The hidden harm of traditional family

"My parents often say that they are all born by the same aunt. Why am I so stupid and not as smart as my sister? I compare myself with my sister all day. "

"Since I have a younger brother, I often hear that you are a younger sister. You have to make way for your younger brother. You are a younger sister. You have to take care of your younger brother. You are a younger sister. How can you grab food and drink with your younger brother? But I am only 4 years older than my younger brother."

"I am the second child at home, with an elder sister above and a younger brother below. It is unnecessary to know that you are at home from an early age. Dad doesn't kiss me, and mom doesn't love me.

I browsed a post the other day: What's it like to live in a family with many children? Many netizens wrote down their feelings and experiences. Among these feelings, eccentricity and comparison almost exist in most families with many children, but the obvious degree is different. The children in them feel obviously, but many parents ignore them intentionally or unintentionally. The hidden injury of families with many children: eccentric, more common, but unfortunately many parents are unwilling to admit it.

In families with many children, quirks can be seen everywhere.

Many parents of families with many children say that the palms of their hands are all meat, and my pain to each child is the same. However, what they don't want to admit is that the palm and the back of the hand are treated differently. Generally, the palm of your hand is covered, and the back of your hand is exposed to wind and rain. In the eyes of parents, children are also crossing their hands.

No matter because of their gender, personality, looks or grades, most parents will treat their children differently because of their own preferences. Some parents prefer sons to daughters, so the boys in the family are particularly favored. Even many parents who prefer boys to girls have trained their daughters to help their younger brothers, and they have been sucking blood from their younger brothers all their lives.

And some children are especially favored by their parents because they look like their father or father. Because people are narcissistic and want to see their own shadow from their children, they will be particularly biased towards children who look like themselves and have similar personalities. Moreover, some children have sweet mouths, love to talk and laugh, and some children are boring, don't like to talk, and don't want to please their parents. Most parents prefer the former.

Parents are human beings and have their own preferences. So they can't treat different children equally, and it's great to treat every child equally.

Families with many children are being compared everywhere.

Apart from partiality, comparison is a hidden injury for families with many children. From small to large, almost everyone can't get rid of the shadow of "other people's children". Families with many children should be compared not only with other children, but also with their brothers and sisters.

"Look at how obedient your sister is, knowing how to help the family, you can't learn"; "Look how smart my brother is. I looked at you when a guest greeted him. Say nothing when you see people, like a mute. " "Look, eldest brother study well, and then look at you. How many points did you get? Really stupid, and so on. " Are children from families with many children familiar with such words? From small to large, it is inevitable to be compared with brothers and sisters by parents.

For children, they may live in the shadow of their brothers and sisters since childhood. Parents infinitely magnify their shortcomings and always remind them of their shortcomings. In the eyes of many parents, some children seem to be invisible and useless. Children can feel this comparison of their parents and don't like it, which leads them to see only their own shortcomings and defects, and live in inferiority and helplessness from an early age. Moreover, due to the comparison psychology of parents, many children have inexplicable hatred for their outstanding brothers and sisters, which affects brotherhood.

Being a parent is a science. Although some mentality is inevitable, parents should try their best to correct it.

Topic discussion: Do you have these two phenomena in your family?