Excellent sheep

By elite education, I mean not only some famous schools such as Harvard, Stanford and Williams, but also those secondary key schools. It also includes everything related to it, such as some private schools and well-funded public high schools; Now the booming counseling industry and learning consulting services, exam counseling and various honorary projects; The university admission process of crossing the wooden bridge with thousands of troops; Olive branches thrown by prestigious graduate schools and large companies after undergraduate courses; Parents and communities (mainly upper-middle class) who desperately push their children into this huge machine. In short, our entire elite education system.

How this system will affect the fate of our children, how children can get rid of this system, what impact this system will have on our society, and how we can eliminate these effects-this is the topic I want to talk about in this book. I once taught a course at Yale University, mainly on the topic of friendship. I remember one day, the topic we discussed was the importance of being alone.

In my opinion, reflective ability is the key to spiritual life, and solitude is the premise of reflection. The students thought for a while and thought about their spiritual life. It seems that no one has ever asked them to think about this problem. Then a student seemed to have an epiphany. So you're saying we're all good sheep?

Both? This may not be true, but after 24 years in an Ivy League school-I studied undergraduate at Columbia University, then got my doctorate there and worked as a graduate tutor for 5 years; Later, I taught at Yale 10 years-I feel that most students are more or less like this. Most of the students trained under the current system are smart, talented and high-spirited, but at the same time, they are full of anxiety and timidity, and they are at a loss for the future, and they are extremely lacking in curiosity and sense of purpose-they are wrapped in a huge privilege bubble, and everyone is honestly moving in the same direction. They are good at solving the problem at hand, but they don't know why.

Excellent sheep

Even the most successful students who have won numerous awards will stop at some point to think about whether it is worth it. In their thirties and forties, they are recognized as successful doctors, lawyers, scholars and businessmen, but they often make people feel that they are just a group of survivors struggling for their lives in concentration camps. Some of them said that their last career was out of the hope of others, or they drifted with the tide and joined the current career without thinking.

People often say that they have never experienced youth, they are not living in the present, and they are always chasing some thoughtless goals. They always doubt whether all their efforts are worth it.

The original intention of university education

Harry R. Lewis, the former dean of Harvard College, once wrote: Because students are unwilling to take a course that they are not sure to get excellent grades, they cannot expand and surpass the fields they are already familiar with. The original intention of university education is to provide young people with opportunities to try and explore, so that they can find a new angle to observe the world and discover their inner new abilities in the process. However, because students don't want to lag behind others, everyone must ensure their versatility, and the original intention of university education disappears.

When a student at Pomona College told me that she really wanted to have a chance to think deeply about what she was studying now, but she was helpless because she didn't have time, I suggested that she consider giving up the idea of getting straight A's, so that she could have more time to think. She stared at me in a strange way, as if accusing me of trying to instill some evil thoughts in her.

Facing the life choices after college, this gives senior students some special significance. Students are more cautious when studying and more stable after graduation, so most students are similar choices. Do you remember one of my students once said that when people make similar decisions, it is not easy to make different choices. Many students told me that in senior three, they were pressured by their peers to convince themselves to pursue different life values. They had to go through some struggles, and they were often considered very different.

The "Winner" Midlife Crisis

If these problems are not dealt with in time, they will eventually lead to the middle-aged crisis of "winners".

William R. Fitzmons, Senior Director of the Undergraduate Admissions Office of Harvard University, has several incisive comments:

Even the most successful students who have won numerous awards will stop at some point to think about whether it is worth it. In their thirties and forties, they are recognized as successful doctors, lawyers, scholars and businessmen, but they often make people feel that they are just a group of survivors who are at a loss for lifelong competition in concentration camps. Some of them said that their last career was out of the hope of others, or they drifted with the tide and joined the current career without thinking. People often say that they have never experienced youth, they are not living in the present, and they are always chasing some thoughtless goals. They always doubt whether all their efforts are worth it.

So what's all this for? The dazzling elite colleges and universities are so beautiful that countless students and parents are willing to pay everything for their beauty. When we think that these famous schools can bring you unlimited opportunities, have we considered that this wishful thinking for famous schools has also hurt ourselves?

