The ancient fine tradition is very funny.

Two people cross talk, scholar temperament, leisurely, feather fan black silk scarf. Dirty temperament, slovenly.

A: Cha Na said calmly, ha ha smiled at life.

b； Right and wrong, look at everything in the world,

b； Hello, I'm Qin Shen. (flattering)

a； Hello, I'm Kong Yuan. This is my opposite. (Decent)

b； This is my opponent.

a； First of all, I want to introduce myself to you. After I became a famous Confucius, I respected the words of a hundred schools of thought and the way of Confucius and Mencius. Benevolent people love others, do their duty for themselves, self-denial and mutual benefit. Don't say anything, don't listen, don't see evil and don't move. My neighbor gave me a face and called me Kong Xiaozi. My home is at No.741opposite No.250 Humility Lane.

b； Hello everyone, it's not that I'm thick-skinned, but that the world is really helpless. This is the treasure of our humble alley, a famous talented person and beautiful woman. This man is full of knowledge and blurts it out. He claimed to be a descendant of the Confucius family and wanted to tap the source of wisdom in Confucius. Therefore, he had to use his fate to name Kong Yuan. The villagers pay too much attention to his face, which has made him too thick-skinned. Look at his burly figure, simple and honest face, thick face and black heart. You can tell at a glance that he has achieved great things. Master, cow nose.

a； Where is it? Where is it? I feel ashamed in front of you. Qin Shen, Qin Shen, you are the piano music played by courtier Qin Gui and corrupt official Xiao Shenyang. Because of your beating.

b； I don't have any weight. Your weight is the top of Mount Tai. As we all know, Fiona Fang Bailixiang is famous, and everyone is ashamed of it. I am deeply ashamed of waiting. But if you put your statue under the plaque in our alley, there will be a banner on your chest; How can a gentleman be modest? How can he justify himself?

a； The villain is full of nonsense. You are ignorant and idle all day. Crossing the widow's threshold, eating dumb, calling the blind clumsy, touching the bald head and tripping over the lame. You ruined a can of rice with mouse droppings. I walked straight and walked around naked. Why should I be blamed?

B Oh, you are a gentleman. Then tell everyone about your way of being a gentleman.

a； (Fan) The so-called gentleman's way, benevolent people love others, great love is boundless, and the road is boundless, which is good for the world. Give it to brother. Make friends with others, keep your word and keep your promise. Everything is just, unjust, rich and more expensive than me. A gentleman never tires of learning and never tires of teaching. ...

b； Please, don't give me such nonsense. It's no use. I can hear calluses in my ears. If you don't tell me directly, just tell me that you helped your family register as a resident in our lane last time. What did you write for yourself?

a； People's Republic of China (PRC) citizen.

b； Help your wife?

a； China people and the motherland.

b； See, this is the so-called studious gentleman. Literacy is hindered, regardless of gender.

a； To err is human, to err is human. It's just a temporary mistake, and it doesn't make any sense. If a gentleman is eager to learn and has spare capacity, he will learn literature, learn from others and apply what he has learned. If you are not ashamed to ask questions, live and work in peace and contentment, have enough food and clothing, and be sensitive and cautious, you will be virtuous and eager to learn. ...

b； Okay, okay, it's no use doing this with everyone every day. Is it interesting?

a； I am eager to learn. If you learn the truth in the morning, you will not waste your life if you die at night.

b； Okay, okay, you don't have to defend yourself here. ...

a； An upright man is open and poised, you can't defend yourself. A gentleman stands in the world, if he advances, he will be good in the world, and if he leaves, he will be immune to it. ...

b； Stop. Besides, I will kill you. (measuring his fist, angry) I just want to ask Mr. Why was he called crazy on the bus that time?

a； This is a misunderstanding. I have to explain to you. Nowadays, people's spirit is empty and depraved, and chatting has become the best way of entertainment. People who go to work on the bus chat there every day. What mobile QQ, third-class QQ, Tencent QQ, Chery QQ? ...

b； Oh, you see how awesome a gentleman is. Chery was fanned into the information industry with one mouth.

a； Yes, they are all chatting. But I'm not. Spare no effort to study literature. I read slowly with this Analects of Confucius, but it was so frivolous.

b； So this big guy is wrong about you?

a； Of course. A gentleman loves jade and is not frivolous.

