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Classic Sichuan dialect jokes

Jokes are characterized by their short length, simple but ingenious storylines, often unexpected, and the wonderful feeling of a sudden laugh. Here is my collection of classic Sichuan dialect jokes, I hope you like it.

(the opening of a classic old paragraph)

Two Sichuan people traveling to Beijing, in the train station to discuss the travel route.

A said, "Let's kill the Great Wall and then the Forbidden City!" The two were reported by the passing masses, twisted to the police station. Later, after explaining the situation was released, the two stood in Tiananmen Square.

B couldn't help but say, "Why don't you shoot?"

A said: "You do not shoot, how dare I open robbery?"

The words just fell, two people were sent to the police station. After a few days, two people were finally released. The two men are empty.

A said: "No bullets, we go out to get some bullets."

The two were sent to the police station for the third time.

The northerners ate hot pot in a Sichuan hot pot restaurant.

The northerner asked, "Waiter, do you have sesame sauce here?"

The waiter replied with a dumbfounded look on his face, "No mahjong, only poker."

The doctor prescribed medication for a Sichuan patient, and when he did, he asked the patient, "Are you usually allergic to medication? "

The patient returned with a confused look: "No, I've swallowed. "

(In Sichuan, "sip" means to imply, and "over" means in what way)

A Sichuanese man was looking for something in his dormitory room, and couldn't find it for a long time.

So the Sichuanese complained to his roommate, "I've fucked up the whole dormitory, and I can't find it. "

Roommates were confused.

(In Sichuan, "to fuck something" means to look for something)

(Many Sichuanese speak Mandarin without distinguishing between flat and cocked tongues, hence the following joke)

Staff: "Hello, I'm a member of the community doing the census.

Staff: "Hello, I'm from the community doing the census, how many people are you?"

The Sichuanese replied, "My family is one person."

Staff: "Eleven people?"

The Sichuanese said, "Not 11 people, but one person."

Staff: "21? How did it become 21 people again?"

The Sichuanese patiently said: "You heard wrong, in fact, a person"

Staff: "71 people? How can there be so many ah?"

The Sichuanese finally exploded and roared, "It's just one person!"

Staff: "91? Oh my God ......"

Sichuan people suddenly collapse ...... Sichuan people finally still can not stop cursing, roared: " two hundred and fifty, is a person ah. "

Staff: "251 people?

(share a childhood often play the dialect game)

The little friend quickly said a series of words, if not heard clearly, then asked a "eh?"

Later, I realized that my friend was asking, "Do you have a pig's tail? "

"Huh? "

A teacher gave her students the task of making sentences using the words "plead" and "demand".

When the workbook was handed in, one of the students answered: Yesterday, my mom stewed a pot of pig's feet, and before it was cooked, my dad ate a piece of it, and said, "I begged not to be moved".

Mom said, "Demand that you gnaw!"

Please use the words "soccer", "basketball", "water polo", "volleyball "soccer", "basketball", "water polo", "volleyball", "tennis" and "small ball".

Sichuanese: Today, I have a cold, nose soccer very much, basketball have to go to the hospital, the doctors are water polo very much, volleyball half a day team, no number also tennis run a trip. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty.

Not long after the start of the school year, I carried a kettle to open the water, and my roommate in the field saw it, and asked me to help him to play a pot

The Sichuanese (in jest): the ball moncler outlet store help you to play.

The foreign roommate (with a serious face): please help me play a pot!

A Sichuanese man bought a bun at a breakfast store, and asked in Sichuanese: What kind of bun is this? （

The owner replied, "We have vegetarian buns and fresh meat buns, but no buns with heart, lungs or other internal organs.

Chongqing traffic police stopped a motorcycle driver and asked him to show his ID.

The driver said: "We are all Chongqing people, brother son to give a face to spread, Ben Ben er forgot to bring, my family bucket in Le point."

The traffic police said: "Do not exempt me, you are not Chongqing le."

The driver asked: "Do you know that I'm not Chongqing le?"

Traffic police said: "You do not recognize, wait for me to stop a Chongqing to show you ha."

This time a young man riding a motorcycle over, the traffic police waved his hand to stop the car! As a result, the motorcycle flew by, and the wind came from afar: "You a ha batch! I'm not going to be able to do that.

The traffic police turned to the driver and said: "See! I'm sorry, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this! You're a Chengdu man."

The police turned to the driver and said: "See? "

A sparrow and a crow were having a long-distance conversation.

The sparrow said, "What kind of bird are you?

The crow said: I am the Phoenix.

Sparrow: There is no such thing as a black phoenix.

crow: you know a shovel shovel, I am a boiler burning phoenix thi.

At the front desk there are two Hong Kong people to stay in the hotel in Sichuan, but there is no prior reservation. The only thing I heard was the front desk attendant asking him in Sichuanese: "May I ask if you are from Spin?"

The Hong Kong people obviously didn't understand what spinning comes to mean and had a blank expression.

So the waiter repeated in an aggravated tone, "I mean, are you from Spin?"

The Hong Kong man was still hesitant, and finally spoke up, "I... I didn't come in a whirlwind, I came in an airplane.

(In Sichuan, "旋" or "现", meaning something like "just now" or "temporary")

Li Bai, the poet, was traveling in Sichuan one day when he met a farmer.