For example, they limit our reverie of life. We no longer consider becoming a teacher, priest or craftsman. Engaging in these occupations is simply a waste of prestigious education. What would my parents think? What will my friends think of me? On the occasion of the reunion in new york 20 years after graduation, how should I face my former classmates when they are all rich people or celebrities with high status? One of the most important questions is: shouldn't I be above these people? Once you fall into this abyss of thinking, you cover your eyes with a piece of cloth and the whole world disappears in front of you.

Even if you know a little about the value of your life, you can't just tell Yale students to find their true love, because most of them don't know how to find it. Of course, if you don't know what you love, you might as well be on Wall Street.

It is unacceptable that our current education system has trained young people in their twenties with high IQ and achievements, but they have not been educated to understand the pursuit of life or even how to find the meaning of life. They live step by step, lack the imagination of a new life, and lack the courage and freedom to create their own path in their hearts.

The purpose of university education

Edward Tayler, a legendary professor at Columbia University, has always emphasized that the purpose of college education is selfish for everyone in his first class for freshmen.

Your task is to establish yourself. Self-construction is something that everyone must do for himself, and the process will be full of challenges and difficulties. As for whether self-construction is beneficial to others, that is not the subject.

Building yourself is a bit strange at first glance. David foster wallace found that we instilled in everyone (young people nowadays) an idea that self is what everyone already has (no need to build it). When we were young, we didn't lack ourselves, what we lacked was the connotation of ourselves. Keats, a romantic poet, described our world as a valley for casting souls, but this valley is not a traditional valley. The sea of suffering is boundless. It is not an abyss. We must temper our souls in order to save us from the new world. Soul is not an eternal concept related to crime and morality in the traditional sense. The soul defined by Keats refers to the self in this world, a complete individual composed of morality, reason, perception and emotion. The world is called the valley of casting souls because our experience itself is to build a melting pot of complete individuals.

Although Keats thinks that the world is still full of sadness, he reminds us, don't you think that the pain and difficulties in the world are necessary to cultivate people's rationality and shape people's souls? Helicopter parents and families who are bent on stability need to listen carefully. Although there is sadness, the world is also full of joy, love and other emotions. We must be able to feel these emotions in our hearts and temper ourselves in 1000 ways. When we feel something in our hearts and reflect on our feelings, we gain wisdom. Inherent thinking can only become a unique individual with a soul by going through reflection and introspection and building a bridge between thought and soul, ideal and reality. This is an important step in how to build yourself.

The purpose of liberal arts education

Allan bloom believes that liberal arts education will question everything, so it requires students to be willing to accept all the risks before overthrowing. Only in this way can a real liberal arts education completely change a student's life. This process is both painful and exciting. It is not academic in nature, but it will happen under the right conditions and we will feel reborn. Writer Louis Rappap quoted an old professor as saying that education is a kind of self-healing.

I suggest that we don't passively accept ideas, but now I encourage us to think for ourselves. After all, the two are the same thing. Changing the view of the world is bound to change the view of life, and vice versa. The two are fundamentally integrated. Before we are mature enough to question the ideas we are taught, the most influential people are those who tell us. Who are we? ",about our identity and values. University is the initial stage when we should start making decisions for ourselves.

Mark Lilla, a professor at Columbia University, suggested more strongly that we must consider, "What is worth pursuing? We should not only think about what kind of person we want to be, but also understand what kind of person we have become first. No matter what others say about you, what we have to do is to have the courage to discover new ideals and new pursuits. Two wise questions are waiting for us to answer: (1) What is a quality life? (2) How can we have such a life?

True self-confidence

I heard that a Harvard student took studying Harvard University as the theme of his graduation thesis and praised Harvard for cultivating students' sense of self-efficacy. Harvard students firmly believe that anything is possible. This paper analyzes two types of students: one is that they think the exam is simple, so they get an A; The other group thinks they are smart, so they all get A's, while Harvard is good at cultivating the second kind of students. For me, the latter is more like a kind of self-confidence. I think students who are admitted to Harvard or other prestigious schools of the same level are full of self-confidence. Let's not compare the two for the time being. True self-confidence doesn't care too much about exam results. True self-confidence is that no matter what ideas others try to instill in you, you always believe that the value of "I" far exceeds your achievements. True self-confidence is that you decide what success is.

