Psychology: The relationship between a boy and his father is closely related to his career achievements.

Carl Gustav Jung, a famous Swiss psychologist, once said that the mother-child relationship points to integration, which means intimacy, father-son relationship, alienation and rules.

Some contemporary psychologists have extended this sentence according to actual cases, so they have a new view: the world inside the family is influenced by the relationship between mother and son, and the world outside the family is influenced by the relationship between father and son.

In other words, the mother-child relationship determines the child's ability to deal with intimate relationships, and the father-son relationship determines the child's ability to deal with social relations.

So, how does the father-son relationship affect children?

0 1 Bad father-son relationship seriously affects children's personality.

Father is a symbol of courage and strength. If a child has a bad relationship with his father, it will naturally be difficult to learn such good qualities from his father and his personality will become timid. In addition, children who have a bad relationship with their fathers can easily lack a sense of responsibility and even form an "addictive personality" (obsessed with games, smoking, drinking and even gambling. ).

In a family, the normal kinship should be triangular, and the relationship between children and parents is very harmonious. When the relationship between father and son is not good, children will naturally choose to be closer to their mothers. Mother's thinking is generally emotional and her personality is soft, which is not conducive to children to stand out in social competition.

The bad relationship between father and son leads to the lack of role models for boys.

According to the development process of children's personality, the development of boys' superego and self-awareness is realized by imitating their father's example. For boys, the role model is to overcome the Oedipus plot, get through the crisis of personality growth, then follow and imitate his father and become a man like his father in the future.

For a boy, his father may be a hero in his mind, and children grow from boys to men by imitating their father's masculinity. When the relationship between father and son is not harmonious, the power of father's example will be lacking.

In addition, the bad relationship between father and son can easily lead to the difficulty in implementing father education. Different from mother education, father education is often more purposeful. They will enlighten children step by step, make their thinking more active and agile, and cultivate their rationality and logic.

Fathers provide boys with a basic pattern of male behavior. Boys often imitate their father as an example for their future development. It can be said that many of his behavioral qualities and habits will be reflected in his son. Through comparison, it is found that families with harmonious father-son relationship show more masculinity in gender role positioning than boys with disharmonious families.

Bad father-son relationship can easily make boys ignore the rules.

In the traditional family environment, most fathers are the key decision makers of the family. At the same time, he may make some rules that are relatively fair to family members, but children who have a bad relationship with their fathers are naturally unwilling to abide by them. When children form the habit of rebelling against the rules, some people will bring this habit to the workplace, showing that they love and lead colleagues to play the devil's advocate and are unwilling to abide by the company system.

Why is the father-son relationship tense?

1. Wrong parenting style

Many fathers complain that there is great pressure to make money outside, and the care of children is left to their wives. The problem was discovered when the child grew up and was not close enough to himself.

Children who have not been taken care of by their fathers for a long time will have unsafe parent-child attachment-excessive dependence on their mothers and excessive alienation from their fathers. At this time, the father only disciplines the children from his own point of view, and the children will inevitably lose control. It is common to ignore me when I was a child. Why am I qualified to manage my own cognition when I grow up?

Therefore, I advise all the long-term "widowed" mothers to find ways to get their children's fathers involved in their children's education. The lack of fatherly love will not only lead to the cowardice and cherish of boys, but also lead to the fact that girls don't know how to get along with the opposite sex, and they don't know the future mate selection criteria, so they are more likely to meet love rat.

2. The boy's self-growth

Every boy wants to hit his father when he grows up, which is the law of male competition.

If the father has a harmonious relationship with the boy at ordinary times, and the child only takes various actions to challenge the father during the rebellious period, then it is normal for parents not to worry too much. In this case, the role of the mother is very important. It is necessary to actively reconcile the relationship between children and their fathers, so that children can realize that although their fathers have shortcomings, they also have many advantages.

However, if the relationship between the child and the father has been bad, then the child at this time will easily form an "addictive personality", that is, the above-mentioned internet addiction, smoking, drinking, and even gambling.

At this time, if the father only unilaterally emphasizes the discipline of the children, it is bound to be uncooperative or even ignored by the upcoming children, and even quarrels and conflicts will break out. If the child is at odds with his father for a long time, parents are advised to seek professional help (psychological counselor, parent-child tutor or experienced teacher, etc. ).

What is a qualified father?

When it comes to the role of father, the identity of "father" generally includes five components: support, protection, discipline, preaching and victory.

In other words, if you want to be a "father", you'd better do:

First, you can earn a lot of money and spend a lot of time with your wife and children; (Support function)

Second, it can protect his wife and children from natural and man-made disasters; (protection function)

Third, family rules can be set to maintain the family structure; (subject function)

Fourth, the meaning and value of life passed on to children; (missionary function)

Fifth, you must be better than other men, at least better than your mother. Some people say that if you are a man, you should be a man. (victory function)

You must be what you want your children to be. Therefore, when making demands on children, fathers should also reflect on whether they have done it!