Cheating is not necessarily sex.

Taking other people's things for yourself without others knowing it is called stealing. When a man steals someone else's wife, or a woman steals someone else's husband, we call it cheating. Cheating may be a beautiful thing for the subject, but it means pain for the other side of the marriage, which is far more serious than losing property. But also violates the moral principle of so-called social justice. Cheating is tolerated not only by the family, but also by the society. The light is drowned by public opinion, and the heavy will destroy the integrity of two families. Cheating is often considered as a symbol of immoral behavior by traditional thinking. It is also a dynamic conscious process in which men and women break away from their respective family systems, penetrate and merge with each other, and recombine into one.

Love is a natural state of human beings, and there is no law to follow. It is not unique or eternal. A family without love will eventually break up. In a harmonious family, women need comfort and men need encouragement. When men repeatedly show concern, understanding, respect, recognition and concentration, women's need for peace of mind is satisfied. A man's comforting attitude makes a woman believe that she has always been loved, and their attachment to the family is very important. It is said that women don't cheat because the temptation outside is not big enough, maybe that's why.

On the contrary, many men usually mistakenly believe that as long as all the basic material needs of a woman are met, she will feel happy and safe, and she will believe that he will love her forever. In fact, they have met her basic needs and only got the psychological satisfaction of material desire. He must remember to comfort her constantly. Because true love must rely on mutual respect, not just desire. We should not forget the contradictory factors that make up a family. Family is the closest organization that a man and a woman are bound together because of love. Men and women play the roles of husband and wife respectively, followed by father and mother, and family is the smallest organizational cell in society. Therefore, the love between the two sexes is closely related to social and interpersonal harmony. Once this harmonious situation is broken, the stable family relationship will be affected and the incidence of extramarital affairs will increase. Cheating outside marriage is inevitable.

Cheating is a psychological and physical turning point for everyone. Life that has never been experienced there is both novel and dangerous. Both affectionate and dangerous; It is fascinating and exciting ... it can make people great and push people to the abyss. It can not only create an aromatic life, but also brew bitter poisonous wine; Not only can people who love each other enjoy their homes of love, but also can people who love each other fully appreciate the tragic situation of family breakdown. As the motive force of cheating, sexual desire is an instinct to maintain continuity. In marriage, the intimacy between husband and wife often turns into a routine job in the end, which is boring and lacks motivation and passion. The relationship between husband and wife and a third party is like an equilateral triangle, with both husband and wife at the bottom corner and the third party at the top corner. If these two people are estranged, they must move to the top corner.

17th century Persian writer Inadura? Kambu once wrote the following description in The Loyal Wife and The Biography of the Unfaithful Wife: "Undoubtedly, once the inner heart is dominated by the omnipotent love overlord, once the inner heart lifts the banner of lust to the clouds and beats the crazy drums, then the rational guards have nothing to do but endure humiliation." Florence, Anna? Karenina is an example. Love is the choppy sea, while reason is the shining sand. Desire is a hurricane, which plunders the shame of the world, and understanding is just a flashing lamp at this time. The dart gun of crazy love shoots at each other's wounds, which can't be cured with rational ointment.

Women need attention and praise. When a man gives priority to meeting a woman's needs and promises to support and satisfy her, her basic requirements are met. Women feel happy because they are loved and treated specially. If a man pays more attention to his female companion's feelings and needs than his own interests, such as work, reading and entertainment, he can meet his female companion's needs to be loved. If a woman thinks that he regards her as the first priority in life, she will worship him with all her heart. Men will feel praised. These qualities or talents include humor, firmness, perseverance, integrity, honesty, romance, kindness, love, understanding and other so-called traditional virtues. If a man can be praised, he will give her loyalty and love with peace of mind. Men become women's heroes or warriors in shining armor. If a housewife can't get any of the above life, cheating is inevitable.

