask the woman's birthday clearly, then send the birthdays of both men and women to the date shop, and ask the astrologer to arrange the "eight characters" and choose the auspicious days of "sleeping" and "marriage". When you are invited to be a senior, the male family prepares two red stickers and a pair of suitcases for the female family. Red whole posts are also called worship posts or begging posts, but begging posts has the word "respect and elegance". The suitcase contains "tea material" such as Xianglian and sugar. The woman's family returned to tea material as usual, and sent a post of worship and permission to the man's family.

After that, the man's family sent two sets of bride price to the woman's family as a dowry. Etiquette is roughly the same as when delivering the first course. The posts are red and green, written on the bed and on the wedding day respectively. The format is usually "I sincerely hope that the bed (or wedding) will be happy". At the same time, the man will give a pair of "satin heads" (silk materials) and "clothes folds" (ready-made clothes) as bride price.

Several men send the first set and the second set at the same time, which is commonly known as "the follower".

On the eve of the wedding, the man must send three sets of bride price to the woman's wedding banquet. If the woman's family is alive, the man's family must send filial piety money and gifts. When the sedan chair comes to the door to get married, the man should also give "opening money" and "getting on the sedan chair". Poor families have several ways to save money:

Labor is used to replace employment. It was agreed by the matchmaker that the man would work in the woman's house for several years without compensation. At the end of the term, the man doesn't need to organize a bride price, just pay a sum of money for the wedding.

Adjusting parents means changing marriage. Both parties betrothed their daughters to each other as daughters-in-law to save bride price and wedding expenses.

Old relatives get married. In the past, this custom was very popular, mainly for the marriage of cousins. In addition to enhancing friendship, you can also spend less on bride price, but the marriage of close relatives often delays future generations.

After the founding of People's Republic of China (PRC), the marriage system was reformed. Although many young men and women can fall in love freely and get married independently, most of them still rely on introductions. In the 1980s, youth league, trade unions, women's federations, neighborhood offices, neighborhood committees and other organizations organized marriage agencies to "match the bridge" between young men and women. When the love is mature, go to the local government to register and get a marriage certificate. In the old society, the bad habit of getting married basically didn't exist, but once you get married, the style of banquet is very hot, and the habit of wasting money has never stopped.

In the old days of marriage, the brown shed where the couple slept was temporarily set up with wooden sticks. Before the wedding, the man must choose an auspicious day to "settle down", that is, make a brown shed tenon with a wooden stick on the auspicious day. According to custom, the couple's bed cannot be empty. From the day they go to bed to the day they get married, the groom or the accompanying lang must sleep in the couple's bed. Lang must be accompanied by a boy or a man of both husband and wife.

Before a woman gets married, her family sends a dowry to her husband's family. In the dowry, the comb table is called a square piece, the footbath is called a round piece, and there are also bronzes such as fire, tin utensils such as tin pots, porcelain such as colorful bottles, jewelry and suitcases. Except for a few bride price gifts, such as jewelry, which are sent to the man's home with the sedan chair on the wedding day, most of the bride price gifts are sent to the man's home by the wedding attendants (commonly known as "Hanglang") on the "Sleeping Bridge" or by boat. Most of them are relatives, friends and helpers of both men and women. The amount depends on the dowry, but it must be in pairs.

Do couples have to hold them before they get married? Bathing ceremony. The ceremony was presided over by two couples, many children and many daughters. One person holds a sieve, puts red fruit duck eggs on it, and then connects it to the big footbath. Another person pours hot water from a sieve into the footbath, then soaks the hot water in the footbath with a towel, wrings it out and lets the newcomer wipe it. Repeat this three times and the ceremony will be completed.

Meanwhile, the man must shave his head. Light a candle before drinking tea. When the barber enters the door, he must congratulate him, chanting auspicious words such as "seven children's reunion" or "all the best", and pulling out seven long hairs or 10, tying them into a flower knot and preparing to send them to the woman's house. The woman must "open her face" and hire an old man to unscrew the hair from her face with gauze and cotton thread. When you open your face, you must pull out 7 or 10 long hair, mix it with your fiance's long hair and tie it into a bun, which is a symbol of married couples and a precious token of women.

On the day before marriage, both men and women should offer sacrifices to God (commonly known as Zhu Xifu) and ancestors (commonly known as inviting adults to have soup and rice). The ritual of offering sacrifices to the gods is similar to praying for blessings, except that the bride and groom worship. The ceremony of ancestor worship is the same as usual, but the last person to bow down should be a newcomer.

When a common woman marries, she must use colorful jade. Most people who don't take sedan chairs are concubines or remarried wives. On the top of the sedan chair, there is a tin ornament of "Five Mountains in the Sky", decorated with lights and embedded in the air. Most sedan cars are rented from car shops, and they must be rented in advance on the wedding day.

