Why is the relationship between father and son not good?

I remember reading world famous books when I was studying. After reading the famous Russian novel Father and Son, I feel the sharp opposition between father and son in Turgenev's works. According to fatalism, father and son are friends in previous lives and will continue to fight in this life.

In the father's eyes, his son is the continuation of his life and the inheritance of his thoughts. As a successful father, he always expects his son to inherit his father's business. As a father who feels that he has failed, he will invisibly impose his unfinished ideals and ambitions on his son, dreaming that his son can help him realize them.

But as a son, living in a different era and social environment from his father, he must have independent ideas. According to developmental psychology, a son will eventually rebel and get rid of his father's control before he can grow up. Therefore, the opposition between father and son is inevitable, and there is no way to say that father and son are friends in the past. But if the relationship is not handled properly, it will really become an adversary in this life.

1. Gratitude is just a farmer's father who gave me a free and beautiful childhood.

Since I was a child, I feel glad that I have a good father, because he never loses his temper, even rarely says anything harsh to me, and occasionally sees my mistakes and just reminds me in a low voice; I was really conscious when I was a child. I never asked my parents to study. When I came back from school, I got into a small room and watched my homework. I am completely immersed in my own little world. In my childhood, my family was always full of father's love and filial piety, brothers, friends and brothers' peaceful scenes.

I remember a group of friends in our village excitedly took out plastic buckets from their homes and went to catch fish in the river during the summer vacation in the fifth grade of primary school. When they came back, because there was too much water in the bucket, the handle on it was crushed when they were swinging, and the bucket was broken on the spot. At that time, I only thought it was over, and I was going to be beaten and scolded by my father. Who knows that when my father heard the news, he just shouted a pity. I was told to use things a little harder. I didn't scold me or hit me, but at that moment, I read my father's sad eyes. I understand how sorry I am for my father, who has a hard life and hard money.

My father has only a primary school education and my mother can't read. They are all native farmers. In their eyes, the greatest achievement in this life is to cultivate three children who are very disappointing in their eyes. Over the years, deep in my heart, I have always been grateful to my father. I have never been beaten or scolded, and I have always been a polite teacher. However, I am also puzzled. Why can a father cultivate a better son than him without leaving a trace? What's more, there is almost no such opposition between our father and son as Turgenev said? It was not until I became a father myself that I solved this doubt, because in this world, only an enlightened father with an enlightened son can completely resolve this innate opposition between father and son.

I read the sage book for nothing and deeply regret how to be a qualified father.

Sadly, however, now it's my turn to be a father, but I'm beginning to lose myself. It should be that my dissatisfaction with real life and uncertainty about the future have aggravated my own anxiety. And I have been used to high self-demand since I was a child, which makes me seem to have obsessive-compulsive disorder. I always have such accusations and demands on my son. It is no exaggeration to say that I don't like this boy anywhere. I always want to scold him and correct him, but haste makes waste. The more anxious I am, the more I hurt my son. Ironically, even after I graduated from college, I really lost to my father who graduated from primary school as a father. It's a pity to waste so many years reading sage books and get a bachelor's degree in educational psychology. Come to think of it, there is really no course called qualified parenting in a walled university. It seems that after all, the feeling of being an armchair strategist is very shallow, and I don't know what to do.

During this time, I began to deeply repent. Being a good father is not directly proportional to how much knowledge and culture I have and what kind of career achievements I have. First of all, a qualified father needs a loving heart. Men's love is always so hard to say, and they are even more ashamed of actual performance. In fact, in this world, only love is the best medicine to cure all pain and struggle. Recently, I give my son some mosquito-repellent incense before going to bed every night. When he fell asleep, I got up and went to his room to cover him with a towel. At this time, the little guy always turns over and mumbles when he sleeps, and he can feel that his father loves him. During the day, I will restrain my words and deeds and take action to care for him. Although I will meet him at first, he will burst into resistance because he is not suitable, but I obviously feel that this resistance is gradually weakening.

From the perspective of personal practice, I think a qualified father should be tolerant. Education is never a reprimand, nor is it a beating and scolding. Just be honest with yourself first, don't do to others what you don't want others to do to you. More importantly, what I can do is to influence my relatively weak children and complete the educational mission step by step in my daily life. Gradually, I stopped being so critical of my son. Although I know that he is not really excellent, I ask myself, am I a successful father? After years of ups and downs, I now live an ordinary life, just like most people in this society, which is probably the epitome of every ordinary person. Since you are not perfect, why force your son to excel?

Thirdly, a qualified father should overcome his anxiety, which is extremely destructive in real life. It will destroy a person's willpower and make you crazy enough to lose your mind, let alone face his children frankly. But the root of anxiety is the internal conflict of emotion or psychology, which leads to irrational anxiety or fear. Only by correcting one's mentality and reconciling inner contradictions can one not fall into the quagmire of anxiety and be unable to extricate oneself. In daily life, after conscious adjustment and control, my anxiety has been obviously improved. Every time I come back from the outside, my son no longer has to worry about seeing my black face, and his inner tension is gradually relaxing, so I repeatedly remind myself to keep a relaxed expression in front of my son.

Finally, a qualified father should be less critical, less aggressive, more positive and always encouraging. For every subtle growth and progress in my son's daily life, I will affirm and praise him on the spot in time and hold up his future life in constant affirmation. In family education, the father is the son's role model, and the father's model determines the height that the child can reach in the future. Children who grow up in an environment full of father's love and encouragement have a strong sense of security, self-confidence and sunshine, dare to try and break through, and often have a higher upper limit.

May every father and son in the world not be friends in previous lives and enemies in this life, but be kind to each other and achieve each other. Because the father decides how high his son can fly in the future, and the son decides how far his father can go in his life.