Just as women need men's special favor, men also need women's praise. To praise a man is to respect him with surprise, joy and affirmation. In fact, for most men and women who are entangled in their families for a very inappropriate goal, there is always an illusory perfect image. Gentle affection and fiery passion are two characteristics of a woman: the former makes a man love his partner, and the latter makes a man be confused by a woman's false beauty, thus seeing her as more beautiful than the real one. However, a coquettish woman may make a man crazy, but she can never make him really fall in love.

Persian scholar Bachora said: "Everyone sees the beauty of God in others, reflected in his own soul, and sees the same thing with each other. They inspire each other in love. Love makes all mankind the waves of the sea, the stars of the day and the fruits of the trees. Love brings true and consistent understanding, which is the foundation of true unity. "Limited material relations are not enough to properly express the infinite love of the universe." This means that "the beauty of God" or a universal spirit contained in everyone's soul causes mutual attraction or love between people; Freud, who advocated irrationality and anti-tradition, regarded sex or carnal desire as the foundation and motive force of all human practical activities and psychological activities. He also said: "Those women who are very worthy of and can arouse their high respect have not aroused the excitement of carnal desire, so although he loves her very much and sympathizes with her, he is inevitably at a loss when it comes to pornography."

And contemporary American scholar Owen? Singh also said: "Love is not equal to desire. We are full of longing for certain things or people, because they can give us something and bring us satisfaction. However, in the process of loving a person, we are only interested in the person himself. We are interested in him as a person and not just as a means to achieve other things. " "We can imagine a situation where a person falls in love with the house he bought. In addition to using it, it has special value to him in addition to satisfying his previous desires. Now it is his house, not only real estate, but also property.

Of course, we also care about purely utilitarian goals, and we need them because of the benefits they provide. However, in the process of love, the lovers of this house have established another connection, and he has given the house an importance beyond its individual and objective values, so it has become the center of attention, perhaps the object of personal concern. Only in this way can the house lovers endow the house with value that cannot be obtained in other ways.

The subtle and indirect contradiction and conflict between "love" and "desire" in people's psychology was expressed by the French writer Gide in one of his prose poems, which wrote: Desire! Good wishes! I will bring you back crushed grapes, and I will fill your huge glass again; Let me go home-I hope that when you fall asleep, I can wear an ivy wreath woven with red ribbons to cover the sadness on my forehead!

Desire pursues "crushed grapes", while love needs "grapes" as a complete and independent whole, so that when it is used to satisfy desire, it has destroyed the integrity and independence of the object, which has frustrated and hurt its love psychology. The vast majority of young men and women always feel that their loved ones are perfect before marriage, and they always feel that they are useless after marriage, which leads to anger, disappointment and pain, and their lives are destroyed, leading to emotional disharmony and even divorce. Undoubtedly, it contains the destructive factors of sexual desire satisfaction to love. To a certain extent, this is the meaning of the so-called "marriage is the grave of love".

Of all the things that people's imagination can describe, perhaps the most attractive thing is the desire we can enjoy in the world of extramarital affairs. Cheating may be the stupidest thing to do for love, and both men and women have to pay the price. Love itself comes from human needs, and the development of love comes from human understanding. Love can observe changes that indifferent eyes can't see, but it can also draw endless conclusions. Love is not only rational indulgence, but also infatuation. Never take out your heart without knowing the details of the other person. Many men and women who cheat in marriage are carried away by sudden enthusiasm and make big mistakes.

In today's society, in the economic and competitive environment, cheating may become an ally of men and women in the workplace or business. They all say that men and women love each other. In interpersonal communication, you may inadvertently refuse each other. Men and women may hurt each other if they don't know what they care about. We can often see that men and women not only communicate in the opposite way, but also often refuse each other. Sometimes this unconscious rejection may backfire.

John? Gray said: "men are vulnerable when they can't get the basic needs of love they want." Women usually don't know that their communication style not only does not support men, but also hurts their self; She may try to understand his feelings, but she can't help him directly because his basic needs are different from hers. " On further consideration, what he said is correct. Love that can't be obtained is madness that burns in flames.