Before getting married in a sedan chair, the man should invite two couples and an elder with children and grandchildren to be "lucky stars" and "Lu Xing", borrow the candlelight in the sedan chair to shine in the mirror, and then smoke the sedan chair with an iron filled with sandalwood, commonly known as "search sedan chair", to drive away the monsters in the sedan chair.

When a man sends a sedan chair, the groom wears auspicious clothes and makes three big bows to the sedan chair at the door to show his respect, which is called "sending a sedan chair". In front of the sedan chair are gongs, shovels and drummers, followed by lanterns and umbrellas, firewood tied with red ropes and so on. , accompanied by a band. After the woman's family receives firewood, she returns it to the man's family with charcoal tied with red rope, which is the so-called "firewood groom charcoal bride", which means that people and money are empty. Shaoxing has Five Blessingg, Daqing and Jianbao. For bridges named after auspicious words such as "Chang 'an", "Wan 'an" and "Fulu", it is auspicious that the sedan chair should be carried out from the man's house, and at least two of them should go around to the woman's house. As a common custom, sedan chairs and sedan chairs are not allowed to meet head-to-head, so two rows of lang in front of the wedding procession, holding shoulder lamps, should not only lead the way, but also try to avoid other sedan chairs. Sedan chairs are not allowed to stop over, but they must play music when going forward, gong when turning and spear when crossing the bridge, which is also a grand display of exorcism. As we all know, marriage is a "small joint exam", and even officials have to make way.

The sedan chair is coming, and it is the custom for women to "cry sedan chair". In addition to saying goodbye, there is also an intention to avoid the dumb child born to the bride.

Before the man's wedding team comes to the door, the woman's family must ask two "downstream" women to put the bride's clothes into the box, which is called "stacking boxes" Send a married old lady to comb her grandmother's hair and get her ears pierced. , must be accompanied by auspicious words. The bride's brother must prepare the luggage for the bride. This is called "bedding".

Before the bride gets on the sedan chair, the woman's house should also search the sedan chair. The ceremony was the same as that of the male family, except that the two stars "Fu and Lu" were replaced by women. When the bride gets into the sedan chair, she can't take scissors with her, so as not to offend the sedan chair. , stir up trouble.

Before the woman's sedan chair was issued, the man's husband knocked loudly on the gong from time to time to urge the bride to get on the sedan chair. Before getting on the sedan chair, the bride entered the sedan chair according to the custom, bowed down to her ancestors, bid farewell to her parents and relatives, put on "foot silk", put on tea, all-red women's clothes and a crown, and her brothers carried the sedan chair and walked out the door holding the sedan chair. The sedan chair must be circled three times. At this time, his mother must sit on the toilet in the room and improvise a few songs according to the "crying wedding tune", mostly words of exhortation and congratulations. Looking at Niang's bend, my brother pushed the sedan chair bar forward to show off. The bride can't touch the ground after wearing new shoes and tying her anklets, so as not to take away her family's wealth. In Xinchang and Shengxian, the custom of crying marriage is that the bride's mother goes upstairs crying. Xinchang, the bride has the custom of wearing a bronze mirror to ward off evil spirits before getting on the sedan chair. In Zhuji, when a girl gets married, she must lock her plain clothes in two boxes. In the mountainous area of Shengxian County, the bride wears plainclothes on a sedan chair and holds a wedding at her husband's house.

The sedan chair is carried to the man's house along the original road, and the bride's brother and sedan chair should follow. Men make their beds and pile them up according to the rules to pave the way. Send to marry the old? Make-up: Give the bride's jewelry and other things to the man's house. Usually there are four brothers to see the bride off in person, but the nephew can make up the number. When men go out to wait for them, they must play spears and play music to welcome them.

The wedding was held to the sound of drums. The old man hired by the man presented three cups of tea to the bride in the sedan chair on behalf of his mother-in-law. At this time, "Li Sheng" (commonly known as the master of ceremonies) shouted: "Everybody sends greetings to each other!" "Play the music!" "Please upstart into the DPRK!" Four men with "trouser leg lights" and "descendants lights" went into the back room to invite the groom. The groom walked into the hall from the right wearing an "open robe", a "buckled belt" around his waist and a pair of pink boots. Make three big bows facing south and north, and walk into the inner room from the left after Li Sheng praised "inviting the upstart to return to jade".

Then, meet the bride and get married. Li Sheng in turn praised "Li!" "Play the music!" "Please upstart into the DPRK!" "Please ask the new jade person to fade!" The bride and groom were greeted by two downstream wives in front of the "Fu Lushou" star in the hall. In the sound of firecrackers, the bride and groom worship heaven and earth first, then "Samsung" inward, and finally pay homage. The wedding host is a ceremonial student, and the deputy ceremonial student reads a congratulatory message (candle poem). Civilians also welcome the chef's right to give gifts to the living.

