Teach children how to resolve differences.

There is a difference in educating children. How to solve them? When parents educate their children, they often disagree and disagree. At this time, do parents have to fight for a "reason" first? Do you still need "cold treatment"? In this issue of Parents Salon, parents discussed this.

Heart Yifan: Parents have contradictions in educating their children. Try not to show it to children. We can discuss it in private so as not to hurt them.

Bloom: Parents have different opinions on their children's education, which is sometimes really hard to avoid. I don't think it is necessary to compete in front of the children, because no matter which side wins, it will weaken the weight of the other side in the eyes of the children. In front of children, it's best to listen first. After that, the two sides can discuss a result and then do it according to the method discussed by everyone. The differences between parents in educating their children are actually just two people's different perspectives. Women's perspectives are usually more subtle, while men's perspectives are more macroscopic. If it is a trivial matter, the mother may be more familiar with the child's situation and can give priority to the mother's handling method. If it is a big deal, listen to your father's opinion first.

Coconut Tree: Parents also need to learn to listen, understand each other's real thoughts, and then make a decision acceptable to everyone. This is also an education for children to learn to listen, communicate and respect other people's opinions. In addition, parents need to control their emotions, learn to compromise and tolerate, and avoid strong confrontation on the spot. For example, if a child does something wrong, the father will generally treat it severely, sometimes he will beat and scold, and the mother will be gentle. If parents don't agree at this time, it is likely to escalate the contradiction. At this time, the mother can communicate with the child first to help the child realize the mistake, and then the father can criticize a few words. This kind of education will make children accept it with conviction.

The phenomenon of students' "strange clothes"

With the development of the times, keeping up with the pace of "fashion" and "trend" has become the conscious pursuit of the majority of teenagers. Some students in junior high schools, senior high schools, technical secondary schools and vocational schools have made chasing fashion an important part of their lives. At the same time, the bad influence of pop culture has gradually spread among students, and the phenomenon of students wearing "strange clothes" has become a "strange landscape" inside and outside the campus (the "strange clothes" mentioned in this paper not only refers to "strange clothes", but also refers to clothes that unilaterally pursue famous brands; Although most students are getting dressed, when they leave school, they will compete with each other in clothes. Some students even put on "strange clothes" in their school uniforms to show their personality. This has brought a lot of trouble to the daily management of the school to a certain extent. In this case, how to correctly analyze the psychological reasons behind the phenomenon of students' "strange clothes" and guide them to establish a correct outlook on clothing and aesthetics has become a problem that we must face and solve at present.

First, students wear "strange clothes" psychological analysis

A person's dress reflects his psychological needs and aesthetic orientation to a certain extent, with a strong personality color. At present, some students regard "fancy clothes" as beauty, and a bad atmosphere of vanity and grandstanding has formed on campus. There are many reasons for this trend, and the most important reason is the unhealthy psychology of students.

1. Aesthetic deviation.

Generally speaking, students are in a critical period of physical development, and their clothes should be simple, natural, generous and comfortable. However, influenced by the social aesthetic trend, some students began to imitate adult clothes, deliberately catching up with the trend, and some even pursued "strange clothes." On the one hand, they really want to prove that they are no longer a child and hope to integrate into society more quickly; On the other hand, they hope that their dressing style can be recognized, praised and envied by their classmates, so as to improve their position in the eyes of their classmates and satisfy their material desires and vanity.

2. Crazy "idolization"

Students generally have a psychology of worshipping celebrities and stars. They pay great attention to singers, movie stars, athletes and social successful people, not only their achievements, but also their "fashion" elements, such as their clothes and dresses. For those celebrities and stars who are "avant-garde" and unconventional, the students admire them and even form a "fan group" which is "idolized" all over the country. The way of "idolization" is usually that celebrity stars should learn what to wear. As a result, we saw that some students came to school wearing NBA star uniforms (imitations) or famous brand clothes endorsed by stars, and even put on "strange clothes" in school uniforms to "attract attention".

