Lines of the sketch

Comedy "My whole life" Guo Degang Yu Qian

"My whole life"

Tianjin Special

Guo Degang Yu Qian

Guo: Thank you, Mr. Yu, for coming to the show with your illness.

Yu: I don't feel well

Kuo: Especially this time, this illness is very serious, it's all broken

Yu: How is it broken?

Kuo: hemorrhoids

Yu: hemorrhoids broken face ah?

Kuo: incomplete

Yu: I've never heard of it

Kuo: It doesn't show up at first glance

Yu: It doesn't show up at a closer look

Kuo: Well, I hope that you don't have any illnesses or calamities, I hope that you have a smooth sailing, I hope that you have a good fortune, I hope that you don't look like me

Yu: How are you

Kuo: It is not easy for me to do

Yu: It is not easy for you to do it

Kuo: It is not easy for you

Ku: It is not easy for you

Kuo: It is not easy for you to do it.

Yu: You?

Kuo: There are no outsiders here today, so I'd like to talk to you about the pain in my heart

Yu: What pain can you talk about

Kuo: It's a long story (on the table)

Yu: Wait a minute, go downstairs and talk about it

Kuo: I'm used to being on the kang at home

Yu: This one can't talk while he is standing up

Yu: This one can't talk

Yu: It's not a good idea to talk to me.

Kuo: I've had a hard time since I was a kid, and I've lived a hard life.

Yu: How can it be so hard

Kuo: People don't believe me when I say it

Yu: Tell me

Kuo: Do you know what I'm saying?

Yu: It's not even close

Kuo: The carts in the ridges are one step at a time, and the back of the head is burned by the sugar cookies

Yu: How did you get burned

Kuo: The sugar cookies were brought to me, so I ate them, and when I tore them, the sugar came off, and when I licked them, they were--

Yu: The sugar cookies were burned.

Yu: Hey, you do not waste things, you lick it for what ah

Guo: In fact, I grew up with the ambition to serve the motherland, to be a beneficial to the people

Yu: have this ideal good ah

Guo: I grew up with the intention of being an athlete, for the country to compete

Yu: this is a good idea

Guo: I want to be an athlete, for the country to compete

Yu: I want to be an athlete, for the country to compete

Yu: I want to be an athlete, for the country to be a good thing.

Yu: this is good

Kuo: one day I will stand on the podium, and the national anthem will be played, and I will follow the tears

Yu: how honorable

Kuo: my wish, I train myself, I want to be a swimmer, I practice every day, self-taught

Yu: oh, practice by yourself

Kuo: I do not know how to do all kinds of postures, all of them are good, practice is just right

Yu: I do not know how to practice

Kuo: all kinds of postures.

Yu: Is swimming next to the gardening department?

Kuo: I practiced with the entrance on the grass

Yu: dry scratch ah

Kuo: they stopped me, I said deserved to die (pronounced timid)

Yu: they also died

Kuo: do not let the practice of pulling to the throw the shot put into it ah, how is it not for the country's success. Boring ---- quite far. The coach said, people out of the count ah.

Yu: the ball stayed there

Kuo: very amazing this thing ah

Yu: what is amazing ah

Kuo: it did not move I went out, I said deserved to die.

Yu: It's called rollerblading

Kuo: It's fun to wear rollerblading shoes and swish around

Yu: It's not bad

Kuo: I'll be first in rollerblading shoes in the World Championships someday.

Yu: Small

Kuo: The roller rink is not a good idea. Small

Kuo: Go to the outer ring road, put on your shoes, find a big truck, catch the back of it, and I'll follow it.

Yu: It's not your skating

Kuo: It's exciting, it's fast.

Yu: Well

Kuo: Good guy, once out of the outer ring road, it lifted up, the wheel shoes on fire, the people ran out and shouted: look at the Na Zha

Yu: take your wheel shoes as a wind turbine

Kuo: I'm sorry to say, I did not stick to the Inner Mongolia, I fell behind in Chengde

Yu: think

Yu: I understand that.

Kuo: shoes are worn out, I'm afraid of pain, I did not follow

Yu: yes, and then wear the feet

Kuo: my wishes have not come true, school is not good

Yu: school how

Kuo: you even it, 10 years of elementary school, secondary school 12 years, the years hey ----

Yu: wait a minute.

Kuo: They couldn't let me graduate

Yu: That's why they couldn't let me graduate

Yu: What's wrong with that?

Kuo: I was voted the most familiar face in the school, and new teachers would come to me to get the inside scoop on the school

Yu: You're familiar with the school, so tell them

Kuo: I don't like to go to class, and I don't understand what they're talking about

Yu: Oh, none of them

Kuo: He doesn't like to look at me, and I don't like to look at him, and I deserve it, and I'm going to go to bed in my dorm.

Yu: just sleep

Kuo: I play my own ah, I play the harmonica, I read

Yu: this is also a hobby

Kuo: my two major hobbies.

