Love and the "Other"

Last winter, several people chatted and talked about when they realized "the existence of each other". What is different from others is that after I became a mother, I clearly realized the "other". A sense of responsibility is accompanied by a willingness to pay and a clear understanding of "others". Instead of paying for his son, it is better to raise an innocent life to fulfill the growth of his life. I sincerely thank my son for coming and helping me open the door of awakening in life.

For a long time, I felt that I had "emotional isolation", often because I knew what to do and how to react rationally. Indeed, it is difficult to "empathize" with other people's emotions and feelings. For a long time, life was based on rational analysis, customs and pure physiology. Later, I learned that a person with strong self-awareness is generally unwilling to devote himself wholeheartedly, and the number of people who can follow the Buddha is limited. Everything will be relieved. We can't just take "hormones and dopamine" as an example to realize how happy the "other" on another level is. So I have always been skeptical about the so-called "empathy". Many people's empathy is closely related to their own inner desires. From the level of one's inner desire, realizing the existence of the other person lies more in desire than emotion. Really realize that "the existence of the other" is accompanied by responsibilities and obligations. When you don't have yourself and are willing to devote yourself wholeheartedly, it is time to realize "love".

Mom often said, "If you can't see the excitement at home, just mind your own business." Mom is a very capable and dedicated person. It seems natural to have a lazy woman. Take what I said to her at that time, "You did everything, and you didn't like what I did, so I-I just stopped doing it, and you didn't like it anyway." There is always a reason. That's what I am. Until one time, I almost saw the fire in the steaming pot, and I put out the fire at the bottom of the pot. My angry mother said, "just make a card-to worship you on the wall." I don't know how many times my mother wanted to be a "brand": she picked a big cage of tender cowpeas, dug corn stalks all over the floor, a nest of chickens was "beaten" one after another, a pile of bowls and plates fell to the ground, a big bag of cans she just bought was broken, and the kettle of the hot water kettle leaked all over the floor. ...

In my childhood memory, I deeply remember that scene: when I first moved to a new house, a peddler who walked from village to village said less than 40% of his mother's words in the counter-offer, "How can you say that, an old woman?" I was particularly reluctant to say to the vendor, "Where is my mother old? Where is she old?" Then I mumbled for a long time in surprise and incomprehension. At that time, my mother had two extremely long black braids. Her white hair grows late, and so does mine. Don't follow her in appearance, even when I graduated from elementary school, when I went out with my mother, people would say "that's your woman" and look surprised. I still remember the second year of junior high school, my mother went to school to attend a parent-teacher conference. At that time, sheep were herded in the countryside, and few middle school principals paid attention to education. Presumably, the praise of the class teacher and the tuition fee reduction and exemption, and the parents' meeting, gave my mother a strong impact. Mom found that women who "talk back" and "do nothing" at home actually study very well. Before, she was very worried about the woman who "can't do anything stupid, still doesn't like to do it, loves to talk back and doesn't like to worry". What should she do when she grows up?

Mom doesn't know anything, but she is really close to the people and knows everything. Because she is willing to pay by herself, she will say a few words when her relatives around her are wrong and stingy. After that, it was the same. When it comes to the key things, the inertia reaction still stands up to help the family. "Family is family, outsiders are outsiders". I didn't know there were other levels of relationships between people. Looking at my mother, other relatives around me are used to "liquidating" themselves, and it is inevitable that there will be too many "liquidations". Now, it seems that we should try our best to conform to social conventions, draw more frames for ourselves, and draw a clearer line with the people around us, so as to be less mean and less worldly.

All along, I really feel that all education is self-education, and outsiders and the big environment are just a certain reason. Adopting a son will also consciously draw a line. Don't cross the line, let your son grow into what he wants to be, have the ability to survive, have his own hobbies, and live a comfortable life.