Compare and show off

Some middle school students have the psychology of keeping up with the joneses. They think that wearing fashionable clothes is "chic", and wearing "chic" will be "superior". In their view, the word "chic" does not refer to a good temperament of people, but is synonymous with "deviating from tradition" and "rejecting convention". They pursue "chic", ignore or even be hostile to "tradition" and "convention", pursue "freedom" and long for "maverick". Their ideas and practices are obviously one-sided. Some middle school students are jealous when they see others wearing brand-name clothes, so they try their best to pester their parents for money and buy all kinds of clothes popular in society. They simply ignore the financial ability of their families and just want to "stand on top" in front of others and compare themselves with others.

4. Blind pursuit of "new"

Young students have certain thinking ability and independent opinions, and can make independent decisions on some things without the heavy work and life pressure of adults. Therefore, some students let go of their hands and feet whenever they have the chance, squander freely, pursue high consumption, and exchange money for things they like, and novel clothes can attract their attention most. Some students even went to the point of "no wonder they don't love, no wonder they don't buy" and embarked on the wrong path of pursuing exotic clothes.

5. Blindly seeking "difference"

The "different" here has a double meaning, one is the unconventional "different", and the other is the opposite sex peers. Students are in adolescence, and they begin to be interested and curious about their peers of the opposite sex, full of longing and yearning for "love". When facing the opposite sex you like, you dare not express it orally, and often hope to show your charm through "beautiful dress". As a result, some students choose "strange clothes" in their clothes, hoping to attract the attention of students of the opposite sex, which is a manifestation of their immature psychology and childish behavior.

Second, the harm caused by students' bad clothes.

If students blindly follow the trend without forming a correct outlook on clothing and aesthetics, it will do a lot of harm to people, themselves, families and society and pollute the campus atmosphere.

1. Distract attention and delay learning.

If students think too much about dressing up, they will relax in their studies and even delay their studies. Judging from the purpose of students wearing "fancy clothes", it is largely to grandstanding and satisfy vanity. I hope their clothes will be recognized and praised by everyone, and I also hope that I can quickly integrate into the fashion trend. How can we study hard with such an impetuous mentality? Students spend their time and energy on "loving beauty" and "pretending to be beautiful". When they are distracted in class and go shopping after class, their studies will inevitably be negatively affected.

2. Extra expenses increase the burden on families.

Students are pure "consumer groups" and have no independent economic ability. Their food, clothing, housing and transportation depend entirely on their parents. Some students have poor family conditions, but in order not to be "looked down upon", regardless of "family situation" and parents' income, they try their best to ask their parents for money to buy their favorite "fashionable clothes" (many times they don't really like these clothes, but simply imitate and compare them), which increases their parents' extra financial burden. This is a lack of responsibility and vanity is at work.

3. Take care of the "outside" and lose the "inside", which leads to moral decline.

Bacon said: "Once people excessively pursue external beauty, they often give up internal beauty." In order to get the clothes they want, many students try their best to empty their parents' wallets, or envy others when they see them dressed beautifully. What's more, because the economy is exhausted, they blindly follow the fashion, take risks, cheat and steal the property of family members or others by improper means, and make a big mistake.

4. Many inconveniences affect health.

Students are in a critical period of growth, but some clothes, such as tights and low-rise pants, are often not suitable for students to wear. Clothes are too tight, binding the body, thus affecting normal growth and development. Some students don't wear school uniforms, but long and wide pants or sleeveless jackets. Accidents such as tripping, falling, cutting and scalding are easy to happen when going up and down stairs, doing experiments and having physical education classes.

Third, guiding countermeasures: let students dress not "offside"

Students are mentally and physically underdeveloped and immature, and they are a special group that is easily influenced by bad customs and fashion trends. Therefore, teachers should cultivate students' good and healthy dress habits and guide them to form a correct outlook on dress and aesthetics.

1. Dress code.

Dress is conducive to the formation of students' good psychological quality. Students will feel that he is not just himself, but represents the image of the collective and is an indispensable member of the collective. So always regulate your words and deeds. This enhances students' sense of responsibility and promotes their collectivism. Dressing neatly is also conducive to cultivating students' virtue of simplicity and frugality. The students wear "simple, generous, cheap and affordable" school uniforms. Everyone stands on the "same starting line" and feels the equality and coordination among each member. This can prevent students from comparing with each other, help to curb the two-level differentiation of students' clothing, and help students cultivate and form the virtues of hard work, simplicity and thrift. Practice has proved that dress code is the best choice to standardize students' dress behavior.

