Do you agree with the concept of "raising children in poverty and raising women in wealth"?

As the saying goes, "the poor raise children and the rich raise daughters." Many parents believe that for boys, we should try our best to control his expenses, cultivate his hard-working ability and hard-working spirit from an early age, and become self-reliant when he grows up; As for the girl, we should try our best to give her superior living conditions, make the girl more tasteful, appreciate and cultivate her noble gentlemanly temperament, and will not be easily shaken when she grows up. Is this concept of parenting flawed? Do you also need to keep pace with the times? Yesterday afternoon, Lianyungang Haizhou Xingfu Road Street Cultural Community held a community round table meeting on this topic. See what the residents say.

Residents' point of view 1: Boys' "poor support" can hone their will and exercise their ability.

The educational concept of "raising children in poverty and raising women in wealth" has always been very popular. This concept should come from the old saying that "there have been no rich wives since ancient times, and there have been few handsome men since ancient times". Therefore, many residents believe that boys should be "poor", because bad environment can temper boys' will and make them stronger, and hard living conditions can also exercise boys' viability and make them stand on their own feet when they grow up.

"It is said that the children of poor families are masters early, because suffering from childhood can be tempered." Mr. Jiang, a 53-year-old cultural resident, said that boys are not like girls. When they grow up, they want to be "pillars" and play a leading role in society and family, so they should be "poor", so that they can hone their will and exercise their ability. When they grow up, they can be indomitable men and make a career. If you are extravagant from an early age, you will be lazy when you grow up.

Indeed, many residents think that superior material life is the "first killer" to destroy boys, and "rich education" will breed hedonism, indolence, comparison and other bad habits. Therefore, parents should first control the boy's expenses and don't let him develop the bad habit of spending money lavishly. Aunt Gu, a 78-year-old cultural community resident, is deeply touched by this. She said that the youngest son was "well-fed" when he was a child, because two stores were opened at home at that time, and the old couple who were bent on making money had no time to take care of the children because they looked after the stores, so they could only try their best to meet all the material requirements of the children. It is precisely because of this "rich support" that children can't understand the hard work of making money and spend money like water when they grow up. ...

Residents' point of view 2: "well-raised" girls are more resistant to temptation when they grow up.

Contrary to the concept of "raising boys in poverty", many residents believe that parents should give girls more care and material "rich support" to cultivate her self-confidence, because a good environment can make girls more temperamental, learn more things, and cultivate girls' ladylike temperament, so that girls will not lose themselves or even go astray because of a little temptation in society when they grow up.

"You see what many media have exposed at present. In order to buy luxury goods, most female college students who buy mobile phones and borrow campus loans are poor families. If parents can provide their children with certain material conditions, who will take the risk to borrow them? " Mr. Zhao, 55, said that girls should be properly "rich". Indeed, many parents now give girls interest classes. They really spare no effort in piano, dance, guzheng and painting ... I can't wait to cultivate a modern lady who is proficient in piano, chess, painting and calligraphy when she grows up, because everyone thinks that as the saying goes, "there have been many wives since ancient times."

Teacher Jiang also believes that compared with boys, girls should really be "well-fed". The so-called "well-fed" includes not only material wealth but also spiritual wealth. For example, parents should show more concern, love and care for girls, let them receive a good education, and make them more confident and more leisurely when they grow up.

Residents' point of view 3: There must be a degree between "poor support" and "rich support".

There are also many residents who believe that boys should be "poor" and girls should be "rich". Once it is over, it will not only fail to achieve the expected effect, but even backfire.

"Let's just say that boys should be' poor'. If it is excessive, the lack of material will also make children feel insecure and even inferior. " Mr. Zhao believes that by the same token, girls should also be moderately "raised". If parents spend all their money to provide rich materials for girls, they will also make their children develop bad habits such as comparison, arrogance and willfulness, which is very unfavorable for children to step into society or family life when they grow up.

"Many parents have the heart of comparison. Just like your family signed up for a piano class, my family has to sign up. Your family learned the guzheng, and my family will learn the violin. I don't ask if the children like it or not, and I don't ask if the economic conditions at home can keep up. " 3 1 year-old "Ma Bao" Ms. Zhang believes that parents' comparison psychology will also have a certain impact on their children. Some families with poor economic conditions also "raise" girls, and as a result, they are not trained as "ladies", but suffer from the "princess disease" of their children. But when children step into society and marriage, who will spoil you like parents?

Mr. Gu and Ms. Zhang, 32, have similar ideas. He believes that both "poor" boys and "rich" girls should have a degree, mainly from the spiritual level. "Because children are still young, there is no concept of right and wrong. Parents should care, love and pamper their children, not spoil them." Teacher Gu said, it's like spending as much time as possible with children, letting them see the world more and cultivating their self-confidence. Teacher Gu usually pays special attention to the cultivation of parent-child relationship. He often buys chickens, small fish, slugs and other small animals for his 6-year-old son to increase the parent-child relationship and cultivate children's good qualities such as carefulness, patience and love.

Community view: both boys and girls should be "poor in will and rich in vision"

Zhang Yanli, director of the cultural community, believes that the biggest misunderstanding of parents about the golden rule of "poor support" is that "poor support" means limiting the expenses of boys, while "rich support" means giving girls material satisfaction. In fact, it is important to cultivate their strong will, character and sense of responsibility, as well as to shape their good temperament, broaden their horizons and increase their experience and knowledge, whether they are "poor boys" or "rich girls".

Zhang Yanli believes that if we blindly "poor-raise boys" materially, they will lose self-confidence and even feel inferior, while if we simply "rich-raise girls" materially, they will also develop their unruly, arbitrary and unruly character, which is not only harmful to children's growth. Therefore, parents should "enrich" their children from the spiritual level. This is mainly reflected in two aspects. One is that parents give their children full companionship and love, and the other is to provide spiritual nutrients for their children, such as taking their children to travel and accompanying them to study. These are the capital of their spiritual prosperity.

In addition, with the continuous development of the times, both boys and girls need to be "poor in their ambitions and rich in their environment". But because of gender differences, the emphasis is different. For example, boys need more independent space than girls, and they need to be brave and fearless in setbacks and failures. Parents may wish to give boys more independent space, learn to let go, let their children experience setbacks and failures, and then help them find solutions, so that boys can actively face the difficulties they encounter and gain experience in adversity; And girls have stronger emotional needs than boys. When she can't feel the warmth of her family, she is likely to subconsciously ask for it from the outside world and others, and it is easy to enter an extreme, violent and withdrawn state and go astray. Therefore, parents should show more patience and love for girls. Zhang Yanli said, "If you don't want to cultivate a delicate, arrogant and even bossy little princess, don't spoil this girl's' rich support', love her and care about her."