Two kinds of courage, physical and spiritual.

There are two types of courage: material and spiritual. What we usually admire is physical courage, which is quite easy from a sociological point of view. Imagine your comrades fighting side by side with you and your community cheering for you. Under the influence of herd mentality, if everyone is trapped by life, individuals may accept the reality more comfortably; Everyone started to panic as soon as they had a chance to get out of trouble. The difficulty of spiritual courage is that individuals must fight alone. We must have the courage to break with tradition and mediocrity and fight side by side with the inner voice!

Suffering is wealth.

A colleague of mine said that young people today are a "post-emotional" generation, that is, they are better at avoiding some disorderly and too intense emotions. Although I don't know the scientific nature of this statement, I have always believed that young people should not be afraid of the impulses and doubts they have experienced in their lives-even if they are likely to force them to deviate or even change their original life trajectory. In western literature, the typical "wanderer" is Odysseus, and the collection of poems about his heroic deeds, Odyssey, has been widely accepted and equated with a process of changing life and soul baptism. During his wandering career of 65,438+00 years, Odysseus was tortured by gods and monsters beyond his imagination. Although he was physically and mentally exhausted, he developed strength and extraordinary creativity. In the end, Odysseus was saved by Athena, the ancient Greek god of wisdom, but it was Athena who made him deviate from his course in the sea because of strong winds. Athena knows very well that Odysseus will be forced to have the ability to improvise, adjust his direction and finally discover the connotation of the world and his mission only after experiencing various challenges.

Reflections on the Odyssey

Although I emphasize the creation of my lifestyle, I also emphasize the price I paid for it.

While "looking for your love", you should know that "you have to make sacrifices for it" (and this sacrifice may not just give up your possible social status). While "chasing your dreams", you must be prepared to "give up your qualifications or fame". Industry qualification itself is needed, but the "qualification" here refers to the greed of the elite for making the fame of elite identity, and it is this greed that blinds our eyes to pursue our dreams. A famous school prevents its students from fulfilling their mission of self-seeking, and at the same time invites successful people to give exciting and inspirational speeches at the university graduation ceremony, which is simply incredible and even more disgusting.

Money can help you get things and satisfy your desires. But status is a complex and interesting thing that only people can realize. Money may not make people happy, but there are also many people who are rich and have a satisfied life. The word status is more complicated, because it is a comparison, so competition is formed. Status will not only bring you happiness, but will always make you unhappy.

Do you want to climb to the top? Unfortunately, there is no peak. No matter how high you climb, there is always someone above you. Mailer may want to reach Hemingway's height, Hemingway may want to compete for Joyce's position, and Joyce is deeply aware that there will always be a distance between him and Shakespeare. This is true in the literary world, and other industries are no exception.

I can solemnly tell you now that the future position is as midstream as most people. When students knock on the door of institutions like Yale, they mistakenly think that they have finally reached the other side. I didn't expect that there are many higher places to climb above Yale, and there is no end in sight. The so-called two worlds are like a person standing in the middle of a double mirror, extending infinitely from left to right. So why are we so greedy for status, because it is deeply rooted in human nature? Even if you have money, it's just a way to get status.

Only pain is real.

We must resist this lack of connotation. Sticking the label "I am an individual" or similar language on your Apple computer doesn't mean you are really an individual.

Whether you make a hole in a part of your body, grow a beard or move to Austin, Texas, these actions will not make you an independent individual. Because as an independent individual, it is impossible to have spiritual courage through decoration. Any form of consumption, although popular furniture or music itself is very good, but they are only external collocation, are useless.

Facebook is no exception. Quoting celebrity quotes on facebook pages won't help you become an independent thinker. In short, if you don't give up anything, you can't talk about spiritual courage at all.

Frustration, sacrifice, inner struggle, bad start, detours, contradictions with family and friends, etc. These are the characteristics of true independence. Only pain is real.

