Traditional Culture Encyclopedia - Traditional culture - "Mom, I hate you!" The child into the "hate relatives" period, parents should know how to skillfully defuse

"Mom, I hate you!" The child into the "hate relatives" period, parents should know how to skillfully defuse

Written by |greenleafmom

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"Mom, I hate you!"

Hearing these words, the old mother's heart fire "swish" up: old mother hard work to raise you so big, the little brat how so disobedient!

Ahem, parents do not rush to anger, the child this to parents "say harsh words" performance, in fact, with their developmental stage.

This is a stage that we need to help our kids get through, and that's what we're trying to do.

Amin and his wife, Xiaohui, have worked hard for half their lives to make their savings substantial. In the minds of the duo, apart from part of this money reserved for their own retirement, the rest is to give their children to study and buy a house.

The couple intends to let their son finish junior high school and go to a foreign country to study abroad, who knows that his son heard but not much reaction, lowered his head for a long time, only spit out a sentence: "I do not want to go!"

In addition, the couple also found that their son's mental state or academic performance is not as good as it used to be, and the two of them were anxious to communicate with the teacher, and only then did they realize that their son was pre-attached to a girl who had been in love with him for a long time.

The hard-headed father, Amin, questioned his son aggressively when he returned, and the two men had a big fight over their sexuality and their youthfulness. Afterward, the son slammed the door and went into his room, infuriating his old father. Kei went to talk to her son after calming her husband, but he told her, "I hate you guys!"

In fact, Amin's son is entering a period of "hate relatives".

"Parent-hate period" refers to the phenomenon that teenagers often go against their parents when they are 13 or 14 years old, which usually lasts for 2-3 years. Children in this period will be very rebellious and very difficult to discipline.

Of course, difficult to manage, does not mean we do not have to manage. At this time, the child is in one of the key stages of growth, both physical and mental will produce great changes, followed by a variety of negative emotions and contradictory psychology. Without proper guidance, they can easily go astray.

So, as a parent, you must know how to skillfully solve the problem, and help the child successfully through the "hate relatives" period.

What's the first thing that comes to mind when you think of adolescent children? That's right, it's "rebellious". Like Amin's child, many children at this stage will bump into their parents, or even dislike them, and this, too, is a manifestation of the parent-hating period.

Parents are the authority for their children, but the children in the "hate parent" period will go against their parents, you let him go east, he has to go west, and sometimes you have to be a little harsh, he will be by slamming the door and so on to rebel.

It is said that "the child does not mind the mother's ugly", but some children to this stage, on the one hand, because of immaturity, on the other hand, is the perception of beauty, so they began to feel that their parents "rustic" "disgrace", not willing to go with them together.

In addition, the children in the period of hatred, "independent" often have a great desire , want to prove as soon as possible that they "have grown up", do not need to Mom and Dad to help you can do things very well, so it is easy to produce a blind self-confidence.

These kids think that their parents' ideas are outdated, that they can't keep up with the progress of society, and that even their suggestions are not practical. In fact, it's good to have the courage to be "fearless" but I'm afraid that children can't bear the blow of failure because of blind confidence, resulting in psychological collapse.

Moreover, children who are y affected by the hate period are actually not so free and easy. While we are agonizing over our children's rebellious performance, our children will also be annoyed by family and school matters, and both parties are uncomfortable.

As I mentioned before, a child's hate period usually lasts for 2-3 years, and if we let this situation worsen, not only will the family atmosphere be affected, but the child's growth will also be left with a shadow that will be difficult to erase later on.

A mother recounted her own personal experience, half a year ago, one night, her 14-year-old son was playing games, and then mother and son because of the game had an argument , in anger, she would be the stool on the ground , and the two did not have a good time.

In the six months that followed, the son's heart was closed, only when necessary to discuss with his parents, and the rest of the time when the parents are air, not willing to open up and communicate.

Mom also asked her son why he was like that, and she said firmly, "I'm not going to tell you, I hate you." It wasn't until an opportunity arose where mother and son were finally able to have a calm conversation, that the son stated, "I want to get ahead, but you guys are my resistance."

That's when the mother realized that the game fight six months earlier had left a shadow in the child's mind, and that hating his parents made it impossible for him to study at ease.

The mother and child were estranged by this one incident, and some of you may ask, "What's the big deal? The only way to make sure that your child has a good understanding of the world is to treat him or her with respect and love, and then let him or her open up.

When it comes to parenthood, children no longer want to stick to their mothers as they did when they were young, and old mothers may feel a little frustrated. But relax, the desire to be independent is a psychological phenomenon of this stage of the child's life, and it is very normal.

This stage of the child, wants to have a say in some things about himself, such as the need for privacy, then we can not do "secretly look at the child's diary," this kind of thing; in the help of the child to enroll in the class, to consider the school, but also to take into account the willingness to do so

This stage of the child,

The child is a very important part of his life.

Of course, fulfilling your child's desire to be independent doesn't mean you have to kick him out of the house, but you have to fully respect his ideas and his right to choose.

All in all, respecting your child's ideas and giving him proper space and rights is something we parents should do so that your child doesn't feel overwhelmed.

Professor Li Meijin mentioned the word "point to point" when she talked about "how to educate adolescents". According to Professor Lee, parents' words are golden before the child is 6 years old, no matter how much nagging is OK; but when the children are 12 years old, these nagging will become "garbage".

Because childhood is a critical period for children to develop good habits, to adolescence, the reason that the parents of our parents have said countless times, and then repeatedly read, it is easy to let the child feel impatient.

Imagine, if there is a person three times in the ear to read the things you already know, you will not also feel very annoyed? This is the same mentality of a child in the homophobic phase.

So, when it comes to educating your child, we need to know how to get to the point. Say what you think, give advice, and ask for feedback, and as long as you get to the point, you'll have a great time communicating with your child.

I've found that whether it's a fight between husband and wife or a conflict between parent and child, we can't help but rehash the past and get angrier and angrier. In the end, we're just focused on how to dismiss and demean the other person, rather than solving the problem.

I'm here to tell you that this is a very dangerous state of affairs that not only hampers the resolution of the problem, but also leads to a deterioration of the relationship between the disputing parties.

Think about those irrationally quarrelsome young couples, if the last no feelings warming opportunity, most likely walking around on the loose.

This also gives us when the parents of a warning: Talk to your child about the topic to "have a say in it", to the matter is not to the person, the problem is clear, understand , do not be angry on the head of the scolding children, "how you still do not understand," "I really gave birth to a waste of time.

After all, if you are talking about your own reasoning, you will suddenly be "personally attacked", and you will feel speechless and angry. The most important thing to remember is that you can't be sure that you're going to be able to get the best out of your life, and that you're going to be able to get the best out of your life.

So, to communicate with the children, especially with the children of the hate period, we must pay attention to the method, to grasp the right balance, to solve the problem, to solve the problem of the child's heart, to guide the child towards a positive direction.

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