2. Take the lead in setting an example, and the class teacher should set an example.

The head teacher is the main implementer of educating people and the teacher who has the closest contact with students. Many students regard the head teacher as the object of their worship, so they will consciously or unconsciously take the head teacher as an example to regulate their behavior. Therefore, the class teacher should always pay attention to his words and deeds, so as to avoid having a bad influence on the students because of his bad words and deeds. The class teacher requires students not to wear "strange clothes", and the dress must conform to the teacher's identity; Always remember that you are a role model for students, and you must do what you are asked to do first. Setting an example and setting an example first is the minimum code of conduct for every class teacher.

3. Communication and education to improve the aesthetic level.

Students' clothes should be simple, elegant and neat, and they must not pursue "fancy clothes" and blindly do something unconventional in schools and even public places. It should be emphasized that standardizing and guiding students' dress behavior does not mean denying students' love for beauty, let alone obliterating students' aesthetic consciousness and personalized dress. Teachers should communicate with students more, and they can hold regular student image display activities to cultivate and improve students' ability to discover beauty, recognize beauty and express beauty. Guide students to correctly distinguish between "beauty" and "ugliness", correctly understand "fashion" and "fashion", consciously avoid the negative influence of bad social customs, and let students consciously and actively change their dress styles that are inconsistent with their age and status. Teachers should let students know that the beauty of clothing can only shine with the same splendor under the mapping of spiritual beauty. Teachers should not only encourage students to pursue the beauty of clothes, but also strengthen their own moral cultivation, cultivate elegant sentiments, cultivate healthy aesthetic taste, and pursue a high degree of unity of external beauty and spiritual beauty.

4. Pay attention to subtle influence and play the role of family education.

Students' dress behavior is closely related to their family education and family life. Some parents of students "seek novelty and novelty" in their clothes, and the conversation among family members always revolves around fashion trends, which exerts a subtle influence on children's outlook on clothes, aesthetics and even outlook on life and values. A person's aesthetic orientation and wearing habits are deeply influenced by his family. Once a person develops bad aesthetic orientation and dress habits, it will seriously damage his temperament and reduce his taste. Therefore, parents of students should guide and cultivate their children's dress habits in daily life, and form a healthy outlook on clothing and aesthetics. At the same time, in the process of talking with children, we should carefully choose topics and don't let children focus on how to catch up with the trend. In addition, teachers should communicate with students' parents to discuss and solve the problem of students' "strange clothes".

The phenomenon of students wearing "strange clothes" is not only related to clothing concept and aesthetics, but also related to students' mental health, moral growth and personality development, which should be closely concerned by teachers and parents of students.

What is insomnia?

Frequent insomnia, dreaminess, irritability and irritability are typical portrayal of contemporary workplace people. The psychological question and answer about what insomnia is, the experts in the psychological counseling center made an interpretation for everyone. I hope it will help us understand insomnia and how to solve it.

What's wrong with insomnia?

Insomnia usually refers to a subjective experience that patients are dissatisfied with the time or quality of sleep and affect their social function during the day. As far as we know, there are many reasons for insomnia, such as some kind of sleep disorder, emotional factors of physical diseases, lifestyle (excessive drinking of coffee and tea) and environmental factors (noise congestion or pollution).

Lifestyle Sleep problems caused by lifestyle are also common. For example, some office workers overuse coffee and tea to refresh themselves during overtime, drink and party at night, smoke too much, have too much physical activity before going to bed, and get up irregularly.

Physical reasons, physical diseases and taking drugs will affect sleep, such as indigestion, headache, backache, arthritis, heart disease, diabetes, asthma, sinusitis, ulcers or taking some drugs that affect the central nervous system.

