Happy little joke

How much do you know about happy jokes? In our daily life, we will face all kinds of pressures, mental tension and then depression. At this time, we need some jokes to make us happy. So, I want to share some happy jokes with you now, hoping to help you.

Happy joke 1

1, I said you were a pig, and you said, "I am a pig." From then on, I will call you "pig head monster"! Finally one day, you can't help shouting at everyone: "I'm not a pig!" " "

Judge: "Why do you print counterfeit money?" The defendant said innocently, "Because I can't print real money."

3. Thief A: "How much did you rob today?" Thief B: "No, just read the newspaper tomorrow."

4. "Do you know what you are in my heart?" The goddess suddenly sent this sentence. I immediately asked, "What is it?" "Half of them are male gods." I was flattered, and then she said, "Half of it is menstrual disease."

5. A couple just got married. The husband was sent abroad by the company. A year later, the husband went home. After taking a bath that night, the couple fell asleep with snoring. Someone knocked at the door at midnight. The husband jumped up from his sleep and exclaimed, "No! Your husband is back! " The wife murmured, "Impossible, he is out of town."

6. The girl is sitting on a stool. When she got up, a person saw the girl's skirt stuffed in her ass and reached out and pulled it out. The girl was furious and slapped the man. The man said indignantly, "Count me in." Then reach out and shove the skirt back up the girl's ass.

7. A girl pretended to be innocent and asked, "Where did you say the child was born?" Another girl disdained: "Shit, it's not easy. You can come out from wherever you go in! "

8. In high school, my English teacher (a middle-aged woman in her fifties) thought that we boys wouldn't listen, so she cursed, "What are you thinking?" I was at a loss and said inexplicably, "I miss you!" " "There was a long silence in the classroom, but a pair of frightened eyes were looking at me. The teacher stayed for a while, then pointed at me and cursed: "you smelly rascal!" " "Illegal!

9. A thief sneaked into a heavily guarded place at midnight. After opening the vault with great difficulty, he found it was full of jelly. The tired and hungry thief ate all the jelly in a rage and left. The headline of the local newspaper the next day was: "Shocked! Sperm bank was stolen crazily.

10, the furthest distance in the world is: we go out together, you buy four generations of apples, and I buy four bags of apples.

1 1. A man, who happened to meet Xifeng. After a long hesitation, he asked in a low voice, "May I take a photo with you?" Xifeng shouted, "No, I won't sleep with you!" All eyes were on the two men, and the man replied awkwardly. After a while, Xifeng came over and whispered, "I'm sorry, I'm studying psychology recently, just to test people's reaction in embarrassing situations." The man shouted, "Thirty dollars? Too expensive! "

12, two friends haven't seen each other for a long time. Let's eat jiaozi together. Sam suddenly asked Han Di, "Do you know what gender jiaozi is?" Emperor Han looked puzzled: "After eating jiaozi for so many years, is jiaozi still divided into men and women?" Ah San laughed and said, "What a fool! It's a man. Jiaozi has a foreskin. "

13 once rented A Jin Tianyi in Manba, and when I saw the second page, I burst into tears. I don't know what the hell drew a circle on a character with a blue ballpoint pen and wrote: This is the murderer. ...

14 I suddenly found an interesting rule: whether we watch a love drama or a youth idol drama, in the end, the hero and heroine get married, and the TV or movie is over. What does this mean? This profound explanation: as long as a man and a woman get married, there is no future!

15, mother-in-law takes an examination of third son-in-law. First, I invited my eldest son-in-law to take a walk. When I crossed the bridge, I suddenly jumped down. My eldest son-in-law was rescued by diving, and my mother-in-law gave him a Guangben car. The mother-in-law was also like this, testing the second son-in-law and being rescued. The injured second son-in-law gave an Audi. She tried her third son-in-law, but she couldn't swim and couldn't save her. Her mother-in-law drowned. The next day, my father-in-law gave him a Mercedes!

16, a: "Sister, if someone hurts you, how long will you forgive him?" B: "It is God's business to forgive him. My task is to send her to see God ... "

17, a bachelor's signature was changed to: people who secretly love me, how can you be so calm! ! !