b； Yes, a gentleman cherishes the fragrance of jade, and Chou-heung cherishes Lin Daiyu. It doesn't mean that a beautiful woman is a fart. Eyes are not smooth! (gesture)

a； Classic and incisive. It seems that you know yourself well. A willing son can teach.

b； If you say that you are knowledgeable, you have to show something to prove to everyone. If you can't get a college degree, you will put on airs to save face.

a； Well, let me tell you something about your family history.

b； My family history? You know all this?

a； I am knowledgeable and know everything.

b； Well, tell me quickly. I want to hear how you fart.

a； This can be traced back to the late Spring and Autumn Period. According to legend, in a Qilu war, the army of Lu was weak, and in a hurry, it was your ancestors who solved the problem.

b； Really? I haven't even heard of it.

a； At that time, the Qi army arrived at the border of Lu, and the army pressed in, and the darkness was boundless. There is only one guard at the pass, and that is your grandfather! !

b； Wow, thiophene. ...

a； I saw him wearing a white robe and carrying an axe on his shoulder. He was dashing, and only turned around gently, which scared off the army and established outstanding feats. As the saying goes: look back and sigh, and turn around and scare away millions of heroes.

b； Oh, my God! Is it true?/You don't say. (expression of infinite glory)

a； It's true. According to the historical records of the State of Qi, when the army marched through the gate, they saw a man with blue face and fangs holding an axe, thinking that Zhong Kui of the underworld was also. The army dared not move forward and asked for forgiveness. According to Records of Historical Records of Lu Benji, there was a folk song circulating at that time: Your ugliness shocked the whole city and made my heart continue to beat. Let a girl read it backstage. )

b； You are talking nonsense, confusing people and slandering others. I will sue you.

a； I haven't finished yet, and later generations have records to prove it. It reached the ears of Sun Bin, a Qi man at that time, and was greatly admired. So there was the theory of total victory in Sun Tzu's art of war: to defeat the enemy without fighting, one good deed deserves another. (Turn on the fan)

b； Even if you slander me, you still slander the great Comrade Sun Bin, you ...

a； I didn't slander. Comrade Zhang Fei, the great comrade of the Three Kingdoms, is also a big fan of your grandfather. He staged the same scene in Changbanpo.

b； Really? (beginning to wonder again)

a； History has been handed down from generation to generation, and it is infinitely wonderful. A thousand years later, this incident reached the ears of Zhang Zaier, who was playing in the land of Jiange at that time. He was filled with emotion and had the kind words of "one husband and one halberd, ten thousand people stumbled".

b； It seems necessary for me to make a statement about the history of China.

a； History is accompanied by the continuous development of classical Chinese. By the time of Li Bai in the Tang Dynasty, the great poet was also intoxicated by your grandfathers, and he wrote "One person defends it, and ten thousand people can't force it", which has been passed down through the ages.

Really? Pass down through the ages? Why didn't education in China mention such a great thing?

a； With the infinite development of history, the concept has been changing, and beggars can be called sharp brothers, creating a fashionable brand. As the saying goes, "the old tide of the Yangtze River pushes the new tide, and the old tide dies in forgetting the year." Your grandparents may have been forgotten in this trend. But history can never be completely erased. In today's network, there is such a fiery saying: "Your beauty has amazed the whole city, and you have recorded 300 awards." This is a song that Lu sang for your grandfather.

b； See, he can fool more than Zhao Benshan.

a； I'm not bluffing. In fact, everything I said can be used as evidence. I compared you with the records in the history books in detail and found that you inherited all the fine traditions of your ancestors, especially your appearance. Everyone can see it clearly.

b； Hey ~! You're not finished.

a； Calm down, you know, the reason why you can be safe in the humble alley is because of my gentleman's protection.

b； Hey, Kong, did you deliberately embarrass me in front of the audience today? What you said here is completely gone. That's a little too much

a； Calm down, in fact, there is no need to escape, and there is no need to feel inferior. History must be accepted and cannot be changed. No matter how bad things are, there are two sides. Ugliness is not a crime, plastic surgery is a waste, and you need makeup when you are old. Doing what you should do well is the essence of life. You know, fishing law enforcement, the public security organ needs people like you to collect evidence! !

b； I got it all this time.

-hmm ~? Understand what?

b； You are the kind of person who would rather be suffocated by fart than admit to starvation.