After that, the bride and groom stood in front of the "Samsung" and held the "Zhang Jinfu" ceremony. At that time, the old man was invited to dress up as an "Antarctic fairy" and was greeted by Lang, who was walking. They got a "blessing stick" with a bunch of sugar cane tied with a red rope and tapped the bride on the head five times. Every time is accompanied by greetings such as "harmony" and "five sons admitted to the department". After that, YuJiLang was sent out of the hall.

When the landlords shouted "Invite the new rich and new jade people to be happy with each other" and "send gongs and firecrackers to the bridal chamber", drums and firecrackers rang, causing "red" sounds everywhere. On the way to the new house, the couple must lay a rice bag and a small wine glass. When they walk on it, they must be picked up from the people on the new head, put on the ground in front, let them pass, and so on until the bridal chamber. This trick is called: carrying on the family line ("clan" and "cup", "generation" and "bag" are homophonic).

When entering the bridal chamber, "Fu Lang" and "Uncle" must help the bride and groom grab a new bed. It is said that people who occupy more seats will have more power at home in the future. In addition, the groom must try to put the skirt on the bride's skirt to show that he has more power than his wife. After sitting down, the two downstream wives fed the groom and the bride seven little jiaozi, commonly known as "jiaozi to feed the children" and "keeping the seven children together". Xinchang, Shengxian and Zhuji areas allow newcomers to eat sugar bibimbap and reunion fruit. After that, the "downstream" lady poured wine for the bride and groom respectively, and then sipped after the exchange. After two small cups are mixed, they are divided into two for the bride and groom to drink, which is called "heart-to-heart wine" (also known as "toast"). After drinking, the groom lifted the bride's veil and corolla with a pair of sugar cane of the same length, tied it with red rope and threw it on the top of the bed. "Send the old man to marry" immediately put down the account door to prevent "hot face grabbing hot face". At this point, the happy fruit spilled out and the guests rushed to pick it up.

On the wedding day, both men and women will hold a wedding banquet to entertain guests. Before the man sends a sedan chair to get married, he will make "sedan chair wine" and "warm house wine". Wedding day is commonly known as "good day", and "positive wine" must be held. At noon, the woman held a "women's wine" and invited relatives and friends to the wedding reception. In the evening, the man gave a banquet, and the father-in-law (that is, the father-in-law) and uncle took the first place as usual. The bride and groom should propose a toast to their elders and guests. Xinchang has the habit of "full banquet", that is, the man temporarily sets up a stage in the class and sets up a seat for the bride. After the second course was served, the bride began to "take off one coat for another", that is, take off one coat and put on another. When the ninth course is served, the bride and groom, accompanied by the best man and the bride, toast from the first table in the east to the last table in the west in turn before entering the room. After the banquet, build a new house according to custom.

Weddings in Shaoxing are usually held on winter nights (mostly at midnight). It is often midnight to perform complicated etiquette in order, so there is a saying that "uncle is afraid of the sun". On that day, the woman's brother didn't live in the man's house.

The next morning, the old man came to the door to "send the children". That is, a wooden "villain" wearing red and green trousers is sent to the bridal chamber, put on the bed, light incense sticks and play music to pray, which is called sending a child.

Breakfast is the first time for newcomers to eat, commonly known as the first gathering of rice. The bride must sit first and the groom second.

After the first party, the newlyweds, according to the custom, went to the nearby temples, Tugu Temple (land temple) and ancestral temple to worship and pray for the blessing of the gods and ancestors. After returning home, I went to the main hall to "worship the three dynasties", that is, to worship my ancestors and elders, and to be visited by the younger generation.

On the third day after their marriage, the couple went to the woman's home to "return home" and visit their elders. The etiquette commonly known as "Three Dynasties" is the same as that of men. The couple must return to their husband's house on the same day and must not spend the night at their mother's house.

In the evening, the bride must say good night to her elders and go to her mother-in-law's room to sit for the night. The bride can only go back to her room to rest after her mother-in-law lets her go.

In the "Three Dynasties", the bride had to visit her husband's family and her mother's family. At this time, you can call your family (commonly known as opening a golden mouth) and do housework. When you go to the kitchen, you must first add firewood to burn the fire, so that it can be full of fire; When cutting and sewing, pants and socks should be made first. The homonym of "pants", "socks" and "hair" is for good luck. There is a saying that "if you want to be rich, make pants first;" If you want to send it, make socks first.

The concept and customs of marriage in Shaoxing have also changed. During the Republic of China, the enlightened gentry in cities advocated simplifying etiquette and getting married in a civilized way, but the civilians in cities and rural areas remained the same. After the founding of the People's Republic of China, marriage customs tend to be civilized and simple. The wedding time is mostly on Labor Day, National Day, New Year's Day or Spring Festival, and there are also group weddings or tourist weddings.