Yu: Harmonica ah

Kuo: how to play, said you first practice the whole chorus, ah ah ah ah ah, so practice, practice, practice in March, is not interested in the harmonica, but very interested in the bones

Yu: you this change habit

Kuo: students lost a key asked me to smell

Yu: will be able to find

Kuo: the key is lost

Yu: the key is lost

Yu: the keys will be found

You can find the keys, but you have to be able to find them

You can find the keys, and you can find them

Yu: you can find them

Kuo: you have to be able to find the keys.

You can read the book

You can read the book

You can read the book

You can read the book

You can read the book

You can read the book

You can read the book

You can read the book

You can read the book

You can read the book

You can read the book

Kuoh: There is no one else in the dormitory, but you are alone. His blood is cold, his heart is cold,

Yu: They all say that

Kuo: His sword is cold, his person is cold, this kid is frozen.

Yu: What kind of book is it

Kuo: What's the point of writing it

Yu: Don't look at it

Kuo: It's not a big deal to stay here every day, but this time I've been introduced to a girlfriend

Yu: Oh, I'm getting a girlfriend

Kuo: She's pretty, but she's got a car accident look to her, and she has eyes like this. (squinting) On another breezy afternoon, I was sitting in the 31-flavor ice cream parlor in Congo-Brazzaville with my girlfriend, Miss Prejudice,

Yu: How'd you find it

Kuo: I asked for a snowball.

Yu: She can't see what's in front of her

Kuo: I hated it, and I glared at her so much, but she didn't care

Yu: Maybe she didn't see you

Kuo: I thought of my parents in the south, and I hadn't been back to school for years, and I didn't know if they were well, and when I could go to them. I can do filial piety in front of the knee. This morning I received a letter from my father. Dear child, you have been away from home for a long time, and today we were reminded by our neighbors that we have a child like you. We miss you so much, and we've moved. I won't tell you where, but guess what.

Yu: There's no guessing

Guo: When I left, I took down our house number

Yu: I can't find my home this time

Guo: The weather is very cold, so I sent you a coat, but the postal service said it was too heavy, so I twisted off the buttons and put it in the pocket of your coat.

Yu: this old man is not smart

Kuo: I wanted to send you some money, but the envelope is already sealed

Yu: then don't bother

Kuo: where can I find them, I miss them so much. I miss them so much. Prejudice had the idea to take me south with him

Yu: South?

Kuo: I'll find them at home. When we arrived at the Beijing Railway Station, there were no more tickets. Thanks to my girlfriend, I found a police officer and asked: Do you know where the ticket sellers are?

Yu: Ticket sellers?

Guo: the police happy ah: I also look for ah

Yu: Yes, yes, so two find him

Guo: then I do not know where she got two tickets

Yu: really buy

Guo: we boarded the train west

Yu: to the west

Guo: the train went for 3 days and 3 nights

Guo: the train finally came to a place where I was not able to find the tickets, and I was able to find the tickets.

Yu: Into the forest

Kuo: I was so tired that I fell asleep. I don't know how long, she pushed me: hey. I said: What's up? There is a good news and a bad news

Yu: two news

Kuo: you listen to which. What's the bad news?

Yu: Let's start with the bad news

Kuo: We're lost, I don't know this place, and I think we're going to have to eat cow dung for the rest of our lives

Yu: Cow dung

Kuo: What's the good news?

Yu: Let's hear the good news again

Kuo: There's plenty of cow dung out there

Yu: Hey, who cares

Kuo: (punching and kicking)

Yu: Come on, come on...save your energy

Kuo: After beating her up, I walked back to the dormitory, and after half a year, I'm back in the dormitory again

Yu: Yeah, half a year

Yu: I'm back in the dormitory.

Kuo: Hey, what's the point of living, why go

Yu: I can not think

Kuo: death, suicide, is a way

Yu: do not live?

Kuo: Yes, I want to kill myself.

Yu: touch the door, good way, it's fast

Kuo: to be safe, try the electric pen

Yu: you know

Kuo: goodbye, I'm dead.

Yu: Well, what's the point

Kuo: It's too much to ask, let's not die here.

Yu: jump off the building

Kwok: Heh, jump off the building to die, more cola

Yu: what cola

Kwok: I've studied it. 20 floors, but the effect of jumping off the building on the second floor is not the same.

Yu: What's the difference

Kuo: Look at it, 2-floor jump is ah- snap-. 20-floor is ah --------- slap.

Yu: this difference ah, really not good

Kuo: high-tech ah. I'm on the 30th floor, bang-----

Yu: What's with the sound

Kuo: There's an iron fence

Yu: I didn't jump

Kuo: It bounced back to me.

Yu: take the poison

Kuo: rummage through the closet and find a big bag of rat poison

Yu: take it

Kuo: eat and wait for death. I've been waiting for half a day, but I'm so hungry. I got up and took a look at this pocket, yeast flakes

Yu: Look carefully

Kuo: I haven't eaten for days, what's there to digest.

Yu: Oh, not dead again

Kuo: I haven't had a chance to enjoy my life yet. I have to do something. I'll print counterfeit money. I'll start a business.

