Do you think online dating is reliable?

Online dating: high efficiency or high risk? ● Online suitors are not necessarily unsociable or have poor conditions, and there are many handsome guys and beautiful women and even "moral models".

● There is no evidence that the success rate of online dating is higher than that of traditional blind date, and the matching of online psychological personality test is not reliable.

● Be wary of those who force you to speed up the development or terminate the relationship. They often like to control and even abuse others.

In the Internet age, dating websites have mushroomed everywhere, opening up a new field for all beings to find the other half. In the process of online dating, we will meet different types of people and know ourselves better. With the help of a huge membership database, the network has indeed established many good relationships. However, the virtual world also contains considerable dangers. What often happens is that netizens are rich and colorful. Psychologists point out that online blind date is no better than traditional methods (such as chatting up people in bars and introducing acquaintances). In order to catch up with this trend, netizens must strike a balance between opening their hearts to find true love and protecting themselves from infringement, especially taking adequate security measures.

Marriage website: There are many excellent men and women online.

People's work is getting busier and more mobile, but the relationship between family and neighborhood is weakening. In the past, it was difficult to meet the needs of singles by introducing people through relatives and friends. For single people with children or over 40, it is more difficult to find a partner in the traditional way.

In the first few years, people still feel embarrassed about online dating and online marriage, and always feel that they can't find the real object before looking online. Now this sense of shame has long since dissipated. People who go to dating sites are not necessarily unsociable people, not to mention "bottom oranges" and "leftover sugar cane" that can't be sold, and there are many single people with excellent conditions. YiWen Zhao Guang Jun, a "national moral model" and a well-known volunteer, registered on a large marriage website after her divorce and openly asked the whole society for marriage.

According to American survey data, 22% of heterosexual couples met online. According to an online survey of a dating website in the United States, one-sixth of people who got married in the last three years met through dating websites.

Online sea election: the mentality of choosing a spouse is not serious enough.

Online dating can provide you with a large number of candidates, far exceeding the opposite sex you can meet in your life. As long as you wave the mouse in front of the computer to "audition", you can see the information of hundreds of people and have a panoramic view of the photos of handsome guys and beautiful women. Will this increase your chances of winning?

Dr Susan Klaus Whitburn, a professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts in the United States, pointed out that what you see online is only information, not real people, and the decision-making process between them is different. You may not read everyone's information carefully when browsing and selecting objects in the huge member library of dating websites, but you are attracted by some personal characteristics (such as appearance) of the other person, which is far less in-depth than when you meet real people. Too many choices make you feel that the other person is irreplaceable, and naturally you are not so serious in your communication-if this is not good enough, there are hundreds of people to choose from! In this regard, Eli Finkel, a psychologist at Northwestern University in the United States, warned that you should not expect to find the perfect object online-if it is not good enough, change people. In the search, you missed many excellent development objects.

Whitburn suggested not blindly following the trend, but defining your own mate selection criteria. Before surfing the internet, think about what qualities you value most about your partner and narrow down your choices. Fill in personal information carefully, try to be true and clear, and reflect personal characteristics, otherwise it will only disappoint your future contacts and waste opportunities. If online dating fails repeatedly, you can ask your trusted friends or experts to point out what can be improved.

Network communication: talk for at least a week before meeting a real person.

After meeting on the dating website, men and women will naturally communicate for a period of time through letters, emails and instant chat tools on the website, then talk on the phone, and finally meet real people in real life. It is found that the development speed of online dating is faster than the traditional way. In this regard, Terry Obuchi, a professor of sociology at the University of Auckland in the United States, suggested that people should communicate for at least one week before meeting.

Whitburn pointed out that the impression formed by convenient online communication is not necessarily consistent with meeting real people. When there is a gap between each other's expectations and reality, the disappointment is even greater than when I met a real person. Moreover, people generally hide their shortcomings, such as hiding the truth about age, work and even marital status, and some people simply lie. In contrast, seeing real people can get a lot of nonverbal information to help you judge, such as whether there is an emotional buzz between them. She suggested not using online communication instead of real communication, but meeting or video chatting as soon as possible.

Dr. Melanie Grimborg, an American clinical psychologist, suggested not to fall in love until you meet a real person. After all, the other party may not be what the internet says.

Network Matching: Don't Ignore Vulgar External Factors

Marriage websites provide various psychological personality tests, claiming to use "scientific algorithm" to conduct pairing analysis for members, get mutual attraction index, predict future relationship satisfaction and help you find the most suitable other half.