The first relationship between parents and children should be "friends"

Nevertheless, some immigrant parents really know how to raise their children. Mark. Lu Biao is an unusual Filipino who has a deep memory of his parents. Parents let us know from childhood that work is to make a living, and occupation is to do what you love and get economic returns. My success in my career is based on my parents' work. We can't ignore the support of our parents. Spiritual support is more valuable than economic support. A student once shared a good word from her father: Don't worry, you are still young, and you still have a lifetime. You will have a future, and everyone will have a future. You just don't know what the future holds.

It is important to get the support of parents, but relatively speaking, it is more important to learn not to be influenced by parents, which is also a sign of maturity. The contradiction between the next generation is not a product of the 1960s, but an inherent feature of human society and the only way for everyone to grow up. It is precisely the current society that is somewhat abnormal: some college students will call their "helicopter parents" to report after each class, lest their work angle and development direction deviate from their parents' wishes. The first relationship between parents and children should be friends. This is an extraordinary relationship!

The famous child psychologist D.W. Vinicott once said that infidelity in the family environment is one of the essences in everyone's life. Being yourself and being loyal to others are opposites. Firmly expressing "who am I" is the strongest and most risky word in any language.

Observing the present, many families seem to have signed an agreement: never separate, always loyal; I didn't grow up and no one forced me to grow up; You don't grow up, and I don't have to worry about losing you.

After graduating from college, go home and eat your old money. It existed before the financial crisis in 2008. If today's children are not rebellious, it is because they feel no need to rebel. After all, the upper and lower generations are already friends. Or they think the result of rebellion is not safe. Of course, rebellion is not achieved overnight, but a slow process. Everyone needs space to test the limits, but if one doesn't take the first step and thinks that every step is extremely dangerous, then growth will never begin. Instead of keeping a harmonious friend relationship with parents, it is better to openly resist the tyranny of the head of the family and be yourself once!

Many students study double degrees in universities, such as the combination of Spanish and economy or the combination of history and computer, often because they want to meet the needs of their parents and themselves. One major is for parents and the other is for yourself. Then why not just focus on your major? Isn't your life your own? What do you owe your parents? Love and care, this is what they need in the future, but it is not obedience, nor is it your life. In fact, you don't owe your parents anything, and family is not a business. You don't owe them anything You have a special relationship with them. When I was young, one aspect of this relationship was obedience; When you are an adult, this relationship must be independent. The transition from childhood to adulthood is a story of adolescence. If you are waiting for your parents to help you complete this transition, it will probably never happen.

I want to give some suggestions on how to improve myself during my college years. Communicate with your parents not more than once a week, preferably once a month. You don't need to tell your parents about your achievements in papers or exams, or even your days at school. Meanwhile, don't expect to ask your parents for help. If they get involved in your course selection details or college life, please politely refuse. If they don't accept your rejection, then you need to tell them loudly that the university belongs to you completely, not to them.

Unpleasant experiences are a part of life.

There are many things that are impossible in reality. As far as I am concerned, it is impossible for me to be a baseball player, a rock star or a concert pianist no matter how old I am. People's talents are different, and the internal characteristics such as physical quality, personal charm, appearance and intelligence determine the differences in reality.

Aristotle once said that happiness comes from our ability to play what we are good at, that is to say, each of us has some specialties, but only some. An important part of knowing yourself is knowing what you have; Going against one's nature can only get twice the result with half the effort. Each of us came into this world with a golden spoon in his mouth.

Creating your own life doesn't mean the world revolves around you. No one can have both! There is no perfect job. As my friend who works in Louis Clark said, work always feels like work. Every job has some complicated and trivial links; Everyone must weigh the trade-offs. Some people may be loners, such as writers, or work in an imperfect environment, such as teachers or doctors, or work day and night, and it takes years to see the dawn, such as entrepreneurs.

In the process of work, we will experience anxiety, depression, shame, etc., and sometimes even want to give up and make a new choice. No one can guarantee that your future will be great or that you can find a perfect job or meet your own bole. Complex situations happen to everyone in different forms in real life. Each of us must find our own way out, and no one can escape from reality just because he is funny. This is also the reason why we should try our best to do what we like, because we can endure those complicated and boring things for the sake of ideals or love. Of course, we can compromise, but compromise is not surrender. We should find something worth compromising.

