Help make up the opening line of a skit with comedy...

A Ladies and gentlemen, friends and compatriots! Fellow men, fellow women, fellow men who are not men or women--

B You don't have to introduce yourself.

A Introducing myself, I'm from the Beijing "Ershi" Tourism Company.

B I know "unexpected".

A Because our company's activities are even more unexpected than the "unexpected", it is called "two unexpected".

B Yes.

A Are you about to take part in a "Happy Journey" event?

B Yeah.

A I'm a tour guide for this event.

B Can you be more specific?

A First of all, the scale and social impact of our event is just something you wouldn't expect.

B Really?

A Let's say that the National Tourism Administration, China National Tourism Corporation, Beijing Cultural Relics Bureau, Beijing Cultural Bureau, CCTV, Beijing TV and other important departments and our event--

B Ah?

A None of them have anything to do with it!

B Then why are you talking about it?

A I want to tell you that this "Unexpected? I just want to tell you that this "Unexpected Journey" event is exclusively organized by our company.

B Why is it called "Unexpected"?

A That's the central purpose of this event - to give every visitor something unexpected.

B Can you be more specific?

A Like the hotter tourist routes in the past few years, what Malaysia, Singapore, India, Thailand, Switzerland and these countries - we are absolutely not going to go.

B What about domestic tourist routes?

A We don't think about it at all.

B Then what kind of travel do you call this?

A We are just to differentiate ourselves from all the activities organized by the travel companies in the society, to go to places they never dare to go, to attractions they never dare to play, to stay in hotels they never dare to stay in, to eat meals they never dare to eat.

B Then I wouldn't dare to go with you.

A What do you mean?

B I'm officially withdrawing from this tour right now.

A Then you have a lot to lose.

B What can I lose?

A First of all, your deposit is non-refundable, and you'll have to pay extra for our labor, lost wages, transportation, medical care, nursing care, one-child fee, and parental support ......

B I'll go! These are more expensive than traveling!

A How nice of you to do this earlier, the whole tour group is waiting for you alone, do you have the nerve? I'm going to start the roll call now, XX (the name of the comic actor) -

B to.

A Okay, we're all here, let's go!

B Am I the only one?

A This is great, you are enjoying one-on-one service, you are a VIP customer!

B What?

A Then please join me on the plane.

B It's the first time in my life that I've been on an airplane!

A How does it feel?

B It's different when you're sitting on an airplane and looking down at the ground, the people are as big as ants.

A I forgot to tell you, the one you are looking at is an ant, and the plane hasn't even taken off yet.

B Then hurry up and fly.

A Now we can get off the plane.

B Why did you just come up and go down?

A I forgot to tell you, the first attraction is finished.

B The airplane is a sightseeing spot, isn't it?

A How about it? Is it already a bit of "unexpected" feeling?

B Is that what "unexpected" means?

A We're all going to our destination by bus.

B So we're coming back on an airplane?

A We're coming back on a bus.

B It's written in your contract that you're flying solo on this trip.

A Right. I'm not sure if you know what I mean.

B Why don't you understand? A single flight is a one-way flight, isn't it?

A Single flight.

B How do you mean "single flight"?

A The airplane is flying one way, and we are going one way.

B The airplane has nothing to do with us?

A Since there are many tourists today, please pay attention to the flag in my hand (take out a white flag) and raise your hands above your head when you walk.

B What's that for?

A Otherwise you won't be seen in the crowd.

B It's in case we get lost.

A Now go.

(A walks ahead with the flag, B follows with his hands up)

A Don't shoot!

B One of our own! Are we surrendering here?

A Because we're about to pass through the blockade.

B Why is there a blockade?

A I forgot to tell you, in order to add some fun to your tour, we have designed a particularly meaningful game program, the name is - I want to find smoking!

B What kind of tour program is this? We're not going to go through here, are we?

A This is the way to the attraction.

B We have to go.

A So you have to pay another five hundred dollars.

B Why do I have to pay?

A Because we have to use a lot of manpower!

B What kind of labor?

A We'll ask the local people to disguise themselves as resistance fighters, and when you pass through the blockade, they'll kick you a few times, punch you a few times, curse you a few times, and spit on you a few times.

B Why is this game called "I want to get smoked"?

A Don't worry, these items are all free.

B What are you going to do with 500 dollars?

A We're buying you a wheelchair.

B What kind of wheelchair am I traveling in?

A Because there's going to be trip wires, horse traps, nail rollers, minefields, and the like.

B I can't stand any of them.