The farmer heard that the man was very educated, and thought that I was also a famous scholar for dozens of miles around, so the farmer went up to Li Bai and said, "I heard that you are not shallow, so I'll give you a pair of pairs of pairs how about it?

Li Bai thought to himself, "What is the learning of a peasant, so he allowed.

Only heard the farmer out of the top line: "You white, you too white, your wife white, your wife too white."

Li Bai thought for half a day and did not come up with it, only to ask the farmer for the next line.

The farmer smiled nervously and said, "I'm black, I'm really black, I'm really really black, I'm really really really black."

On a subway in Beijing, two well-dressed Sichuan girls had a conversation that left the surrounding passengers staring in disbelief.

"Ermei, what are you going to buy this time in Beijing?"

"I'm going to buy more kids (shoes)."

"I think you are sick, Chengdu has so many children, it is necessary to travel far and wide to Beijing to buy?"

"Chengdu's children are not as many as Beijing's, and not as good-looking as this side."

"Then how many do you want to buy?"

"Buy more, give them to mom, old man, and relatives and friends."

(In Sichuan, "shoe" is pronounced as "child."

An airplane encountered a problem over Sichuan, and air traffic control asked, "What's the problem? "

A distress signal was sent out, "MAYDAY!"

ATC replied, "No problem."

(In Sichuan, "没得" and "Mayday" are pronounced almost the same, "没得" means no, "Mayday" is an internationally recognized radio signal. "Mayday" is an internationally recognized radio distress signal.)

A meeting, students asked where to open?

Chengdu classmates answer: office there roar (throat) head!

The students are concentrated on the lawn behind the office!

Chengdu students saw the emergency, shouted: "Where to roar (throat) head is to say that the meeting in the cafeteria inside, not the back, not behind, is inside!"

Students from all over the world when attending college, a northeastern buddies see a Chongqing brothers knife is very beautiful, complimented.

Chongqing brothers immediately picked up the knife, to the northeast buddy in front of a pass, said: spell to you!

The northeastern buddy was scared out of his wits.

(Chongqing dialect "spell" means to give you)

The smallest girl in our dormitory and the next department of the northeast brother in love.

The Chongqing girl saw the Northeast brother and asked "I heard you and our youngest are friends?"

Northeast: "What do you mean?

The Northeastern girl: "What do you mean?

Chongqing girl: "Well well well, then you two play well ah! "

I bought a bottle of drink called Coconut Point Wish, and I think the owner of this drink factory may be from Dayi

In ancient times, there was a merchant who purchased a batch of ramie, mandarin oranges, wheat, and animal skins in the middle of Chuan River, and transported them on a boat for sale in foreign countries.

When the boat was halfway there, the oars were broken, and the oars were lost in the water. The boatman was very anxious, and asked the merchant: "We can't go on without the oars.

The merchant comforted him: no hurry, I have orange hemp wheat skin do not know when the paddle is not paddle?

A classmate is also a Sichuanese, Chuan Pu always can't help out.

One day to go to the cafeteria to eat, want to add spicy. So I asked the master of the spoon, "Master, have not got sea pepper noodles?"

"What noodles?"

"Sea pepper noodles."

"No, only fried noodles, beef noodles ...... No sea pepper noodles."

The friends who went with him laughed at the side. But the sea pepper noodles students do not die, but also want to try a hand. "Master, sea pepper noodles are not noodles, it is chili ...... noodles."

"And no, you can add chili, but no chili noodles."

Sichuan people traveling to Yunnan, into a snack bar, Sichuan people asked: boss child, there is no ice powder child oh?

The Yunnanese immediately reported to the police.

When I was in college, I had a roommate who was from Leshan, and one day he asked me to help him bring a 1982.

I looked for a couple of smoking hotels and didn't get one. Then I couldn't find it, so I called him and said, "Do you want a 1982 in red wine.

My friend in Leshan said, "1982 is not wine!

I was almost angry, and then WeChat text to realize that he wanted to bring "duck feet board.

"Nitrogen and hydrogen make what?"

"Ammonia"

"What does nitrogen make with hydrogen?"

"Ammonia"

"Ask you what nitrogen makes with hydrogen."

"Ammonia"

"I asked you nitrogen ...... Oh, I know. An you a pig's tail."

One day a foreigner shopping encountered the sale of rat poison in the shouting, said a Chinese friend said: "You Chinese are so polite ah, but also take the initiative to greet people. "

The rat poison seller shouted: "Rat medicine, rat medicine, rat eat run away"

(Sichuan sound and "how are you" similar)

One day, an old man was buying something at the Lotus Pond.

The hardware store owner stopped him. Hardware store owner: What do you want to order this brother?

The old man: mosquito cover hooks and mirrors, wife and dolls, summer is coming, the whole a few back to the whole mosquito net.

Hardware store owner: What you say I can not hear clearly.

The old few: I want to mirror cover hooks.

The boss: tire God, with a mirror to see what ditch.

One day, a foreign friend asked me why Sichuan people do not like Xi'an people.

I was shocked and quickly said that there is no such thing.

My friend said, "Then why do you always say, "Xi'an people"?

After ordering in a northern restaurant.

The waitress: "Now? "

Szechuan: "People are not yet come all first kiss (wait) a while. "

Waitress girl shy: "Sorry sir, this store does not provide such services. "

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