Finally, I want to add that there is no lack of progress in creating your own life. You still have to work hard, especially in the initial stage. The difference is that when you do something with a strong sense of mission, you will have a great sense of accomplishment.

Is it easy to do this? Of course it's not easy. It's never easy. Life is a tragedy. You can't have everything. After a long time, you will wander, you will make mistakes, and you will lose confidence. During this time, you must bravely face the incomprehension and ridicule from peers, parents' friends and strangers. Some people will wonder what happened to you. weren't you very good in high school? You may even experience anxiety and even depression. Like me, I have experienced this situation more than once.

These unpleasant experiences are part of life. No matter during or after college, you'd better find the strength to support you, even if it's just a few sympathetic friends. You should believe that you can overcome difficulties, get out of adversity and create your own life.

Benefits of multiple students in public schools

Perhaps public school education, especially the education in the first two years, cannot be personalized, but the truly diversified family and social background brought by student groups is an intangible and high-value educational resource. One of my students shared his experience with me. He currently teaches at UCLA:

I am generally not used to boasting about the value of diversity for the sake of diversity, but I have to admit the contribution and beauty of diverse backgrounds in public university classrooms. At a seminar I taught, a female student from Pakistan, one from Yungala, one black, one in a wheelchair and one Israeli, the diversity of this group completely affected the academic discussion on oriental culture. In this atmosphere, no one dares to fill in the blanks with abstract concepts, and no one dares to quote other people's analytical conclusions.

Benefits of non-top universities

In high school, some courses I did were a little ordinary, and I didn't particularly care about them myself. Then I studied in a small-scale college of arts and sciences. There, I met like-minded friends. We like learning, and we don't need to pretend that we like a certain field or want to be a certain kind of talent.

At the same time, professors always urge us to ask questions, think and treat each subject with an open mind, test the theories we are exposed to with the interdisciplinary knowledge we have learned, and put forward our own opinions on the problems.

When I first started writing my graduation thesis, my research topic was not completely consistent with my major, and I might face the risk of being rejected. When I was confused, my tutor encouraged me to take risks. Even if I don't win the prize in the end, I will gain something and grow in this process. After leaving college, this experience has benefited me for life. As the old saying goes: a swift horse is common, but Bole is not there!

At present, this student is a doctoral student, and his field of study is different from that of undergraduate major. Let me share another woman's experience:

I'm glad that I got a full scholarship from Berry College. The school is located in the northeast of Georgia, with a beautiful campus and outstanding writing courses. Although the school is not big, it has a unique atmosphere and excellent personal aspects, so it suits me very well. There are several famous professors in the university, more strictly speaking, there is only one, but many professors in the humanities department of the school are extremely intelligent and human. They like to discuss human nature and life with students in intimate small classes. Some professors are half crazy in the eyes of ordinary people.

The classmates around me are people I have never met. They really like the collision between ideas and books. With them, I don't need to hide my true self at all. At Berry College, I feel from the bottom of my heart that this is a United family; We can talk about literature, art, self and so on without any defense. Especially on the eve of college graduation, facing the realistic pressure after graduation, mutual support among students has become our most effective means of decompression.

Become someone you've never met.

No matter which university you go to, you should learn to dominate your education, not let it dominate you. First of all, there is no doubt that teachers are the key. Teachers preach, teach and dispel doubts. When you first arrive at a university, you should quickly find a good teacher with a keen sense of smell and have the courage to establish relationships with them outside the classroom, so that Tao can exist and teachers can exist. Furthermore, university education should first help us become adults, and then help us acquire professional skills in a certain field, so this is the principle of course selection. As for the specific choice of major, you should listen to your intuition and choose a major that excites you for four years. The university belongs entirely to you. University represents an opportunity in life. Treat this opportunity well. Don't worry about becoming the person you have planned in your heart, but become the person you have never met and meet yourself better. To do this, the most important factor is not your school, but yourself.