You don't have to go to bed to cheat, because there is an essential difference between love and sexual desire outside marriage. They are mutually exclusive and even antagonistic. Therefore, when a person really loves each other, it is completely impossible for him to think of physical union with the object he loves. A philosopher once said: "those who claim to be in love with the woman they want to possess are lying, otherwise they don't understand love at all ... sexual desire increases as the body approaches, and love becomes stronger when the object they love is out of sight." In order to keep love, we need to be apart and at a certain distance ... True love will die because of unplanned physical contact with the loved one, because such contact causes sexual impulse, thus destroying love in an instant. I even want to say that there is only' Platonic' love between men and women outside marriage. Because except for it, all other so-called love is mean and dirty. There is only one kind of love, that is, the love for Beya Trizzi and the admiration for the Virgin. If you want to have sex, go to a slut in Babylon. "

However, the facts tell us that if cheating is only to satisfy the desire, then when the temptation of men's bodies is satisfied, all lies, deception and hypocrisy are stripped of their disguise, revealing their despicable faces, and women's bodies and minds are brutally abused, they often turn to revenge. All hidden secrets always cause an unhealthy curiosity and morbid reverie, which are shattered in an instant. Revenge is the only means. Only in this way can we keep a quiet mind when our hearts are full of complex emotions.

People who cheat love each other, not because the beauty of the object of love attracts him, but because of nature, which is the warmest respect from one soul to another. We need to idealize this choice of extramarital love, not only in sex, but also in culture, aesthetics and morality. The ideal love promotes the fantasy of the loved one, which transcends the id and realizes the unique harmony with the outside world. For most people, even though love is full of contradictions and hardships, it is still the most precious thing that transcends all other feelings.

Freud believed that people's conscious psychological process is only a small part of the whole mind, and most of them are unconscious subconscious, which is a special spiritual field. Today, we still hear from time to time that individual men or women are boiling with blood (in fact, their concepts are too narrow). Because the wife is having an affair with another man, or the husband is having an affair, crying for land and forcing them to die. Of course, this is very rare. The fact now is that cheating is no longer a big violation, and many married men and women are practicing it with relish.

Many men brag about the number of their lovers at parties, as if they were incompetent without lovers; And many women are no longer shy when they cheat, especially those girls who are half-covered and half-hidden, and more spontaneous, go directly to their lover's wife and point to their bulging stomachs and say frankly, "Big sister! Your husband doesn't love you anymore He likes me now. I'm pregnant with his baby. Go away! " Look at that! It's not stealing, it's robbery with open fire.

Cheating is much more complicated than stealing other things. Stealing requires people to get all the stolen goods, but it is not so easy to identify cheating. Being caught cheating in bed has no room for denial, but cheating is just cheating, which is difficult to identify. It seems natural to have an affair in bed. An affair like "one-night stand" is mainly for sleeping. Such ambiguity is no longer a simple ambiguity, but has escalated into adultery.

Many people lack a sense of responsibility and often use conceit, arrogance, rhetoric and shirking to justify their irresponsibility, ignoring the correct self-esteem and self-respect; In interpersonal communication, lack of emotional communication with others, like to take advantage; In the face of criticism and frustration, they either show disdain or show strong anger, humiliation or emptiness; It is easy to give people the illusion of indifference and cynicism, but in fact, they care about the attention and praise of others; Unscrupulous to gain personal interests, just want to enjoy, don't want to pay, and so on.

Nowadays, with the rapid development of social economy, people's lifestyles are also changing, and the pressure from all sides sometimes makes people feel lonely and helpless. Some people will be criticized by their wives after a busy day outside. Many women are busy taking care of a family all day, and it is inevitable that some emotions will cast a shadow over the originally indifferent family. Husbands or wives have nowhere to pour out their troubles and hopes for the audience. So there is a so-called "confidante". Many of them have never been to bed or even had any physical contact, but their hearts have developed. Married men like another woman, or married women like other men, especially when they get a long-awaited tacit response. Such a relationship, even without physical contact, is ambiguous, and it is a more advanced ambiguity. When they fall in love, they lose control.