18, our old man who teaches chemistry is short-sighted After finishing writing the blackboard in class, he suddenly turned to me and shouted, "What are you standing for?"! ! Sit down! ! "I sat in the last seat, and my coat hung on the wall behind me. ...

19, there was an old farmer hoeing in the field, a crow flew over and pulled a shit on the old farmer's face. The old farmer looked up and cursed: "Cao, your mother! I don't know how to wear shorts when I go out! " The crow said, "Cao! You shit and wear underpants! "

20. Robber: "Tell me the password of the safe, or I'll kill you!" " Female employee: "Don't tell me if you kill me! I won't say anything if you ruin me! " The robber looked her up and down and said, "You should be beautiful!" "

If you have a conflict with your partner and it is irreparable, don't lose heart. You might as well add an assistant to your emotional teacher and ask her to help you arrange a counselor who is good at solving emotional problems. First analyze the emotional problems and give you professional advice. /Heart number:

Happy joke 2 1, the desert will be spectacular because of the wild dance of flying sand; The sea will be vigorous because of the rolling of huge waves; Life will be brilliant because of setbacks.

2. In summer, I went to deliver something to my customer, and as a result, my customer's big brother slipped and missed it. I subconsciously squatted down and picked it up. I heard it once. The crotch was opened, and my balls leaked out because I didn't wear underwear, and I passed out. . . . . .

The best friend is the kind of interesting and reliable person. Because interesting people often have no bottom line, and reliable people are mostly a little boring, so we need to take into account complementarity.

Unfortunately, there are not many people who are both interesting and reliable, so friends can only be divided into two types: interesting people who can talk and laugh together, but they are difficult to be reliable when something happens; Reliable, I can often help you when I meet something, but I don't have many opportunities to play crazy together.

4. Real leisure is beyond the mind; The real busyness is forgetting yourself at work. The real retirement is a natural low-key when dealing with the world; The real progress is to take responsibility in doing things. True silence is the silence in life; The real move is to resolutely move forward on the world road; True memory is the treasure mark in your mind; The real forgetting is that nothing is left in the smile.

5. My parents are not at home. Let me supervise my sister's homework. Watching her play with her mobile phone, I asked: How can I tell my parents about this state? Without looking up, she said, "Say it with a clear conscience."

6. Mom: Why doesn't your father come back? Daughter: Oh, by the way, he said he would stay with a woman tonight and told me in the morning that he wouldn't come back at night. It is said that he still has a special relationship with that woman. My father took care of her when she was unwell. Mom: (burning with anger) What? Daughter: Well, my grandmother caught a cold!

7. People who can stand loneliness must be thoughtful. People who can smile often must have brains. People who can stand loneliness must have ideals. People who can bend and stretch moderately must have a will. People who can see through the world must be wise. People who can handle things calmly must have a plan. People who can have both must have emotional intelligence.

8. I went to my neighbor's house to borrow something. They are eating watermelon. When he lent me something, I said, I won't eat it. . . . . . The face I lost at that time has not been found yet.

9. When we were young, we all grew up, so we were naive and happy. When you grow up, there is nothing to grow up, you will be long-minded and live very tired.

10, what is an excellent team? Someone pulls you in front and pushes you behind, even if you are a pig, you can't leave!

1 1. Being single for a long time will really cause an accident. Eating out today, the proprietress has been urging her daughter to find someone. I think her daughter is pretty, and I think I'm going to make a scene in the future. I've been thinking about it, but when I checked out, I shouted "Mom, check out!" " "

12 One day, my son smiled and asked me, "Dad, when you were in love with my mother, who took the initiative to chase after whom?" I quoted the classics and said, "Baby, do you know the story of Waiting for the Rabbit?" The son nodded and answered yes. I said, "When I fell in love with your mother, I was a tree and your mother was a rabbit. This time you understand who is actively chasing who! " The son nodded if he realized something. Suddenly, he frowned and asked me anxiously, "but the rabbit was finally got by a farmer." Aren't you my dear father? "