Some of the characteristics of the type C personality (good article to see)

The internal conflict will show a kind of behavior is: excessive responsibility

For example:

Other people just sigh a sigh, they are very nervous, wondering if they are not where to do wrong;

When other people talk to their own troubles, they are very stressed, always feel that we must be for the other side to think of a plan;

Even other people have not yet asked for help, they will be

They are the ones who have been in the business for a long time.

They always used to be responsible for other people's emotions and confusion, because if they are not responsible, the other person's unhappiness will affect them, so to solve the other person's unhappiness is to avoid trouble for themselves.

But everyone's time, energy and ability are very limited, too much to bear the original does not belong to their own pain, inevitably will feel tired.

What's worse, this kind of "excessive responsibility" behavior may develop into a "pleasing personality".

There is a netizen who said that he is a very sensitive person, and he is especially afraid that the people in his circle are not happy.

But over time she realized that she began to work hard to please others and became more and more unlike herself.

Until one day, her roommate went to dinner with her and suddenly said to her, "I feel like you're a person without a bottom line."

She then woke up and made a painful determination to start changing.

How do you stop internal conflict?

It's simple, as Papi Sauce says, focus on the people and things that are worth it, do the important things as if they were important, and be able to take the rest.

How exactly?

① Make good use of the principle of Occam's Razor

The gist of Occam's Razor is: if not necessary, do not increase the entity.

The short video author @ Lao Ming reading gave an example, for example, the same day, a person encountered three things:

A, Xiao Huang did not greet me today

B, Xiao Huang's motivation to work today is not high

C, Xiao Huang glanced at me when he got off work today

Normal people will come to the conclusion that when these three facts are connected together. this conclusion: "Xiao Huang is in a bad mood today".

But the internal consumption of the body of people, get the conclusion is this: "small yellow is not hate me", "I have yesterday where to do not do well?", "he left before looking at me the glance meaningful ".

To change this way of thinking about things in a roundabout way, you have to use a razor and weed out all unnecessary thinking.

So, if not necessary, do not increase your thinking.

②Learn to separate the subject

Communication lecturer Chen Yixin once mentioned a friend of his own, raised his brother for more than a decade, his own company is bigger, to his brother to arrange a job, his brother's house, the car is she helped to buy, and even the brother's son to study abroad, it is also her to arrange.

The friend was very distressed, so she asked her, what do I have to do to make him change?

Chen Yixin asked in return, "Why should your brother change? If I were him, I wouldn't even change.

"How comfortable I am ah, everything is my sister to take care of, have a house and a car, the child and someone to arrange."

The reason why this friend is suffering is because he is managing a subject he shouldn't be.

There are many similar people in life, and when dealing with them one can't help but think: "What will he think if I reject him/behave poorly/don't give a satisfactory response?"

Whatever they think about and respond to, it's not just about their own feelings and thoughts, it's also about "what the other person might think".

But the truth is, what the other person thinks is their business, and they have the obligation and responsibility to deal with their thoughts and problems, and it's not something you need to worry about, and there's nothing you can do about it.

The psychologist Adler called this way of thinking subject separation.

Subjects, that is, each person's own responsibility. Each person has his or her own subject, and each person can only overcome and solve his or her own subject.

Other people's work, other people's feelings, other people's mistakes, other people's future prospects, these are other people's business, we just need to do our own good work, no need to, nor should we worry too much about other people.

So, if the sister wants to get rid of the pain and make her brother change, there is only one way, which is to stop arranging everything for her brother and let him take charge of his own subject.

Focusing on our own issues and not worrying about other people's issues can make us happier and more relaxed.

Maslow said:

If you change your mind, your attitude will change; if your attitude changes, your habits will change; if your habits change, your character will change; if your character changes, your life will change.

Character is not set in stone, stop the internal conflict, cultivate the mentality to a higher level, life will be full of surprises.

Because people with advanced mindsets have the ability to build a lucky world full of opportunities, they are more likely to find potential opportunities; while those who always feel unlucky are likely to turn a blind eye to opportunities, as if they were born with bad luck.

So, changing our lives starts with changing our mindset.