Their feelings will become extremely rich, beyond the general love complex, and they give the relationship between men and women a deeper meaning. Their getting along changed everything around them. However, the road to eternal love is always full of thorns: passion may not be rewarded, or betrayed, or true feelings may be corroded by time and lose their bright colors, but it is in this kind of social disturbance and noise that the most vulnerable side of human heart is revealed. We can see everywhere in our lives. People in this semi-public state are as happy and interesting as children, and they don't even care what others think. Indeed, this kind of love is different from other normal love. It can arouse many strong and complicated feelings. For those who want to make love as pure and meaningful as air, they pin their nostalgia on deep dependence. In fact, this abnormal love is also a contest. On the one hand, we are eager to be integrated with another person; On the other hand, we are worried about losing our family and personal life. It is also to resist the pressure from family and society. If we don't understand the nature of this conflict, we may take the hesitation that belongs to normal feelings as evidence that we are not emotional.

In fact, this abnormal development of love will make both sides hesitate and often develop in the opposite direction, that is, people are crossing the moral bottom line, getting rid of the shackles of family, climbing the ladder of infatuation and idealization of another person, and beginning to have a good impression on a real person. It has been pointed out that people should boldly despise social ethics and bravely show their love, because only in this way can they gain respect for their feelings. Of course, love and hate are often intertwined. No one can say that he only realized the beauty of love and ignored many other things. This is unrealistic. Many people have gained true feelings, but lost their families.

Irish poet Thomas? Moore described this capricious mood as follows: a man who accidentally slips and goes whoring once is likely to be forgiven by his wife, but if he falls in love with another woman endlessly, it is difficult for his wife to forgive him. Because stealing the heart is much more than stealing the body.

Nowadays, many women are constantly looking for "blue confidants" or "the fourth emotion", and feel that doing so is not cheating, not cheating, and not sorry for their husbands. In my opinion, if you find it, it's also an affair, an affair like an ostrich. Because the so-called "blue confidante" or "the fourth emotion" eventually transcends the ordinary heterosexual relationship, and it is not only the object to talk to, but also more likely to produce anxious to return's thoughts. Lying in my husband's arms, my heart has probably flown to Lan Yan's side, and my husband's snoring or slight body odor has become annoying. What is this "fourth emotion" that is not cheating?

They can regard love as a sacred god like Zen, and they can regard love as wine and songs, but when they do, they will see that love is as clear as water and unpredictable as clouds. When I came, I said it was destiny takes a hand, and when I left, I didn't force anything. They know how to cherish when they should cherish, but they are also free and easy when they should give up, and they will never use love to measure their success or failure. He has reached a very high level of affection and can be called a saint of affection. Stealing is better than cheating, cheating is better than cheating!

Now, with the Internet, we have closer contact with the outside world, and it is easier for the opposite sex to communicate. Formally, a person sits in front of the computer alone and dignified, sometimes tapping the keyboard and casually swiping the screen with his mobile phone, but it is very likely that there is a opposite sex sitting opposite, and the two are "flirting". What seems to be floating around is words, but in fact it is their "heart" or "love". More passionate men and women write love letters in hot words on the forums that everyone visits. Although they don't name names, they do have a heart. What is this kind of heterosexual network communication not ambiguous? And phenomena like online dating, online dating, are even farther away, similar to those in reality. ?

Cheating doesn't necessarily mean having sex. What's even more frightening is cheating. If the heart flies, where is the feeling? If the feeling is absent, what is the body? When you are in bed with your lover, he (she) turns you into someone else. If you know this reality, will your heart or body still be passionate?