China, the old man, helps the children with their baby, but there are contradictions. Where is the root of the problem?

There are many retired people in the old-fashioned community where I live. Every time after work, they will see old people playing in the community with their children. When the children are playing, grandparents are chatting, and what they say is mostly praise and boasting to their grandchildren and sharing the little things between themselves and their children.

And some grandparents are following the child's ass in lockstep, for fear that something will happen to the child. Children will make a fuss about snacks and toys and will buy them soon. I occasionally ask them, where are their parents?

They say that children are busy with work and have no time, so they have to leave it to themselves. After a few words, I will turn to boast about my children and be quite satisfied with the way I take care of them.

I have mixed feelings when I look at the lovely smiling faces of children and the bright smiles of old people. Separate child care is destined to be an insurmountable hurdle in this era.

Give it to grandparents when children need their parents most. In recent years, with the rapid development of domestic economy, people's social and economic pressure has suddenly increased, and the younger generation is gradually unable to support this huge pressure for survival. After becoming parents, they entered the double dilemma of work and family. In this case, many young people ask their parents to help take care of their children.

Intergenerational education refers to the upbringing and education of grandchildren by elders, which was originally the responsibility of parents. Some young parents, unable to bear the pressure of life, put all the responsibilities for their children's education and life on their parents, and these elders also voluntarily assumed the responsibilities that originally belonged to their parents. According to the survey, nearly 50% of children in China grew up with their grandparents.

Nowadays, young people shoulder the double pressure of getting married and starting a business. On the one hand, they should work hard every day and strive for career success;

On the other hand, we should take care of the elderly and children and create a happy family. Some young people can't stand such great pressure and become "dinks". However, according to the traditional concept of China people, "there are three kinds of unfilial, and there is no big one after". More young people still choose to have children, but they can't bear the burden of raising children, so they give them to their grandparents.

Intergenerational education has existed since ancient times, and it is a consistent traditional education method in China with a long history. However, in different times, the significance of intergenerational education is different;

In ancient times, intergenerational education paid more attention to the inheritance of elders' experience to the younger generation and the implementation of "filial piety culture", but today's intergenerational education is closer to helplessness under great pressure of life.

Generation-separated education has its own advantages: the older generation has accumulated rich life feelings and experience in the long-term struggle of society. In terms of parenting, they generally know more about the problems of children at different ages and how to deal with them than their parents;

At the same time, the elderly have enough leisure time, have enough patience and love when dealing with the younger generation, can take care of children more meticulously and thoughtfully, and be more tolerant of naughty children; Moreover, the elderly generally have a certain amount of savings and are willing to spend money for their children, which will give them better treatment in material conditions.

However, we need to see that the lifestyle and world outlook of the elderly have basically been completely stereotyped, and they are very different from modern society. Therefore, intergenerational education is more of a negative impact on children.

The disadvantages of intergenerational education outweigh the advantages. In educating children, it is influenced by education level and living environment. The educational ideas and methods of our ancestors have already produced a huge gap with modern society. It will be a disaster if grandparents pass on backward and ignorant ideas to their children.

Similarly, grandparents' backward educational ideas will definitely have a fierce conflict with their own educational ideas. Family conflict caused by intergenerational education is becoming one of the most important family conflicts in China.

(1) Overindulgence of children makes them selfish and willful.

Old people often love their children very much, even to the point of doting. They will meet any unreasonable demands of their children and will not blame them for their mistakes. This often stems from their "compensation mentality" towards their children. They were unable to treat their children well, but now they have to make up for it with their grandchildren.

No matter what the circumstances, the old people are obedient to their children, and everything depends on them and surrounds them everywhere. When parents educate their children, the elderly will come forward to stop them. In the long run, children will feel that they are the "masters" of the family. If any requirements are not met, they will make a scene. This kind of doting makes children extremely selfish and fragile. They only know how to enjoy and don't know how to pay, which will eventually make their self-care ability extremely poor.

(2) unscientific feeding is harmful to children's health.

In terms of children's diet, the elderly often have their own ways and means, but these ways of eating are often unscientific and unreasonable, which can not meet the standard of dietary balance, and there is no concept of "nutritional balance" at all;

On the other hand, the elderly also indulge their children's love of sweets and junk food, which eventually leads to the imbalance of their children's physical development. Now chubby little piers can be seen everywhere, which is the result of unscientific feeding by the elderly.

(3) Old ideas of elders hinder children's development.

Because the elders have lived in the last days of underdeveloped economy and culture for a long time, their world outlook, outlook on life and values have long been stereotyped in the last days, so it is difficult for them to accept today's new things, and such an attitude will also bring to the cultivation and education of their children.

For example, when dealing with new things such as computers and mobile phones, the elderly are often very exclusive. When educating children, they will try their best to keep them away from new things, which will undoubtedly obliterate their unique personality and exploration spirit, and make them become conservative, stubborn and conformist, making it difficult for them to develop further.

(4) It is easy to cause serious family conflicts.

Nowadays, many families have intergenerational education, which is quite helpless. Parents still want to raise their children by themselves. However, if parents conform to the advanced concept of parenting in modern society, they will inevitably have a fierce conflict with the old and conservative concept of their elders, and they will not be unified on how to raise their children, which will lead to serious family conflicts. If a family has serious contradictions, it is not a good environment for children's growth.

Generation gap education should also keep pace with the times. Although the disadvantages of generation gap education outweigh the advantages, in today's reality, many families still cannot avoid generation gap education. In fact, if parents and elders can treat and implement generation gap education correctly, it will be more beneficial to children.

(1) Parents communicate with their elders to find a balance.

Children's parents and grandmothers generally have great differences in educational concepts, and they often have sharp conflicts of opposites because of these differences. In fact, both sides should take a step back, communicate more, find out what is beneficial to children, seek common ground while reserving differences and help children grow up.

For example, parents cultivate their children's intellectual development, personality development and other parts, while grandparents should instill in their children traditional Chinese virtues such as respecting the old and loving the young, being polite and so on; Parents should also ask their elders for parenting experience, and elders should actively keep pace with the times, learn new knowledge, accept new things, and better help their babies grow up.

(2) Elders should love their children rationally and objectively.

When treating children, elders must control their emotions, distinguish the difference between "love" and "doting", and love moderately; To understand that "love is letting go" and encourage children to solve problems by themselves when they encounter difficulties is more conducive to children's adaptation to society in the future than blindly helping them solve all problems. Moreover, it is more beneficial to children's health to take them out to know the outside world often, instead of "shutting them up" at home and turning them into "flowers in the greenhouse".

(3) Parents should spend more time with their children.

In any case, parents are the first guardians of their children and have the greatest influence on them forever. Parents' failure to raise their children is an evasion of family responsibilities. If a child doesn't see his parents for a long time, he or she will be rejected, which will eventually lead to the estrangement between parents and children and have a very bad influence on children's life.

There are bound to be contradictions in intergenerational education, and the educational concepts of two generations are bound to be different. As a child, you should know how to communicate with your parents, and as a parent, you should also know how to listen to your children's opinions. As long as there is more communication, the contradiction will disappear and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will get better and better.