A Don't worry, these are just symbolic games to add some excitement to your journey, no harm will come to you.

B Then I am relieved.

A At the most, it will only break an arm or a leg, but the most important thing is to become a cripple.

B Can't you arrange something meaningful?

A I forgot to tell you that I'll be guiding you through a variety of different museums. There are military museums, history museums, humanities museums, geography museums, astronomy museums, ocean museums, and finally, the most unexpected museum of treasures of the ages.

B What treasures are there?

A There are countless treasures. There are all kinds of weird and wonderful treasures left behind by emperors and concubines. So tell you, these treasures are the Eight-Power Allied Forces did not have time to steal, the Cultural Revolution period of the rebels did not find, which has the Kangxi used the jade seal, the Qianlong painting brush, Yongzheng played the drumsticks, Cixi used the spittoon.

B Can that be true?

A If you don't believe me, you can smell it yourself.

B Is it dirty?

A As the saying goes, hearing is believing, seeing is believing. I'll let you open your eyes today. See this bowl? It's a world-class artifact.

B Isn't this just a broken bowl?

A Broken bowl? The origin of this bowl can scare you to death. Let me ask you, in the beginning, how did Pan Jinlian and Wangwu get Wu Dalang killed?

B They gave him a bowl of poison.

A This is the bowl they used.

B Ah!

A Do you think this is an artifact?

B Is this an artifact?

A Next we'll take you on a tour of wild critters.

B This is not a bad activity.

A If you want to give to charity, we will also organize a charity event for you.

B What exactly?

A You only need to take out eight hundred dollars to adopt a very cute wild boar at will, the opportunity is really very rare ah!

B I don't want to adopt it. It's not worth the money.

A How can it be wrong?

B Who knows I claimed this boar?

A When the time comes, we will carefully make a love tag engraved with XX (the name of the comic actor) - that is, your name - and this tag will be permanently worn on the neck of the wild boar that you have adopted.

B My name is XX.

A XX is a wild boar!

B Uncharacteristically.

A Here I announce - the original luxury banquet that our company has specially arranged for all of you officially begins!

B I've let you make me hungry!

A Please ask the visitors to find a brick each.

B Is this a fight?

A Sit with the pad under your butt!

B Not even a chair?

A Is having a chair still called primitive?

B I don't need to sit down, I'll just stand by the table and eat.

A Is a table still a pristine place?

B Without a table, where do you put the cutlery?

A Is having cutlery still called ecological?

B Without cutlery, where do you put the food?

A B, you still call it ecological when you have food?

B How can we eat without anything?

A Our travel company has specially prepared pure natural, non-polluting, non-fertilizing and digestible original food for you.

B What is it?

A Northwest wind child!

B After all this talk, we're just standing in the street drinking the wind?

A Then what do you want to eat?

B It's written in that contract, four dishes and one soup.

A That's what it says.

B How is this a four-course meal?

A Let me ask you, what is this?

B Spinach, cabbage, celery and greens.

A Isn't this a four-course meal?

B What about the soup?

A Someone get him some water.

B You're all so mean.

A And now for our last activity of the day, a bath at the bathhouse.

B It's written in the contract that the bath is free and ecological!

A We won't charge you a penny!

B Then I'll take a bath! (Making bathing gestures) After a long day, I really need to take a hot bath!

A How did it go?

B It's okay. Where are my clothes?

A I'm sorry, but your clothes are back in the oven.

B Burned!

A Because we are striving to be the first village in the country to protect the environment, all dirty clothes taken off by our guests are returned to the furnace.

B Then what am I going to wear out?

A We've got it all ready for you. Satchel undershirts and pants at a discounted price of only 5,000 yuan.

B. You're kidnapping me, aren't you?

A There are cheap ones too.

B What?

A Transparent raincoat.

B I'll take the expensive one.

A Okay, I'll have the clothes in half an hour.

B Then I can't stay naked all the time!

A It's a good idea to use this time for me to check the full cost of your trip with you.

B Why do you have to check with me now?

A That's what we're all about!

B What's that?

A We have to be 100% transparent with every visitor!

B So transparency leaves me naked?

A Finally, we will give you a DVD disk.

B No, I don't want it.

A It's only five hundred dollars.

B Then you don't need it.

A You'll have to take it.

B I definitely don't want it.

A You must!

B I just don't want it.

A Do you know what's on this CD-ROM?

B What is it about?

A It's about when you were in the shower just now--

B What about it?

A We videotaped the whole thing.

B I'll take it!