Mental stress, excessive anxiety, nervousness, anxiety, sadness, depression and anger are all prone to sleep problems. Mental sleep disorder is one of the main causes of insomnia.

Environmental factors: the sleeping environment is noisy, too bright, polluted and overcrowded.

Personal psychological solution

Student Question: Psychological Solution for College Students: I am a freshman now. I like to live a quiet life, an ordinary life, and have no pursuit of the future. Am I the legendary one without ambition? Confused, especially for prawns, thank you!

The consultant replied: What is the pursuit? What is lack of ambition? This is nothing more than a disagreement. Living a quiet life and an ordinary life, is there no pursuit? I don't think so! In fact, the most difficult thing in life is calm, and there can be no waves. My goal in life is similar to yours. My wife and children are hot, and I have the money to treat diseases, as long as I have enough money at ordinary times. Isn't such a happy life the most perfect life? I have a loving wife, a naughty child and a quiet and happy life. This life is enough! Pursuit is nothing more than working hard for a certain goal. We try to live a quiet life, isn't it the pursuit? No ambition. There is a saying that everyone wants to be a man, so who will come down here? I think it's classic and real. I worked hard for a so-called "lover" all my life, only to find myself dead when I finally enjoyed it. Isn't this the greatest sorrow in life? So, stop being confused, study hard and find a good job for a quiet life.

What is the Romeo and Juliet effect?

We may all have seen Shakespeare's famous tragedy Romeo and Juliet, which describes the love tragedy between Romeo and Juliet. They love each other deeply, but because the two families are enemies, their feelings are opposed by all family members. However, they did not break up because of the obstruction of their families, but firmly adhered to their love, and eventually they all died of double suicide without compromising with their families.

In fact, we can also see this phenomenon in real life. Obstruction and interference from family can't weaken the love between lovers. On the contrary, after interference, their feelings are more stable and they love each other more deeply. The more parents intervene, the stronger the opposition, and the deeper the love between lovers. This phenomenon is called "Romeo and Juliet effect" by psychologists.

For this psychological question and answer, psychologists have explained that this is because people have independent needs and want to be independent, rather than being a puppet controlled by others. Once others take the place of others and make their own choices, they will feel that their sovereignty is threatened, thus creating a psychological resistance, rejecting what they are forced to choose, and at the same time preferring what they are forced to lose.

Psychological counseling experts say that the harder it is to get something, the higher its status in people's minds, the greater its value and the greater its attraction to people. The value of what is easy to obtain or what has been obtained is often ignored.

Two students of Grade One in a middle school came together because of their mutual attraction. At first, both teachers and parents tried their best to interfere. But this kind of interference actually added the same language to the two children, and they became closer, just like a pair of inseparable mandarin ducks.

Later, the headmaster changed his strategy. Instead of criticizing the children, he called the children and the teacher and said that the teacher misunderstood them and defiled their pure feelings. After that, the two children kept going back and forth, but before long, they drifted away because they had no similarities, and finally parted ways because they found each other too far away from their ideal prince and princess.

What is the learned helplessness experiment?

Auvermeer and Seligman have long discovered this point in the psychological question and answer about what is the learned helplessness effect, and it has been widely discussed in the research of animals and humans. In short, many experiments show that after training, dogs can jump over obstacles or engage in other behaviors to avoid being electrocuted by experimenters. However, if the dog has been subjected to unpredictable (I don't know when it will come) and uncontrollable electric shock before (for example, the interruption of the electric shock does not depend on the dog's behavior), even if the dog has the opportunity to escape the electric shock later, it cannot escape. And at this time, the dog also showed other defects, such as feeling depressed and depressed, reducing initiative and so on.

Dogs behave this way because they learned to feel helpless in the early stage of the experiment. In other words, they realize that no matter how hard they try, they can't escape the fate of getting an electric shock. In every experiment, the termination of electric shock is in the hands of the experimenter, and the dog will realize that he has no ability to change this external control, thus learning a sense of helplessness.

If people produce learned helplessness, it will become a deep despair and sorrow. Therefore, we should broaden our horizons in our study and life, see clearly the real decisive factors behind the incident, and don't let ourselves fall into despair.