Yu: Is this a business

Kuo: I have a lifelong friend who told me not to print large bills, large bills are illegal

Yu: Small bills are also illegal

Kuo: You print a dollar a piece. I said I don't know how to do this, where to buy paper, ink, how to print.

Yu: A dollar a piece

Kuo: Then I wondered if he was cheating me

Yu: Maybe he was cheating you

Kuo: That's not enough

Yu: That's not true

Kuo: You're going to say that 5 dollars for a piece of paper is a good idea

Kuo.

Yu: Well, you're your father's son

Kuo: This is not the way to do something else, I robbed the bank

Yu: It's quick

Kuo: The bank is full of money, I started to write a work journal, I want to think of a way to do things, I think of things to do, I must succeed in robbing the bank

Yu: This is quick

Kuo: Banks are full of money, I began to write a work journal, I think of ways to do things, I think of things, I think of things, I must succeed in robbing the bank

Yu: A few points

Yu: this also notes

Kuo: can not be taken lightly ah, we have experience

Yu: and experience

Kuo: we have a bank robbery seniors, is because the target is not accurate,hollister france, strong, with a chopper on the run to the armed police dormitory.

Yu: I don't know

Kuo: He failed

Yu: Nonsense, he failed

Kuo: We have another senior, very successful, robbed 1.83 million cash

Yu: This is quite a lot

Kuo: He drove to the persuasive field

Yu: Why do you want to run

Kuo: It's 5:30 pm, and I'm not sure if you want to go to the police station.

Yu: You can't run away

Kuo: We have another senior who puts a sack over his head.

Yu: right

Kuo: the sack forgot to pull out the eyes

Yu: he can not see it

Kuo: crossing the road Kacha crushed to death

Yu: too tragic

Kuo: that tragic, we have a senior

Yu: you where so many seniors ah

Kuo: there is a senior, holding a gun everything is good. He had a gun and thought of everything. He went in, robbed the place, and took out the money. The next 40 people took out their guns, the police, the payroll.

Yu: Well, all gathered together he went to the right

Kuo: I must succeed ah, I'm a good robbery ah,

Yu: learn it

Kuo: I must rob, I exercise, running, four o'clock in the morning I went out

Yu: key body

Kuo: In case you did not rob the good man chasing you you run through him

Yu: key body

Kuo: In case you did not rob the good man chasing you ran past him

Kuo: The good guy is not a good man, but he is not a good guy

Kuo: The good man is not a good man

Kuo: The bad man is not a good man.

Yu:Yes

Kuo:Wake up at four o'clock in the morning, go downstairs, run.

Kuo: dumped, I was very solid, I succeeded

Yu: dumped it

Kuo: hidden boil I dumped it, the evening after dinner from the Zhangjiakou bus back, I thought -

Yu: you wait a moment, you are running back to Zhangjiakou

Kuo: you think ah, that legs can slow down

This is the first time in the history of the world that I have been in a hurry to get back to the city, but I have not seen it.

Yu: I said how the dog left it

Kuo: I think I need a helper

Yu: There is a helper

Kuo: I need someone to help me, I have a friend, the family three generations of stealing

Yu: Den of thieves

Kuo: He is in the south, I write a letter, help me, rob a bank. The first time I saw this, I was so happy that I took the train to the north, and on the train, I was so diligent that I wrote a plan for the robbery on a napkin

Yu: I wrote a plan for the robbery on the train

Kuo: I wrote it on the train, and next to me I saw an old Red Army man, and the train went straight to the police station

Yu: I'm not sure what to say about this, but I think it's a great idea to have a plan for the robbery

Kuo: I'm going to do it all on my own, because the bank is downstairs, and it's a great idea to do it all on your own, because the train is not just a train. There's a bank downstairs. I'll go there first. I'll be there at noon. I'm not afraid.

Yu: What's going on

Kuo: The glass is too bright

Yu: You should see the door clearly

Kuo: Nose is crooked. The hospital next door is a bathhouse that was converted into a hospital, and it has nothing but pedicures.

Yu:I can't see it yet

Kuo:I think it was a mistake to rob the bank, I should have robbed the truck

Yu:Oh, the car

Kuo:It's all about the money

Yu:Yeah, yeah

Kuo:I'm practicing

Yu:How can you practice

Kuo:I'll get my bike first, not the car.

Yu: You're playing with your life

Kuo: I'm practicing, I'm practicing every morning and every night. That day, we were practicing on the street, when the money truck came, and a group of bandits came. They were fighting with guns.

Yu: money

Kuo: hundreds of thousands of dollars, God will not starve the blind house bird.

Yu: What kind of luck is this

Kuo: It's my fault

Yu: What

Kuo: I went to the bank to deposit the money

Yu: How

Kuo: I went to the bank to deposit the money

Yu: I don't have any eyes

Yu: I don't have eyes

Yu: I don't have eyes

Yu: I'm not sure if I can see the money, but it's a good thing I have.