Seeking funny scripts for mythological dramas (the ones with dialog)

Small Chuan: What kind of drama are you shooting, Red Cliff or Romance of the Three Kingdoms? I see you're pretty good at acting, where did you graduate from? Peking Electric Power Company (PEPCO)? Chinese opera? Or the theater ah?

Small Chuan: What are you doing? Your knife in the end is real or fake? I'm not one of your actors here!

Small Chuan: I said teacher, you are not shooting? Why are you doing this for real? Don't fight anymore, the police will come if you keep fighting like this! I say you ah, you are too deep into the drama, this is still called filming? This is an armed brawl! What crew are you from?

Small Chuan: brother brother, how no no signal ah?

Small Chuan: I'm sorry, sorry, I didn't mean it!

(Xiaochuan was saved by Xiang Yu and Xiang Liang after he was hit by an arrow) Xiaochuan: Man, why don't you guys help me call an ambulance? Xiang Yu: brother, don't panic, we'll give you the treatment Xiaochuan: quickly quickly help me to call an ambulance, okay Xiang Yu: what do you call an ambulance ah? I've only heard of ox carts, horse carts and chariots, what's an ambulance? Xiaochuan: You two don't act, I can't bear it anymore, I beg you, send me to a big hospital for an operation, when I get well, I will thank you

(Xiang Liang wiped his knife on his sleeve a few times to treat Xiaochuan's wounds.) Xiaochuan: I said, how come you, the old doctor, don't have any common sense of hygiene? Xiang Liang: What common sense? Xiaochuan: you so disinfected ah, I know you this condition is not good, but you should at least put the knife on the fire red sterilization, and then take the alcohol to help me clean the wound, so as to kill bacteria, so that the wound will not be infected

(Xiang Liang began to give Xiaochuan "surgery") Xiaochuan: Ah! ---- Xiang Liang: and how it Xiaochuan: you have no anesthetic ah Xiang Yu: what is anesthesia? Xiaochuan: It is a drug that allows people to lose consciousness and not feel any pain. Xiang Yu: This brother is not too much to say, I can do it here. Xiaochuan: It is still a young man who is reasonable (Xiang Yu knocked Xiaochuan unconscious.) Xiang Yu: Brother, can you do it with anesthesia? Xiang Liang: Haha, this is finally a clean ear, your anesthesia is quite good, in the future to make more use of ah

Small Chuan: I have never thought of ah, the original filming of you guys are really serious ah, that if there is a life how to do? And ah, yesterday in that court, the head fell to the ground "pop"! My God, it was just like the real thing! The dummy was too realistic! I've practiced a bit, can you help me to introduce a role or something?

Small Chuan: I usually do not have much business, just take pictures and so on. Hey, I see you very handsome well, or so, I give you a set of ancient costume photo album, guaranteed to sell! Cheaper, charge you 20% off!

Xiang Yu: Yi brother, you are from the north, right? Xiaochuan: I'm from Beijing. Xiang Yu: So you're a hu-man? Xiaochuan: you don't mention the Lakers to me ah, said the Lakers I'm angry, you watched the NBA last year, right? It is because of the Lakers, a foot to the rocket kicked, did not enter the final Western Conference Finals! Xiang Yu: easy brother speak really profound

Small Chuan: I now finally realize that you do actors, it is really quite hard, look at this usually, the headgear is not unloaded, but also wearing a costume, and even talk is also a crepuscular, you are too deep into the drama, right! I think with your hard work, you will definitely be able to win!

Small Chuan: what is your name ah Xiang Yu: in my name Xiang Ji, a single word a feather, known as Xiang Yu is also small Chuan: you are quite humorous ah, I asked your real name! Xiang Yu: a great man does not change his name, I see no one dares to fake my name Xiaochuan: hey hey hey, is not now shooting it?

Small Chuan: great! I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that! I said buddy, you are not Cheng Jia Ban ah?

(Xiang Yu to fight with Xiaochuan, Xiaochuan refused) Xiaochuan: (original this Xiang Yu so good to deal with ah, let me squeeze again squeeze you!) If you kill me, can let you relieve your hatred, then you do it, because you are my only friend here, to be able to die under the sword of a friend, I have no complaints and no regrets! Come on!

(Xiaochuan saw Xiang Yu and Xiang Liang practicing their swords) Xiaochuan: Then Li Mubai from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon is no better!

(Xiaochuan saw the wanted notice) Xiaochuan: Why? My head is only worth 500 cents!

Small Chuan: I'm sorry, old man, just now my punch was a reflex! Fan Zeng: Conditional reflex? What kind of move is this? I thought it was a black tiger's heart!

Xiaochuan: Brother Yu Xiang Yu: What did you call me? Brother Yu? Xiaochuan: Yes, our place are called so, what Ah Tang ah, Fat ah, Hu Ge ah, they are still big stars it! Xiang Yu: sounds not bad ah, Hu Ge, brother Yu, quite catchy!

Small Chuan: you help me see this word you can read? Xiang Yu: I grew up not loving to read, and you are the same, this kind of word I do not recognize Xiaochuan: who is the same as you ah? I am educated! I still have a college correspondence diploma!

Small Chuan: I said big brother, I'm a civilian people, after 80, freelance, you let me play the game okay, fight the world, too unreliable

Small Chuan: I'll be honest with you, I even my girlfriend can not be beaten! Xiang Yu: again talking about these inexplicable nonsense!

Small Chuan: Aigoo my mother ah, this test of the art of war how to get ah? Alas, fortunately, I every day after watching the immortal sword, but also do not forget to pay attention to the hundred lectures! Hey hey, really great benefits ah!

Small Chuan: It's a shame, it's a shame! What if you go to the Olympics, then the gold medal in weightlifting will definitely be yours!