Finkel's survey found that dating websites did not publish enough rigorous research to show that they had a higher success rate than traditional dating methods. The psychological test of the website is prone to "Barnum effect", that is, the test conclusion is ambiguous and general, which makes everyone feel in line with themselves, but it is not reliable to match them, and it is impossible to predict whether two people are suitable.

In fact, psychologists haven't decided which personality trait is the best. At present, they think that similarity in personality is better than complementarity or the opposite. However, the question is, what are the similarities? Political views? The geographical distance between two people? Introversion and extroversion of personality? Whitburn said that similarity is difficult to measure in detail, but subjective similarity is different from objective similarity. If you like someone, you will feel that the other person is very similar to yourself in many places. The study found that couples who love each other feel very similar to each other, but in fact it doesn't matter whether they are similar or not. These aspects cannot be measured by online psychological tests, and the network environment is not conducive to bridging the gap between people and subjective ideas.

Dr. Sam Summer, a social psychologist at Tufts University, once asked a group of graduate students: What qualities of others attract you?

50% of the answer is physical characteristics.

47% of the answers are personality characteristics, and the most popular ones are "sense of humor", "intelligence" and "enthusiasm".

Only 3% of the answers are related to the background of life, such as whether the other party has just fallen in love? Will the other party be welcomed by my friends?

Life background belongs to external factors, including people's working conditions, economic conditions, physical health conditions (such as infertility), geographical distance and so on. These things look vulgar. Many people think that as long as there is true love, what can't be overcome? But Summer thinks it has an important influence on the development of feelings, and online dating just lacks understanding of these factors.

Make friends and prevent fraud: those who don't answer the phone may not be single.

Lin Yi (pseudonym), who is over 35 years old, registered her marriage on a dating website and met a man Jiang Haifeng who was certified as an "honest member" by the website. According to the information, he was the chairman of a listed company and was born in 1974. After half a year of contact, the two sides began to talk about marriage. Lin Yi was pregnant with Jiang Haifeng's child and urged him to get a marriage certificate, but he didn't agree. Lin Yi became suspicious and found the other parents' home, only to know that her boyfriend was born in 1984, and the so-called "chairman" was just the same name.

Lin Yi found herself cheated and called the police. The police arrested Jiang Haifeng and found that he was married and his wife was having an affair. In addition, he cheated many women and was finally sentenced to four and a half years in prison. Lin Yi not only suffered great mental damage, but also became a "single mother", and later she will have to raise the children born by swindlers alone. To this end, she claimed 500,000 yuan from the dating website.

Since the development of dating websites, although real-name registration system, data authentication and other technical means have been adopted, it is still impossible to completely avoid the occurrence of fraud, and it is also impossible to exclude people who take drugs and have criminal records from logging in. Some people with ulterior motives conceal their true identities and motives through websites, and cheat money and color.

Greenberg said that netizens should be realistic about their friends and not be confused by fantasies. Too eager for love will make your's feelings easily hurt, and even become the prey of people with impure motives. You should remind yourself of your strengths and understand that it takes time to find the right partner, and there will inevitably be disappointment and rejection in the process. Don't take it too personally. In particular, she made the following suggestions to prevent online dating fraud:

If the other person's conditions are too good to be true, they may be baiting you in order to ask you for money or get your personal information. You can use a search engine to search each other's information to see if it matches. Pay special attention to foreign netizens. Borrowing money from you to fly, see a doctor and repair a car are all common scams.

Don't disclose personal information, including work place and home address, when making first contact. Don't meet in a hurry, spend more time asking questions to each other online, and pay attention to whether there are contradictions or intuitive answers. Sometimes, rudeness is not as safe as safety.

Call in front of you and pay attention to any nonverbal signals that may be deceptive, including tone, pause, hesitation and contradictory words. If you call someone who never answers the phone, always call back later, or make an appointment to call you, then be wary that the other person may be married.

When you decide to meet, choose a place where you seldom go. Tell your friends where you are and who you want to see. Keep in touch with friends by phone or SMS during the meeting and report your own safety. Don't let the other person pick you up in the car, and don't get in the other person's car on a date.

Don't have sex soon, lest you get sexually transmitted diseases. If you must do this, then be sure to use condoms.

Beware of those who force you to accelerate your development, such as threatening to terminate your relations if you don't do what they say. This trick makes you feel guilty, but it is actually a disrespect for you, which often indicates that they like to control or even abuse others. If you find any misconduct, such as threatening you, you should immediately cut off contact and report to the relevant parties.