People live with a face, trees live with a skin, I hold my face and breathe, but you hold your face and your stomach stinks. Slander history, and history will last forever.

a； It's not me, it's you. It will be difficult for you to walk out of this mean alley.

b； You will always be a liar. A few years ago, I went out to travel all over the country alone, savoring the lakes and mountains, and testifying all the way along the bright road and mountains and rivers, without the difficulties you mentioned.

I crossed the mountains to the southwest. ...

a； Yes, your ugliness scared away the Dragon King. He has been afraid to set foot in the southwest for many days, and he is afraid to come back now, resulting in many villagers in the southwest.

b； I went deep into the poorest western mountainous areas and witnessed the sufferings of poor mountainous areas.

a； Yes, when you come, please repay the substitute teachers who have struggled to support the education in mountainous areas, so that the wonderful and great title of substitute teachers will always become a historical term.

b； Visited the beautiful coastline of the motherland and entered the forefront of reform and opening up.

a； Yes, your arrival is like an unstoppable wave, which immediately washed away a large number of NGOs, resulting in a five-year labor shortage in the economically developed coastal areas of China that meandered through Wan Li.

b； Am I that miserable?

a； No, you are not a tragedy. The only difference between you and Hitler is that you use a non-violent and uncooperative movement.

b； I am so redundant in this world.

a； No, the creator is fair, and can make everything in its place and make the best use of it. There is a saying in the Nine Chapters of Sun Tzu's Art of War: Death is war. It means that when the army is cornered and unable to escape, the soldiers will stimulate their infinite potential and fight to the death, often turning defeat into victory.

When Comrade Sun Bin wrote this article, he once imagined that if your grandparents were regarded as the guards of the army, the army would inevitably retreat if it did not advance, and it would win or lose wherever it went. Considering that your grandfather is a rare animal, the operability of this scheme is too low, so I will give up writing.

b； Where I came in two thousand years ago?

a； No, in my opinion, the only way to destroy Al Qaeda in this world is; Let you sit in the Middle East, wearing a white robe and holding an axe, and I promise world peace. The world can't find you, which is a tragedy that even the best Shakespeare can't write.

b； Wipe away tears, it turns out that I am more horrible than a terrorist organization. Actually, what I want is not the attention of the world. What I have been striving for is personal happiness. No one found my beauty, even Chopin couldn't play my sadness.

a； Life is like a play, you should eat what you should, drink what you should, and don't take anything to heart. Calm down!

b； All the people I love say to me: the people I love have been taken away, and the people who love me are terrible; What bad luck

a； It is difficult to love and be loved, and love takes time to be destined. Friendship is priceless! Wait!

b； Boys, girls, poor scholars, endless, first love, passionate love, extramarital love, reluctant to part; There is nothing lovely in life. Pain!

a； If you say yes, you can do it or not, if you say no, you can't do it or not; I can't refuse to accept my condolences

b； Crazy for you, tired for you, suffering for you, dying for you, crazy for you, hitting the wall for you; Crazy about love.

a； Love has been suspended, love has also reduced its position, and fate has slipped to the daily limit. Thinking about the bull market, thinking that there is no bear market, the relationship cannot last long, and quickly make up the position.

b； Love has been in arrears, love has been stopped, fate is not in the service area, thinking that there is no response, thinking that the line is busy and the feelings cannot be recharged; How to connect if you are heartbroken?

a； Fake names, fake surnames, fake addresses, cheating on eating and drinking, cheating on feelings; Those who want to take the bait. Yes!

b； I have a lot of background, so I can only recite it.

a； After watching the condor heroes, I know that age is not a problem; After watching Brokeback Mountain, I know that gender is not a problem. After seeing King Kong, it is not a problem to find species. Remember ghosts, really understand … life and death is not a problem!

Trees are shameless and will die; People are shameless, the world is invincible! So ... looks are not a problem!

b； Don't comfort me, I only have two lines of tears.

a； Although you are not very handsome, you were praised as a child: you are the strength in horror movies.

b； In my opinion, I should get out!

a； What is happiness? Happiness is that cats eat fish, dogs eat meat, and little monsters beat Altman! Happiness is to be won by yourself. (clenched fist)

b； What I have is not what I want. What I want is not the sad waiting day after day.

a； Good men are ambitious in all directions, and romantic figures have always been men. As a man, you should hold your head high and be a hero all your life.